How to Talk to Anyone: 10 Communication Skills That Make People Like You

It is often said that if you want to start a conversation, you should talk about weather or give a quick health update. But what after that? You ask someone, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. And then silence. Or maybe you talk about the weather. It's so hot today. Oh yes it is. And then what? So in today's video, let's move beyond hello, hi and how are you and learn how to have more meaningful conversations. Let's learn the art of carrying out small but useful conversations. But before that, let me quickly tell you about Winspark. At Winspark, we help professionals communicate with confidence, build stronger relationships and grow in their careers through better communication skills. Now let's get started. Carrying out a conversation with someone new or sometimes even with someone very close to you can feel difficult. Sometimes conversations feel heavy. Sometimes we end up arguing over smallest things. People on road, people in courts and even people in temples end up fighting over trivial issues. Why? Because we don't always listen to each other. We don't like to compromise. We often make decisions about whom to marry, whom to be friends with, where to live and what to believe based on opinions we have already formed. And when we stop listening, conversations stop growing. A good conversation requires balance. A balance between talking and listening. Interestingly, research suggests that many people prefer sending a text message rather than making a phone call. And one reason is surprisingly simple. Many of us don't really know how to talk. Or more accurately, we don't know how to listen. So today I'm going to teach you both. Now when people talk about having great conversations, they often give advice like look people in the eye, nod and smile, think of interesting topics beforehand, repeat back what you have heard, summarize what the other person said and yes, all of these things are useful but they are not enough. Because there is no point pretending you are paying attention when you are not actually paying attention. Great conversations go much deeper than that. And one of the best ways to learn the art of conversation is to learn the art of interviewing people. Think about it. Good interviewers know how to make people open up. They know how to keep conversations flowing. They know how to stay curious. And that's exactly what we are going to learn today. We have all had really great conversations before. The kind where you walk away feeling energized. The kind where you feel understood. The kind where you feel you have genuinely connected with another person. And the good news is this. Most of your conversations can become more like that. So today I want to share 10 simple rules. Even if you master just one of them, you'll notice a difference. Let's begin. Number one, don't multitask. And honestly, this one alone can improve most conversations. When I say don't multitask, I don't just mean putting down your phone, tablet or car keys. I mean being fully present. Be there in that moment. Don't spend the conversation thinking about the argument you had with your boss. Don't think about the email you need to send. Don't think about what you are going to eat for dinner. If you genuinely need to leave the conversation, leave it. That's perfectly fine. But don't be half in and half out. People can sense that. And nothing kills a conversation faster than feeling ignored. Number two, don't pontificate. Do you want to state your opinion without any possibility of disagreement, response, debate or growth? Then write a blog. A conversation is different. A conversation requires openness. You should enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. The famous therapist M. Scott Peck once said that And sometimes that means setting aside your own opinions. When you do that, something interesting happens. The other person feels safer. They become less defensive and they are more likely to share their real thoughts and experiences. So walk into every conversation with this mindset. There is something here that I don't know yet. Number three, use open-ended questions. This is something we can learn from the journalists. Ask questions that begin with who, what, when, where, why and how. Let me show you the difference. If I ask you'll probably say Conversation over. If I ask you'll probably say Again, not much room for conversation. Instead ask What was going through your mind at that time? Now people have to stop and think. And when people think, conversations become interesting. Number four, go with the flow. This happens to all of us. You are talking to someone. Suddenly a thought pops into your head. A question, a story, an opinion. And instead of listening, you start holding on to that thought while waiting for your turn to speak. Meanwhile, you have stopped listening. The conversation moves on. But you are still waiting to say what you wanted to say. Don't do that. Let thoughts come and let them go. Trust yourself. If something is truly important, it will come back. The goal isn't to deliver your prepared speech. The goal is to have a conversation. Number five, if you don't know, say you don't know. This sounds simple but many people struggle with it. Sometimes somebody starts talking about a topic we know very little about. And instead of admitting it, we pretend. We nod. We act like we understand. We throw a few words. But pretending doesn't make conversations better. It makes them weaker. There's nothing wrong in saying, I don't know much about that. Or can you explain that to me? In fact, people often appreciate honesty. And curiosity is far more attractive than pretending to know everything. Number six, don't equate your experience with theirs. This is a very common mistake. Someone says, I lost a family member. And immediately we respond, that happened to me too. Or someone says, I'm having a very difficult time at work. And we jump in with our own story. But remember, it's not the same. It is never exactly the same. Every experience is personal. Every experience is unique. And more importantly, that moment isn't about you. You don't need to prove how much you have suffered. You don't need to prove how much you have experienced. Sometimes people simply want to be heard. Let them have that space. Number seven, try not to repeat yourself. We do this more often than we realize. Especially with our colleagues, our employees, our children. We have a point to make, so we say it. Then we rephrase it, then we say it again. Then we explain it differently. And before we know it, we have repeated the same point four times. What message does that send? Sometimes it sends the message that we think we are smarter. Or that the other person don't understand. Trust people. Say what you want to say and then move forward. Number eight, stay out of the weeds. People don't care as much about details as we think they do. The exact date, the exact year, the exact name, the exact sequence of events. Most people don't care. What they care about is you. What you learnt. How you felt. What the story means. What you both have in common. So don't get lost in unnecessary details. Focus on what matters. Number nine, listen. If there is one skill on this entire list that can transform your conversation, it is this one. Listen. So many successful people have said that listening is one of the most important skills you can develop. Buddha is often credited with saying, if your mouth is open, you are not learning. Now here's an interesting challenge. The average person speaks at about 225 words per minute. But we can listen at roughly about 500 words per minute. That means our brain has extra capacity. And what does it do with that extra capacity? It gets distracted. We think about ourselves. We think about our response. We think about what we are going to say next. But listening requires effort. Listening requires focus. And if we are not listening, we are not really having a conversation. We are just waiting for our turn to talk. Number 10, be brief. And finally, be brief. Don't make every conversation about yourself. Be interested in other people. Ask questions. Stay curious. Because every person has a story. Every person has experience. You have never had. Every person knows something you don't know. And every conversation is an opportunity to learn. Trust me. The more people you talk to, the more you'll realize how much there is to learn from others. So go out and talk to people. Listen carefully. Stay curious. And always be prepared to be amazed. Because every person you meet knows something that you don't. Thank you so much for watching. If you found this video helpful, do subscribe to Winspark for more content on communication, confidence, career growth and professional development. I'll see you in the next video. Till then, keep learning and keep growing.