#愚人善事,MY NAME IS EARL, 第1季 ,21|24, @DramaEnglish, #愚人善事， #业力， #EARL， #MyNameIsEarl， #语言学习， #英语学习 , #语言 , #教育, #英语， #看片学英语， #看美剧， #KARM

You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me Every time something good happened to me something bad was always waiting around the corner Karma That's when I realized I had to change So I made a list of everything bad. I've ever done and one by one. I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Earl As important as it is for me to cross things off my list It's also important to take time out to enjoy the finer things in life like jumping a tiny motorcycle over my brother's head I'm excited. I'm gonna stick my tongue out to see if he touches it But you got to tell me what it looks like cuz I'm too scared to keep my eyes open We got a problem. Oh Jesse's back the Jesse joy was talking about is my ex-girlfriend She was also number 145 on my list, I first met Jesse at a workplace in business terms I was what they call a repeat customer Rename this place Hickey bail bond. Well as an investor, I'm gonna have to ask you to institute a no nut kicking policy Sorry about that here you can use my nut ice for your head. It's only been on the outside of my pants It was love at first sight So we started hanging out In fact, Jesse was the first person to ever let me jump her with a tiny motorcycle She even got along with Randy. We finally found someone who enjoyed Mad Libs as much as he did. Okay, read it back Once upon a time there was a butt princess who lived in a beautiful butt castle Until one day she was captured Things were going so well, she even gave me a three-week anniversary present. Oh my god Metallica tickets third row that's close enough to get sweat on I know I'll see you later Me and Jesse had a good thing going and it was all happening pretty fast But not as fast as it happened later that night with joy In just seven hours I went from having a semi-serious three-week girlfriend to being the husband of a pregnant woman whose name I kept forgetting. I Thought about calling Jesse to talk to her and tell her what I had done But then I realized that I have to talk to her and tell her what I had done. Oh Snap you got us Metallica tickets for our honeymoon Actually, those tickets are for Our honeymoon Metallica ticket I am so taking off my panties and sitting on your shoulders that might upset the people behind us Ain't nobody behind us Telling Jesse it was over was difficult before our Metallica honeymoon. It made it impossible Great concert baby liked it too. He's still banging his tiny fist on my cootie wall He's gonna be a drummer But Jesse eventually tracked me down Which wasn't hard because there were two places. I like to drink and since I wasn't in my El Camino now she found me Sweetie, where have you been? Are you okay? I've been trying to reach you for days. Yeah, I You went to the concert without me honey, why would he take you it was our honeymoon trip look Lars even signed my baby Huh? What is she talking about honeymoon? It's actually a pretty funny story We got married sweetheart we didn't wait That's not the funny version You married This whore. I'm sorry. Maybe you need to read it again Now put those teeth under your pillow and maybe the tooth fairy bring your own man I felt bad about Jesse, but what was I gonna do? I was married now and after seeing my wife's left hook I decided it was best to stay on her good side And I figured six years later Jesse would have forgotten about me and what joy did to her but I was wrong Okay, we got Hank Lane broke out of jail. It's like 10 G's our buddy Ralph Mariana larceny of a dog resisting arrest 1200 Joy Turner formerly known as joy Hickey Did you just say joy Hickey? Yeah, joy Hickey failure to appear on a traffic ticket 200 I'll take this one not worth our time It's worth mine Even though joy's bounty was 200 bucks and a bounty hunter license was 250. Jesse took the loss. She wasn't in it for the money She could have gone after joy right then but she didn't want to bring her in. She wanted to bring her down And so she set out to get tough tough enough she wouldn't be humiliated again I'll meet you in a second Wally And after a few months that sweet secretary had turned into an ass-kicking bounty hunting machine I Like that wonder bug. I wish we had a car that flew. Hmm. Yes, we had a car We didn't have to start with a spoon seems a shame to waste your wish on something. That's I Gotta go quick. Give me the car spoon Since joy didn't want to go to jail. She hightailed it over to me looking for some help Jesse, huh? Yeah, she looks tough and she's got a shotgun with her. She could toss me in there and shoot me like skeet Earl That's what I knew. I had to do number 145 on the list ditch Jesse to marry joy Earl Do we have any scissors? It's motorcycle starting to hurt my head skin. I Don't understand this joy. How can Jesse take you to jail? Cuz I got a warrant out for not appearing in court for a stupid traffic ticket. I Mean just cuz the car stuck in reverse don't mean the kids don't have to go to school. This is all your fault Earl I know it is I shouldn't have left her the way I did. I guess she never got over me It's probably the mustache Don't worry joy. I'll go talk to her. Maybe you should shave first Randy that is not an option You want to play Mad Libs? Yeah, here's a Mad Lib. Shut the blank up Shut the butt up do another one Meanwhile Darnell was busy trying to stall Jesse Hey crab, man. Hey, where is she? She's in the bedroom tearing things up looking for clues and whatnot I'm totally freaking out. Can you tell not really I had a little cocktail Hey Jesse, wow, you look Intense. Thank you Where is she Earl? You're lying. I'm trained to spot liars I'm not lying Seriously, I took a seminar at the Marriott. I sat in the front row. You're lying. I'm gonna ask you one more time Where is she Earl? Look Jesse, I'm the one who dumped you for another girl and I'm sorry about it. I'll make it up to you I'll pay off your dentist bill or your jeweler bill whoever put those in this isn't about you This is about respect for the law Me knocking that bitch's teeth out for resisting You scared to go to jail wouldn't you be not really you're going to girl jail. That's way different than regular jail How's that cuz it's chicks it's just truth or dare and pillow fights like a slumber party Did you talk to her? Is she gonna take me to jail? Not right away. She's planning on knocking her teeth out first I can't lose my teeth Earl I'm gonna be the first woman in my family to get to 30 with all my originals relax joy She doesn't know where we are. I'll figure something out. I Need to calm down Give me a light if you're getting locked up. You should save your cigarettes They're like money in jail, and that's the same for boy jail ain't girl jail That's weird. I know I had a book of matches in here Pick my pocket I Know you're in there Earl. I can tell by the light flickering behind the people every time you move your head I learned that at the Marriott, too Randy we're going out to the RV in the woods. Call us when she's gone. Am I supposed to call if she makes me dead? Hey, Jesse, hi Randy Nice to see you You look great. Are you doing something different with your hair? I switch shampoo Hey, have you seen your brother joy? No Back in the day when joy and I wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of Camden We went to our vacation home. We found by the lake Fact that it was an abandoned RV meant there were no bills to pay But it also meant there were no keys and it had mushrooms growing in the carpet It's colder in here than it is outside I'll try to find us some blankets Turns out a homeless man acclaimed our vacation home away from us, and he wasn't leaving without a bribe I want a pair of shoes and a 35 second hug from the cute. All right sounds fair What we didn't realize at the time was the shoes he wanted were joys and The one he wanted to hug from was me Thanks for the jacket Earl if anyone deserves to be cold. It's me It's your brother Hello, I want to start out by saying I'm sorry. No, no, no Randy. Did you tell her where we were? I'm sorry. She found my weakness Meanwhile at the motel Jesse was working Randy trying to find out where me and joy Okay, don't worry we're not gonna let her take you to jail here's what we'll do I'll drive you to Goshen There's an old barn out there me and Ralph used to hide out in pony boy style Earl if I'm gonna sleep in a barn, I might as well go to jail. You're right. We'll find you a motel around here Oh, no, don't worry. I'll pay no early. You're not gonna pay. Yes. I am. Look I got enough for the first night I'll go back to my place to get more Earl. Just stop You don't have to do anymore, Earl Look, you snuck me all the way up here. You gave me your jacket and your shoes. You did some gay stuff with a homeless guy You've done enough already, but this whole thing is my fault joy. It's on my list. I ditched Jesse to run off with you You didn't run off. I Stole you it seems joy is lying and deceiving me. It started before we even met. I'll see you later Y'all I'm serious, I don't know how I'm gonna pay for this baby I don't even have a place to live if I don't find a man soon. I'm screwed How about that guy? He looks sweet That boy y'all just cuz I'm pregnant don't mean I'm gonna marry Corky What's this hold the phone? Don't do it, baby. Don't do it Don't let the joke put it to you He's perfect Y'all gonna have to get him ready for me first. There's only one way to get a guy like me ready to marry a pregnant woman You girls are great your girls are great What were we talking about I think he's ready boo if you think we're great You're gonna love our friend Julie joy, huh? She sounds great. Oh No, you didn't tell me you didn't just go Hey, and that right there was all it took The next morning. I had a hangover and joy had a husband. Oh my god, you're married To you Excuse me Hey Robin, yes, you don't have to move into the shelter with you anymore. My baby's got a daddy For a minute I wondered if once again, I had drunk nine months of my life away Wow, I Wow Look girl, you have a lot of bad stuff you done on that list But what happened to Jesse was my fault It shouldn't be on there Thanks, joy I'm sorry for tricking you into marrying me while I was carrying another man's baby and for Having yet another man's baby and for leaving you while you were in the hospital and other stuff You know what? It's okay. We had a rough six years together, but there were a lot of parts I loved You know a lot of parts. I love to Earl Give me another minute. Just trying to get that gay homeless guy out of my mind. I Was proud of joy for turning herself in she was on the road to a better life Unfortunately that road had Jesse suburban in crap crap crap Let me go talk to her Earl You've done enough taking care of me You stay here I'm gonna take care of this by myself Look Jesse, I'm turning myself in there is no need for any violence. We both know this isn't about you going to jail Say goodbye to your teeth bitch Where the hell did you learn to fight like that? I watch a lot of Springer here melt these down bail me out