Taylor Williamson Made The Judges Lose It! AGT

You guys want to hear some jokes? Okay, I'm going to tell you guys some jokes. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Ele-fi-no. Right? I'm pretty talented, huh guys? Hi, I'm Taylor. I'm 26 years old. I'm from San Diego, California. And tonight I'll be performing stand-up comedy. An elephant and a fish. Swimming trunk. So far this year, I've performed in a coffee shop. I've performed in a cafeteria. I've performed at a laundromat. I've performed at a pizza parlor. I've performed at a girl's Sweet 16 party at her mother's Korean restaurant. Things aren't going well. What are you guys in for? I'm terrified. People boo. That's not a nice thing to do. I've been booed by one person before. I've never had a room boo me. I don't want that to happen. I'm a nice guy. Please like me. Please. I think they're just getting it out of their system. Yeah, okay. You're really good at this. Thank you. I feel better now. If I won this show, I wouldn't have to worry about money. I wouldn't have to buy fruit from the 99 cent store. You're not supposed to come off desperate on these things. I'm really desperate. Good lord. Please, you guys. You ready? I'm ready. All right, man. Go get them. Knock them dead. Hey, everybody. Hi. How are you doing today? I'm fine, thank you. How about yourself? Very good. Thank you for asking. Oh, good. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, my name is Taylor. I'm a professional stand-up comedian, if you don't count the fact that my mom still pays my cell phone bills. Thank you. Yes. Thank you very much. What made you become a comedian? What was your school life like? Well, I got picked on a lot. I can't believe it either. And I found that making people laugh. Made them want to take a break from hurting me. Aww. I wouldn't be here with you guys if it wasn't for that, so God bless everybody. Already making his laugh, so carry on. Hey, what would you do if you won the million dollars? What would you do? Well, I'd buy everyone in the audience ice cream. Okay, Taylor, do your thing. They say the hardest thing in the world is raising a child. I think the second hardest thing is putting a comforter inside a duvet. And if you didn't laugh at that joke, it's probably because you don't know what a duvet is. I'm not a parent, but I do have parental instincts sometimes. Like, remember when you were little and your mom was driving and she'd stop the car very abruptly so she'd put her arm out to protect you and keep you safe, you know? I did that today with Chinese food. Apparently I was driving in England. My grandma's really old. I guess that's how grandmas work. She's like 95. Whenever I talk to her, she tells me how all her friends are dying and she remains in perfect health. I figured it out, you guys. She's the murderer. And if you didn't laugh at that joke, it's probably because you don't know what a duvet is. Thank you guys very much. Thanks, everybody. Zayla, you know what? You're very funny, brother. Very, very funny. Thank you so much. I was laughing a lot. Thank you. I liked it. You're kind of a little bit awkward, and I like that, too. And you're a bit kind of strange to look at, and I really like that, too. I do. In a nice way, in a nice way. I like looking at you, too. I think you are fabulous. I really do. I think that, you know, I've never seen you before. How long have you been doing this? Almost ten years. It's amazing that you haven't, and I love that you haven't been seen and that we couldn't discover you right here on AGT. What's amazing, even the way you sound, I like your voice. I mean, when you become famous, people are going to be doing impressions of you. You are very funny. I think you've got great stage presence. Welcome to America's Got Talent. There you go. What did you think? I also thought that you were very funny in a very shy and dorky kind of a way. This is just the character. I have sex all the time. Good for you. What did you think? You know, to me, the sign of a true wit, not only for your material that you had prepared, but your repartee with Mel and just now Heidi, you're quick, you know, and you've got that kind of mind that can come out here, 90 seconds, win everyone over. I think you're going to do very well. Thank you so much. Thank you. For me, it's a definite yes. For me, it's a yes. Heidi? I like you. It's a yes for me, too. Thanks. Howard? Big ol' yes. See you in Vegas! Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thanks. Got to stick up his ass. My man. That's cool. I'm really happy. It's so weird. Yeah. You never been this happy before? I'm so happy. You're going to Vegas, man. You made it through. You rocked the crowd. I thought they liked me. The judges liked me. I was with the judges liking me. I was with the audience liking me. You said nice things. You liked me. I liked me.