The Red Panda Problem Not Being Talked About Enough

Red pandas are the paralysis demon of depression and the first thing it sees after hearing boss music. The red panda is the cutest thing alive that will take the lives of other animals. We'll get into that. Red pandas are so cute that off instinct I almost don't trust them. They're built like a deliberate distraction from what? What? Give him a briefcase and he looks like he's gonna sell me awful financially crippling insurance and for the last time I am absolutely on board. The red panda is so adorable it's almost too good to be true and like health care and insurance payouts they actually are. This animal is not what you think it is. The internet will have you believing it's a wholesome ginger chunkus uwu raccoon and panda adjacent but I know the truth and I will be exposing them but first this video was sponsored by absolutely no one except my personal biases let's get it. First of all the red panda is the biggest victim of clout jacking in nature. This is actually the original panda. Let me explain. The red panda was first described in 1825 by zoologist Frédéric Gouvier who called it the cutest most beautiful animal he'd ever seen and even gave it the scientific name Alluris Fulgens which literally means fire cat and they earned the panda name from the Nepali word ponya meaning bamboo eater. Sound familiar? Well the obese bamboo eating bean chair of a bear was first described in 1869 by Pierre Armand David sorry David. They inherited the panda name because folks saw me bamboo and were like damn him too and assumed the two ponyas were related. So yeah this panda was actually named after that panda almost 50 years after the fact and somehow even with half a century handicap the second panda managed to lap the premier panda in popularity so much that the op original panda is now called the lesser panda. Now there is an argument that lesser just refers to size which is why the giant panda gets body shamed in its own name but I already don't appreciate gibbons being clocked as lesser apes much less a kami raccoon being a lesser anything but it's actually worse for the red panda because these two pandas aren't related. Giant pandas are bears and people should look up panda attacks to remember that. Red pandas are well we'll get to that but they're not bears they're not even remotely related which means the dreamworks jockey borrowed the name from an animal it's not even related to 50 years after stole its identity and left it with lesser. So now not only does google acknowledge the biracial bear first when you look up panda even people that try standing up for the original accidentally overcorrect by saying you know red pandas aren't actually pandas except they are they are the ponyas they came first. I can't think of another animal that's had that happen to it except maybe penguins. Penguins got their name from looking like a bird they're not even related to but at least the great auk is extinct. Red pandas are still here albeit they're endangered which is actually another issue I have because giant pandas would end up becoming the poster child of endangered species and would even be immortalized as a world wildlife fund logo and you can't even point to pretty privilege. Red pandas are obscenely pretty but when you save a non-profit money on printing fees by being black and white you get the nod as a logo and that's not even a joke the price of color printing got the red panda passed over they probably wouldn't have gotten the credit anyway because if you know this logo you know the company firefox and the firefox mascot was based on a red panda. As adorable as they are red pandas have been shoved to the shadows but what if I told you this all could have and honestly should have been avoided because remember I said the reds were first described in 1825 by Cuvier except not really it was actually general thomas hardwick who's credited with introducing the fire panda to the western world and even did a presentation at the lenane society in london with what's considered the first ever red panda painting in europe in 1821. Like Cuvier, Hardwick also wrote about them except in his report he didn't call it a panda he called it a wah based off their call but despite writing the report in 1821 Hardwick's work wasn't published until 1827. With Cuvier's work out two years earlier he got the naming rights and red panda stuck. If thomas could have just locked in a little earlier we'd be calling this a wah or a chihuahua and who knows what butterfly effect follows. So yeah red pandas got shafted and as you can tell I'm fed up for them but being compared to a bear retconned as a raccoon firefox and firecat begs the question if it's none of these what even is a red panda? All right let's do this one last time with mammals there's two classes of carnivores I'm sure you've heard this all before and caniformia is made up of dogs of all kinds including steroid solo dogs, sea dogs, stink dogs, shysty dogs, and dogs with a napoleon complex. It was the bear family of ursidae and the raccoon family of prosciandidae that split custody as early scientists classified the red panda as part of one or the other but dna research determined that the was more like a what it was placed in its own family of a luridae of which is the only surviving member. However further dna studies as early as 20 years ago put the red panda under the musteloidea super family umbrella and if that's confusing mustelids are the family of miniature caniform crashouts and weasel rage we all know and love. Hey look that's stoffel. Musteloidea is the super family that holds the mustelids, skunks, raccoons, raccoon equivalents, and now the red panda. So while their closest cousins are these guys the red panda is more like a living fossil that diverts from the other caniforms pretty early on so it's like it's it's more like they're their own thing and while the ones we know are the last man standing the red panda party used to be packed for example simoesayon batalleri was an allurid about the size of a cougar that would have had jaws on the level of a hyena that would have been an american problem but today we're left with a much cuter version which actually has two species the chinese and the himalayan red panda and if you can't tell them apart neither could science until like 2020 because that's when it was widely accepted that these are two separate species but honestly i probably shouldn't be so hard on scientists for confusing them with bears it's not like the reds made it easy obviously both bonyas are absolute slores for bamboo but what was really confusing was both managed to evolve the same false thumb a pseudo thumb whose purpose is to help them grip bamboo reminder they're not but there is one thing they don't have in common why are red pandas red while the bigger mammals monochrome well with a giant variety the pandas are actually the color of compromise it's believed they have white fur to blend into the snowy climate black limbs to match the shade black ears to intimidate predators and look like a threat but black eye spots to help individuals recognize each other that's literal face id and science says having an awful diet is why because bamboo gives them so little they'll never be able to store enough fat to hibernate and with them being constantly on the move to look for food they can't molt their fur fast enough to match their environment that's why i said compromise it's the best nature could do red pandas are like the pretty privileged sloths of asia because they spend 90 of their lives in the trees and they spend most of that sleeping go see one in a zoo and you'll see what i mean yeah this is worth the car ride the oh never mind red white fur means the wah disappears in fur trees covered by reddish moss and white lichen but of course the most famous thing these two have in common is their choice of diet they fully committed to lives as bamboo sinks so much that the giant bonya actually lost their ability to taste meat you might catch a bear trying a dead wildebeest or murking a peacock but virtually all their protein comes from bamboo it's even been found that giant pandas have a sweet tooth with them preferring natural sugars over water red pandas move to a similar beat of being mostly for bamboo they'll also mix it up with fruits nuts blossoms the occasional egg birds mice i told you but red pandas also have a sweet tooth and it's believed they're the only non-primate mammal able to taste artificial sweeteners with the was showing a preference for fake sugar like sucralose and aspartame which makes the sugar fox the only mammal without thumbs that can appreciate nutra-sweet and splenda the last thing they have in common might not seem that special but it is to me red pandas being pregnant for an average of 130 days might not seem like a lot until you realize cats their size carry kittens for just over 60 and it's because like giant pandas red pandas experience delayed implantation which basically means they can it means red pandas can put pregnancy on pause and wait till the best possible condition to have kids sometimes it takes 90 days sometimes over five months both pandas can do this but to be fair so can a lot of mammals like over a hundred red pandas have anywhere from one to four cubs each the size of a stick of butter and each managing to be cuter than the original they shadow mama for about a year learning everything about how to panda but by far the absolute cutest thing about them is that at about six weeks the ginger cubs reach what has scientifically been referred to as the crackhead phase many animals use play to sharpen the skills they'll need later in life and precocious pandas will play with and pounce on anything often their parents in a period that has been called the popcorn phase it's so sweet i think i have diabetes i don't care what y'all think or what it costs i'll tank any consequences to have this in my house is what i would say if i didn't know the truth red pandas are not what you think they are if not friend why friendship how about i show you what adopting a pony i would do to your life because you'd end up hating both the day you brought one home you'd notice a major difference between a fire cat and an actual cat as much as cats would hate to admit it cats are social animals and actually appreciate affection red pandas are solitary and only really tolerate their own kind when they're making or raising babies and as zookeepers will tell you unless you're carrying food a living plus toy will barely acknowledge you in fact probably avoid you the sick joke is the animal that's friend shaped is not friendly at all and they also really really hate being picked up that's basically a threat and while the red panda's first response to being threatened is adorable their second choice is a lot less cute the same semi-retractable claws for gripping trees would deliver one hell of an attitude adjustment the first time you try to play them for a pet and the same jaws for crushing bamboo would easily make your hand see through your house is their prison and solitary confinement is their mission and they'll maul the goodwill out of you and as is the case with a lot of wild animals human raised red pandas are way more aggressive and trigger happy with their temper also their diet would bankrupt you but it's the consequences of what they eat that would really be a problem the red panda's poor diet means they can't digest most of it so not only do they have to eat gluttonous amounts what that means is red pandas can poop out their own body weight and waste in a week and can drop bamboo laden bowel bombs up to 40 times a day now add that they constantly scent mark with urine and your house would smell like a dog park in august i almost forgot red pandas sleep up to 17 hours a day but are crepuscular so the only times the panda would panda is when you're either getting ready to or trying to sleep so you'd be dead broke sleep deprived up to your collar and caca and probably missing several fingers and possibly an eye not to mention the rogue panda that's built for the cold and high altitude would lose its mind in your house and their susceptibility to disease is something you'd never emotionally or financially recover from but it probably wouldn't even get that far because the other thing about they will find a way out that's a promise orangutans are definitely the animal that stresses out enclosure engineers the most but a red face ringtail is a close second the rabbit hole of red pandas breaking out is hilariously extensive and also why you could not keep these bastards in planet zoo i challenge you to google red panda escapes click news and marvel at how many times a literal harry houdini has humbled humanity i'm gonna go through some of my favorites the first documented red panda escape was in 1978 in the rotterdam zoo aka the hide the black dog benedolence and it created a phenomenon known as the red panda effect because even though the red panda was found just tragically not alive the zoo still received hundreds of calls and sightings claiming to have seen it even a year after he had died the red panda effect is now synonymous with the psychological phenomenon where people tend to see exactly what they're looking for even when it's not really there and even provoke commentary on how the brain tends to fill in gaps in perception and can even alter that perception either that or big panda gas lit the hell out of the dutch in 2007 yin the red panda made people wait two hours on the day of her debut before showing herself and after taking a brief look around said nah and immediately escaped keepers responded by adding electrical wiring around her enclosure and that same month she bypassed that wiring by using overhanging tree branches and got out again but she never actually left the zoo she climbed 30 feet up a tree and made the zoo director climb after her to get her 10 years later sunny the red panda escaped except this time she fully left the zoo premises and was never seen again which is crazy because no shot no one clocked the red panda in virginia yet somehow after a bloodhound search bamboo traps drones and a several year manhunt sunny's still a ghost and the reason why well the prevailing theory is that she got fed up with the constant amorous advances from a male named thomas and eventually andy deframed herself from him it wouldn't be the last time because in 2023 in poland ponzu the red panda broke out and would scale the highest tree he could find to get away from his overly going mate maja in december 2015 in the hungzhou zoo a branch broke in the panda cage under the weight of snow and the three reds inside climbed it and escaped two were immediately caught and returned but the third remained a fugitive for 242 days and after eight months of wondering where he was or if he was even still alive he was eventually discovered in august of the next year chilling in a tree not far from the but the most famous red panda runaway was probably rusty rusty the red panda was living in the smithsonian zoo and one morning in june 2013 staff returned to the enclosure to find it short exactly one rusty this led to a full-on manhunt as keepers feared that an animal that cute unsupervised in washington dc was surely kidnapped they took her to twitter and rusty broke the internet in a way you just had to be there for it was an entire day where the world was on panda watch eventually the internet did what it does with even politicians on opposite sides getting involved and rusty's day off ended when he was found in the adams morgan neighborhood and brought back to the zoo and while the best guess is branches weighed down by rain is how he escaped zoo officials still aren't 100 sure how rusty did it and even brought in a team of zoo experts basically the avengers of animal handlers to investigate because he wasn't going to tell them and neither was his roommate shama who he was brought in to mate with and hopefully have kids with oh this guy if you wanted an update rusty continued living in dc and in 2014 was transferred to the smithsonian conservation biology institute with shama who he apparently warmed up to and had cubs with until he was transferred to the pueblo zoo in colorado in 2019 where he tragically and unexpectedly passed away in 2021 but not before adding to his legacy by having twins with another panda r.i.p rusty you got around in every possible way the irony of red pandas constantly breaking out of zoos is we might not be far from a reality where zoos are the only place we can see them the reason i made a big deal about the panda thing in the beginning isn't because i have beef with a bamboo bear i've actually defended them on this channel but while giant pandas have become the nepo babies of conservation and the face of endangered species the giant panda has actually been off the endangered species list for about a decade meanwhile the population of red pandas is estimated to be less than 10 000 and the word estimates doing some heavy lifting some experts fear the red pandas still have a lot of things threatening their existence like cheese the mass production of local cheese popular with tourists and the ever-growing herds of livestock needed to fuel it has been a disaster for many of the red pandas living in nepal as a switch from forest to grass lands for grazing is like the worst form of gentrification pandas getting outcompeted by chori isn't the only problem the same dogs used for herding can also end up mauling the endangered and that's on top of spreading diseases that can pack up the entire red panda population with canine distemper being one of the worst and like i said you can't get away with being that cute without humanity trying to traffic you there's other threats too but deforestation dogs and degeneracy from humans are the main things pushing the red panda to past tense so now that i've surely ruined the vibe and possibly your day what can you do one way is if you're going to be a tourist in nepal do it in a way that's sustainable and using an organization like red panda network to help book eco-friendly panda approved trips another way is by talking about it the power of yap is boundless spread the red panda propaganda and i'm not saying they have to but if we could get the wwf to change their logo that'd be dope but speaking of rpn the easiest way would be by supporting red panda network either by donating which i'll be doing and if you'd like to as well i'll leave the link in the description or even adopting a panda the unproblematic way or you could volunteer which now there's an idea for a video but that's going to do it for this video drink water hug your mother touch grass hug your father never stop talking about the original panda you have my permission to be annoying about it and i'ma see y'all in the next one