Alicia Keys ｜ Angie Martinez IRL

Angie Martinez in real life podcast. I mean, it's Alicia Keys. Look at this space. Welcome to my space today. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. My little IRL podcast. I love it. Are you into it? I love talking to you. I love your energy. Everybody loves your energy. That's the that's something that's so special. So, yes, I do love it. And congratulations. Thank you, baby. Congratulations to you. First of all, we're going to start with you. I am excited about my podcast. But first and foremost, last night. I wish there was somebody in the room who could just testify to what I saw last night, which is your new what are you, the executive producer play? What is it? First of all, it's a musical. That's a musical. I would be the lead producer for the musical. I'd also be the the composer and I'd also be the conceptualizer of this and subject. Correct. It is it is it is loosely based on my experiences growing up in New York. The whole thing is so good. I can't I want to talk about it more and more like specific. But it took me immediately to little baby young Alicia. A diary is on 20 year on 20 year anniversary. My son is 20. This is not so it's like your diary is in college right now. Diary is going to college. No, it's been in college. Third year in college. All right. Diary is graduating college next year. Whoa. I know. Are you like a whole different person from then? Definitely. I'm an I'm a new person, of course. Of course, I've grown so much. I know so much. I was for sure a baby. I was so I was definitely entering my beginnings of my womanhood, but I was still so insecure, so vulnerable. You never gave that. You always showed up like that was my trick. Yeah, that was my wasn't it yours? It still is. I mean, I still show up when I mean, I am more centered and I do have more sense of purpose. So that gives you confidence and that gives you, you know, and so I can block out noise better. But I still have moments of like, you know, totally thousand percent. You got to still show. We know how to show up, but we need to show up. We still have moments, you know, or, you know, you all the way got it together. No, nobody all the way has it together every day is different. You know what I mean? But I definitely have it together more than I had it together. Yeah, for sure. So thank God, please. We need to grow somehow. What do you think the biggest difference is, though? What do you think? The biggest difference is that at that time, I really felt like I had to be validated by people. I felt like I had to be accepted. You know, people had to agree with me or I had the people had to accept what I thought for it to be good. And now I don't, you know, you look for opinions from everybody. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was the opinion seeker. What do you think? Do you like it? Do you like it? Do you like it? And if they didn't, if enough people liked it, I liked it. If enough people didn't like it, I also didn't like it, you know? And it's like at some point you got to like think what you think and feel how you feel and you got to stand behind it and stand for it. And, you know, so that's what that's what I think is the biggest difference for me now. Was there ever something like amazing song that everybody didn't like and you knew it was great and you never put it out and left us and it's still sitting in a vault somewhere? I would say. No, I don't know. No, no, no. I mean, maybe. But people did feel that way about Fallen, believe it or not. What do you mean? People didn't understand Fallen at first. Who's these people? Which people? I'm just saying. Where are they? I'm telling you. Who are these people you speak of? Who are these people? Where are they? Can we call them now? Put them on the screen. Let's see their faces. Did you? Is it true? Like label people or like friends or what? I think that I think probably if I would bring it back to it, I would definitely say it was more on the label side, more on the business side. You know, it was a it was a risk. If you think if you think about it, Fallen was actually a risk. It didn't fit into the style of music that was happening at the time. And it was it was different. Most of my music is always different with Diary of Alicia Keys. It was You Don't Know My Name. That was a risk. You Don't Know My Name wasn't like the sound at the time. It was the sound at the time. I don't remember the like. I don't know. I don't even know what was that. I remember. You Don't Know My Name. Yeah. So who cares? But the point is, is, you know, I think that a lot of times, you know, people like to do and encourage you to do has already been done. It's like rare that people will tell you, hey, take a take a chance. Try something new. Try something different. It's very rare that people get behind that mentality. But but I'm glad that I was never. You know, I always went with what felt good in my heart. And that's always been my guiding light. Yeah. Thank God. Some opinions are everywhere. Wow. Especially now, more than ever. I don't even know how kids function today. I wonder that for you, because you still are very active and you very like even in socials and stuff, you engage, you share. Right. Share a lot. Yeah. Your family is Swiss. Swiss is always sharing something. The sharer of all sharers. I feel like he probably pushes you to share more than you would have had you guys not been a couple. I think he's he's actually really good at it. You know, I think that the way that he does it and the way that he shares is so genuine and he shares like what feels right. And it really does feel right. It feels unique and it feels like special. Yeah. So he's really good at it. Yeah. I hit him a lot like, what do you think about this? He'd be like, no, not that. OK. He was there last night at the Hell's Kitchen. He was so proud of you. And Genesis was there. He loves it. He loves the musical. This was the first time Genesis saw the show. And, you know, he's so upset that I have to go. And, you know, it's in New York and to to make to travel and to always be there to make sure it's perfect. Yeah. And so one day he was like, you don't even want to spend time with your kids. All you want to do is go to your stupid play. And I was like, hey, that's not nice, man. I don't call any of your things stupid. And so he was like, well, that's all you want to do. And I said, I know that you just miss me. I know that's what that means. You want me to stay and I want to stay, too. You know what I mean? But I'm really proud of what I'm working on. And you'll see. You'll see how much you're going to like it. So when he came yesterday, it was the first time that he saw it after feeling, you know, the normal feelings that a kid feels when you have to let your parent go. You know, it's hard. And when he was there and just riveted and just looking at every question, mom, that's the last. When's the mother coming back? Mom, when's the mother? He had thousands of questions. Swiss was like, if you don't be quiet, can you tell him to be quiet? Because he's loud. He's so into you, though. Like I saw a little video of him protecting you at the concert. Your security. And then there was another one where he didn't want you to show too much boob. And I think that's pretty good. That's your favorite one. We're only going to do this, mom? What's the matter? What's wrong? The heart. It's cool. So everybody can see your boobs? They can't. They just see your heart. I've never seen somebody do that. Well, you're on the eight. The worst is going to be is this. OK, how about we do this? How about we do this? You do the top. Because I wore pasty. And you're like, it's just a boob. I was like, it's OK. He's like, Ma, are we really going to do this? Ma, are we doing this? What is that? Who is that? That's Swiss. It must be. It has to be. He's not protected. Dad always says you protect the mom, right? He takes it serious. Clearly. So cute. Such a cute kid. My God. Oh, man, I love that boy. It sounds like you're like a great mom. We should talk about the parenting part of that. I know we've talked since you've been a mom, but now you're like a seasoned mom. I feel like, you know, are you ever a seasoned mom? You definitely have more experience, for sure. But I feel like it's constantly a conundrum, don't you? It's constantly something that you're bumping up against something you haven't quite been with before. And even if I've been through it with Egypt, I haven't, like, Genesis' way of expressing it is so different. And even all the kids, like, I've always felt blessed because together we have five kids. And so I have, like, older kids that I've experienced, what it's going to be like. OK, this is how 16 is going to be. Or this is what 13 is going to be like. Now Egypt's 13. And it's a little different. So I don't know if you're ever seasoned, but I do feel a lot more. I do feel a lot more, like, aware of how I want to talk with them, and express with them, and things like that. No, and then also, they're not the same person who they are two years from now. So you think you got them down, and you know how to manage them, and then they become somebody else in a couple of years. And you have to kind of relearn, and yeah. And then so are you. Like, I'm also another person from two years. Because mothers are actually people. We are also people evolving. This is absolutely true. So to kind of put that all together, it's amazing. And I mean, sometimes there's so much going on, and I need bed at a certain time, and I need to make sure the homework is at this time. And then they're sitting there doing something, and they're cracking up laughing. And I'm like, I need y'all to da-da-da-da-da. And I look back on it, and I'm like, why didn't I just laugh, too? Couldn't I just have laughed, too, and then we'd have just got on with it? I made it almost take longer to just. So it's like, I think you kind of look at yourself, too, and you realize how you can kind of let certain things go, or whatever you need to do. Do you let your kids see you vulnerable? Like, I had this, who was it? Oh, we had Kelly Clarkson on the show. And she went through a divorce, and she was talking about, you know, she went through a really hard time, and she let her kids, she let, not too much, but just enough so that she would explain mommy's sad, and she operates on the, some parents don't. Some parents believe in like. Shielding. Shielding, yeah. And there's like a fine line, I guess. But are you like, how are you with, it seems like you would be leaning towards vulnerable with your kids. I feel like it's really important to be able to learn how to have relationships with your emotions. You know, and I think especially as boys, we, a lot of times, we make boys have to be so like Teflon, and we think that that's what, how a man expresses, or how a boy expresses. And I do think that for all of us, because I think as women as well, we also feel like we have to be Teflon. We got to put on the armor, and no, let's not get penetrated. And I think that that develops an unhealthy relationship with our emotions. We can't access them, and I personally went through that. I experienced that where I just could not access my emotions. I did not know how to share what I actually felt, truly. I knew how to share the like version of it that was. The words. You know, but I couldn't properly, truly express it in a way that felt as raw as I felt it on the inside. And I thought that I had to learn how to practice to put to words my real feelings, as opposed to holding them in. And so I really feel like having a relationship with your emotions is important. I'm not overly emotional, so you know, I think that's just a natural balance that I have. But the other day I did, I boohooed in the car with Genesis. He looked at me like. You had to see his face. He was like, I'm sorry that I didn't do it, and I should have been more, and I really apologize if I, and he instantly, and I was not doing that for him to feel bad or to have to apologize to me, but it just was how I felt. And it just was like, I was overwhelmed at the moment. He was like, I never saw you cry like that before, mom. And next day, for 10 days after, mom, remember when you just started crying? Like, I never saw you cry like that before, mom. And it touched him, and I think that, you know, that's a part of, that's a part of just IRL. I realize, it happens. What could trigger something like that? Is that a bad day? Is that some, is that. I was personally overwhelmed, actually, for him. I felt like there was a lot of things going on that I was just needing to come to terms with, like with school and some different things, and I just felt like I was uncomfortable with where it was circling, and I felt out of control. I felt like I was not able to have a handle on it to the way that I wanted to. And to see him feel uncomfortable about certain things made me uncomfortable, and when I couldn't kind of get it under control, it just like, I was like, I don't have control of this. And it just kind of like felt, you know, overwhelming in that way. And I just, I don't know, it just came out. Aw. You know what I mean? It just came out. And he just adores you, too, so he was probably like, what is happening? He was like, whoa, who, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But, yeah, man, it's crazy how the emotions that we feel for them, it's wild. Like, you never thought you'd feel like that. No, it's super wild. I was just talking about that, and I was telling you this before. You're not ready for when they have to go. Mm, I'm not ready. Have you prepared at all? No, I'm not ready. It's, okay, sorry. I'm not ready. Okay. So tell me how it goes. You want me to tell you how it goes? Yeah, how does it go? I was fully depressed for six months before he left for college, because I was preparing, mentally preparing myself to be, like, I just was so sad. You know, it was just him and I for a while. Then my bonus baby came in. Now we have, I have two there. But the idea of, like, my firstborn, my baby, like, leaving was traumatic for me. So for six months, I was super depressed before he left, and then I was telling my girlfriend, I think it was, you know, Chaka Pilgrim? I was telling Chaka, I was like, oh, God, I gotta take him to school. I'm gonna be a mess. I'm gonna cry when I drop him off. She was like, no, you're not. I was like, what do you mean, no, I'm not? Yes, I am. I'm very emotional about this. She was like, imagine how, for him, like, going into a new space, new school, new this, about how challenging that is for him. Why do you want to make that more dramatic? And I was like, oh, you're right. Isn't that a good friend? That's a good friend. And so then I just kind of held myself together. I went there. We set him up. We set the room when I left. And I realized, though, so after that, I realized they don't leave you. They're still there all the time. They're calling you every second. Face-timing me all the time. Yeah, like, he's still- He's asking you for a thousand things. All the time. It's cool. It's fine. No, they don't, they're still your children. Yeah, it's beautiful. So maybe you won't be sad for six months. Maybe yours will be three months now, two months, knowing that it'll be okay on the other side. I do know it'll be okay, but it's a big change, man. It's like, you literally hold them. They can't do anything without you. You have to, you plan your entire existence, every move you make around them being good. Then they don't need you. And it's kind of crazy. It's kind of fucked up. It's kind of crazy. But they do need you. No, they do. They do need you. No, they always do. No, they always do, for sure. And I think forever, they'll need to call you and make sure, you know, and just like, you're their mama. There's only one mama. People don't talk enough about, too, like the partner you choose and how you parent together. Did you have any challenges with that? Or are you just kind of in line with that? How do you guys manage that? I feel like we do really well. We're really in a beautiful sync, just naturally. Like our flow has a good sync. And I think that on the parenting side, he's really good at, you know, he definitely knows when it's time to step in, because he's like, you know what they need? Some dad energy. Sometimes you need dad energy. But he's really good at like, we are really good at being kind of a good flow. Like what's gonna work best for this particular, this child, because each one's so different. So you can't just like do the same thing all the time. For sure. So I think we're good at kind of that flow. And I think he knows that I have great instincts there, too. And so he's like, well, what do you think? And if I say, listen, I know your normal instinct would be this, but let's approach it like this. And he'll be open for it. Do you ever bump heads? Do you ever disagree on parenting? And how do you manage that? Everybody does. You can't tell me you don't. I was trying to think of like how. A time? Yeah, I think we definitely, I think it's more about communicating about our own needs. Because I think sometimes you spend so much time making sure the kid's needs are met. And you do have to make sure that the relationship between the kids and the parents don't eliminate the parents' needs. You know what I mean? So I think in those ways are the ways that we're communicative. And it's like, I'm noticing this pattern and it's starting to feel uncomfortable. What should we do? How did you learn to do that? You grew up with just your mom. Yeah. So who taught you that? Right. What did you, therapy? I honestly haven't really, I did like a life coach thing. That was helpful. What's the biggest thing? Yes, whatever it takes. I actually feel like I might be a life coach. I feel like I could be a life coach in some way. But yeah, no, I think that, I think that, I don't know. I think maybe just recognizing how, when you can express, again, I think it comes back to me not having a great connection with my own emotions. And so when I started to realize how toxic that could be. What does that mean though, exactly? Like, what is it? So what I was saying was, thank you. You became an example, yeah. Remember I was talking before and I was saying like, I was such a pleaser that I was disconnected to how I actually felt. And so I would be so like, well, what do they like? What do they think? Is this good for, you know, whatever choice I'm making in my career? Oh, they approve of that. Oh, they like the thing I did, the thing I wore, the thing I said, the whatever. And I would be so outwardly that I noticed that that became toxic because I didn't have a relationship with myself to be able to say, no, here's what I feel. Here's what I actually feel. Just this is what I feel. I don't know. You might hate what I feel, but I feel this. And to actually be able to verbalize and say that wasn't so easy for me. So I started to practice that more. And because of that practice, that's what started to make, I think, Swizz and I even more able to communicate better because I was able to say, no, this is how I feel. And I know it's important. If I don't tell you how I feel, and if you don't tell me how you feel, that's when it doesn't, it just goes wrong. So that part, I think, got us to be able to communicate. That's dope because a lot of people do that. I think that's a pretty common thing to do is like bury how you feel and not have confidence in it. And also feeling like you trust somebody to give them all of that. But what is the practice of that? How do you snap out of that? For me, I think the practice, see, because this is what I think, for me, this is what happened. I don't know what happened. I don't know how it goes for you. But like, I might find myself in a conversation. Yeah. And everyone's different. Some people react right away. Some people need to digest things. So, you know, everybody's different, right? Yeah. I find myself, whatever the case, I find myself in a conversation. Someone says something to me and my stomach goes, mm. Ooh, I don't like that. Yeah. And something hurts. I'm like, ooh, whatever. The way they said that, like that, that didn't feel right for me. What did that mean? But why would they have said it like that? Why did it feel like they referenced back something old that we already settled, but it came back? Whatever it might be. Now, in that moment, maybe I don't bring it up. Maybe I'm just like listening or I felt it, but I didn't want to make it a big deal. We're at a thing, whatever. But if I have felt that zing, then I make it a point to come back to that. And I will say, hey, can I talk with you? We were talking the other day and you said, and it just felt like you were coming at me and it didn't feel right. And I just wanted to ask you, what did you mean? Because maybe I read it wrong. I don't want to take it out of context. What made you say that? And then they can have a place to speak to me about it and I can have a place to, but I found in the past, I would just hold it, feel it, and then create potential resentment or whatever over something that I don't even know if that's exactly what they meant. That's so good. I think sometimes, I think I do that sometimes, but I think sometimes what happens is I like when you say, I hold, I might not do it right there, but then I'm over it. And so they don't say anything, which is not always good either. Sometimes I just kind of blow past things and I think you're right. I think you have to get to it. And obviously it depends on who. Is it like Joe and Bo? Okay, whatever. Who cares? We don't exactly have to pay attention to that. We can move on. But if it's somebody who like really plays an important part in your life, so that's the type of practice I started to do that started to get me more comfortable with being able to share. Yeah, that's good. That's a good practice. Right? Yes, and it's healthy. Yeah. And free. Because I do that same thing, because I kind of, I can let things roll off my back. I'm not very like, I don't hold on to stuff and harvest stuff so I think, but then time's coming, you realize stuff is coming up for you and you're like, oh, I'm mad. I didn't think I was like mad. I thought it was fine. But it wasn't. I'm big mad. I'm mad. Because I let that thing sit. I'm irritated. I'm festering now. You know what was super inspiring to me as we're talking about this and I'm thinking about the musical last night? I had heard that it took you like 10 years. Well, Swiss said that to me last night. Swiss was like, she's been working on this for like 15 years. Is that true? It's definitely. He's exaggerated. Somewhere between 10 and 13. Okay, well, that's good. That's a long time. It's a long time. That was inspiring to me, because sometimes I start a project or I have an idea and it'll sit or I don't know, I just can't get it across a finish line and then I always wonder, did I miss the moment on it? Or did I miss the, you know, because I heard one time too, Oprah said, finish what you start. But then also sometimes I feel like you start something, if it's not working for you. Yeah. You have, yeah. Yeah, I mean. Get out of here. But you believed in it. You took it all the way. You came back to it. I'm sure it left it, came back. I think the thing about this world, this theater world, you know, my mother left Toledo, Ohio to come to study at NYU. And she is that New York story. You know, she is that one that came from somewhere else with a dream to do a thing. And in a lot of ways, I always felt like she had to sacrifice that part of her life for me, you know? So when I am able to kind of create these creative endeavors and do them, I think about the fact that it's her dream too. You know, her dream and my dream are intertwined, you know? And so when I think about particularly in the theater, because she took me as a kid to TKTKS, the super cheap tickets, so we could buy tickets to whatever show and watch it together. You know what I mean? I think about this. And now when we've been able to create Hell's Kitchen, you know, this is in a way the accumulation of this dream that she had at 19. So it really makes me very emotional and it makes me really like, you know, it makes this so much worth it. You really see through Hell's Kitchen that it ultimately is a love story between a mother and a daughter. And, you know, I think- Your mother must have been emotional wreck the first time she saw it. I know I, me too. You too, yeah. What did you learn? Like, what did you heal from that? I think one of the things that I really have seen, my personal growth, it came up yesterday, is that, you know, my father and I, although my mother raised me, you know, my father and I had a journey to get through to really find our way to our own relationship that had to happen in its own time. And I'm very proud of seeing the way that we have been able to meet each other where we are. And so you do get a glimpse of, in Hell's Kitchen, of the relationship between Ali and her mother and her mother and Ali and her father. And for me, you can see the growth of that relationship personally. And I feel really, really, I'm proud of that. And I feel like that's something that's important for people to know, that there is ways to grow through things that may have been challenging. What is the key to that, to mending a relationship like that? Is it mending even, or it's just, you said meeting each other where we are? It is mending. I think that's part of it, kind of. I think the first part for me was really being able to, we think relationships are supposed to be a certain way. You think of a father-daughter relationship and you think of a certain relationship. That person's supposed to have raised you. They're supposed to have lived with you. Maybe they married the parent, the other parent. There was some type of long-standing thing, and this is how we see it. But every relationship is not the same. So I think at a certain point, we have in our head the way a relationship is supposed to play out. And if it doesn't look like that in our lives, we somehow feel bad about it. We feel like something has gone wrong. Now, there are plenty of things that maybe could have been better, for sure. But just because he didn't raise me doesn't mean that we can't have our own relationship. I wasn't ready for that at a certain point, you know what I mean? And he wasn't either. But then when you realize, okay, so maybe he's not daddy. Okay, I can admit. But we can be friends. We can get to know each other. We can actually have a relationship, our own relationship that we define in our own way. He is my father, it's the truth. And I would like to have a good relationship with him. So I think taking out the expectations of what it's supposed to be and meeting it where it actually is. If you can. If you can't, then don't. You shouldn't. And I did that too. I said, you know what, I'm not ready to meet it here. I'm not able to do that. That happened too. But when I was, and it was able to be natural and genuine, and I was able to be open-hearted enough, and so was he. And then we communicate, you know? Then you find, wow, I do understand that. Oh, I can see that. It's probably so freeing too, right? Wow, it takes a load off. It takes a big load off. Because I think a lot of times, we hold all this anger and expectation for things and people. But who's feeling that anger? You. Who's being affected by that anger? You. Who's crumbling under that anger? You. The other person, they don't even have a damn clue what you feel. They go off living their life, great as ever. But you are crushed under this anger and pain that you're holding onto. So I think when we can let that go, and kind of say, again, that doesn't mean that we have to, it's valid. These things come from a place. They deserve to be rectified, you know? But if you can let it go, then maybe you can start from a new place. So that's what I think is some of the key. That's good, because we always hear that. You gotta let it go. You can't hold onto anger. We hear terms like that. But literally, how to do that is where people get- Tripped up. Tripped up, yes. Because it's emotion. I don't know how to do that. But I love what you said about just meeting people where they are. Like, okay, this is our story. So here we are. It's, you know. Right. I think that's a good tool, just a good kind of understanding of getting there. So good for you. By the way, the actor's unbelievable. Yes. Now that you've done this, like you have done it. You've done it big. You are a household name, my friend. You really are. You ever think of, like, you're a household name. There's nobody that I can say, Alicia Keys is on my podcast, and they go, who is she? There's nobody that does that. Like, you've done it. That's wild. It's crazy. Wow. And you're still, to me, I don't know, maybe just because we have a relationship, but I don't, you don't seem to- You know me. I know. I am not on that. You seem to manage that level of fame, at least from the outside, really well. Like, you seem to have a good core group. I guess family probably helps with that, right? Yeah, I do. I think family, you know, I think it's also, like, where I came from that also instilled that in me. And by, you know, not to mention the fact that if you know my mother, you know, she will. Has she ever done that? Has she ever said to you, like, you are failing yourself? Oh, yeah. She will? She was like, you need, you know, good for you, this keep you humble. Like, she'll say things like that. That'll keep you humble. And she's right. You want to be humble. You do. You do have to kind of, like, keep things in perspective. But do you ever be in your bag sometimes? Oh, I definitely be in my bag. That don't mean that I can't be on my ----. I can still be on my ----. And what lifts you up? When do you most feel like you're in your bag? What is the circumstances that would? You know, I feel like I've, what I'm recognizing is I can, I can really be in my bag when I have a really strong team. I feel like I feel the most in my bag. Like, you know, just recently this summer, I did the Keys to the Summer tour. And I felt like I reunited with one of my favorite directors named Diane Martell. She did the If I Ain't Got You video. She did the, like, you'll never see me again video. And we connected, you know, to create the stage show for Keys to the Summer. And I just felt like she so understood a side of me and she has such a strength in herself that it allowed me to be in my bag because the team that I was assembling just felt, like, strong. That's the same way I feel with Hell's Kitchen. I feel that same way. It's a strong team. Everyone holds their weight. And so I can be in my bag. We can all be in our bag because there's, like, equal sharing of the responsibility. That's when I can, that's when I feel the most in my bag. Sometimes when you have to carry all the weight and do all the things that on the, you're like, you can't quite get in your bag because you got to do- You're speaking to my soul right now, just so we're clear. Brittany, is she not speaking to our soul? So we be trying, sometimes I just have all these ideas and things I want to do and I don't have the resources. So I pile it on myself or, you know, I have, like, a small team, a very small team. And so sometimes you overextend yourself and there's no way to deliver or to be, like you say, in your bag when you're, like, spread thin like that. It's hard. I know. Yeah, I know. And I've been there many times. I mean, my team will understand, too. We're pretty small as well. There came a time where we were like, okay, we have to say no. We have to say more no's. Talk to me about no. Okay. When do you say no? You know, well, first of all, I've realized because you're ambitious. I know. To balance. I try to balance. I am ambitious. And that's a blessing because you have ideas, you have things, you're motivated, you're inspired, you have so many levels, which is such a blessing. But then you have to realize if I can't execute this in the manner that I would expect of myself, you know, then I have to say no. And if I'm putting too much on my team, because now we've already said yes to far too many things, you know, we have to say no. So we have started a practice where we were like, okay, this has to be a no because it just, it's going to take us too far. Does it ever break your heart? Have you ever made a mistake in a no? Have you ever, is there ever something you're like, ah, I should have did it? No, but I've felt many times when I was like, ah, I shouldn't have did it. You want more regret when you do it. More regret. I'm like, I knew this wasn't it. And my spirit said, don't do it. And now here I am doing it. And I'm mad. I'm not feeling, I'm not in my joy. Like I feel frustrated, you know? So I do feel like the no's are, as part of the relationship of practicing to speak my truth, I have learned to also trust my gut and I know what yes feels like. I know what yes feels like. I'm very clear about what yes feels like. And I know how it feels when it's a maybe. And I know what it feels like when it's like, it's not really a no, but I think that it's going to make a few people happy. So I make it turn into a yes because I think that it's going to be nice for those people. But it's not a yes. It's a no. It wasn't a yes. It was a maybe. And so if it's not a yes, then it's a no. I don't know what, whatever you just said, I'm going to put in a little clip and put it to remind myself like this when I'm saying yes to too many things. That's going to be like, my reminder for me. And then bring out the Alicia Clancy. I can't repeat it exactly what you said, but I know it was important. And I know I need to hear that again. I know I need to rewind that and press play on that. So the no's and the maybe's and the yes's. Right. But I feel you, man. Let's talk about, it's the holiday season. People are dealing with all types of family, holiday season vibes in their home. Some people get very excited and very holiday-ish. Yes. Some people, it stresses them out. I just wonder what your family done because you, from the gram. I mean, I know you personally, but like from the gram, your family looks like they have the greatest time ever at every occasion. Yeah. Well, that's right. Which is tricky, right? It's the highlights. That's the tricky thing about, you know, any social media. Let me get the highlights. What is the family dynamic of the Alicia Keys holiday season? Well, first of all. Yeah, break it down. Let me visualize. At any family situation, what you need to do is get this Diary of Alicia Keys 20 vinyl. Oh, yes. Perfect. Playing in the background. See what you did there? At your functions. It will fix whatever is wrong. Whatever's going on. Whatever stress you might be feeling. Whatever like uncertainty might, it's just going to wipe it away. Yeah. You're going to be good. And if you don't know what to get somebody as a gift. Oh, look at that. You're good too. So, look at that. Just saying. Is there music in the house? At our house, it's awesome. I think it's really cool. We have a really big family, as you know. I know. You have a blended family. You have a beautiful, big, blended, awesome family. And I got to say, all of us, it's kind of like a, all of us kind of pass through. We have different moments that we're together. I love, we do this pre, I'm big into rituals. Tell me about your ritual. Give us one or two. We do this pre-Christmas ritual. Okay. And it happens on Christmas Eve. And we make each other handmade gifts. Now, everybody wants to kill me because they're like, honestly, we gotta do this again this year. And I say, yes, we have to do it because it's special. And every time we do it, it does bring up something unique. And we gather together and we all have to kind of present what we made. And, you know, you pull the name and sometimes you know that person really well and sometimes you don't. And that's kind of cool because you're like, okay, well, what would this person like? And how could I get to know them a little bit better? And what can I damn make with my own hands that will not be stupid and that the person might enjoy? Give me an example. What is something you made? Like, when did you kill it? All right, well, I'll tell you when I killed, killed, killed it. Okay, good, tell me. But maybe it's something as simple as, like, you have a beautiful printed picture and you put it into a frame that you kind of decorated with something. Yeah. Right? So maybe it's something like that. Okay. The time that I killed it, it was for Genesis. I got Genesis. And I decided to make this kind of sculpture of this anime that they love. And I created the tree so that he could have his, like, characters and he could play in this main tree. I think it was either One Piece or Hunter X Hunter or one of them. So I made the tree and it was ill. I made the whole base of it and I had to paint it. And there's like a whole sea around it. So we did this whole technique with kind of like the stones and the thing and the sea. I'm thinking you're like making little cards with your hands, you know, you make it like a whole. It was a tree and the sea that was in the anime that he could play his little toys in. And I was like, oh, I won. Body this. I killed this. Of course, I had never seen him play with it and I won that. Like, not like all that, it's in the corner of the room. It doesn't take away from the fact that you killed it. I did kill it though. You killed it. That's really funny. What is the greatest lesson you've learned in marriage about yourself? What has marriage taught you about yourself? Wow. Okay. Cause really it's, that's what they say it is. Wow. It's a mirror. It's a mirror, right? It's like nothing makes you work on yourself more than living a life with somebody else. Wow. It's so good. This question is really good. Thank you. I definitely know that I am, I'm an organizer and I enjoy that. I really like to create the space for the time that we need. And I learned that I'm really good at that and I have to constantly not let that go. Like that's a really important thing that I'm good at and that I think it really flourished. It helps us to flourish, you know, because it's easy to be so busy. It's easy to be distracted. It's easy to be working hard. So to make sure we have our thing is like paramount. And that's something I'm good at. And we're good at it, but I'm really good at like making sure it's time. But was there anything you had to fix about yourself? Cause I feel like that is a thing. Like for me, one of the things in my relationship I learned about myself is that I would internalize, you know, I'm an empathetic person, right? Like I, my friends, I want to help them if I can and I would carry it and then bring it home. And I never knew that about myself until somebody had to, he had to point it out to me. You know, somebody close to you, teaches you something about yourself or just, and so I realized that and it's actually been really helpful in my life to be able to like be there, still be there and be empathetic, but let it kind of almost, things go through me as opposed to like holding everybody's stuff. Energy, issues, things, yes. Yeah, so that's like for me, that was one thing. I just wonder if you have any of those experience where you put it like a mirror to you, like, hey, maybe you want to work on this. I think I have to continue to work on and I've seen that I have to work on being just better at being a little more still. Like I'm a doer, I'm a getter, I'm a thinger, I'm a fixer, I'm a organizer, I'm a thinger, I'm a goer, I'm a looker. And I think that I have to get, I've seen that I have to get better at being like, it's okay that you're just like. But he's the same way. He's definitely the same way. He can't tell you that you're not, he's the same, he's more, I think more than you. Or, but I think he's good at like, when he's home, he's good at kind of like being able to be easy. He can like sleep in the bed, he'll rest until 10, 11, 12. Me, I'm like 6 a.m. I'm ready, boom, boom, boom, boom. He's like, oh, we're gonna need a little like, give me until 12 p.m. I need it like at least till 12. And I need it too, you know what I mean? So I think that being able to just kind of like, calm you. Be still. Like be still, not actually activate and execute all the things. Just kind of like be still in the space together. It's really nice. And that's something that I always have to be like, wait, stop trying to do all the things. I'm trying to plan all the things. I'm trying to do it. Calm your ass down. Schedule all the things. How happy are you on a scale of one to 10 today? Today? I'm definitely, I'm at a ******* 10. Really? I am. Is that all the time for you, mostly? All the time? No, that's not all the time. I know, but is that a common thing? Some people say they have never got to a 10. Some people like keep a 10 reserved. I was gonna go eight, nine. Okay. I was. That was my first instinct. You gotta be honest. That's the first thing. You gotta be honest. My first instinct was like eight, nine. And I felt like when I checked in with myself, I felt that I was not honoring my joy. And I think that it is very important that when we're feeling joyful, that we can say we're feeling joyful. I think it's so easy to say this is not good and I'm not happy and this is not going well. And that happens too. And there's plenty of that too that I could pull out and be like, well, this isn't that good. But I'm feeling joyful. I'm feeling grateful. I was thinking about this celebrating this milestone with Diary. I was thinking about launching something that I've been working on so long with Hell's Kitchen. I was thinking about the love I have for my family and my husband, my son being there with me, my hubby being here with me and I feel healthy. I'm sitting with my friend. He's actually here. He might not be here right now, but he was. I'm sitting here with my friends. We're talking, we're together. We're well, our minds are intact. Our spirits are good. In real life, what do you pray for most? Me, I pray for clarity. That's mine. I hate being confused. I hate not knowing and not, it's like if I know I can figure out a plan of action or I know how to show up. If I don't have clarity, I feel it's chaos. No, it's crazy. It's crazy. That's a great prayer. Yeah, clarity, clarity and peace, safety. That's good. Those are good. In real life, what are you most proud of about yourself? In real life, I'm most proud that I am a normal human being. I am the most proud that I'm like, you know, I feel like people can meet me, see me, talk to me, build with me. They're gonna know that I am their sister. I am just, I am that same energy. I have not shifted that energy. The energy will always be there. I am very proud of that. I think that's easy to lose. Yes, you are a household name, you know. You reminded me. You can easily be, you know what I mean? Just a big headed, annoying human and I'm not with it. I'm just not even with it at all. That would not be good for anyone. No. In real life, how important is money to you? Obviously, you know, money does help a lot of things, but for me, that's not where wealth is. To me, that's not wealth. That's not rich. To me, like your sanity is where your wealth is. Your health. Man, there's nothing more important than you being able to be healthy. You know, that is your wealth to be able to, you know, wake up and have all your wits about you and love. Like real love, genuine, that thing that's real, not based on something that you have or gonna get or something that who you just are on a Wednesday in your pajamas with nothing. You know, those are the thing. That's like, that's wealth. That's being rich. That's the thing. And so I'm really clear about that. In real life, what are your triggers or your pet peeves? Like what is something that would take you that number 10 down quick? I mean, some of my pet peeves. You wanna know one of mine? Yeah, what's yours? I don't like, I don't like people trying to manipulate me in any way. Somebody tell me half a story cause they trying to make me do, cause I see you from up the block, man. Now you just pissed me off but you didn't have to piss me off. You could have just asked me for what you needed me to do. Cause nine times out of 10, if I can, I would have did it. But when you try to, I don't know why that's a trigger. I probably should figure that out. But it's for sure a trigger for me. It would literally make me not like someone. It's not okay. I can go from like, oh, they seem like a nice person to like, I don't like them. That's a good one. That's a real one for me. That's a right one. Man, what's one of my triggers? Swiss probably knows. I feel like one of my triggers are like, I need you to do what you said you're gonna do. Like I do what I say I'm gonna do. So when people can't meet me where I meet them, that triggers me. I'm like, you said you were gonna do that. You should do what you say you're gonna do. You know, that's a big one for me. Or don't say it. Just don't say something that you can't do. If you can't do it, don't say you can do it. I just thought of little Allie in the play and her dad saying she's coming to the thing. That's probably what that's rooted in. I think it might come a little bit from there. A little bit. And then in real life, what do you, I don't know, what do you hope people take from your story and what you put out in the world? Or even this conversation today. Like when you make things, where do you hope they land? Yeah, man, I hope that they land in people's hearts. I feel like I just want people to feel the genuineness, the care and the pure energy that goes into it. Because I think that we're receiving a lot of messages that are filled with like not pure intention. You know what I mean? And so I would love for people to just take away that there is that genuineness. There is that authentic energy that we can be. We can be who we actually are. We don't have to put on a bunch of acts and phony and fake it down and up. We can just be, you are special just how you are. And so I would love that my comfort in who I am reminds somebody that they are incredible exactly how they are. And we can respect and love each other and like applaud and uplift each other. I think that would change a lot. I love that. Oh, I love this. I had so much fun with you. Me too. I love this platform that you've given for this natural conversation. And thank you for just being such a supporter of me and the art and the sister to me. I adore you. I appreciate you. Thank you, Baba. Alicia Keys, everybody. Hey. The household name was here on our show. Woo!