The Real Work of Ambition: Pursuing Your Career Without Sacrificing Your Family with Paul Sanftner

Hi everyone and welcome back to Real Work. I'm Jennifer Tarl and today we have a follow-up with one of our guests from a few months back, Paul Saffner, and he talked then about the real work of contribution and how to find purpose and presence in what we do every day. Since then, I've been talking about this episode with people and one question keeps coming up. How do we contribute at this high level professionally without losing the people who matter the most to him? So how do you stay ambitious and hungry for your career goals while staying fully present as a father and a husband and a friend? So I am excited to welcome Paul back today. So please join me in welcoming Paul. Hi Paul, how are you? I'm doing good. Thank you for allowing me to come back to your podcast. I think the world of you and thank you just for your speech development in my life and after the show I just have a offline conversation with you because I have someone else that I think would benefit your service. Oh well thank you so much. That's always the highest compliment, a referral, so I appreciate it and I just appreciate you being back on. You're always so inspirational. So tell us before we start like what have you been up to lately? What's going on in your life? Today, May 4th, 2026 marks six years with my current employer. I'm a public information officer, City of San Leandro. Yes and actually today is my last day with them. Oh my goodness. Yes, so a surprise. The pre-production meeting didn't include this. Total surprise. But I have remained grateful for just the last six years of growing and sewing into others and it's just been a fantastic experience. Overwhelming as I transition out but the people that are reaching out to me, texting me, sending me Teams messages, calling me. Now I can't focus on transitioning out. Offboarding because I have a desire to respond to them and I'm just grateful for six years with a fantastic team within our communications team. I have interns, part-time staff, and a full-time city news broadcaster public information assistant. I will miss them dearly but I have total peace about moving on. I have two potential opportunities. One is more certain than the other and the one that's certain is to return back to my old boss Alameda County Supervisor Nate Miley and just grateful for Nate's contribution in my life. I started as an intern with him in 2011 so at that time I I stayed with him for nearly nine, it was over nine years, maybe like nine and a half years. And just his patience with me, his desire to see me grow and then from there I was able to land the, it was like a communications manager job with the city of San Leandro and then shortly after that I elevated to the public information officer role. And seeing growth within YouTube, so Jennifer you don't have to do this but we did this, we utilized Google Ads to increase our subscribers on YouTube. We're over 14,400 subscribers. You were telling me previously you started a YouTube channel and it was word of mouth and the fact that there is such a need for speech development and just your craft is great. I don't think everyone wakes up in the morning wanting to watch their local government communicate the news but it was just, it was great. We went from 233 subscribers to now 14,000 plus and we're creating great content, positive, encouraging content for the resident and I count that as a privilege and as I step away I see the team continuing to grow and to expand. We broadcast our cherry festival parade so 30,000 people come and they attend the festival. We also like I said mentioned broadcast the parade and we do it all in-house because we figured out how to do it low budget and high quality so that's what I've been up to. Amazing. Okay so everyone has to go to the San Leandro YouTube page. I think that what you have done is a model for the rest of the country and every community and my community is tired of hearing it because they tell them all the time we need a YouTube channel. Something that's robust and not just yeah you can watch the local meeting on there but like what's going on in the community and all of the people who work there so you've done just an amazing job and I know your team is going to miss you. I've worked with many of them and they have nothing but incredible praise and gratitude for you so job well done. Very exciting. And I'm not going to mention your name just for privacy sake but there was a intern that you worked with Jennifer and they were not focused on finishing school college because of some disabilities and just limitations and they they actually graduated this past Saturday and it was exciting now they have an undergrad degree and you know hopefully opportunity after opportunity to grow in their career so I just want to say thank you Jennifer for that. Oh you're too kind I just played a little tiny tiny part I know you were you know making a lot of things happen behind the scenes for this person so awesome. I love hearing that so okay since we're going to be talking about like work and life balance I hate to call it that because you're still working like really hard at work but are you taking any time off? I'm going to take some okay first time in probably 15 years taking some time off my wife and I will create a to-do list for me I already have a to-do list you know in my mind but I need to put it put it on my iPhone notes so she holds me accountable. I'm grateful for the time off I want to use it productively I'm actually back in school I want to finish my Master of Divinity degree in December of 2026 so a few months from now and I'm hard at work with that because potentially if the Lord leads I will be a reserve chaplain in the military don't know what branch but I'm working towards that goal and you know if it doesn't work out that's fine I'm serving in my church I'm just wanting to give back I'm a part of also the F3 free men's workout group so I can be more involved in that but present present at home present with my wife she she has held her patience like long enough for me I feel like I don't want to sound entitled but like now I have enough life experience in the workplace to have that calm and you know it's the Lord too but that calm like the next job is there for me and if it doesn't happen I can be I can open my own marketing business or whatever whatever that has for me but I'm not going to work myself into the ground at the expense of my family anymore yeah so how did you this is a this is a big lesson like kind of talk me through what led you here I'm sure it's not just like one thing but like when did you kind of start realizing like I have to do something to shift to you know putting my family kind of more at the forefront I know you've been doing that for years but like what what was that moment or you know moments probably a little league so I'm the head coach or head manager of my boys little league team so they're six and nine and they are on the same team because it just worked out in regards to age group and yes it's a huge gap of three years and I and this little league is very involved so they had actual like sit down interviews with prospective managers yes okay and and there was there was there was more applicants than there were positions and I I just like I want to be there for them for this and there's other activities that we stay involved with I'm not the type where I'm gonna go go golfing every Saturday and Sunday no it's it's family time Saturday and Sunday and serving in ministry but I sat down with the little league board of directors and shout out to all the volunteers that make little league and boy scouts girl scouts all these other youth programs that thrive because of adult volunteers and adult volunteers really are the backbone backbone of those those programs I sat down with them and I said I want to be a coach here I'm here's my philosophy and coaching I want to you know be supportive of of the team I don't desire to have the main goal as to win it's development it's teammates working together unity and respecting the other team and also by the way I have to super commute three days a week Tuesday Wednesday Thursday can you potentially schedule the games and practices around my schedule you know respectfully and they're like sure so I became became the coach and I have two great assistant coaches both of them actually could do the job that I do just so so amazing with how they they work with kids and they're teaching me as I'm trying to teach kids so at that point I thought the schedule was that but then work was still competing with after hours and that's what I signed up for I'm I signed up to be available 24 7 but also work not recognizing when there is not a crisis can can it wait can work away and people were still reaching out to me and meetings were being scheduled so it was conflicting with little league and I was thinking next year my sons will actually be on different in different divisions because their age I don't think I can do what I'm doing now yeah that that was kind of an eye-opener experience and I knew I would need to eventually transition away from the super commute and San Leandro I just didn't know when I wanted to actually make it to like three four years and now it's up to six and I think one thing Jennifer led to another and I have total peace and actually having some time off in first time in in years is great and just being productive with the time because you don't get that back no I want you to just pause real quick how long was your commute if you can let everyone know because this is insane how long were you commuting 116 miles I don't know what the translation kilometers but 116 miles one way and I'm trying to be productive in life so outside of driving to the train station everything else after that was public transportation so it was either the train bus we have the BART train in the Bay Area and then walking to yeah and I knew I needed to stay physically fit in order to to make this commute happen and there were days that I was just exhausted and then exhausted the day after but I still got my work done I didn't have any poor performance reviews like you're you're sleeping on the job no it was it was it was work in the morning on the train and in the evening on the train so I was put in 12 plus hours just in work outside of the total commute time so 4 30 a.m to 7 p.m okay so that's such a long day how did you kind of separate from that once you got home do you have any tricks because then you're home and you have to like shift from this like commute and work to home how did you do that within the remaining like 20 minutes of the train ride I needed to mentally prepare if that is closing your eyes I closed my eyes also just asking the Lord to like calm my emotions because sometimes it was it was stressful with issues that I was dealing with because there's a lot of confidential matters that came to me then I had to figure out how to communicate those and you know you have lawyers involved crisis communication consultants and then being present when you walk into the door and putting putting your your phone away where you could potentially forget where you put it I think that that was helpful because you're not constantly thinking about where it is yeah yeah and and then of course you get the apple watch and then you can track it down like you can have the phone ping itself but I think it's the the prep it's the what happens before you walk into the door and and then also communicating like I'm not feeling good right now I need to like sit down but also if I sit down for more than five minutes I'm gonna fall asleep in it or I'm I'm just not gonna feel feel uh feel alive so it was pushing through um sometimes you know my older son wants to play basketball okay let's do it for 15 minutes and and timing yourself too like all right I'm going to do this activity but we're going to set a timer that way the physical mind goes okay it's not going to be for an hour endless yeah I see the end so yeah some of those tricks definitely did help that's interesting so it makes me think about if we do have to take this mental shift sometimes when you leave work and then when you get home and I think you have to do the same thing when you do work from home I think people don't talk about that but sometimes you have to have this like mental transition time and I know that my husband and I try to do that and it's really great because then you can like shut off the day and it's not to say that like things don't come up like you said and you sign up for it and when you're working you have to do these things but that setting those kind of transition times is I think really really good so people talk a lot about balance is that a good way to think about it or should we like reframe this work-life balance to something else balance could be a a good way of trying to illustrate what you're trying to do but I think it's also a juggle sometimes as you mentioned work will pop up and hopefully it's not going to consume your week and if it does then you're going to juggle and you're going to decrease that work the following week if you can but if it's if it's dominating you then and you see your your family suffer you got to make a change you know I'm I'm potentially going to make a pay cut take a pay cut because I want to put family first and I'm I'm okay with that and you know who was champion that was was my wife she's like we're going to be okay we're not going to be okay if you continue the way you are putting yourself through the current situation with the commute and and then and the demands of 60 plus hours a week right yeah 60 plus hours is one thing and then 60 plus hours with that long commute is next level like that is that's a lot um what is one thing in your like home schedule that you would never cancel for work is there any non-negotiable the probably prayer and meditation in the morning um and yeah if if if there's a crisis like there was a a gas leak at like 5 30 in the morning and yeah deal with that first and then have some quiet time after so that prayer meditation and then also the uh the workouts the physical workouts that I I do so I'm a part of a free men's workout group called F3 there's also a female version of it females in action where just guys and gals separately get together at parks and schools at 5 15 in the morning or 5 30 and work out for 45 minutes it could be a boot camp workout where there's push-ups and sit-ups and running or there's a running side or there's a mobility uh stretching site I find value in that because that focuses my mind and it's painful too for me I'm not one to to get up early in the morning I'm not motivated um and I do have a gym membership but over the past year the workouts outdoor has been more significant than the gym itself and I'm maintaining the gym because of kids activities and after school and all that and then also the super commute of course waking up early earlier than the workouts won't work um that being said when I have a good morning usually the day continues and it's less challenging for my mind and I can actually listen to my wife and not be distracted or listen to kids and be present with them also with work too like I'm more patient when I have time in the morning in that prep time and that doesn't possibly work for everyone because they might be working midnights yeah but how can they adjust their schedule to be to maximize their time awake to then be productive with their personal items yeah I think that um working out is so key to just my success and it sounds like the same to yours like it just grounds me it helps me feel more confident and I do think it helps me like set the tone for the day I also work out in the morning and you said that you meditate in the morning do you have any kind of like wind down routine for yourself at night probably reading a book I'm reading Lords of Finance it's a book of four different four different um finance ministers um from the U.S. Germany France and I believe yeah in England and this is happening around the time of post-World War I where the U.S. is doing a great job because they have money but Germany is having to pay reparations and their economy is not doing well also I think it somewhat is affecting England and France but Lords of Finance it's a big thick book I'm not a reader myself but when you get into that book you're just like the author is amazing at storytelling and it's really just a story of these four ministers uh trying to get their their currency in order where um there's a rebound and then of course I think it will eventually get into World War II but it it's a great read um so that's a good wind down and you know I'm I'm less into watching like YouTube videos at night time because that keeps you going it does yeah but but just in talking to your spouse is helpful before bedtime and knowing that you have a plan for the next day is helpful just to probably be at rest um so hopefully you're you're not waking up at three in the morning thinking about something stressful because you've already in a way focused on it before you closed your eyes yeah um so you prioritize your family how would you help your team do that the the trust that I want to build with my team starts with day one when they first walk in the door you know their first day I want to know more about their personal life if they want to share of course yeah then then their skills because I can take anyone that's willing to learn and in and transform them into where they need to be and I I don't say that in a prideful way I just have had two fantastic bosses that took me from where I was at and hold me over to where I needed to be and I want to do that for the rest of my life and it doesn't matter what situation I'm in so understanding my staff's background and if they have kids I want them to to not feel guilty about taking an extra hour off or half a day for a field trip yeah as as long as they communicate with me and then they make up for it yeah they take a take a day off but what's what's really painful is they don't communicate and this is this is not a situation that I experienced so far knock on wood they don't communicate because they don't trust me and they also will take a sick day when they're not sick I don't think that's that's good and I have had staff work 40 plus hours and not ask for overtime but they ask hey do you mind if I take Monday off because I work a lot this this next week and I'm sure there's nothing nothing pressing on Monday please do and that's where loyalty happens Jennifer is you build that trust yeah everyone's rowing rowing in the same direction and then we have positive constructive debates about work and I don't want to shy away from those those debates that are uncomfortable because it's actually going to make us better I love that it's a two-way street and that it's not just you kind of dictating it's sort of this you're all in this together and communicating one of the things that I find most challenging is kids need a lot of your time how do you manage time with kids and time with your wife do you have any tips on that right now homework is the priority for the kids I want to make sure that I'm present with them and doing homework and it's a joy to work with a first grader with with homework because I know the answers not maybe as an 11th grader in a junior in high school and seeing their confidence and improve so it's the homework and then also scheduling out time with your spouse my wife knows that we have Saturday nights we can drop off the kids to our gym so they can have a fun time for three hours while we reconnect yeah and also you know I'm not here to say positive or negative things about a former president but President Reagan would always write a note in the morning to his wife oh I didn't know that that's okay and yeah and I I wanted to adopt that so I'm probably like gotta write a note every 20 days now that I have more time I'm gonna make sure that I can write at least a note every I'm gonna say every five five days out of seven days okay maybe I can do it daily I love that that's such a great tip so just a little note even a little text just to let your wife or spouse know why you appreciate them I love that what about like what if someone else wants to take another step do you have one more tip that if someone wants to starting today what can they do what's their homework I want them to look at others like people that they trust so if you're a guy look for for guys that are older you know elders doesn't necessarily have to be in the church I I'm drawn to the church because that's where I find purpose and meaning and great great men are in the church yes there have been issues but I don't I think we I think with that you need to address those issues and resolve them but at the same time there you can't just get rid of something that's great for a lot of people so focus in on on people that you can trust that are serving in a type of ministry or in the community with you know like little league or council city councilors yeah there's crazy people on any elected board but there are some fantastic people that you can learn from rub shoulders with them get to know their routine and how they prioritize their family and yes it may not mirror what you're trying to do but at least you have more knowledge you know back in the day years ago before we had the printing press and writing we had uh you know native americans sit down in a like in front of a bonfire or whatever it was and they communicated stories and they they they communicated I think experiences and that only helped others and I think if we don't sit down and hear the elders of our life then that's a disservice to us so it's looking for those those people that can really speak into your life you can do life with also reading positive books I love Simon Sinek's latest book leaders eat last that is so powerful and knowing that yeah you're leading your family but you also shouldn't be entitled while you're leading and and and also you know humble yourself in that leadership role okay so we got some good tips here which is write your spouse a note weekly I love that and there is something cute if it's on a pen with you know a pen and a piece of paper I do love that it could just be a sticky note but especially ladies love that um learn from others I think ask questions that's an excellent one we can actually learn from people not just from google and the internet um and if you don't have anyone to ask read great books because that's how we actually learn from other people's stories so let's wrap with this what do you wish your 20 year old self knew about career success and family happiness so I'm 39 so that was 19 years ago knowing that whatever I did at age 20 in in service of others will pay off you reap what you sow and having faith that I would meet the woman of my woman of my dreams and six years after that so I maybe I was 25 or 20 yeah 25 married at 26 and and knowing that life is not about myself it's about service to others and what things could I do at age 20 to develop myself so I can be more mature coming into marriage I would I would say that okay amazing Paul it is always so nice to have you thank you so much for coming back um and I think it's just a really important lesson to be reminded that real work is about you know raising your family and being present with your spouse and that's ultimately why we go to work every day is for the people that we love so thank you for that and for helping us just build more happiness at home and I am so happy for you congratulations with all of your you know news and your time off and your future endeavors and um yeah please be in touch I'd love to um have you back and talk about what's the real work of taking some time off what does that look like I think a lot of people want to do that but it's kind of a scary thing so I'd love to have you back on to talk about that if you're interested okay yes all right thank you thank you invitation accepted all right I love it okay everybody thanks for being here Paul thank you and we'll see you guys all again soon.