Alien Earth Episode 8 Recap

We did it! We made it to the Alien Earth finale. All of the Ice Age movies have led to this. A weaker man would have walked away a long time ago. Did I say weaker? I meant smarter. That's never been this guy's strong suit. I have painstakingly re-crapped the entire Alien Earth season thus far, so I'm not pumping the brakes now. It all ends here. Until Alien Earth Season 2. But for now, let's finish things how we started. Together. Subscribe for Harry Potter quotes. Let's begin. We open on Mr. Krabs. He's probably looking for Eyeball Squidward, who I'm sure is going to be doing something really special on today's episode because we have cock-teased this guy for an entire season. He is the main character. I can't wait to see what they cooked up for Eyeball Squid. I can't wait. Guy in a Xenomorph costume crawls over and checks out our poor dead Andrew. This alien has spent more time grieving over his body than his own wife did. Speaking of Andrew's wife, there she is. Now in hippie form. She's visiting the graves of the dead kids. Still no ******* idea why there is a grave for the dead kids on the trillion dollar company island. You would think they would want to avoid reminding folks that at one point there were little children that were murdered here, but I'm not the genius that's running this thing. Uh-oh. Looks like Scientist Lady is going to be seeing her husband real soon after all in hell because the baby xenomorph, I'm calling it Blue from now on, has pulled up right alongside her, ready to pounce. It's truly a shame Dr. Lady doesn't know how to tame Blue using Owen's patented talk to the hand motions. Fortunately for her, before Blue has a chance to pounce, he's struck in the head with a rubber bullet. I don't know what the **** he was hit with, but he was booped on the head by a single precise shot, which is more than enough to scare the pup away. This was fired by one of the stupid side squad who's patrolling the area. We're told in some very messy exposition over a loudspeaker that several things are happening now. Number one, the communications on this island are down, cut off by Yutani. Somehow they did this off camera. Number B, the synthetics have been put into a holding cell that can't actually hold them. If they choose to escape, they can. Perhaps this is just me spitballing, but maybe they could put the kids in restraints. They somehow got them into the cell, do whatever they did to keep them unconscious while they're in there. I don't know. I mean, it's a trillion dollar company. You would imagine they have some sort of technology that could keep these billion dollar investments down. The trace situation at hand is there are two xenomorphs running amok and they have been killing every security guard that gets in their way. Boy Cavalier, AKA Peter Panabee is troubled by this, but he's still more interested in his new toy. The eyeball squid currently residing inside of a CG sheet. Marcy and the other lost boys chat about how they died as children and they don't know what they are anymore. They're having an existential crisis. Welcome to the club. Keep in mind, they only came to this realization because they stumbled upon their own graves, something that only exists in order to move the story forward in the laziest way possible. I still have no ******* idea why they chose to put kids into adult bodies to begin with. And I'm starting to think we're never going to really find a good answer for that. Press on. I saw past comments trying to defend this decision by saying, Hey, having them be kids means they're innocent and naive. So they're able to be manipulated better and they don't realize they have super strength and speed and blah, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. Yes, they do know because in the very first episode, Marcy, the artist formerly known as Wendy jumps off a giant ass cliff without missing a beat, zero hesitation, landing on her feet like a cat establishing. They know they have super strength and speed. She even holds a couple kids up later on by your arms. And we do learn one of them downloads something at one point because they can hack into the matrix and learn anything instantly. And then choose to never do this again. Not that Marcy needs to, she's already fully jacked into the matrix and she's going to have some fun with those abilities. Now, one devious naughty little thing she does is stop a conversation halfway through between Boy Cavalier and Timothy Olibat. Take that scientist, doctor, lady, whatever she is, is now confined to her quarters. Whilst in there, Marcy hacks into the matrix again and starts playing old footage of her when she was a kid on death's doorstep, along with the other children that were interviewed by her. What is the point of this? Slightly irritates her. Not much more. Ah, ****. Hermit's here too. While these two hatch a plan to get out of their holding cell, we spend more time with the Disney Plus Space Marines. An elevator comes down and the doors open in front of them. Since these are highly trained idiots, they look at that and go, I didn't call the elevator. Let's go in. As soon as the doors close, this goes into chaos. A self-destruct mode fires up. Danger, danger, 30 seconds to self-destruct. Oh man, you gotta love a classic self-destructing elevator sequence. What? This is happening because Marcy's messing with them. After like 20 some seconds though, she gets bored of watching because, you know, she's 13. She starts swiping through the different monitors like she's an old man turning channels during a commercial break. Sorry to break it to you, Marce. There's nothing worth watching on any of those channels. Oh, nevermind, I spoke too soon. She found her brother, which is going to kick us into a flashback. We see a young Marcy in hospice writing to her brother. Dear Josephina Hermititis, oh how I've missed your cries, your tears of love, your sympathetic ways. I can't wait to watch you on monitors when I get into a synthetic body and have super strength and speed and all the brain capacity one could possibly muster and then barely use it at all. I hope as you read this, you cry like a little bitch. Xoxo Xeno Morph. And as luck would have it, Joe does cry, as he does in every episode of Alien Earth. During this downtime, Moro has concocted quite the plan to get out. He watches as an unsuspecting guard walks in circles like a dipshit. Doo-da-doo, just patrolling, scooby-dee-deepy-doo. Moro, using his intellect, pushes at the glass door, causing it to break open. I'm sure glad this Chex Notes trillion dollar company doesn't have any sort of technology to lock up cyborgs, synthetics, aliens, or really anything they know they're going to come into contact with. Timothy Olibat's in the lab, tinkering away at something completely inconsequential. He really just has to be doing something so Moro can sneak up on him. No one has any urgency in this show at all. There are aliens running around killing everyone, but all of the upper management's just like, eh, you could talk to the eyeball squid some more. Why don't you work on some random ass piece of equipment in the lab? Surprise, ************! Timothy Olibat knows Moro's coming, and now we have ourselves a good old-fashioned cage match. It's hybrid versus cyborg, the moment we've all been waiting for. It's all lead here, folks. And boy, how is it a battle for the ages. After a rousing eight-second fight, it would appear that Olibat has bested our cyborg. Sweet prince, it's been a long day without you, my friend. Kyle Chandler's daughter found a way to get that pay-per-view fight for free, and she has a front-row seat to the action. All right, now that that's done, it's time for her to whistle for her pet blue to come inside and play. Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me. Peter Pansy confronts the lost boys. Oh ----, I just now realized that female Ron Weasley is alive. I thought in the last episode Hermit might have killed her, wasn't sure. She was kind of like foaming up and seizing. The synthetics are dead until they're not, because they can just get humpty-dumpty back together again, and apparently that happened. So I'm not even sure why Marcy blew a gasket over it. Lest we forget the end of last episode. What did you do? Anyway, Boy Cavalier starts doing his whole Neverland schtick again, eventually transitions to him killing his dad when he was like six or something. Just, just a bad, bad hombre. Just a bad seed. After this one-sided conversation is finished, and Boy Cavalier tells all these kids that basically they're useless hunks of ---- and he's manipulated them the whole time, female Ron Weasley punches the only guard in the room repeatedly in the face. And now Marcy wants to play a game of hide-and-go-seek. I have to tell you, Boy Cavalier looks very concerned. I suppose I would be too if I just got done telling a bunch of super soldier children that they're glorified floor models. And I would doubly be scared if I didn't have a suit of Iron Man armor on, or a way to stop these billion dollar creations from murdering me. You know, like a kill switch, an off button, a trigger word. No, they don't even have a tried and true Amanda Waller explosive chip in the neck. This is truly the dumbest ******* company ever. Dr. Evil would look at these guys and go, really? Yeah, no, this dipshit decided in his INFINITE WISDOM to spend a freaking fortune on power rangers, give them unlimited capabilities, and have no way to stop them if things go south! Well done, Boy Cavalier! YAY! Marcy splits the synthetics up. You go that way, you go that way, and nobody touches my brother. I'm not gonna lie to you, I was half expecting her to follow that statement with, but me. Speaking of her brother we find him in Marcy's playroom just standing around playing with one of her toys. He probably thought the animal was from the Ice Age films and was about to cry again but was rudely interrupted by Baldy McGee. I just can't help but notice this simp is standing around in a room after just escaping a holding cell knowing that a alien's running amok and the whole place is on lockdown. But he's just on a little jaunt? Going down memory lane? Walking into empty rooms? Caressing animals? What the **** is this show? Baldy says, pump the brakes sir. I'm gonna make an offer you should refuse. Come with me. You trust me right? Yeah come with me for sure. But before we can hear what that offer is the show naturally has to go into dark mode for eight full seconds. We then for some reason have this two minute long-ass shot slowly pushing into the doctor lady looking out the window at the rain. Just so we can have another stealth drop down behind her. There are so many stealth drop downs in this show and none of them lead to anything satisfying. This one included. It's just female Ron Weasley doing a peekaboo knocks her out I guess. We cut to Dumb and Dumber back in action. They find a soaking wet Timothy Oliphant on the floor after going on a milk bender. He tells them to tie up Moro who's not dead. Why? Why did Timothy Oliphant keep him alive? Unclear. But Harry and Lloyd reject his request. In fact they decide to tie up Oliphant instead. Team Moro baby! Not that any of this matters because Timothy Oliphant and Moro are gonna both end up in the same holding cell together with the others later. Anyways all of this is just bullshit padding. Back with Baldy McGee he's escorting the number one Sid the Sloth fan into Boy Cavalier's chambers. Oh my **** yes. You know what folks? I take back any negative criticism I had about Alien Earth. Full stop. Because the show is finally delivering me what I wanted more than anything else in the world. And that's the eyeball squid burrowing itself into the socket of stupid Joe Hermit. Yes! And now this is the only way I can achieve climax. And mamma mia here we go again. Eyeball squid Spider-Man shot out of a cannon lunges at this poor bastard. And we got a slap fight to the finish. I don't like it! Hermit's trying to fend for his life and get this thing away from his eyeball. And the longer they tease me the sweeter the payoff. I am half-masked right now. We have a socket! He's getting there! He's getting there! And so am I. It's gonna happen right ******* now! No! Marcy has entered the chat and she knocked Squidbilly on its ass. Thankfully swole Professor X is now here and he's fighting Marcy off. He's like move! Bitch get out the way! He chucks her ass across the room but she does not stay down long. She Chun-Li Birdkicks eyeball squid again and then freeze-frames Baldy McGee. Like she's ******* Zach Morris calling a timeout in Saved by the Bell. I'm young. Eyeball squid got away. Joe's eye socket remains untouched. Untentacled. I retract my previous statement saying that I retract all the negative comments. I hate this show! Marcy has a small conversation with Joe about why she thinks aliens are cool. Because they're honest. Great! Great! They're honest. Tell that to Newt's dead body you piece of ----! She doesn't know Newt yet. This is a prequel or something. Let's just move on. Boy Cavalier walks through an obnoxious strobing room like he's entered a night club. But he is not alone. He's greeted by Marcy, Hermit and Baby Blue. Some soldiers show up but Marcy's like. She commands Blue to kill the soldiers and avoid Boy Cavalier somehow? Her language has gotten really good. Boy Cavalier doesn't make it out of this unscathed though. Hermit walks up to him and goes welcome to Earth and kicks him in the face. So I guess he did make it out of this unscathed because Hermit can't kick worse ----. The Paw Patrol makes their way into the lab. Why are these characters we're even following? And you guys are gonna be very sad to hear this but red-haired leader chick? She gets eaten by the giant sack plant. It's been a long day without you my friend. We are now back where we started. On the beach with old dead Andrew. Eyeball Squid's there too and he found a nice body for the Sock-a-deen. Know what? We ended up getting that weekend at Bernie's thing after all. It just came an episode later. The Yutani forces show up to retrieve their specimens. Marcy and the Lost Boys exchange final words with Boy Cavalier and his co-workers. Now all imprisoned in one of those easily escapable prison cells. Boy Cavalier keep in mind full spread eagle. She tells him to his face that he was never a boy. He was always a gross ugly man and you'll never understand love or friendship and I feel sorry for you. The episode ends with the Lost Boys looking for guidance. Finding it with Marcy. What should we do now boss? Marcy without hesitation or moving her head to acknowledge the kids outright looks stoically onward. Now we rule. The adult and baby xenomorph are there too hanging out on the side of the cage. The adult tips the hat. The baby winks with the eye that it doesn't have but I'd like to think it's winking all the same. And we finally end this episode as we end all episodes with an out-of-place rock song. This time it's Pearl Jam's Animal. And abdi abdi abdi that's all folks. What an experience. The xenomorphs did virtually no killing on camera. Fact they were barely a threat at all. Their presence was virtually unknown. Even the much-hyped eyeball squid didn't do jack ----. It just survived. That was its purpose. How exciting when a show really kind of builds up a creature. I felt nothing watching this episode which I guess makes it a very consistent season. And as entertaining as it could be from a what-the-****-were-they-thinking aspect, I feel very vindicated as it's wound down. There was a lot of people saying this would reveal itself later. People had way better theories online giving this script way more credit than it ever deserved. After watching all this crap go down I honestly feel like Timothy Olyphant. Justified. Alien Earth episode 8 comes to a close and with it season 1. It was sadly a very popular season so we will inevitably get a season 2 down the road and I will be there to re-crap it all with you. And to make sure we're on this journey together please subscribe to Adam Does Movie on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. You can even join me on TikTok and Instagram. That way you won't miss an episode when it airs. I also, in the meantime, will have a bunch of movie reviews, movie commentary, live streams, and I will dip my toes in a few more TV shows coming up such as the prequel to It, Welcome to Derry, which I'm actually really excited for. I think it looks really solid. I enjoyed the movies so that that helps. And I'm very interested in covering the Harry Potter HBO Max series that I imagine is going to be a shitshow as someone who absolutely adores both the books and the previous films. I love me some Universal Studios Wizarding World. But we'll see. I will obviously give it a fair shot. I just I have a very bad feeling about it going in. But for now I take my leave. If you really enjoy what I'm doing you can also leave a super thanks right on this video. But I think it's only fair that I end this episode in the same vein as Alien Earth with a random rock song followed by eight seconds of darkness. Hey, Ripley, are you okay? You okay? You okay, Ripley? You've been hit by bam bam. You've been struck by a smooth xenomorph. If you appreciate my content, I am a one man band. This is a ton of work and you want a way to give back. Head on over to patreon.com slash Adam does movies. There's tons of exclusive perks over there. Look at these awesome supporters so far. There's some of the best people on this planet and you could be one of them. You could be right there alongside and I would appreciate it.