The Most Hilarious Parrot Story Ever Told! 🦜 | First Dates

Cheers, darling. Cheers. You've got nice teeth. Oh, thank you. You sound like you're talking about a horse. Quite nice tits, too, but... Oh, dear. This is fun. This is something I've never done before, and I think that's what life is all about, isn't it? Tell you what, it's sort of changed in the last X number of years in that in 2005, I had a heart rhythm problem. Now, that's all been absolutely ablated out, and, you know, everything is fine. That changed my sort of colour on life a bit, you know, but then when Judy died... Is this your wife that took that? Yes, I'm sorry. Sorry, no, I didn't know the name, yeah. Everything changes. Yeah, what's it matter? You know, nothing matters apart from those sort of deaths. Now, it's sort of like your motto, it's addicted to funk. Yeah. That's my style, I'm afraid, around the house now. I've got a parrot sitting on the window sill. A real parrot? Well, it's real to me. Oh, is that true? When you turn him on, he... Cos I did have a parrot. I had a real parrot. I have to explain this. He came from a pub. I'm only telling you that because it was not what we taught him, OK? Oh, really? And the very first time he got out of his cage, I sort of went towards him and he turned round to me and he went... **** off! And everybody just fell about laughing cos it was a funny thing. But the best one was, he then had this other thing that he used to do. And you knew when he was going to do it cos he used to go, as soon as he'd... Oh, no, he's going to say this. Oi, wanker. Do we need it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is definitely... You're telling me that's nice? I enjoyed it. 17 years. Had three children. Yeah, I had a very happy life until my husband died, really. Geoff was 40 when he died. So what was it? Brain tumour. Pretty awful. And unexpected. I think that's the worst bit. He had these headaches and I made him go back to the doctor and the next day he was at London Hospital having his brain tumour removed. The day he had his brain tumour removed, my mum said, come round to our house, come round and bring the children over, we'll have dinner. But I went round to my mum's and she died of a heart attack that night. And that was just like... I couldn't believe anything worse than that could happen. It's all right, I'm over it now. Yeah, but... But it was horrible. Oh, dear. But anyway, enough of that misery. But it's... And you've... You get through it. You've got through OK. You've chugged on to where you are now OK. Exactly. Just before he died, he said to me, I want you to promise me you will find somebody cos I want you to be happy. And I said, oh, don't say that, that's horrible, I don't want to hear it. But if it should be serendipity, that would be wonderful. Oh, I can't think of anything I'd like better. You're a very attractive lady. I'm sure you've had lots of suitors. I have. I have had lots of suitors. None that have been the right ones for me, unfortunately. Oh, Colleen. You've got my name anyway, I'm so pleased. I trawled it up from the depths.