Louis Ramey "Rednecks" | Gilda's Laughfest: Seriously Funny

Anybody here ever been to Houma, Louisiana? Yes? Security? You're not from Houma though. You're not from there. I can tell because you got all your teeth. Houma is about 50 miles southwest of New Orleans, if that gives you an idea of what year it is there. My first show is Wednesday night. Guy walks up to me after the show, first words out of his mouth. I almost crapped my pants out there, man. You doing them jokes, man. Hey, look here, look here, look here, look here, look here. Look here, I tell you to your face, you are going places. That's right, I said it. You're going places. I ain't trying to blow no smoke up your butt. I'll be honest with you, I don't even like black people. Yeah, no, no, it got worse. That was my first day, Wednesday. My last show is Wednesday night. I'm thinking, all right, two more jokes and I'm out of here. I do my last two jokes. I go, thank you, you've been a fantastic crowd. Good night. I take two steps off the stage. What happens next, I've never seen happen before. Woman in the middle of the room stands up, stops the applause, stops it. Excuse me, everybody, hello. I just want to remind everyone that the terror alert went up three weeks ago. It has not fallen. I want to remind everyone to remain vigilant. God bless America. Thank you very much. And then she sat back down. Yeah, I had the exact same reaction. Ruins the end of the show, ruins it. Thank you, good night. So I felt obligated to walk back on stage. I walk back, I go, ma'am, I don't want to offend you in any way, but you do realize that this is Houma, Louisiana. And though I don't know any terrorists, I'm pretty sure that this isn't high on their hit list. In fact, if I were to blow up all of Houma, Louisiana, we're only talking about $15,000 worth of damage. And there are people in the audience going, man, he knows what he's talking about right there. Kenny's got a new truck, but if he's out of town, I've never seen a woman this old get this angry before. She stands up, she goes, you don't know what the hell you're talking about, miss. This is a little tiny town right here on the Gulf of Mexico. Big old ship full of troops could land here tomorrow, take over Houma like that. Make Houma their base. Next day, they take over all of Louisiana. They make Louisiana their base. And from Louisiana as a central position, they take over the rest of the United States of America. How you feel about that, Mr. Funny Man? And I stopped her right there. I said, ma'am, I know you're not supposed to say never, but that's never going to happen. Apparently you've forgotten something. Apparently you've forgotten that this is the United States of America, the most powerful country on this planet. And it's not because we have more money, we're better looking. No. It's because we have something in this country they don't have in other countries. That's right. I'm talking about rednecks. Good old boys with an arsenal in their basement that have been waiting for just such an occasion since 1775. Oh, believe me, foreign troops land in the South, there'll be a line of pickup trucks and NASCARs heading down I-95. Marines will show up three hours later, nothing but beer cans and shotgun shells. What the hell happened here? War is over, baby! They come on shore in their little boats, right? Man, Jimmy's got two Evinrudes in that bass boat. He just ran them right on over. Yeah, he must have got some sand in his eyes because they didn't see me on the beach with that 12-gauge. But I'll be honest with you, man, we didn't kill nothing we didn't eat. Try some of this barbecue we got right here. I call it el-cat-a-cue. Yeah, I use a dry rub and then I just smoke the evil right off of it. Oh, that tastes like democracy right there. They don't even need sauce. I love how people turn off at the end of that joke. He's eating somebody.