Super Mario Galaxy Movie Is For Adult Children

The Mario Galaxy movie's been out for a few days now, I wanted to give everybody a chance to see it and make up their own mind before I really dug into the intricate, fine details that the film has to offer. No, in all reality, I thought it was a very fine, very enjoyable, hot, trashy mess. But now it's time for me to really get to the meat of this Illumination movie, tell you exactly what the plot is about as much as I can remember. 85 different things happen at any given time, so it's hard to keep track of it all. But I'll do my best in what I call a Super Mario Galaxy Recrap. Let's begin. If you find yourself enjoying the video as it goes on, feel free to sub to the show. It's free of charge, doesn't cost you a coin. It's a Mario thing. Alright, let's get into it. And I always like to preface this by saying I'm going off the old noggin. I am just but a mere mortal. Okay, I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to get things wrong. And for a movie like this one, that has all this crap thrown at the screen, barfed out of control at all times, there is not a chance in hell I will get this in chronological perfect order. And that's what kind of makes it fun. We open with our Rosalina, the new princess of the film, who's in it for about, I don't know, 8 minutes or so. Played by Brie Larson, who is going on an absolute tear cross-country promoting this movie like she's the main character. Can we give Brie more to do in the next movie? She's out there like Vin Diesel promoting a Fast and the Furious film. Come to think about it, she was in a Fast and the Furious film. Also come to think of it, this movie kind of plays out like a Fast and the Furious film. It makes no sense. But I digress. We open with a storybook presentation on a different planet with Rosalina, this magical princess that you can find in the Mario Galaxy video games. She's reading to the Lunas, which are her little star children. And the book they're reading is the same one they always read. The Adventures of Mario and Princess Peach and How They Thwarted the Evil Bowser from Destroying the Mushroom Kingdom. It's a tale as old as time. Unfortunately, story hour gets cut short because right outside that front castle door is a giant Mac controlled by that piece of ---- Kamek and little Bowser Jr. Who, for some reason, has the voice of a grown-ass man. I hate the voice work for Bowser Jr. He should sound more like Q-Bert from Futurama. After Rosalina aura farms for a few minutes fighting this machine, eventually she's going to be kidnapped. And the Lunas have been instructed that if their princess is in another castle, they better seek out the help of Peach. How does Rosalina know Peach? Unclear right now, but we're going to find out later. And boy, how is it a doozy of a backstory. Before I continue, I just want to get this out of the way. If you're going to leave a comment saying, hey, this is a dumb movie for kids. It's not that deep. It's based on a video game about a plumber who saves a princess from a giant, you know, whatever lizard thing. Yeah, no ----. Maybe take your own advice and don't bitch on a grown man's YouTube channel that's bitching about a plot that doesn't make any sense. That's catered towards families. And it's also catered to my middle-aged ass who grew up with all these Mario things. And I would say 85% of the references in this movie are going to be completely lost on the 8-year-old that's going there. Oh, and also, adults take their kids to these movies. So it's nice when the film at least attempts to have a decent narrative. But I digress. Let's continue on this journey. We're now finally with our heroes of the picture, Mario and Luigi. They're out cruising the desert slopes on their motorcycles, giving us just a tad more Mario Kart to work with. I understood those references when they were hopping off the sand dunes. This also looks to be inspired by a level from Mario Odyssey. There will be a lot of Mario Odyssey references in this film, more so than I think there is even from Galaxy. You know, the two games this movie's titled after. The locals are complaining about their plumbing, so naturally they called the plumbers, who power up with a fire flower, head down into the caves where they find that clogged pipe. And what has clogged the pipe? That of a Yoshi egg. Now is a perfect time to get the backstory of how that Yoshi egg got in the pipe. But in actuality, we don't get any information about the Yoshi whatsoever, other than he was hatched in the pipe. He went up to the surface of, I think, New Donk City. And then they do a cool montage where he's got his back to the camera, walking through different scenes. You got a pop culture song playing. And then he gets chased back into the sewer from which it came. How did he get into the sewer? Why was the egg hatched there? These are things I thought the backstory would address, but no. I don't even know what the purpose of it was. Not that it matters. Mario and Luigi are gonna be best friends with Yoshi on day fun. As soon as they see that little ******, Yoshi! Mario goes, yep, we're doing this whole adventure now. Abandon your sewer and come hang out with us. Let's-a-go! What I just gave you was actually more character development than the movie did. They don't say anything to Yoshi. Yoshi just hops on the motorcycle, knows how to drive it. And Luigi hops on the back riding bitch. They head back to the Mushroom Kingdom. And then everybody's on board now with the Yoshi train. Well, everybody except for Toad, who's like, so he's just part of this crew now? And he's definitely got a chip on his shoulder. He doesn't like Yoshi. He's like, this guy sucks. He's kind of the Jar Jar Binks of this property. And I agree with him. I wasn't huge on Yoshi. I don't like how he just forced this friendship on us. Like, you have to earn your place here, sir. I understand you're from Super Mario World and a bunch of other games like Sunshine and whatnot. But I don't need- No, I don't want the fanservice for the sake of fanservice. You give me a damn story that makes sense, please. For the rest of the movie, it's just gonna be taster's choice as far as what order I pick things off the table in. Because I truly don't think I could tell you. I know that Mini Bowser is still a thing right now. He's painting a picture of Peach in his castle that's also miniaturized. Luigi and him are tight for some reason. He's earned Luigi's trust. Even though he tortured him a little bit in the first film. But the whole character crest here is that Bowser has turned over a new super leaf. And he wants to be kind. For a little bit. Old habits die hard, as they say. But there's no real time to go into it. As stars are flying through the sky in a very picturesque, very beautiful scene. This movie is downright gorgeous. It really is eye candy for sure. But one of the stars... Blows up in the distance. Mario, Peach, and the gang. Yoshi, of course. Yoshi's there. Of course. They go check things out. And the little yellow or orangish star. I can't remember what color he is. He's like, oh, Mario, I'm a big fan. Peach, listen, bitch. Your sister was captured by Bowser Jr. Oh, that's right. You don't know your sister's yet. A person that you might know has been taken. And she needs your help. Peach takes all of four seconds to think things over. Before sneaking out in the dead of night. Taking a superstar. And launching herself across the galaxy. I thought it was a bit odd. Slash disrespectful that she put Mario in charge already. Only knowing him a short amount of time. While she's got a whole team of smart toads. One of them even has spectacles. So you know he's intelligent. Instead she puts a couple plumbers in charge. What are we doing here? Forget about it. So while Peach is off on her misadventure. We got the Smash Brothers back at home. They bring up a cute world map. A la Super Mario Brothers for the Super Nintendo. Or as my generation calls it the SNES. And not SNES. Like some sort of ******* idiot. And Illumination gives us this awesome montage. Of them going to different levels. Beating the bad guys. Cleaning stuff up. And then moving on to the next. They take out a giant Cheep Cheep at one point. And I was like. Awesome. While this is happening. Peach is searching out for intel. As to where Rosalina could be. So she heads to a planet. I forgot the name. But it's essentially a hub world. Where all these different walks of life are going to get together. And she runs into Rob the Robot. Who does a whole sloth thing from Zootopia. Remember in Zootopia. Where the sloth goes really slow. And the characters are like. Well it's really fun here. Because Illumination takes that idea. And just does the same thing. So you have Peach. Who's like. Can you tell me where so and so is? And Rob's like. Yes. Laugh. I think it was at this point. That a monkey from Super Monkey Ball. Or it was just a random monkey. From one of the other Mario games. Steals Toad's backpack. And runs through a wall. Which is actually just a hologram. That takes them to a seedy underbelly of the city. And then that takes them to a casino. Where they're going to run into the entire cast from Mario 2. It was fun seeing Wart. I'm not going to lie. The boss from Mario 2. And that annoying mouse boss. That's got the bombs that he throws. Birdo's in the mix. Shoots out the egg. God I hated Birdo in the ******* Mario 2. Just creepy flashbacks. Again. No kid that's six years old has any idea who any of these characters are. Unless you're a good parent. Peach attempts to get information from Wart. But he hits the jackpot baby. Sending out a bunch of flying ninjis. Which prompts Peach to bust out her new favorite birthday gift. Oh yeah. It's her birthday. I forgot. Happy birthday Peach. Yay. What did Mario get her you ask? Great question. You know how Peach is always like. God I hate the sun. It's so annoying. It's always raining. And I never have anything that can block said rain. If only there was a device. Here you go princess. What is this new fond angled contraption. It's an umbrella. Yeah Mario got her an umbrella for her birthday. Because Peach has an iconic umbrella that she fights with in Smash Brothers. She's used it in her own games. It's a classic. And so she busts it out here in a Matrix-esque fight sequence. She's taking ninjis out left and right. Spinning the umbrella around the neck. They even Matrix Burly Brawl pile up on her and she's like. Somewhere. Morpheus. Slow claps. Well that was a fantastic three minutes. It's time for the next three minute scene. This time Bowser Jr. is introducing himself to the plumbers. Please allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Bitch. He drops down onto Mushroom Kingdom with his weapon of choice. Which is a magical paintbrush that he picked up from Mario Sunshine. On the Nintendo Gamecube. He's there to get his dad back. And obviously the easiest way to retrieve his dad. Is to just pick the entire castle up off the ground and take it away. Well somehow the castle gets dropped. I truly do not know. I think something shoots way up. If it's a Yoshi egg or something. I don't remember. Something launches up into the giant saucer thing. Hits the Independence Day spot. Blows the whole thing up. Castle drops down. Mario, Luigi, the whole gang. They fall like five million feet. And somehow do not die. Making any sort of stakes in the future completely laughable. Not that it matters. This is just again sugar coated candy. But this is going to give our team some more time to chat with Bowser. Who's still tiny. Until Mario gets fired up enough to step on his ass. Which does a reverse mushroom sort of a thing. And it makes Bowser back to full form. And it's good timing too. Because they're about to enter the Queen's Hive. There's a giant Bumblebee Queen lady. From I'm pretty sure one of the Mario Galaxy games. I think it's the second one. And yeah. They're going to be enslaved here. Mario, Luigi, Bowser. But Bowser sacrifices himself. Saying I will do the work. Let these two go. Keep me here. Now. Full disclosure. I went up to go to the bathroom at this point. It took me all of a minute and a half. Peed. Washed the hands. Came back. Bowser was already off planet. Now with Bowser Jr. So he was rescued in the course of like 30 seconds I guess. And Mario and Luigi I'm pretty sure at this point were at that planet hub world. A lot happens. You could blink slowly and miss entire plot points. This is one of the many character arcs that make no sense in this movie. Bowser points out earlier in the film that he was a bad dad. He wasn't there for his son. He abandoned him. But in the flashback sequence we get. Bowser is very much there for his son. He's putting on plays. Talking about how they're going to rule the galaxy together. It's a whole song and dance. And Bowser Jr. is like. Let's do it again tomorrow papa. And Bowser tips the hat. And says you bet son. I'll be back tomorrow for more. We don't get to see the bad dad. I have no idea why he abandoned Bowser Jr. It's just not shown or said to my recollection. Unless of course I sneezed during that dialogue bit. We also find out why Rosalina has been captured. She is super powerful. Made from the stars themselves. And that power is being utilized. To charge up a giant planet destroying cannon. Hey Star Wars called. They want their death star back. And it is going to take a good chunk of time. To discharge all that energy from her. This isn't the point when we get this reveal. But I don't care and I want to say it now anyways. Before I forget later. We do get a flashback at one point. That shows that Peach and Rosalina. Were both created by the stars. And they lived alone on a small little planet. Peach is like 5 in this scene. I think. Maybe younger. I think she has a pacifier in her mouth. So she's like a little ******* baby. Rosalina is a few years older. Not any wiser though. Because when their powers combine. They can create anything. And so a bad guy or thing. Entity. Someone. Wants that power. Forcing Rosalina to make the ultimate sacrifice. And thrusting her baby sister Peach into a portal. Which sends her to the Mushroom Kingdom. Where they will never speak again. For reasons. That are never explained. Why doesn't Rosalina ever contact Peach? She knows of her. She knows she's at the Mushroom Kingdom. She's got a god damn book about it. Who was going after them? We don't know any of this. Oh are they going to build it up in the next movie? Puppycock. They built this up in the last movie. Where Peach was like. Who am I? I don't know. It's just sloppy. Messy. Storytelling. And that whole scene lasts for like 20 seconds. Point of order. What the ****? She just sends her baby sister through a random portal? Did she know where the kid was going? It's a baby. She basically sentenced the kid to die. And if they can create anything. Why couldn't they stop the creature. Or whatever it was. A smoke monster. From taking. It's just. Why? It's for babies. I forgot. Movies for babies. I can't be annoyed by it. And you should also enjoy it as a grown ass man. Because it's for babies. Make it make sense internet. Back with Mario and Luigi. I think at this point they meet up with Peach. Back at the hub planet. I don't know. I'm sure I can't remember. But we do get Star Fox. Fan favorite Fox McCloud is here baby. He gets a full 20 second animated backstory. With Slippy. They talk about do a barrel roll. All the nostalgias there. N-N-N-N-N-N-Nostalgia. The 2D animation was tight. They for some reason had to explain that he came from another universe. And that until he gets back. He's just doing a bunch of odds and ends jobs. He's the best pilot ever. He's essentially Han Solo. He begrudgingly accepts Peach's generous offer of coinage. To take them to the giant Bowser planet. Where they can save Rosalina. And in turn. The galaxy. But before they can get there. Shot out of a cannon. Out of nowhere. Bowser Jr. And Dad. Who's evil again. Because that took 4 seconds of convincing. Are hot on the hero's tail. Bowser Jr. Grabs a super scope. 5 year olds definitely know what that is. And. Shoots everyone in the ship. Causing it to crash land on another dinosaur planet from Mario Odyssey. Because we had to have a reason. For them to be babies again. This is the most useless. Entirely pointless scene. In the entire film. In a sea. Of pointless useless scenes. I think Yoshi saves the day. I'm sure I don't care. And they do get off of the planet fine. This movie's written for 3 year olds. The final 15 or so minutes. Is an orgy of references. And some of them are pretty badass. My favorite involves. Peach and Mario. Having to run through a booby trapped castle. In a gauntlet of. Fire bars. Chain chomps. Thwomps. Pretty much anything you could remember from the games is here. I don't think the creepy ass mask makes an appearance. Although I'm pretty sure I saw Samus Aran's ship from Metroid. When they were at that planet hub as well. And. Oh and also. There was a little Mac reference. I believe during the Yoshi montage. You can see him in his pink ensemble. Jogging by. After a badass video game motif. Where they're doing all this cool ----. Spinning around. We finally have the fight against Bowser. Who powers up. They have a courtyard showdown. Mario's got a drill helmet on. Luigi's got the cloud thing going. They're flipping and flying. And deking and dodging. And moving and grooving. And cucking and sucking and *******. At one point during the battle at the courtyard. Luigi gets his hands on Bowser Jr.'s magical paintbrush. And he paints the giant dragon from. Checks notes. MARIO ODYSSEY! Why is this not called Mario Odyssey? Oh yeah. Mr. Game and Watch shows up too. For all the four year olds. Nuh. Nostalgia! And eventually Bowser's gonna find himself. Backed up onto that fateful bridge. That always manages to crumble under him. Especially when Mario does a very well time. To jump over the head. And lands on the axe. Triggering the whole thing to break. And that's exactly what happens here. Bowser goes down. But rises like a phoenix from the lava. As dry bones Bowser. Again unclear as to how they defeat him the second time. But we are gonna find him and Bowser Jr. In a jail cell. I think Rosalina gets out and takes out Bowser Jr. I'm sure I don't know. Cause Peach frees Rosalina. They do a whole Frozen Anna Elsa hand touching on the side. Do you want to build a snowman? And possibly kiss? Anyway. The film winds down with a scene that was ruined in the ******* trailer. Where BJ and Dry Bones Bowser are in a jail cell. Where that hilarious dark blue star from the first movie. That's like welcome to the meat grinder. He's back. He's got a cop hat on. And he's just giving them ---- for being in there. It's awesome. He was the best character from the first film. And they ruined the reveal. Everybody's mad about Star Fox being spoiled. I'm pissed they showed me that. There are two end credit scenes. I only remember one of them. It's with Daisy. Daisy's there. She's like hi I'm Daisy. I'm gonna be in the next movie. I'm like Amy in the Sonic movies. Now I'm here. And uh. I think that's it. I don't know. Star Fox might have been the other ending. He's like see ya. See ya in my movie spinoff down the road. Star Fox will return in Smash Brothers the movie. And I think that's all I have for you. I'm gonna wrap this up. Because I got other ---- to do. And I'm running low on time. But uh. There you go. The recrap of the Super Mario Galaxy movie. Let me know how many things I missed. I'm sure there were a butt load of them. And if you would kindly do me the service of subbing to the show Adam Does Movies. I'd be much obliged. Like the video. Go hype the video if you want. And hopefully I see you next time. Take care. Would you look at that. You made it to the end of the video. Congrats. Which means you might be looking for more content from me. Head over to Patreon.com. Slash Adam Does Movies. Like these amazing supporters have. You can get access to over 350 exclusive videos. More importantly. You're helping this one man band keep his dreams a reality. Believe it or not. This takes a lot of work. And I already have a full time job. So getting that support on Patreon helps way more than you can even imagine. So if you've ever liked my content in the past. And you wanted to show some thanks. That's the place to do it. Take care.