5 First Impression Mistakes You're Making Without Realising

You're making mistakes with your first impression that you can't see. And when these mistakes happen, it doesn't make you forgettable, it makes you incorrectly memorable. And because of a bad first impression, you now spend every future interaction trying to correct it. My name's Vin, I'm an international keynote speaker and communication coach. Over the last decade, I've met a lot of people. And this is what I've come to realize. It only takes your brain a tenth of a second to form a read on someone when you meet them for the first time. And before they've even said anything, your brain has already decided who they are. Now imagine when someone meets you. What first impressions are you creating without you even realizing? I'm going to show you what each one of these five components look like in order and the exact behavior to replace it with. This doesn't just apply to networking, it applies to whenever you're meeting anybody for the first time. Component number one, how you walk into a room. Most people walk into a room and the first thing they do is they find something to look at that isn't another person. They look at their phone, they look at the ceiling, anywhere but the actual person. Your brain often defaults to making yourself small, which forces you to close yourself off with closed posture. But what does this signal to the people in the room? Well, it tells them that you lack confidence in yourself. You don't think that you belong in that room and you have low status. And without you saying even a single word, people have already made those judgments, whether they're true or whether they're not. So how do you fix this? I call this the doorway reset. And it's something that I've learned from one of my theater coaches back in the day. He said to me, Vin, your posture introduces you before your words do. So every single time you're about to walk through any doorframe, readjust your posture. Because when you enter a new room, you're creating a new impression. And I've just anchored this in my mind anytime I walk through a doorframe. And I want you to anchor this into your mind as well. Before you walk through any doorframe, readjust your posture. Stand tall, shoulders down and back. And the center of your head, imagine a piece of string pulling it nice and high. Then walk into the room. And just this tiny shift that makes you not only look more confident, but when you introduce yourself and you speak, you sound more confident as well. Because your body is connected to your voice and your voice is connected to your body. Now you're in. But the next mistake usually happens in the first 10 seconds of meeting someone new. And it can make or break relationships. Component number two, remembering their name. This happens to all of us. And it goes a little something like this. Yo, Vin, what's up, man? What's up, Vin? Good to see you, buddy. Champ, man. It's good to see you. Oh, Andy. Andy, oh, dude. You're going to have to help me out, brother. I forgot the guy's name. Help me. I got you, man. Hey, name's Andy. Nice to meet you, man. What's your name? I'm going to let this guy introduce me, because he used to do it to me all the time in university. Ah, f**k. I have no idea who the f**k you are, man. Oh, man. I hate situations like that. Oh, my gosh. Now, look, the common advice that you would often hear people say is, if you want to remember people's names, just repeat their names in the first minute of you talking to them. And that helps with memory. Now, that does work. But you've got to be really subtle about that, because you don't want to be like, hey, Craig, nice to meet you, Craig. Craig, what are you doing these days? Craig, how are you? Craig. Again, that's just going to be weird if you do that. You need more than just this strategy. And here's what I like to do. And it's something I rarely hear people talk about. And I've used this technique to remember the names of my students at my workshops, and even recall the names of people I've met years ago. It's a very powerful technique. And it's called name association. When someone tells you their name, immediately attach something to that name to make it more memorable. It could be a unique physical feature or a quality about that person. It could be an alliteration, a rhyme, an exaggeration. Something that your brain can grab onto. And the more silly or vivid or wild the association actually is, the easier it is to remember their name. So if I met a bloke named Michael, and the first thing I noticed about him is that he's got arms the size of my head, then I'm immediately going to be thinking, that's a massive Michael with V-shaped biceps. So I imagine in my head, little V-heads around his arms. It's a freaky picture. But that's how I remember massive Michael. And for example, if I meet someone named Sarah, and I notice she's always smiling, now in my brain, she's smiley Sarah. And one more example. If I was trying to remember Craig's name, who's here with me right now in the studio, he's always behind the camera, so then I would call him Craig the camera camel. Why camel? Well, because the guy doesn't drink water. He never drinks water and he always drinks beers. Actually, I'll rename him. He's going to be Craig the alcoholic. See, now I'm never going to forget Craig's name, because I've forever associated his name with alcohol. Okay, jokes aside. Can you see what I'm doing here? The more of a stronger association you can create with that person, whether it's with a physical feature or a play on words, or a combination of both, then it's easier for you to recall their name. And if you use this technique just two to three times, it will lock their name into your memory for good. Now, this is what you shouldn't do. You should not tell Big Nose Barry what his alliteration is. Some of these descriptions are not appropriate for public consumption. This is purely an internal filing system that you have just in your own head. Because like I said earlier, the more vivid the exaggeration, the better the connection, the more you'll remember it. So keep this to yourself. So why are we going to so much effort to remember somebody's name? Well, because somebody's name, it's the sweetest sound that they can hear. It shows that you're attentive and it makes people feel valued and it deepens your connection with them more than you realize. When someone says your name 20 minutes after you've introduced yourself, even though you've only said it once, doesn't it make you feel seen? Doesn't it make you feel special? All right, now you've got their name. You're in the conversation. But when you actually open your mouth, this is where it often falls apart for a lot of people. Component number three, how to use your voice. When you think about making a good first impression, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? It's probably how you look, your outfit, your hair, your glasses, your shoes, right? This is visual image. But here's what nobody teaches you, unfortunately. A great first impression is made up of two parts, your visual image and then also your vocal image. Most people only focus on their visual image. Again, that's how you look. That's how you use your body language, what you wear, et cetera. But rarely do they think about their vocal image, which is how they sound. Here's the crazy part. You can buy your visual image. You can buy the watch, you can buy the glasses, the nice shirt, but you can't buy your vocal image. Your ability to communicate well, that's something that has to be earned. Most people spend 20 minutes trying to look good before they leave the house in the morning. But when was the last time you spent 20 minutes trying to sound good? Because you can have a strong visual image, but the moment you open your mouth and you reveal your vocal image, people are creating perceptions about your level of authority, your level of status, credibility, and whether or not they can trust you, how friendly you are. All of this is made in an instant the moment you open your mouth and reveal the vocal image. So what does your vocal image reveal about you without you even realizing? If you're just sitting there thinking, all right, but how do I actually get better at this? The first step isn't to start applying random communication tips you find on the internet to yourself and hope that it makes you a better communicator. No, you don't do this. The first step is self-awareness. And why is this the first step? Because when you identify what your communication blind spots are, then you can apply the right behavior changes that are specific to you, not just random tips, because random tips get random results. And what I'm about to recommend here, I know most of you are not gonna do, but to the top 5% who are going to apply this, it's going to feel uncomfortable. I know it's gonna feel uncomfortable. However, if you lean in and do it, it's going to change the way you communicate forever. Are you ready? It's for you to record a video of yourself speaking to camera. I know, it's so scary, man. I don't wanna do it. Come on, mate, just do it. You need to see yourself the way others see you when you communicate. Otherwise, you'd never get to see yourself from a different perspective. You never get to see yourself because you're always looking at yourself through the lens of your own eyes. This is going to give you a lens outside looking at you. This is what helps you develop the self-awareness. So open up your camera app on the phone, set your phone on a tripod or a table, use the back camera so that you don't see yourself while you're doing this. Otherwise, you're gonna get all self-conscious. Hit record and then start talking. It has to be unscripted. Now, what am I gonna talk about, Vin, if it's unscripted? Here's a simple solution. I want you to just go to AI and ask it to prompt you between five to 10 questions that cause you to self-reflect, that force you to get to know yourself better. You might as well make the content of this video something that's gonna help you in your life. It's going to reveal your non-functional behaviors and it's also going to help you dig deeper into who you are as a human being. A very important piece of information here, this video that you're recording needs to go for at least five to 10 minutes. Why? Because we need a large sample size of how you currently communicate so that we can tease out all of those non-functional behaviors. Once you've got this video, you must leave the video. Don't watch it. Leave it for 24 hours. We are way too judgmental and if you watch it straight away, you're not gonna be able to continue the rest of the process as effectively as you can because you will think to yourself, oh, I don't like the way I look. Oh, I don't like the way I sound. Leave it for 24 hours. Create some separation. And once you have the video, 24 hours later, you now have the perfect material to go and do a deep analysis on your visual image and your vocal image. And I don't have time to go through the complete process here, but I have created a free guide. It's a three-part video course designed to help you do exactly this. So if you wanna learn exactly how to identify your non-functional behaviors that you need to focus on and work on, just click the link in the description and access the free training there to help you develop that awareness. Or you can scan the QR code on screen too. It's completely free. It'll take you no more than 45 minutes to complete the process. Look, I need to hammer this point home. You can focus on your visual image all you want, but that's only 50% of the puzzle. So really start to master your vocal image paired with great visual image. And now you're going to create the best first impression every time. Component number four, what you say. So you've walked in the room with presents. You've locked in their name. You've shown up with a strong vocal image. Now comes the part most people get wrong. They think making a first great impression is all about being impressive. It's not. Most people walk into a conversation thinking, what do I say next? How do I sound? Do they like me? It's me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And the moment your attention goes there, you stop being present. Think about the people who you've met, who've left a mark on you, who've left a great impression on you. When you met them, were they doing something different? Did they listen more than they spoke? Think about those interactions. These people always look out for the small details, the threads that they can pull on to get to know you better as a person. In other words, they're interested in you. They're not always putting the focus on themselves. I have a friend named Fong and everybody loves to be around him. And Fong, if you're watching this, hey, brother, look at you. You've made it into one of my YouTube videos. What a privilege for you, brother. But you see, the thing about Fong is that people love being around him, not for the main reasons why you think. He's not that charismatic. He's not the loudest. And he's not even that funny. Yeah, Fong, you're not that funny. But you know what he's really good at? He's amazing at listening. Because in every conversation, he knows how to ask the exact right questions. He knows how to dig deeper with you, to go below the surface level conversations. And everybody loves him. Heck, they love him more than me. They tell him more secrets than they tell me. And I used to always look at that, but like, why? But he has a secret power. Good old Vin over here, trying to always be the one that's the most interesting. Fong has learned the importance of being interested in others. So be the person who notices others. Be the person who listens for what's underneath the words. Ask them about their world, what they care about, what they do, what they love, what they're building, what they're hoping for. Because the moment someone feels genuinely seen, the conversation changes. It stops being about networking and it starts being about connection. While everyone's out there trying to get attention, you're now the one trying to give it. So what am I trying to say here? Be a little more like Fong and a little less like Vin. And that brings us to the final component because everything you've done up to this point, it all fades if you can't do this last part correctly. Component number five, what you do in the 24 hours after. Here's the move that separates a good first impression from one that actually lasts. Within 24 hours of meeting somebody new, send them a follow-up message. Not a cheesy LinkedIn request with a generic note, not an Instagram follow-up, an actual message. It doesn't need to be fancy. It just needs to be really, really specific. So let's just say you met somebody at an event and during that conversation, because you're now more like Fong and you listen better, you pull on certain threads, you learn that they've been trying to get better at exercising. And you saw that their eyes lit up when they were talking about exercising, but then you also saw their eyes kind of start to dim when they said, ah, but I'm really struggling with staying consistent. You remember all of these and then you connect because you're on the same boat because you've also been trying to exercise too. And that's something you bonded over. If you're going to send a follow-up, you should send them something like this. Hey, it was so good meeting you last night. Listen, I know we both spoke last night about being more consistent at the gym. Here's someone who really inspires me. His name is Eugene. He's been able to help me achieve a lot of my fitness goals. So you should follow him too. I think it's going to help you achieve your goals. And you know what? By the next time we meet, I bet you we're both going to have biceps the size of basketballs. Hey, it was genuinely great chatting with you last night. Hope to see you again soon. That's it. No pitch, no ask. You're not trying to get anything out of it. You're just trying to show that you cared and that you were present, that you enjoyed the conversation you had with them the night before. And there's one goal you have after this. After you've sent that beautiful little message with no strings attached, then I ask you to be curious. Be curious about how you can help that person achieve one of their goals in life. As opposed to you immediately making an ask and going, hey, by the way, I'm an agency. Can I help you with this? Or can I help you with that? Instead of doing that, before you ask people for something, give first. This is such a rare trait to have now. So after you send that follow-up, they might send you something back. I would suggest the next thing you send them is that, hey, by the way, if there's anything I can ever help you with to achieve your fitness goals, let me know. I'll be more than happy to do so. Because when you help somebody first, now you're applying a rule and it's rooted in psychology. There's a principle called the law of reciprocity. And it says that when someone gives you something with no strings attached, even something small, even just a thoughtful message or a thoughtful connection, your brain naturally now wants to give back. And you might be thinking, but Vin, isn't this manipulation? Yes. Yes, it absolutely is. Don't you know that's my plan the entire time? Don't you know that's the purpose of this channel is to do evil things? No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I couldn't follow through with that because I'm not evil. And this isn't evil. It's not manipulation. It's just how the human brain is wired we're built to return what we've been given. So when you send that message and you help the other person, there's no, by the way, I would also love to pick your brain now because I've helped you. So you've got to help me, right? No, you don't say anything like that. It happens naturally. When the other person knows that you are being genuine, that you are trying to just help, they feel like you care. They remember you differently than the 10 other people they met the night before at the networking function. And when that happens, they want you in their network. They want you in their circle. And the only way you can have a quality connection with somebody is if on the night when you met them in the first place, you had quality listening abilities. It's not about being transactional. It's about making the other person feel seen, feel heard, feel understood and to make the other person feel cared for. Start the relationship with a genuine connection. And seriously, just watch what happens. You can thank me later. Remember, if you want to create a strong first impression, make sure you click the link in the description and learn the full self-awareness process. That's going to make you aware of what you do visually. That's non-functional. The sounds you make that are non-functional. Even some of the things you say that are non-functional. So check that out in my free three-part video course in the description below or you can scan the QR code up here. I'll see you in the next video.