Hypnosis & Heist | Barney Miller

Howdy Your other tie in the shop Brought it back from Jackson Hole for me. Look at that nice gesture. Yeah I didn't think it was gonna go to all that trouble look at with it with the initials and silver and everything Excuse me. I got to turn away to the coffee Barney I am thinking very seriously of moving to Ireland hell of a commute Did you know that in Ireland writers don't have to pay one cent of income tax That's time of year again. Yeah, I just got my return back from the tax accountant Yeah, well Barney, I mean, I don't mind kicking in a little something but Barney, this is sick price of success You are so lucky How's that? Well barn tax-wise Barney you've got everything going for you. I mean you only got one source of income you're mortgaged to the hilt Expenses investment losses a wife and two lovely deductions One big happy write-off. Oh Well, look at you don't that work So you have Probably not the right outfit to wear it with. Oh, no. Hey barn. Look it goes good with the stripes. Yeah. Yeah still wearing it, huh? Oh report on a burglary sort of and the best I could do No luck, huh? Keep going over and over at my mind, you know hold in front of the store get Harris enough time to get around behind All of a sudden that guy comes running out before I have a chance to yell freeze the other guy in the car yells, hey You know, whatever his name was. It's a cop. Let me squeeze it off a few rounds that But you can't remember the name Closer. I mean, uh, I hear Bettina Batista Don't Maja or Mertz It's not that easy Yeah, what? What about the license plate? Well, isn't that now? I'm positive Yeah That there's a three in it wonderful earn eight Whoa, has he ever thought of I get hypnotized No of you Well, the problem has got qualified personnel. We've used it to help witnesses and victims recall details. Not a bad idea, you know No, I'll remember it on my own maybe but if you can't Hypnosis can be used very effectively Taps the subconscious helps to locate facts or images that seem to have been lost or forgotten Or make a guy act like a chicken It's not a bad idea it may be worth a shot And I don't want some guy coming up here in a black cape swinging something like that in front of my face What do you say something to think about Barney an alarm just went off in a factory over on Canal You and did you okay Harris? Yeah, I think I ought to get hypnotized can use the eggs Okay, you want to step right inside here mister don't you understand I have the answer to the greatest problem facing civilization today who asked you This is Herbert Emory. We picked him up at power right electronics found him in the president's office He'd broken into the safe and taken out these blueprints. They're mine. I drew them According to his ID. Mr. Emory is a director of research and development for the company. Yeah, but I'm quitting good move Anyway, I contacted the company and they're gonna send somebody over to press charges Sure, they'll do anything to keep me quiet to keep my research from becoming a reality These blueprints barn are of some kind of battle not some kind of battery a battery that will last forever No, no, it's against the law What the law of physics? That's what I used to think too, but I was wrong. It can be done and I've done it here. Look at my plan You too Look, it's all there see You see they hired me to develop a better battery, but I went too far I developed a perfect battery and now they're afraid it's going to put them out of business Well, I'm afraid we're gonna have to book you anyway, mr. Emory, but sheriff captain Honest mistake marshal Yeah, see the design of the battery use of iron-charged zinc compounds in place of sulfuric acid is quite radical Theoretically it could work Theoretically, of course, it could work just like countless other innovations We could have tomorrow if certain people weren't sitting on them Imagine we could have a light bulb that would never burn out An automobile that could get a hundred miles on a gallon chewing gum that would never lose its flavor Cost you $50 a stick, but it would last forever I'm dr. Kramer Doctor, I'm captain Miller. I take it you're the hypnotist. I'm a psychologist who uses hypnosis as one tool among many I see Are you the officer with the problem? I Thought possibly you'd forgotten why you put your real tie I'm just kidding I'm the guy size you owed your oats Dr. Kramer Are you doing I'm new I'm all right, but I Think I should tell you Right now that I don't think it's gonna work possibly sergeant hypnosis isn't foolproof But I think if you'll just try and relax and give me a cooperation and trust We have an excellent chance of reaching down into your subconscious and retrieving that information you're searching for I'm still awake Or would you like to use my office not really necessary we can do it right here Unless you're more at ease in the captain's office No, I think we should do it right here. I'm safe Just put your hands in your lap Thank you deep breaths relax Is something I should be doing you mean like boiling water? happen just stand by Are you comfortable sergeant? Yeah, first. I'd like you to focus your attention on something in the room spot on the wall a light fixture Anything you wish Okay Strain I'm going to begin counting from 1 to 20 as I do Your body is going to become more and more relaxed by the count of 20 Your eyes will have closed And you will have fallen into a very pleasant hypnotic state one Your eyelids are getting heavy to even heavier three even heavier Wake me when he gets to the chicken part It's well under move now Please do Now as I understand it it was a robbery at a jewelry store that you and your partner were called out on is that correct Yes, me and Harris and what time did you receive the call? 845 p.m. At night All right sergeant I want you to return with me now Sergeant It's a book in front of you open to the last page Do you see it? Yeah, we'll begin leafing back through the book as you do the hours will slip away When you've arrived at 845 last night stop and open your eyes still in a deep hypnotic state begin sergeant Whose stupid idea was this? What time is it 845 and where are you now? Well, I'm on my way to the bathroom Set the phone. Are you going to answer it? I have to Harris isn't gonna You've taken the call now what happens I go into Barney's office and tell him there's a robbery in progress and he says All right, you and Harris like it's some big decision or something And then I get my coat And I get Harris's coat and then well, then I'm waiting for Harris Now he's talking about somebody on the phone about that dumb book of his Sometimes Harris thinks he's the only guy in the world. I can put two words together Two words I could put together right now. Yeah, I talk a lot It's a few moments later you're in the car with your partner What are you doing? We're We're going down Lafayette about 15 blocks from the store. Are you driving? No Harris is dry I'm laughing Something amusing a car. Yeah Harris is telling me about this tie he got for Barney. I mean he bought it as a joke and Barney turns around and likes it You're now just one block away from the store yeah, and stop about 50 feet from the store and Harris gets out and heads down the alley so he can cover the back and I give him a few seconds and then I Get out and start approaching the front door My name is John Essex attorney for Powerite Electronics Yeah, we know what you're up to And the other guy yells Hey It's a cop All right, sergeant now You're going to tell me again what happened Only this time all the street noises will be hushed The only sound you'll hear will be the voice of the man in the car Okay Get out of the car Take a few steps forward and then the guy in in a red jacket comes out the front door and Before I can yell freeze the other guy shouts Hey Hey behind you. It's a cop Behind you Excuse me John Essex Powerite Electronics We still can't believe that mr. Emery would do such a thing. He's been a trusted employee for 20 years Captain watch him. He's tricky But in recent weeks, he's become increasingly erratic and unstable we've been quite concerned According to mr. Emery he's developed Quite a breakthrough in a battery. Oh He's been talking that gibberish again believe me captain Those blueprints are nothing more than a pathetic hodgepodge of bizarre scribblings Completely worthless and why were they locked in the president's safe? Why don't you have a seat mr. Essex we'll be with you in a moment, right? Oh I've got one of those too, but I've never had the guts to wear it All I can see is that Black three on the yellow license plate All right. Okay All right. Now the car is driven off What are you doing You didn't pursue Are you driving? I'm running Cars gone now Still trying to think of the license number No, I'm thinking of having to talk to Barney. I Know I'm picturing the look on his face when I give him the report. I'm afraid any further probing is going to be fruitless Anytime you want to bring him out of it. I mean, it's always the same thing You'll look at me over his glasses Give me one of his sighs Thing is I've been working in the squad room here for five years now, I've been a sergeant for two And and he keeps treating me like I'm just out of the Academy I can stop him I Always feel like Barney needs to talk down to my level Make some kind of allowances for me not not like Well, like Dietrich Dietrich doesn't patronize you he talks to you Like you can understand what he's talking about By the time I don't but that's just because Dietrich's a smart person And I think Dietrich's got more brains than the rest of us put together. I Gotta sit here and take this garbage Harris Ever since he wrote his book he acts like sergeant Awaken you in a moment. Just relax and prepare yourself Listen Before I bring him out of it. Are there any post-hypnotic suggestions you'd like me to give? Yeah, I want to hear him pluck I'm going to count to five on the count of five. I'm going to snap my finger you will awaken You will recall none of this conversation You'll be fine in every respect one two three four five Hey Sergeant, how'd I do? I'm afraid it wasn't all that helpful Sorry, I feel great. Oh Well, then it was worth it Doc thank you for coming down. Anyway, yes, if you don't mind I just want to jot down a few notes on the session right now while it's still fresh in my mind, sir I'm writing a book, too Yes, I Certainly enjoyed the seance but about mr. Emery. I take it your firm is prepared to press charges Well, unfortunately, we may have to go ahead. I'd love a trial Although if mr. Emery would promise to refrain from any further activities and Agree to stop publicizing this hopeless project Power, I might be persuaded to leave the matter at simple dismissal forget it or A raise in salary might be arraigned What kind of man are you you know what this battery could do the energy it could provide The enormous boon it could be for people, you know all that and still you can do what you're doing Regardless I've got to be getting back to the office and I'll just take these crazy doodles along with Certainly counselor is aware. These drawings are evidence well We've decided not to press charges Don't you think the poor man has suffered enough that's not going to stop me Essex I've still got it all up here And do you really think anyone in this industry would bankroll your madness Maybe not, but there are other people out there people with courage and vision Believe me captain. This battery is a waste of energy The only thing it's good for is somebody else's tax shelter Oh, well, thanks again Go on we could try once more for the license number. Uh, well, hey Bart, I'll go in there. Oh, that's okay Well, Joe, I think you've already given us your best shot Bye sergeant. Yes. Hold on Hopefully sergeant mojo hoots will remember on his own. I hope so. Well, goodbye. Dr. Kramer. Happy trails Look at the chance to say that too often Thank you very much, mr. Emory, yes, sir, I believe in you Oh No, mr. Emory. I Don't know a lot about batteries But I do know a little bit about people and I think you are a man who is well worth investing in very flattered I'm sure my accountant could put together an investment syndicate which would provide for all the financial backing you would ever require Sergeant you don't believe in me. You don't believe in my battery. I'm just a tax gimmick to you. I died Oh Mr. Emory you expect to lose your investment and get a five-to-one write-off, correct? Yes, but no offense Let me tell you something I'm going to take your money and build my battery and make you a millionaire in the process Oh, I'm gonna put you in the 70% bracket, buddy Got to stop making money Did I miss something while I was gone Really? No Well, I've been getting all these strange looks Have you Come on you guys what I say Well, as a matter of fact while recounting the events of last evening you did include a few personal remarks a few Editorial comments about each of us. Oh Well, I'm sorry, it's all right we can take it