This is how we never met

Who do we have here? Yeah, I'll definitely get a much better view of her over here. Of all the empty benches here, he chooses the only one in front of me. Could he be any more obvious? Shoot, of all the empty benches here, I chose the one in front of her. I hope it wasn't too obvious. Well, I can't move now. At least she's cute. Man, she's cute. Well-dressed, low-groomed, nice shoes, looks tall. So cute. Oh, I better sit in a cooler pose. Nope. But not slick. Oh yeah, I look good now. Dang, is she looking at me? Well, if she's not going to look, I will. Hmm, reading health magazine. Guess that means she's healthy. What's he reading? The New Yorker? Who the hell reads that? I guess he's cultured, intelligent. We could go running together. Smart and hot? That's rare. I wonder what she's doing here in the middle of the afternoon. I guess Parsons is close by. Maybe she's a fashion student. Cool. That'll explain her floral pants. It's the middle of the day. What's he doing at this park? Ooh, maybe he runs his own business. Okay, now you have to say something. She smiled at you. Alright, that was definitely more than a glance. He smiled. Come on, say something. There's no one else here. There's nothing to lose. No one will see you get rejected. Oh my gosh, even in your imagination you get rejected. Loser. Okay, how should I start? I've never seen you here before. Nice day, huh? Excuse me, where'd you get those awesome floral pants? Hello, anything? Hmm. Oh my gosh, I've been reading this same paragraph for ten minutes. Oh, I got it. This will be perfect. Dang it. Okay, be sure to look cute while you're talking. I wonder who that is. Boyfriend? No, no, maybe just a friend. Laugh, it'll show you're fun. Okay, too much, too much. Stupid, funny friend. Finally. Shoot, she probably thinks I'm a loner. I know, I'll pretend to text someone. Ugh, fine. If he's not going to have the guts to say something first, I will. It's a new year, new you girlfriend. Why, why did I just call myself girlfriend? Okay, focus. Just say hi. You know, she could say something to me first. Why does it always have to be the guy who makes the move? Holy crap, this is scary. Guys have to do this all the time? Okay girlfriend, let's do this. Oh my gosh. Did he seriously just check her out right in front of me? Did that girl just fart as she ran past me? Ew, and he's like trying to take in her scent? What the hell? Creep. Okay, that was rude. I was trying to connect over teasing this smelly girl and she gives me attitude. She's probably one of those girls who thinks every guy looking her way thinks she's hot stuff. Typical guy, just into any girl that moves. And she's not even that special. Looks high maintenance. I bet that was her boyfriend or sugar daddy calling earlier. Probably buys everything for her. Like those ugly floral pants. And it's like four in the afternoon. What's he doing just out of park reading? Probably doesn't have a job, comes here to creep on girls. It's four in the afternoon. Her boyfriend probably just lets her use his credit card. Reading health? Just into her image. Poser. Spoiled. So glad he didn't say anything. Would have been a huge waste of time. I could totally do better.