Olivia Colman & Benedict Cumberbatch = COMEDY GOLD ｜ The Graham Norton Show

You look different. Thanks. I've never seen you so... so alluring. It's not the make-up. No, I mean, it's everything. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Sticky tape holding... holding things down. Right. Your wife is watching, isn't she? Yes, yes. In the green room. Eyes front, eyes front. And it's very posh, though, because obviously we've got a lord of the realm. Hugh is an OBE. Yeah, keeping it real. And Olivia Colman, surely a dame in... You are going to be a dame one day. You are. It has a ring. Dame Olivia Colman. Absolutely. I wouldn't put money on it, just in case. I would. Not a lot, but... Baroness. I think she'd go straight for a baroness. Baroness. Oh, absolutely. That's a good idea. Well, I'll try and put a good word in. If you could. Yeah. You'd be like, Did one watch Broadchurch? We get so many messages and tweets and emails from... Now, they're not Cumberb... anymore, are they? They change name every time I'm on. So what are they now? Cumbers. Cumbers? I don't know, I'm making it up. Do you know what you are? Cumber People Collective. Bunches. Brands. Babes. It's like they're not a group anymore. There's definitely some splintering going on. There's a lot of splintering. Okay, so there's a bunch of questions that I'm actually obliged to ask you. They will go nuts if I don't. So, obviously, when will we see more Sherlock? 2015, I think, yeah. Okay, are you in the next Star Trek? No comment. Okay. Are you in the new... Geez, man. Are you in the new Star Wars movie? No comment. Of course I'm not. I heard a rumour you were seen around the set. I did go to set, which was fantastic. I mean, it was like walking through my childhood, and Harrison, whose place I'm honoured enough to be in on the sofa, it was... Yeah, he wasn't there. The point is, I walked to the Millennium Falcon, I sat down, I mean, it was incredible. Would you not be a Stormtrooper? I shouldn't be even saying this. I probably shouldn't be saying this on television. It's a secret, don't tell anyone. We know when that did it, because it fell on his foot. That's right. That's right, that's already been spoiled. But did you not ask if he was a Stormtrooper or something? No comment. Are you a Stormtrooper? Are you? Are you at the back of one of those people? Unbelievable. No comment. I guess I'm going to go back... Get back on Troopers, we'll just leave you alone like that. As you say, you were here with Harrison Ford before. You did an incredible Chewbacca, but I'm told you also do a Jar Jar Binks. Oh, no, it's a Binks-y monster. You don't make much money out of doing a good Jar Jar, let me tell you that. The most mode character of any franchise ever. Rightfully so, in my opinion. And Smough the Dragon is back. He is, yeah. Griswold. Finished business. I read that as a voice, but there isn't... I mean, obviously, it's put through treatments and things, but actually, it sounds very like what you did. Oh, God. Do you want me to do that as well? If you can. So, Miranda... Oh, my God. ..is your heart beating faster... LAUGHTER ..or slower than before? I'm scared. I was on the wrong side for a moment. It's amounting and terrifying in equal measure. I'm very confused right now. I can't... I'm confused. When you did that... I went towards the heart. Yeah, I know. Not on television. Does that hurt? No, but I feel quite faint. So do I. But explain this. Explain this, Benedict Cumberbatch. This is odd. Of all the questions we had... Yeah. ..the one that came up most often was, ask Benedict to say the word penguin. What is this about? Well, apparently, I got it wrong repeatedly in a documentary when... It wasn't a documentary about said animal. It was a documentary about... I think about the South Pacific in general. And now I'm completely terrified of the word. I don't go near it. No, because I know... Here's the thing. I thought, oh, I'm sure they're making it up, but we actually looked at this documentary. Oh, good. So, the documentary is called... The documentary is called Strange Islands. The first one, you sort of get away with, and then after that, you lose all sense of what the word is. Very good. Let's have a look. Listen carefully. And the last thing you might expect to see here... ..is penguins. These are Fjordland crested penguins, named after this corner of South New Zealand. So why are these woodlands so attractive to penguins? A freshwater stream through the forest makes a handy highway for a parent penguin heading home from a fishing trip. The funny thing is, you don't do this in isolation. You have a team of, you know, natural history experts based in Bristol, funded by you, the taxpaying public. It's not just me sitting there in a booth going, I think I know how to say penguin, I'll say penguins. It's mortifying. But there are other people who should take some flak, including my producer. You in a booth with a bottle of vodka, clearly. But did no-one...? At the end of the thing, could we just try the word penguin again? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe they just gave up. I honestly don't know. But then what I love is, in the way that life is, how special that Benefit is now starring... Oh, yeah. ..as a wolf in this film. Can you say it now? Well, I've had a word with Disney, I just need to check that I have said it correctly in the film. Penguin. Penguin! The sense of achievement. Olivia Colman has gone one further, ladies and gentlemen, because in her new show, she had her daughter in her, in the thing. It's like Russian dolls. And your bump plays a role. This is the night manager of the new series that you got created. Oh, in her. In her. Nodding, going, OK. It's a UK thing. Got it. But they wrote the bump in. Yeah, when I first went to meet the director, and I'd just found out I was pregnant, and I thought, I can't lie, it's going to become obvious. And so I said I was pregnant, and Susanna went, oh, OK. So she said, I must talk to the producers, and so this is my impression of Susanna. It's lucky she's not here, cos then I can tell you it's really good. OK. It is, it's absolutely spot on. And then, and I was going, and if you remember Fargo, Frances McDormand was pregnant and it really added to it, I think it would help, sort of fingers crossed. And they went away and came back and said, yeah, OK, we can do pregnant, yeah. Yeah, we'll ride it in. And it was good cos you didn't have to carry a bag in front of yourself or a baggy coat. The bag got so big, there would have been no hiding it. And also I was waddling quite a lot. And Susanna once said, could you walk less pregnant? So this is the night manager coming out in BBC One next month. See that? I look like someone I've snuck into the back of shot. It's like a muddle suit. Spherical being. It's like when they left the paper cups on the mantelpiece in Downton. Fixing his suit. Like a wardrobe person. Exactly. I wouldn't have noticed it if she didn't say it. When she said it, I was like... You're the baddie. Can you tell us anything? Cos I know JJ Abrams is notoriously incredibly secretive. I shouldn't really be on the talk show because I can't say anything. You're in the posters. We've seen you in the posters. Oh, I'm allowed to say that. I've seen the posters, they're crazy. Yeah, I can say a little bit about him. I mean, he's a terrorist. And in the sense that terrorists can... Well, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. He does things for a good reason, his reason, but he's pretty devastating. And he uses his wits as much as his brawn, and that was fun to do. You play lots of mind games with Gavin Kirk. I do, yeah. We're sort of like different sides of the same coin. There's a huge deal of shadow play going on. And it's a very interesting manipulation of Kirk and Spock, actually. He plays with Kirk's humanness, which Chris just triumphs in, I think. I mean, isn't he a great...? He's a fantastic Captain Kirk, isn't he? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Those are big...big shoes. Really big shoes. Thick shoes. Thick shoes to fill. Thick shoes, we've already said. He's not only a thick man, he's also wide-footed. It's only a note in the hat. But in real life, then, it sounds like Chris played mind games on you. This is making me very private. Didn't you film in a real...? Oh, yeah, no, there was one spectacular mind game. This does make you sound like a moron. The point is this. We were in this incredible place called NIF, the National Ignition Facility, which is in northern California, near Baltimore. And it is Star Trek. It is a place where they want to shoot lasers around this... It's like a chemistry plant. It is huge. And they're aiming these lasers at a target that's half the breadth of a human hair. Should it work, well, when it works, is what they like to say, it will produce a continual form of energy. It will be an incredible, incredible thing. Anyway, so I go in there going, wow, this is the real deal, this is incredible. So already I'm like, yes, OK, so what can we not touch? OK, yeah, but everything's safe? Yes, no, you're allowed to walk here, it's fine, we've cordoned off areas, it's safe. And then JJ gave me another page of dialogue. This is just me basically excusing myself for what happened. Before I arrived, I got on set. I'll take it from my point of view and then he can take it from his point of view. I got on set and was told to put on neutron cream. Neutron cream. This is America, this is health and safety. This is basically a walk-in lab and experiment. So, you know, I was gullible and I just wanted to do, you know, yes, I'll do what I'm told. So I put on the neutron cream. The neutron cream has to be applied, we told Benedict. This is Simon and I coming up. This is more Simon than anybody else. You have to apply the cream and it's just dots on your face. Benedict coming to set, he's got these very intense scenes and he's a super badass guy and he's walking around with sunscreen spots. Original, all over his face. And two, in order to get the neutrons off of you, not only do you have to apply neutron cream, you have to jump up and down and shake. So well thought out. Yeah, my sign teacher sitting at home now saying, see, I told you. They should have paid more attention rather than passing around and acting. But, I mean, seriously, it was very, very funny and they did a brilliant job of it. Even the most burly kind of crotch-scratching, spitting Americana grip, he was much more gentlemanly than that. But I'm trying to build a picture, this was a man's man. Even he would sort of, when they said, OK, everyone, it's time to shake out, now he would jump around and do the neutron shake. So, I mean, they had me, they completely had me. Now, Ed, who are you? I can't actually remember the name of my character, but I... A while ago. That's a laugh now? Yes, thank you for saving me. In that. Well, Nick Frost is the lead guy. And he, as a... Oh, no, I'm his sister. That's it, I'm his sister. I'll remember. And as children, he was Salsa champion, endless cups and awards and things, and we used to go off and do competitions and I was his dance partner. And then something happened and his life changed and Salsa wasn't for him after that moment. And then cut to Nick Frost present day, or whatever his character's called, and... Bruce! He's called Bruce! LAUGHTER I can't believe people are applauding you, remembering the names of people in your own film. It was ages! You know this feeling, you film something... Nelson Mandela. I hate this bloke! OK, so you play... He's a dancer. So he's a... Yeah, so, for the film. So he falls in love with Rashida Jones. Got the name. That's Quincy Jones' daughter, right? Yes. She's beautiful. She really is beautiful. And he discovers that... Am I giving away the plot? I think maybe you've told us enough now. I'm going to shut you down. He dances again. Yes. But so do you. So do you. And we know you're not in big preparation, but you must have had some dance lessons. We had to. I was forced to. Because I had to dance on screen, so I had to practise. Do you look good, though? Well, there is... As you know, there are people who actually can dance. Yeah. Who... Cos I can only spin three times before I vomit, so... We do have a picture of you in rehearsals where it doesn't look like it's going that well. Ever seen... I also love that you're wearing, like, a full sweatsuit and heels. There's Christian Albertans as well. Wow. No, I think that's a glow of a heater or something. But did you get good? Did you get good? Well, um... I don't know. Well, the choreographer would probably be laughing. I've got much better. Show us a move. Go on, one move. No, don't make me do that! Start, start, start, start, start! Were you in a punk band when you were on the same... Were you backstage with Madonna when you were in a punk band? The punk band was in Atlanta, Georgia... Oh, OK. ..when I started out, but Madonna's stuff, that was New York in the early 80s. And was she, like, a fan of yours? Uh, no, she was a fan of no-one's but Madonna's, yeah. She's only a fan of hers, yeah. And still today, still today. Didn't you audition for Madonna, Benedict? Oh, God, yes, I did. And, uh... Yeah, she just sort of came in breezily, very late, and had a clipboard in her hand and said, yeah, Benedict Cumberbatch, is that really your name? And I went, yes, it is, Madonna. And what was the part? I can't remember. W-E, probably. It was W's, yeah, that's it. I can't remember what part it was, innit, but, yeah, I didn't. Someone better looking, I'm sure, got the part. Now, you are the aunt of the girl who's murdered. Right, back to Witcher thing. Yes. I thought you meant, I don't think I am. Oh, I must call home. I shouldn't hear about it now. So, Q, more crying in the... Do you find crying really easy? When they go, oh, she cries, and then all you get are parts where you cry. But you're so good at it. Cos it's sad, innit, it's upsetting. But no-one's really dead. The whole point is you've got to pretend they have cried. No, I get the idea. I get the basic concept. You're just good at pretending. I would try and then go, nothing. It's quite close to the surface, and I've got a bit of an overactive imagination. So if there's a real person lying on a slab, and you've been told it's your niece, you know... Benedict was at the National, where you and Jonny Lee Miller were swapping... Oh, that's so great, yes. ..playing the Doctor. And he's so naked, that poor monster, for a long time. Yeah. You know, because nudity in plays is normally brief, you know, but... It was a good 15 minutes. Yeah. And then there was the time the audience were coming in before he gets sort of... Yeah, you were in that big sock. Yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of term that I've heard for it. That's good. Big latex diaphragm. No, it was... Yeah, there was one night when I was sort of suspended there, sort of, you know, like Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, sort of spinning around. I could hear people coming in, and I went, oh, no, is it him? I wanted to see the other one playing the creep. Great, OK, fantastic. So I'm just going to flop out naked and try and persuade you it was worth the money and the wait. And it must have been very hard on people you knew were in, sitting close. Yeah, no, well, I had Olivia, my ex-girlfriend's mother, and her, were both in, and she said, we got tickets quite near the front, is that a problem? And I went, er... Not if I angle myself in a particular way, it should be all right, but, you know, there's always the... You don't want your mother-in-law just... BT bagged? No. Leads to an awkward Christmas, doesn't it? Yeah, I was very nervous that night. I was nervous every night. It was a hard ask, but it was an incredible night. In terms of the Hollywood decision, see, Olivia, your star is so on the... Have you had to make that decision yet? Have you had those calls and those conversations? I don't think they've got my number. They have, you were in The Iron Lady. Have I had a different number? No, it was me. Well, no-one's called yet. It will happen. Definitely. It might not. It will. Even Dame Dench, she went all Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah, but that's Dame Dench, isn't it? Yeah, but you'll be Dame Coleman. Yeah, Baroness Coleman. Baroness, Baroness, Baroness Coleman. Leave it to me, leave it to me. Oh, actually, they'll all be furious. Can you imagine if you just overtook them all on the outside? Baroness Coleman. And, actually, you were so good as Carole Thatcher in the thing. Thanks. I think we've got a picture of you there. You look so different. Look at that, yeah. There's you, Meryl, Jim Broadbent. Yeah. And was it Jim did the thing with his teeth? Oh, yes. So, yes, Meryl and Jim. Couldn't be first names, Meryl and Jim. Meryl and Jim had Margaret and Dennis teeth, fake teeth. And Jim was mucking about with his teeth upside down and I was taking photos and we were giggling. And Meryl said, what are you doing? And she came over and she went, oh, let me do me. And so she did her teeth as well. So I got photos of her with her teeth upside down. And then she said, hey, let's all three of us have a photo with our funny English teeth. And I went, mine are real. They're all gum. Oh, did you get a basket of muffins afterwards? Oh, my God, and gave me a great big hug. That's all right, I'm quite used to that. Benedict, now, the skills you learned at the Dude Ranch, some of them you have brought home with you. You had a cattle experience. Was that in this country? Yeah, it was. We came back, well, sort of, I guess August or something like that. And in September, I was in the countryside and we were trying to get to this beach and you have to kind of cross a field to get to it. And I came to the field and there was this really, literally petrified, I mean, they're like statues, this family with, you know, newly bought boogie boards, fresh sandals, you know, they're probably their first day there, just standing there in this field, just staring ahead at them. I looked and I was like, oh, it's just a few cows. And they went, they're looking at us. And one moved towards us with this child. I went, well, yeah, it's not... They're young calves and they're mothers. But you just have to walk through. No, they just couldn't move. So I just went, OK, right, fine, I can deal with this. I just sort of plotted the waves of cattle and they were like, that was incredible. Hey, aren't you Sherlock? I'm surprised, this is your first kind of bustle acting. Oh, yes. It's the first time in a big crop. Well, I've done period dramas in the 90s or the 80s a bit, but nothing, yeah, Victorian, you know, big. Did you like them? I know where you're going with it. Well, no, because I bet you were very good with your big skirt going through doors and things, because you have 100% spatial awareness. Yes, I do. She really does. What does that even mean? She'll tell you now. This is... How many fingers am I holding? Four. Oh, my God. This is at school, before GCSEs, and they made you all go into a room and press buttons on a computer and it was called the Oasis Test or something, I think, and I was ---- at everything, but I had 100% spatial awareness. So they said I should be an HEV lorry driver. On a pilot. Situational awareness. I was a superhero. A superhero. Yeah. Although I don't think they wanted to, you know... Build you up. Build you up too much. So they gave me lorry rather than plane. Reasonable dreams. Yeah. Bennett, we must talk about your voice, because you do, you've got this fantastic voice and you can make anything kind of sound sinister. That's very kind of you. Well, you can. It's really kind of chilling, and we just wondered, can you make anything sound sinister? So one of the things I've got to do, I do a trail, you know, for the show. Yeah. Watch this week. Yeah. So if I do it, as I do it, but then if you could try it, but make it sinister, could you do that? I'd be really tempted to impersonate you, but all right, OK, I'll do it. OK, OK. So this is what they normally are like. You've seen these on the telly. OK, so... Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, one of the hottest actors around, Benedict Cumberbatch, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler. Woo-hoo! Friday at 10.35 on BBC One and BBC One HD. That's that, OK. LAUGHTER So, can you try that? Oh, God. At that speed? No, no, no, no. That was just upbeat. OK, all right, all right. So you sit in there, you sit in there. Come on! OK, can you read that? This is important. Can you read that? Lean forwards. LAUGHTER OK, so... In a sort of sinister way. OK. As sinister as you like. Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, the hottest chat show host in the world, Graham Norton, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler. Woo-hoo! And the last bit as well? Go for it, Bob. Friday at 10.35 on BBC One and BBC HD. LAUGHTER You make it look so easy. CHEERING Stay there, do the music. For the rest of it. Do the music, do the music. Oh, stay there, I'm enjoying this. Introduce Bonnie Tyler. Right, it's time for the music. LAUGHTER Boo!