He Mocked Christianity for 37 Years - Then He Saw Jesus
For 37 years, Josh Smallwood didn’t reject God — he just couldn’t believe that Jesus was the answer. Raised with a general belief in God but deeply skeptical of Christianity, Josh searched for truth through reason, history, and evidence. Jesus felt too simple. Too easy. Too unlikely to be real.
Josh’s journey began intellectually. As an agnostic, he started studying near-death experiences from people all over the world — skeptics, believers, people of different faiths — and noticed something he couldn’t explain. Their stories were remarkably consistent. The deeper he looked, the harder it became to dismiss the idea that there was more beyond this life.
That search led him to examine the historical evidence for Jesus Himself. For the first time, Josh seriously considered whether Jesus was not just a good teacher or moral figure, but real — crucified, resurrected, and alive. As the evidence mounted, something unexpected happened. While reading about Jesus, Josh experienced a sudden, overwhelming encounter with the Holy Spirit — marked by uncontrollable emotion, repentance, and a deep sense that God was real and present.
But the most profound moment came later.
In a quiet, ordinary moment, Josh had a vision of Jesus that forever altered his understanding of God. He didn’t see condemnation. He didn’t hear judgment. What he encountered was love — a love so intense and personal that it left him undone. A love that felt closer than any human relationship he had ever known. A love that reframed his past pain, his grief, and even the moments when he wasn’t walking with God at all.
In this conversation, Josh shares:
• Why he couldn’t believe in Jesus for most of his life
• How evidence and reason led him to faith
• What it felt like to experience the Holy Spirit for the first time
• The vision of Jesus that changed how he understands God’s love
• Why Christianity became personal — not religious
• How his faith continues to shape his daily life
If you’ve ever struggled to believe…
If you’ve questioned whether Jesus is real…
If you long for something more than religion — a real encounter with God — this episode is for you.
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CHAPTERS:
00:00:00 A Vision of Jesus: "I Was Always Walking With You"
00:01:01 Intro: The Thoughtful Skeptic's Journey
00:03:10 Wrestling With God: Why Jesus Felt "Too Simple"
00:04:49 The Search for Truth: Near-Death Experiences & Ancient Faiths
00:07:39 Judging the Truth Based on Flawed Christians
00:08:40 The Book That Proved Jesus Was Real
00:13:00 Discovering the Undeniable Wisdom of Scripture
00:17:40 Liar, Lunatic, or Lord: The CS Lewis Argument
00:23:09 Why a Personal God is Not an "Overworked" God
00:24:52 Trauma, Loss, and the Song That Preceded the Encounter
00:34:00 The Garage Vision: Experiencing Unimaginable Love
00:41:00 The Holy Spirit's Call to Action & Unexpected Baptism
00:52:15 Describing the Indescribable Love of God
01:01:00 Leaving the "California Sober" Life Behind
01:10:13 God's Word Is Alive: A Confirmation in the Book of Numbers
01:17:15 Relationship vs. Religion: What's Missing in "Church Life"?
01:21:49 The Foolishness of Thinking You're Too Smart for God
01:31:07 Spiritual Fulfillment vs. Worldly Counterfeits
01:46:00 Josh's Final Message: Explore the Truth & Go Deeper