My Mom Won't Stop Racking Up Debt (I've Already Paid Off Thousands for Her)

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Hey Dave, thanks for taking my call. So I'm trying to get some advice from you. I've got kind of a long-term problem here with my mother and I think I should give a little backstory here. About 15 years ago or so, her house was paid for and we had her car paid off. I knew she's always been a spender. I've been supplementing her income the last 10 years I knew she was spending on credit cards. So first I gave her $3,000 to pay them off. Then I gave her the next year $5,000 and then it went to $7,000. And then in 2024, she had racked up $21,000 in credit card debt and I had a heart with her and I paid them off. Gave her $21,000 and told her I was done. I was not doing this anymore. And it's just kind of continued. Where is it today? Yes, she's at 33. So she went above and beyond. She outdid herself. Yes. So last year, I think I should, if I can continue a little, I'm just trying to figure out how I can help my mother. I want her to be okay, but I don't want, you know, I paid her mortgage off and I didn't pay her credit cards off. I felt like at least I have some control and this is an asset that's appreciating. What's your question, Steve? I know you want to keep going on, but we're pretty clear of what's going on here on our end. So what's your question for us? So my question is, you know, what to do? Do what you said. Don't pay him, Steve. Steve, were you just playing poker with her and trying to bluff her when you told her you weren't going to do it again? Well, you know, I guess, how do I? No, no, no, no. Steve, Steve, Steve, that was a question. That was a real question. Yes or no. Were you bluffing or did you mean it that you were never going to pay off credit cards again? Hey guys, George here with an important heads up. 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And so I stood, you know, I took my guns, she begged me to pay him off again. I didn't do it. Like I said, I paid the mortgage off. In fact, she actually got mad at me for doing that as crazy as that sounds. It does sound crazy. But it sounds crazy for both of you guys. Here's what I want you to not do. If Ken and I give you a response going forward, I want you to not answer with the past. I want you to answer with something also that will be going forward. Is that fair enough? Okay, because the milk is spilled, right? Here we are. There was years of enablement. And now we're at a precipice of a new way of doing life for both you and your mother, right? Correct, hopefully. And so Ken and I are going to help you get to that point and go forward from here and leave the past in the past. Yeah, so I guess my question to this is bankruptcy. She's she's she signed up for a debt consolidation company and and I don't want her to get taken advantage of. So that's the gist of my I don't think you have to worry about her being taken advantage of. I think she's the take advantage or of right. I don't think you have to worry about that. Well, Steve, listen, I have a lot of sympathy for you. I really do. But you called us and you're asking us questions. And the question that you're not actually asking is, what is okay for me to do and what is not okay for me to do? You're not asking it that way. And you're just circling the drain emotionally with her. And so you're asking like, what about bankruptcy and all these things? Here's the deal. Your mother would be considered by the state wherever she lives, right, as capable of managing her own money. Yes or no? Yes. Okay. And even then you're struggling. You're still making excuses for your mom. Your mom is a grown woman who has got all kinds of pain. And there's a backstory that leads to all of this behavior. But none of it matters. That's why I'm going to list it out. What matters is you, and Jade nailed it, you're in a really tough emotional spot. And I think what you're supposed to do here is acknowledge what kind of a tough emotional spot you're in. I would share it one last time with mom. Hey, I'm now out financially, but I will tell you the residue is I'm emotionally worried for you. And I feel like I'm not being a good son. But here's the problem, mom. If I bail you out, you're not going to stop and it's going hurt our relationship. So I can no longer worry about you. So I'm going to lay it out. Mom, you can't keep doing this. Here are your options right now. You're going to have to manage your own money and you're going to have to wash your hands of this or else it's going to drive you absolutely emotionally insane. And then you're going to end up truly resenting your mother. This is a sad part is that you can't do anything. Are you the only child, Steve? Is it just you? Well, I grew up. I grew up. Yeah. So technically I am. And we could go down some deeper rabbit holes. But I grew up with two stepbrothers and a stepsister. Okay. And they're not in the equation today? Are they in the equation today or no? They're not. Okay. And how old is your mom? She's getting ready to turn 80. Okay. Yeah. She has some physical problems. I agree with Ken. She's 80, but she's still here. Her mind sounds like her mind works plenty well, right? She's not slipped. Is she slipping? Without going down the rabbit hole, she's had some depression issues for certain. Depression. Okay. But I'm talking about is she with it? No dementia, nothing like that. Right. Aside from her giving you the power of attorney and basically her custodian, for lack of a better word, I know that's not the right word, so take it easy on me in the comments. But aside from her agreeing for you to manage her money, that's all you can do. So maybe you talk mom into doing that with her being 80 with health problems, then you can manage her money. But aside from her giving you that, she'll die with this debt is the sad part, but that's not your problem. And I'm really sad that you're in this situation. I think your one move is to go, mom, will you let me be in charge of all your money? Give me total control and I'll take care of you. That's the only shot you got. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.