I was tired my whole life — How I found peace in a slow life

It is spring in my Spanish cottage. The almond trees and wildflowers are in full bloom. Seeing nature bring this miracle to life again, no matter how long or cold the winter was, is such a gentle reminder and an example that we as humans too are capable of creating a season of bloom after difficult times. I still remember how often I felt this deep heavy exhaustion in my body, already as a child after school and later as an adult. It was a constant companion and it felt normal to me. The first years of motherhood were the happiest and calmest years I've ever experienced. For the first time I felt a real sense of inner peace. But over time, all deep-seated beliefs brought back that same feeling of being driven, restless and exhausted. It slowly came back to my life, until it reached a peak last year, culminating in a complete breakdown of my system. I had a nervous collapse that lasted for months. Even though it was a terrifying experience, especially as a mother of two small children, it was only through that crisis that I finally understood something essential. These feelings of being driven, restless and utterly exhausted are not normal. They are the result of a traumatized nervous system. And so I realized that above all else what I truly needed was to rest and to heal. A deep, almost urgent need arose within me to find stillness, calm and peace. Peace with myself, my past, with my needs and with my life. I began learning to find contentment in what I already had. And that was so much. I started focusing on what really matters, letting go of what doesn't and honoring the simple, quiet moments of life. Living here surrounded by the slow natural pace of Spanish country life taught me how to finally honor my own need for rest, tranquility and peace. The simplicity of my Spanish cottage, the sun on the terrace and the soft sound of nature in the garden, these small moments became the foundation of my inner healing. Looking back, I am so deeply grateful for that crisis. Even though it was incredibly hard, it became the turning point in my life that allowed me to finally heal. Today I still get exhausted sometimes, like when I don't get enough sleep for weeks because my children are sick. But that deep, constant exhaustion, the kind that goes right to your bones, is gone. In its place, there is a profound, ever-present sense of deep gratitude and peace. It's a long journey and I'm still practicing every day. But I understand now, I don't have to be driven anymore. I can simply be. Hello everybody, I hope you're well. We had some very sunny and very beautiful first spring days. Now it's getting cloudy again and we have a week of rain ahead of us. But it was just so beautiful to feel the sun on my skin and just the warmth again. We have the grandparents here right now, my parents are here. And that gives me a little time for myself, which I really do appreciate. And also I get very inspired by the Mediterranean nature and buildings and beautiful architecture to paint again. And especially now in the spring, when everything starts to bloom and it's just so wonderful and beautiful. So yeah, I'm very happy about that. I feel like, or at least that has been my experience, that if we are in a crisis like I have been last year, oftentimes we don't really see it as a positive thing while we're going through that. Because it's just so overwhelming to deal with all that hurt and pain and all the emotions that are coming up. So oftentimes we think it's something negative we're going through. But in my experience, where I've gone through something really difficult, looking back, it has always brought something positive to light or led me to a new path, so I could go into a new direction. I think that's so important to keep in mind whenever we're going through something difficult, that the outcome of that might actually be quite positive. And I know that's very, very difficult to have that kind of mindset while we're going through it. Because overall, I think healing in itself is not easy. It is something very difficult to go through, especially if it is connected to very deep-rooted childhood trauma. And so what has helped me again and again is really to remind myself of that, that the path might be difficult, but the outcome might actually bring me somewhere. I wouldn't be if I wouldn't have gone through that and really understood what was holding me back before. I just wanted to leave you with those thoughts in hope that it might give you a little hope or perspective on whatever you're going through at the moment. That's really why I started this channel, to share my own journey in hope that it might help someone else or offer some perspective on things. And I think we can learn so much from each other because we are just so different and we experience things so different on one hand, but on the other hand, we all go through difficult times and we all are dealing with difficult emotions. So I think sharing is really important and if you feel like sharing, please leave down below in the comment section if you also see a positive outcome if you're looking back. And just remember that you are worthy of happiness, you're worthy of love, and things might turn out really, really well. Maybe even better than you ever thought they would be. For me right now, looking back at last year, I am just honestly so, so grateful for everything that happened. Although it has been really difficult to go through that, but I feel such a sense of relief. I feel so much more myself. I understood so many things that led me to a new path, to a new way of seeing life, to a new way of understanding life. And that is just priceless, honestly. So I hope that you are well. I hope that you're taking care of yourselves. I hope this video may have brought you a moment of quiet, a moment of peace. So yes, thank you so much for watching and I will see you in my next video. Bye!