7 Rules of Deinfluencing Yourself ⧸⧸ frugal living + minimalism

De-influencing yourself is simple, but just because something is simple, that doesn't make it easy. But with that being said, I have a big promise to make you today, which is that if you actually follow through with implementing at least half of the de-influencing rules I'm sharing today, it's impossible that you'll walk away from this video, not being able to, A, save a crap ton of money, B, significantly reduce the amount of clutter in your home, and C, get so good at knowing yourself and controlling yourself that it becomes almost impossible for other people to influence you, which is a nice segue into rule number one on this list, which I like to call the Delphi rule. The Delphi rule comes from a famous maxim that was inscribed in stone above the door of the temple of Apollo in ancient Delphi that read which translates to know thyself. Know thyself is a core principle of ancient Greek wisdom that urged self-examination to better understand human limits, avoid hubris and to achieve virtue. And this is a concept that inspired many influential people throughout history from ancient thinkers like Plato and Socrates to Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. A lot of people might be tempted to brush this rule off and say, of course I know myself, but do you, do you really? I can tell you that I'm 43 years old and I'm still learning new things about myself every single day. Over the years, I've done a ton of habit tracking and journaling that has given me great insight into who I am and why I act and do the things that I do. For example, I've been tracking our daily spending and budgeting for the past 15 years. And then last year when I was doing a no spend challenge, I also started tracking all of the times that I was tempted to impulse spend and buy something that I wasn't planning on and that I didn't really want or need. And recently when I was sharing my results and some of the lessons that I learned from that challenge, I got some criticisms and pushback from people who told me I was absolutely ridiculous for feeling tempted to buy an expensive Louis Vuitton lobster purse. But what I think I didn't do a good job communicating in that video and what people didn't understand that I came to realize is it wasn't about the name Louis Vuitton because I don't give a about Louis Vuitton or Chanel or any of these expensive luxury name brands. And for me it was more about the fact that it was a cute little animal, which is a theme that I've noticed over and over throughout the years, not just in last year's no spend challenge, but also going way back that I'm always tempted to buy cute and adorable stuffed animals and purses shaped like animals and anime characters that I love. So for me, the purse wasn't about status symbol or about the brand or about the cost. It was about me being attracted to cute and adorable things. And I've had a lot of other people in my comments saying that they struggle with similar challenges. And after doing a lot of reflection about where these urges come from and what's driving them, I realized that a lot of it comes from a sense of playfulness and a desire to reconnect with my inner child, especially because my childhood was deeply traumatic after losing my mother to cancer when I was nine years old. Please excuse this interruption of your regularly scheduled broadcast as I have a mild mental breakdown over how adorable this lobster is. Another aha moment that I had when I was digging into this topic was that there might be a protective instinct that's hardwired into us as humans, where we are biologically programmed to respond to kinshin schema. Even though I lived in Germany for four years, I might be totally butchering that word kinshin schema. I should get my husband in here to try to have him say this word. How would you say that in German? Oh, I would have never guessed that. So kinshin schema are basically baby-like traits to ensure caregiving. And these traits include things like large heads, big eyes and small noses that trigger in us the same nurturing and affectionate response that we feel when we see a small baby. And then going back to the psychological aspect, cuteness acts as a distraction from stress, inducing a sense of happiness and reducing tension. And it can also provide a sense of security and familiarity acting as a form of emotional comfort. And I think that especially in times of hardship and when there's a lot of stress and overwhelm in your life, it can be really tempting to go back to the things that comforted you when you were little, which if you think about it might be one of the reasons the labubu trend went viral, like it did to the point where people were ready to get into fistfights over dolls leading to tons of copycats like the ones you see here. And I never would have stumbled upon this information had I not decided to experiment with a no buy and track my habits along the way. So if you struggle with being easily influenced or have a shopping addiction, I urge you to start tracking your spending and your habits and to dig deeper into your values and motivations because lack of clarity and not knowing yourself is how other people can easily influence you and knowing your deepest values and priorities will help you stop being so easily influenced by people and opinions that aren't directing you where you want to go. Rule number two is the WWGD rule. So I know a lot of people are familiar with WWJD, which is what would Jesus do? But the WWGD rule means what would grandma do? And this rule was inspired by a motto that dates back to the great depression that went, use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without, which is a historic depression era and WW2 era motto that encouraged extreme resourcefulness, waste reduction, and self-reliance. One thing I hear a lot of women struggling with is buying too much makeup and beauty and skincare products. But in reality, I think that if you take the time to actually try to use up what you already have, you'll be shocked at just how long it lasts and how little you need. For example, I recently did project pan last year as well, where I tracked all of the products that I was using and all of the empties that I created for an entire year. And I think I forgot to mention this eye shadow that I actually use to fill in my eyebrows and contour under my chin so that I hide my double chin a bit. And I have had this since previously when we lived in Germany, you can see this is a German brand of eye shadow. And so this is a good four or five years old. And yet I still have quite a bit of product left inside of here. It seems like nowadays, anytime anyone encounters a slight amount of discomfort or any whim, that comes across their for you page, they immediately feel tempted to throw money at their problem or that impulse. But most of us already have everything we need already in our home. So the, what would grandma do rule encourages you to shop your home, to take a look around and see what kinds of things you already have at your disposal that you can use instead of buying something new. And this mindset promotes repairing, reusing and repurposing items to avoid unnecessary purchasing, effectively acting as a forerunner to modern sustainable living. So the next time you feel tempted to go out and buy something, take a look around your house first and see if there's anything that you can clean or repurpose to serve the same function instead. And that not only will keep a lot of clutter out of your home, but potentially also save you a lot of wasted money as well, which is actually the perfect segue into rule number three, which is to look for proof of concept before you buy. If you've never heard of this idea, proof of concept is rooted in a scientific process of gathering evidence, typically through experimentation or pilot projects, which might indicate that a design concept or business proposal or something else is feasible. So anytime I find myself getting caught up in these must have product trend recommendations or see something at the store that I'm tempted to impulse by, I try to look for proof of concept first, before I give myself permission to purchase that item. I do my best to gather data about the thing and look for proof that it might fit into my lifestyle and my needs. I mentioned the idea of proof of concept in a recent video where I talked about how I de-influenced myself out of buying the viral Weck jars during my no buy year last year. So back when Weck jars were trending and everyone was making the cutest soups and salads and iced coffees in those Weck jars, I gave myself permission that if I were to repurpose some empty glass containers that I had in my cabinet and actually implement the habit of making those things in my home enough, then I would be justified in going out and purchasing those Weck jars later. But did I ever make a single soup or salad or homemade iced coffee in any of these glass jars? No, I did not. And that's one of the big reasons I was able to de-influence myself out of buying those viral Weck jars because I realized they were more of a fantasy self item than something that I actually needed and would use. And you guys love that example so much. I thought I'd share a new video that shows me de-influencing myself from a vintage clothing purchase in real time. So recently I went to an estate sale where it was clear that the owners of the house had been hoarders and the estate sale itself actually had to span multiple weekends because the people who were running it told me there was just so much stuff. They literally had hundreds of boxes in multiple storage units to go through. And at one point I was counting how many plates and cup sets there were and there were even complete sets that were inside the shipping boxes. And I ended up stopping at 20 sets, which if this isn't a good reason you should de-influence yourself, I don't know what is. But anyway, as I was going through the clothes at that estate sale, I noticed that the woman had some really interesting pieces and I ended up finding a really interesting vintage athletic set that caught my eye, which is a topic that we're going to touch on again later, believe me. So one of the rules that I set for myself last year and that I'm continuing to follow this year is the rule of five, which states that I'm only allowed five new pieces of clothing each year. But of course, if you get clothing secondhand, technically that shouldn't count, but I was also applying the rule of five to those clothing pieces as well. And since I hadn't purchased any clothing items yet this year and I had the budget for it, technically I could have purchased this thing and I even went so far as trying it on. But then when I took a closer look at the item, I saw that it did have some stains on it. And not only that the materials that were used to make it were silk and nylon. So it violated my rule for only buying low maintenance fabrics. And I wasn't confident that I could get the stain off and therefore I chose not to purchase it. However, as a former porter who has a huge weakness for thrifting, I can tell you that it's taken me a lot of work to get to this point. So don't beat yourself up too bad. If you struggle with intentional spending and be sure to hit the subscribe button and turn on all notifications so that you don't miss out on the helpful videos I share here at 8's in life each week on topics such as minimalism, decluttering and saving money. Next up, we have the rule of three for de-influencing yourself. I used to struggle with picking out clothes for myself because I didn't have a solid identity or sense of personal style. And one thing that helped me a lot was what's called the three word method from New York city based personal stylist, Alison Bornstein, where you use three adjectives to describe your personal style. So the personal style of someone who is elegant, classic and subtle would be very different from someone who had a personal style that was bold, eclectic and playful. But even though this concept intellectually made sense to me, I still struggled to come up with three adjectives that I felt represented my personal style. And then I thought back to my younger days and how much I loved a group called the Spice Girls when I was growing up and how all of the girls in that group kind of signified this very strong sense of personal style. So if you're not familiar with the Spice Girls, they were a girl group that was really popular back in the 1990s and each Spice Girl was carefully branded with a distinct and exaggerated style that represented different facets of girl power and nineties fashion. You had Posh Spice who is known for her sophisticated and elevated fashion sense and who rarely wore anything besides little black dresses. Then you had Baby Spice, Scary Spice, Sporty Spice, Ginger Spice, and so on. So remembering the Spice Girls led me to think, maybe it's not just about finding three words. Maybe I can also think of three icons that represent some characteristic that I like that I could potentially apply to my own sense of personal style. So going back to the Spice Girls, someone who I really admired was Sporty Spice. I've always been a huge fan of cozy fits and athleisure and low effort hairstyles and wearing sneakers and flats. Instead of high heels and fancy shoes. And then my next personal style icon might surprise you, but I've always really admired Adam Sandler for his sense of personal style because he clearly gives off DGAF vibes. And I am so, so into that. And what's funny is apparently I'm not the only one because when I was researching this video, I realized that there's an entire movement that idolizes Adam Sandler and calls his fashion Sandler core that's characterized by extreme comfort that embodies his signature carefree style with oversized graphic tees, baggy shorts, long socks, and wearing sneakers or sandals. What do you call your fashion and your swag? People talk to me a lot about it lately. It's a, I mean, that's just, that's just a man who opened his suitcase and threw something on. And apparently you set a trend, like the kids have like Adam Sandler dress up days. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. They, they do my, I hear about it all the time. Oh yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah. That's good looking. I haven't seen this before. It's pretty good. And then as far as my third style icon, I also find myself feeling really inspired by the cozy minimalist Zen vibes of people such as Marie Kondo and a Korean YouTuber called Mila Nona, who lives in Italy and who I recently saw her, that girl routine of what she does in her seventies. And I just loved her sense of personal style and her personality in general. And I think that's one of the reasons when I look at my wardrobe nowadays, I find that I've gravitated towards whites and beiges and greens and blues and some occasional light grays here and there, because I just really like the calm, peaceful Zen vibes that those colors give off. So in applying this rule of three to my wardrobe, the three words and icons that I landed that best characterize my wardrobe include cozy athleisure, like sporty spice, authentic and unbothered like Adam Sandler and cozy Zen vibes like Marie Kondo. And knowing that means that any clothing purchases that I make needs to fall under those categories and characteristics. And I would be really interested to know what your three words are or who your three style icons are. So be sure and drop me a comment down below to let me know and how you would describe your sense of personal style and the clothes that you wear. Rule number five is to never forget the past. Just like the saying goes, those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And the way that you can apply this de-influencing rule is to look at your past purchases, especially the ones that have given you buyer's remorse and look at the things that you've decluttered because you didn't use or like them. Because if you didn't like that pair of white pants the first time around, what's the chances that you're going to like them if you buy them a second time? And trust me, this is a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. For me, it was things like white pants in the summer and burgundy clothes in the fall. And it took me way too long to realize that I kept buying these things and getting rid of them because I didn't like them only to get caught up in this same trend cycle year after year after year. But the moment I was able to recognize that pattern was the moment I was able to break free of that cycle. And by the way, this rule doesn't just apply to clothing. It also applies to other things such as kitchen appliances that you've purchased in the past and then never used, or maybe books that you felt influenced to buy because of book talk or the fact that they're making ridiculous movies out of them, like Wuthering Heights, which is one of the most unenjoyable books I've ever read, by the way, just saying. So whenever you find yourself thinking about buying something, mentally go through this catalog of previous things that you've had buyer's remorse over and that you've decluttered in the past so that you can stop yourself from repeating your past mistakes all over again. Rule number six is to remember your money mantras. Anytime you go shopping. I think a lot of us don't realize just how many of our spending habits are rooted in old patterns and beliefs that have basically been programmed into our brains since childhood. So if you want to de-influence yourself and become addicting to saving money instead of spending money, swapping out your old money mantras for new and more positive ones can help you interrupt that loop because anytime you repeat the same intentional phrases over and over again, you're literally reprogramming and rewiring your brain and creating new neural pathways that link safety, identity and self-trust to not buying and spending money. Some of my go-to money mantras are things like, just because I can afford something doesn't mean I need to buy it. And nothing is cuter than financial freedom. And I know that a lot of you have shared your favorite money mantras with me in the past. So I figured it would be a good time to read some of those out like this one that says, I am more than the things that I buy slash own. I can admire it without needing to own it. I can afford it, but I don't want to. Appreciation is free. Less is more. Ooh, this is a good one. Make decisions today for the person you want to be tomorrow. At first, these phrases might seem awkward, which is normal because your brain is used to the old scripts, but repetition is how habits are formed. And the thoughts you allow into your mind become the defaults that you return to until you find that one day not buying stops feeling hard and starts feeling natural. And finally number seven on this list is to follow the 30 day rule. And if de-influencing yourself had a final boss, this would be it. The 30 day rule is a popular rule in the frugal living and minimalism community that states, unless something is a true necessity, you have to wait 30 days before purchasing that item. And I always tell people that if they're brand new to this rule, they might need to work themselves up to waiting the full 30 days and start with maybe a 72 hour rule and then work up to a seven day rule. And then a two week rule until they're able to reach that 30 day threshold. But after over a decade of frugal living and minimalism, I can say with confidence that 90 to 99% of the time, once that 30 day waiting period is over, you're probably not going to want that item anymore. But then on the other hand, if you haven't forgotten about it and you still want it after 30 days, and if you've researched it, you've budgeted for it and it fits your lifestyle and your goals and values, then you can buy it confidently without fear of clutter, guilt, or regret. The 30 day rule doesn't mean you can never spend money. It just allows you to slow down and be more intentional with how and where and what you do spend your money on. And if you want to hear more rules to help you save money and reduce clutter in your home and life, be sure to go check out one of these videos that YouTube thinks that you'll like, or I'll see you next week until then take care. Bye-bye.