Jay Mohr's Craziest Interaction With Chris Farley

The greatest rewrite I've ever been a part of was Norm. We were doing the sketch where David Spade is a weight loss guru, and he really just gets you hooked on. So you know like, you know when they show like the outline of a body and it says like in six weeks, and the outline gets like skinnier? Yeah. It said like in six hours, because like you just smoke. Yeah. And it was my fault. So then there was this part of the sketch where Farley goes to a drive-thru window and says like, I'll have 15 cheeseburgers, and it's this really long order, and the guy in the box goes, will that be all? And he goes, no, I'll also have, and then we argued for two hours, from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. about what the back end of that order should be. Like you know, have them just repeat like, no, will that be all? No, I'll also have, and then repeat the exact same order. Yeah. And you hear things in a writer's room like, ah, too jokey, too on the nose. Yeah, yeah. Hat on a hat. Hat on a hat, too sweaty. Yeah. And it's like, how about he changes the Diet Coke? It's like, eh, we can do better. Yes. How about, Yes, the specifics of that. How about he just says, make those apple pies french fry, and they're like, nah, two hours. Yeah. Like, will that be all? No, I'll also have, And Farley's not there. No. So you're kind of just guessing what Farley's gonna say. And then we hear from the couch by the door, he goes, eh, you guys are arguing over the back end of that order, you know? Yeah. So Chris goes to the, we didn't know he was there, so we all jumped. He goes, Chris goes, ah, give me those 45 cheeseburgers, you know, and milkshakes, and when the guy in the box goes, will that be all? Chris could say, yes. Yeah. Brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they filmed it, Chris says, yes, and he's got this look of like, smug, like it's already working. Yeah. Will that be all? Yes. Yeah. Right. It was like, we were just a pack of dogs hunting in the wrong direction, and Norm's, one syllable. Yeah, yeah. Yes. What was your run-ins with Farley like? He was the most beautiful man I ever met in my life. Some people have asked me, they're like, well, who was the funniest? And I go, well, he was. I don't know anybody on earth ever funny as Farley. Right? Ever. And the thing I always say is, even the people, even someone like Norm would say that. Right? Who was really funny. you couldn't, resistance was futile. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like this wrecking ball of joy, Yeah. that would just smash through any wall you had. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were wrestling Farley on one and one. Yeah? Yeah, he beat me once. You wrestled him? Yeah, we always, because Fred Wolf would be like, hey, Chris, you know, JJ wrestled. Yeah. So shut up, Fred. He's like, no, he'll beat your ass. He was good. He wasn't like you, he was good. Shut up, Fred. And then we would just get going. Damn. And we were in the graphics room, and it was Farley, me, Fred Wolf, and David Spade. Damn. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like little kids, like do it. And I make the mistake of shooting on Chris's legs. Like I'm gonna shoot on a 340 pound guy. I decided to shoot his legs like an idiot. And he just collapses on top of me, like he's like a building coming down. So I roll over on my stomach, I get my arms in like this, and then for the next minute, he's just sitting on my back going, I think I'm gonna, like my bones are gonna break. Was he 340? He was, I don't know, he wasn't 240. He wasn't 240. He was. And I thought I was gonna die, and I was trying to tell him to get off me, but I couldn't breathe. So at the time, me yelling when he was in the air off my back, like Chris, you're gonna kill me. And he's like, and then finally Spade goes, you know, cool, this guy in the world, like get off him, Farley. And he's like, oh, okay. Yeah. And then Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger were hosting. So then I make my way back. I'm just walking around like traumatized. And then when I went back into the writer's room, Chris was on that couch like this, right by the door to the right of the door. Yeah. And you walk into the writer's room on the 17th floor. So I come in and I push him here and he goes to stand up and I like cradle him coming this way, like around his head. And I actually got my arms linked and I did a somersault and we both went over. No way. It was like the greatest move I've ever done in my life. And I was afraid like when you fight somebody way bigger than you, if I let him go, he was gonna kill me. Yeah. So I'm just squeezing this cradle, my knees in his ribs, my forehead's against his temple. We're both purple. Yeah. And then I get up and I'm like, I gotta get out of here. So I go to the night elevators and I'm waiting for the night elevators. And I also, and I hear like elephants coming down the hallway and I look and everyone is in the hallway behind Chris who's coming at like, like a zombie coming to get me. I'm like, this is ******* crazy. Alec Baldwin, Franken's the next guy like. Yeah. Right, right, right. And Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger are like in this crew, like they're gonna watch this weird fight and I don't have a chance. So I'm hitting the elevator button, hitting the elevator button and he's like, it was like a movie. And he comes around the corner and the elevator doors open and it's filled, like almost no room for me with old, old, old millionaires from the Rainbow Room. Yeah, yeah. In tuxedos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I squeeze into the elevator, like holy ----. And I'm bleeding from my arms from the first match. Yeah. And then Chris goes to come into the elevator to grab me and they go, oh my God. Everybody in the elevator goes, oh my God. And he goes, and he turns around and walks away. Saved my life. Wow. Because they all recognize Farley. Yeah, like I was like, do I come to work tomorrow? Damn. It's insane. Damn. And then what happened the next time you saw him? Nothing, it's fine. Wow.