Girlfriends are like board games...COMPLEX!

All right, what are we playing? Something simple, maybe Monopoly, Catan. It's actually a new one, it's called Munchkin. Oh, I hope it's not too complicated. And even if it is complicated, Charlotte and I love a challenge. It's a little complicated, but it's super fun. Okay, and this is how it starts. We all start at dungeon one, and you want to get to the end at dungeon ten. But then how you get through each dungeon is the... Why do we even have to play these stupid games? I just come here every week to cheat on Mitch with John. I know Charlotte's ******* John, but she doesn't know I'm ******* Mitch. I should be stoked about sleeping with both of these people, but I'm not. Because of this secret that binds us. One night that destroyed three lives. July 3rd, 2018. And this monster is called the Bull Rod. Okay, this is a pretty bad guy, you do not want to pull this fella. Am I making sense, guys? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Great. All right, keep going down the cards. We got a curse. Nothing has ever been the same since that night. How could it? The only blessing is John doesn't know. And I'll keep it that way. Even if it kills me. I think about him often. The man we murdered. Michael Sinclair, the town drifter. He was blackmailing me for embezzling 3k at my job as a nail tech. In a moment of panic, I struck him over the head with a baseball bat. I still hear the screams. I can still feel the thick coat of blood gurgling out of his mouth as I- Hello! Charlotte! Hey there! You listening? You paying attention? Yeah, yep. Yep, listening. All right, okay. This guy's name is Mr. Bones, y'all. As you can guess, he's made of- Bones! That's right. Another card? A w-w-w-w-w-wizard! We buried him in a planter box. Right outside. I can feel him. Beneath the soil. There, it's done. Guys, we can't talk about this ever again. Like, with anyone. Not even John. But he's my boyfriend! Not even John. Okay. All right, that's it. Only six classes, 42 monsters, 66 items with unique attributes. Pretty simple, am I right? You guys ready to play? Yeah! Great, so we're gonna start by grabbing the- What was that? What was what? The sound. Did you not hear it? I don't know what you're talking about. Who the **** was that? Babe, we gotta get out of here. No, somebody's just ******* with us! It's fine. They think I don't know. But I know everything. Because I was there. And their victim lived. And for seven years, I've been caring for Michael. Getting him stronger. Not even John. Feeding him. Rehabilitating his mind. And I don't care who, maybe ******* who, because I'm going to **** all of them. Bones. Somebody's just ******* with us. No! Sit down! Oh, Michael! Michael Sinclair! Michael Sinclair. How do you know him? I saw everything. Why are you doing this? Why am I doing this? Because on July 3rd, 2018, we were supposed to play Dinoopoly, the dinosaur version of Monopoly. But then you guys left game night to kill the town drifter? Rude. And you kept it a secret. Double rude. Please, you don't have to do this. Actually, I do. No. All right, Michael. Have at it. Michael, do what we talked about. Remember the flashcards? Michael! I was so ready to kill these people. But then I had to listen to John explain the rules of this game for three ******* hours. He didn't even give them a practice round. That's ridiculous. Michael, use your dirty birdies and kill my friends! Who's ready for some uno? Yeah! Wee!