No Hard Feelings - Maddie Meets Percy’s Helicopter Parents - Love Love

Any trouble finding the place? No. No. Found it. Oh, well, welcome to our home. I'm Allison, and this is my husband, Laird. Laird? Like lasagna? Lasagna? No. Laird. Laird. Am I saying that right? Yeah. One syllable. Laird. Okay. Just call me Laird. I can't. So should I come up, or do you want to come down here? No. You. You. Come on. Yeah. That'd be great. Come on up. I just want you to know, we have the utmost respect for sex workers. I'm, uh, not a sex worker. Not that there's anything wrong with that. No. So, Maddie, uh, tell us about yourself. Where are you from? Uh, here, actually. Wow. A local. I'm jealous. You get to live in paradise all year long. I meant to ask this on the phone. But how old are you? Well, I know you were looking for someone early to mid-twenties. I'm slightly older. Right. How old? I just turned 29. Recently? Last year. So you're 29? Last year. And how old are you, like, right now? One more year older. So, 30? Yeah. 32. May I be frank? I'm assuming that I'm here because you haven't found anyone yet. Yeah, and the reason you haven't found anyone yet is because young girls are idiots. It's not their fault. They're young. But this is your son we're talking about. What you need is someone who looks like a peer, but has the maturity to be able to handle this with the tact and sensitivity the situation requires. She's good. Good. Good answer. We've just been so worried about our son. Percy is so loving and he's so sensitive. And he's extremely bright. Yeah, he's going to Princeton next year. Oh, I've heard of it. He's an amazing musician, but he won't play for anyone. He's just having a lot of trouble socially. You know, and as a mother, that's just been really hard to watch these past four years. He's always on his phone. He doesn't come out of his room. He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't talk to girls. He doesn't drink. He doesn't go to parties. Doesn't drive. Doesn't do anything that I did. We can't send him to college like that. You know, he'd never make it. Well, that's why you called a professional. Not a professional, just a girl who needs a car. Yeah. We didn't come by this easily. You know, we tried everything to bring him out of his shell. We're at the end of our rope. I was shy when I was Percy's age, but I dated this girl right before I went to college. And she really opened me up sexually. Okay. Barbara. Anyway, by the time I got to college, I was out of my shell and thriving. And that's what we want for Percy. Is this him? Yes. Wow, he's adorable. Isn't he? Mm-hmm. So, how does this work? The fire system? That, and we know his passcode. And he's not gay? No. We've seen his internet history. Yeah, the porn is graphic, but not gay. A little gay. Large groups of people. Hmm. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but does it have to be a Buick? It's just what Dad drove. Okay, then why don't you date Percy, and the Buick is yours. And don't just date him, you know? Get to know him, because he's a really good kid. So, when you say date him, do you mean date him or date him? Yes. Yeah, that's correct. Date him. Date him hard. Okay. I'll date his brains out. So, is he in his room? Should I jump out and surprise him? No, no, no, no, no. He's not here. He can't know about this. Nobody can know about this. No, nobody can know about this. Also, it would devastate him, which would kind of defeat the purpose of building up his confidence. Right, right. He volunteers at the animal shelter from ten to six, and we thought maybe you could go and just act like you want to adopt a dog. And I don't see this happening, but if Percy dates somebody the organic way... Got it. Better get to work. Yeah.