5 Lessons I Wish I Learned Sooner | Lilly Singh York University Convocation Speech

It is truly an honor to be back here at York University, where I myself walked across the stage in 2010 at my own graduation in a t-shirt that had an S symbol on it hidden under my gown, because I had just started making YouTube videos under the name Superwoman. I knew little about where that would take me at the time, and clearly I knew even less about how copyright works. Now, I promise I'll try to be inspirational in a second, but I'd be remiss if I didn't take a second to thank my parents who are here today. Now, I have to admit, I really put them through the wringer, y'all. I went against the grain in every way. Told them I wasn't going to grad school because I wanted to be an entertainer. Moved to Hollywood. Got a job they didn't understand at all. When I was making YouTube videos, for years my dad told people I worked at Google. I never followed the path they wanted. I never chose the safe or easy option. And I can't imagine there's anything more stressful for a parent. But I did it all with a deep belief that I could still make something of myself and make them proud. And now I get to say, Mom, Dad, it may not have happened in the way you thought it would happen, but your daughter is bringing home a PhD today. Also, a doctorate in law, may I add. Okay, basically a doctor and a lawyer. And that's important to emphasize because if it was like a doctorate in dentistry or something, they'd still be disappointed. Doctorate in psychology, please. Okay, I have a degree in psychology right now and they basically treat it like a phase. As I thought about what to share with you today, I took myself back to my own graduation. I thought about what I wish someone would have told me then. And not the fluffy stuff, but the real stuff. And so here it goes. I wish someone had told me that it's completely fine to not have it all figured out. Because they really make you think you should, don't they? All throughout high school, they hound you about university. Like, what are you going to major in? A science? Business? The arts? You don't have immigrant parents? Go off, Kelly! Somewhere. Now, you're supposed to decide all this when you barely even know yourself. And then you're supposed to learn about it, graduate, and go get a career about that thing. Maybe even meet the love of your life in class. You know, get married, have 2.5 kids, get a mortgage. They've convinced you it's quite linear. But let's be real, graduates, you don't even know how a mortgage works. Let me reassure you, having it all figured out is a false narrative. This thing is choking me out. It's a myth. When I graduated, I was very sure I had certain things figured out. I thought I knew what my life would look like. I thought I knew what my career was going to be. What my ideal partner would look like. What I would value. What I wouldn't care about. And I was wrong about a lot of it. If I could give you one piece of wisdom, it's this. Your role as a student doesn't end today. You are a student for life, and you have no choice in the matter. Now, that may sound exciting, or terrible. But let me reassure you, it's a beautiful thing. Especially because in the future, your textbooks won't cost you thousands of dollars. And they won't be written by the professor who assigned them. Basically a GoFundMe, I know how it is. You've all learned a lot of cool and random things in your classes. Some you'll remember, and some you probably already forgot. But I really believe the main purpose of school isn't in the facts and figures. It's in teaching you the act of learning itself. And so with that, my fellow students for life, here are five things I encourage you to learn and keep in the back of your mind as you enter this next chapter. Number one. If you frame things as a list, people may pay more attention to you. Number two. Learn the importance of community. Let's keep it real. In school, it's easier to make friends. You're surrounded by the same people every day. But once life starts lifing, it gets a lot harder. Every adult I know has gone through a season where they feel like they've had no friends. Where they have felt alone in a crowded room. And here's what might happen. You'll start to convince yourself you don't need people. You'll tell yourself you're better off alone. You'll generalize all humans based on the few who hurt you. You'll decide no one gets you that no one can. And the world, the algorithm, the hustle culture, the success metrics, they'll agree with you. They'll tell you to isolate, to protect your energy, to cut people off, to draw harder lines, build higher walls, and go at it alone. Because vulnerability doesn't get you promoted, right? You'll think boundaries are healing when sometimes they're just walls you built out of fear. You'll think solitude is peace when sometimes it's just loneliness in disguise. I've been through all of that and I'm here to tell you, community is the medicine. As someone who's lived through some stuff, let me say this plainly. Everything is better when it happens alongside people you love. Though the world is trying to convince you otherwise, we are all wired for togetherness. No accolade will ever feel better than your dearest people being proud of you. No job title will ever compete with the safety of being known by your friends. And no paycheck will ever make you feel richer than being truly seen by someone who loves you. So do not forget, human connection is the entire point. Number three, learn to do what truly serves you, not what is simply familiar to you. As you get older, your conditioning will start to feel like truth. Your generational trauma will feel less like something you can work through and more just like life. You'll find yourself dating people with the same toxic traits, convinced you have a type. You'll have the same arguments, just with different people. You'll be sure you can't chase that dream, move to that place, or do that thing, because that's just not how it's done. And after all, no one in your circle has done it either. But something being familiar doesn't make it right for you. Our mind loves patterns, but that doesn't mean those patterns are good for us. It's easier for your brain to work to keep your worldview intact, even if it's hurting you, than to break it and start over. For example, if you were raised to believe that love is conditional, you'll keep seeking out people who make you earn it. It'll hurt, you'll do it again. It'll hurt again, and you'll still keep doing it. Because it's easier for your brain to operate on that definition of love and suffer, than to throw that entire belief system out of the window and redefine what love means. Because there is comfort in routine, even if that routine breaks your heart, crushes your dreams, or numbs the part of you that still believes in more. But that is the work that lies ahead if you want to truly reach your potential. One of the most important things to learn is how to unlearn. Number four. Learn that nothing is ever a setback. Now, I have enough life experience to check the receipts. My first major heartbreak happened right here in Very Hall. But that heartbreak forced me to do something for myself, and that was the first time I picked up a camera to shoot my first YouTube video. My parents wanted me to go to grad school. A professor at York refused to write me a recommendation letter. And now I'll tell you her full name and address. That rejection was one of the reasons I decided to take YouTube from a hobby to full time. Missing a deadline for a film festival made me so disappointed in myself, that I decided to upload two videos a week. Every single one helping to build the career I have today. From the very beginning of my career until now, there is zero evidence that failure sets you back. And all the evidence that it was required to better push me, prepare me. In fact, I'll even go as far as saying this. I'm grateful for every time something has gone right. I'm even more grateful for every time it's gone seemingly wrong. Because those wrong moments were giving me the lessons, skills, and drive I needed. And if a single one of them were to be erased, I would be less than what I am right now. So if you're ever in doubt, remember this. Failure is not the universe tormenting you. It's not a reflection of your ability or worth. It's not the destination. Failure is the universe guiding you. And finally, number five. And I need everyone to really, really pay attention to this one. Learn that everything is better with women. Yes. You are the next generation of business leaders, inventors, culture shapers. And it is critical that you do not continue the absolute tomfoolery that is gender inequality. The patriarchy is one of the dumbest legacies ever passed down. It serves no one. And I very much encourage all of us to start taking part in this major scam. That is not my opinion, it is a fact. It is statistically proven that if more women are in executive positions in business, those businesses are more profitable and innovative. If women had full economic power, the global economy would grow by more than 25%. If more women were heads of state, there would be less war and more peace. So, to the women on this stage, let me be extremely blunt. Even though our existence is objectively better for humanity in every single way, at every turn of your career, there will be someone who underestimates you, undervalues you, or belittles you. Do it anyway. Make your voice heard. Be okay with being unlikable. And when you rise, and I know you will, do not fall victim to the system they've built for us. Do not do their dirty work. Promise me you will look around and make sure you're not the only woman there. And to the men and everyone else, you're not off the hook. This involves you too. Learn that a strong woman doesn't make you weaker. Understand that true masculinity is not fragile enough to need to control or diminish a woman. True masculinity is collaboration. It's listening. It's choosing what benefits us all, not just a few. And I promise you, the patriarchy doesn't serve you either. See Men's Mental Health Crisis. Now, a lot of what I've said might not land for you right now. In fact, you might have even rolled your eyes a little bit, and that's okay. But I promise you these are lessons you will be forced to learn. You were a student when you started here at York. And tomorrow when you wake up, you will still be a student. When you start your career, student. When you pivot in your career once, twice, maybe three times, student. Some of you will get married, student. When you pivot in your marriage once, twice, maybe three times, student. Some of you will have kids. I personally don't have any, and I've heard mixed reviews. But if that's your thing, you'll be a student then too. And the biggest disservice you can do yourself is to believe you've figured it all out and you have nothing more to learn. And the truth is, you will graduate over and over again. It just won't always be in a cap and gown. And the more you embrace yourself as the most important project in your life and embrace being a student forever, the better off you will be. So congratulations to the class of 2025. I'm so proud of you, and I cannot wait to see the incredible things you do. Thank you for having me.