This Is How Russell Brand's Family Celebrate Christmas

And what I started, when I was too young to appreciate, actually, was that he uses the bathroom in the house, like Santa does, and he leaves a note describing why he's got such a terrible bowel condition. What's the British equivalent to milk and cookies? Because there's no way it's just milk and cookies. It's going to be something stupid. It's going to be like... Well, of course one must unlock the figgy pudding and peel the parsnip. They're losing it, like, each one. I think Josiah was the last one, and I felt like he was heartbroken. Even the whole elf on the shelf thing. Wait a minute, you do that? Yeah, and then I could see it and I hated it that all of a sudden it was like, ah, it's over. But it's about Jesus. Oh, man. What about your one? So we do... With the traditions and with the children's imaginative compliance. So when I grew up, my family said, no, we're going to be honest with them from the get go. So when I was like three years old, from what I can remember, they were like, there's no Santa Claus. It's all made up. We don't want you to think we're liars. And you're adopted, which you literally were. Not only is there no Christmas, we're not your parents. We're not your parents. We just want to tell you right now. And we're going to show you. You're going to what? Turn this into a Hallmark movie. Trauma from the get go. I had a guy that was like in the church that was making this big argument that you need to go. Like, it was a whole thing. He spoke on it and he was like, you need to go and tell your kids right now there's no Santa Claus. And I just, my argument back to him was, I don't know any churches of Santa that are out there. Like, I don't know any adults that are still just like, that's what I put my trust and faith in. And then he was kind of like, okay. It naturally drops off. Yeah, it drops off at some point. And I just, I hate that I could see the sadness in his eyes. Like, you do it? What do you mean? Leaves a yuletide log. I'm putting food coloring in a toilet. Now you have to be careful because red's not good because that looks like Santa's ass is sleeping. Santa's menstruating. Santa has cancer. Merry Christmas. He's not coming next year. Now I put food dye and scribble icing around it and then put like sort of different unidentifiable candies. And then I leave a note where he calls it things that I consider to be good. I've got the scribbling pipsqueaks, the stark Carmichael. He describes his bowel diseases. I'm so sorry. I panicked. Wait, wait, are you serious? In the toilet? You put candies in the toilet? Oh my God. Skittles and M&Ms. That's a tradition. I think everyone should take on that. Where did you get this from? I just couldn't think of like, well, we started pretty normal. You know, footprints, the flower footprints. Now near the half and like, oh, Santa's been in here. And I thought, how do you make Santa being here in your house more interesting? And immediately without the level, he's shitting in the toilet and he's doing sort of festive Santa crap. And they get excited to see it? Like, let's see. Santa's dumped. Do they go check to see if he pooped in the toilet? My children are seven and nine, so I reckon I've been doing it. But Peggy's been online in imagination land for maybe three years. So I reckon I've done three or four years in current memory. They do go and check and they like it. I hope they never see this or experience it. I don't think they watch you. No, they don't. This year you should leave like a mess just on the carpet and be like, dude, Santa didn't even take time to go use the toilet. He couldn't even make it. There's a big market for Christmas books and we could sell like Santa turds. Yeah. Try our new Reborn. Reborn turds. Santastools. You just drop a few of these methylene blues. It's the perfect color for Santastools. Green, has he got a urethra infection? Red, arse menstruation. No one needs that from Santa. Blue, yellow, that's just urine. Blue, that's the color it has to be. So take your methylene blues and then your urine actually will be blue. That is true. Smurf pee. That's amazing. Our work is done here. Parsnips. Get the parsnips. It's got to be some kind of weird name. I can't believe you have that as your tradition. I think that's hilarious. Oh, I think it's so funny. Jake's really adjusted to my strangeness very quick. I love it. Thanks for watching the video. Have a look at this one over here or join us Monday, Wednesday and Friday on Rumble.