Kiki the crab - Moisture Fest Burlesque 2025

Wrongs were saying Oh. All right. [laughter] All right. Let's get the show going. That was weird. All right. We're going to keep the show um moving. There comes a time. We got We got to serious it up now. Okay. This for reals. Like this is important. All right. Life changing is about to happen. There comes a time in every crab's life where she must molt or die trying. Hailing from the salty shores of Seattle, Washington, [cheering] please welcome Kiki the crab. [cheering] Hi, I'm Kiki the crab. >> I enjoy moist sandy places, >> long walks on the beach and scuttling through the eel grass but light of a full moon. Now I've been out here uh searching the shadows for love, but I but I just keep coming up dry. But I'm here on this stage for one last try. I'm going to sing a little song for y'all now. Here goes nothing. [music] I feel [singing] so [music] bad. I've got a worried mind. I'm so lonesome [singing] all the time. [music] Since I left my Krabby [singing] behind on blue ble save the night looking where the sun [singing] shine looking forward to happier times [music] unblue by [singing] you. I'm going back someday. [singing] Come what may on blue by [singing] you [music] where you sleep all day and [singing] the catfish [music] play on blue by you. Oh that crab of mine by my side. The silver [singing] moon in the evening tide. [music] Oh, some sweet day going to take [singing] away this hurt. [music] I'll never be blue. My dreams come true out of blue. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm all washed up. Now, now I'm stopping. [applause] Well, you think it's easy for a crab like me, huh? Plenty of fish in the deep blue sea, they say. Well, nothing but duds seem to float my way. I did a hermit crab. He never wanted to go out. [laughter] I fell in love with a lamp fish. Total gaslighter. Some horseshoe crab tried to hit on me at the sandbar the other night. Can you believe that ugly son of a fish thought he was going to get lucky. And don't even get me started on that toxic devil crab. We matched on flounder and boy did I get catfished. Oh well. I guess I'm no catch of the day either. [snorts] Now I'm a salty old shellfish bis with a bad case of shell shock to boot. Now I act a little feisty sometimes. But hey, you be boiling mad too. People only love you. Your crab rangon. Oh, I got all kinds of nasty predlers out there. Sharks, seagulls, humans, jellyfish, octopi, stripe bass for Christ's sakes, my land of I see. They all want a piece of me. And I'm not too keen on becoming somebody's sea feast. But my therapist tells me I need to uh come Michelle. Well, bonap petit, I guess. Hit it, Sandy. Heat. Heat. [music] [music] >> [music] >> Heat [music] up here. [music] >> [music] [music] >> Heat up here. Heat. [music] [music] Heat. Heat [music] [music] up [music] here. [music] Heat. Heat. [music] >> [music and cheering]