Tortoise vs. Hare - Who Wins?

Today, we answer the age-old question, the tortoise versus the hare. Who will win in a race? And as a tortoise with no hair, I'm completely conflicted. Boys, make your picks. Tortoise. Hare. Have you read the book? It's a bunny rabbit. 3, 2, 1, and they're off. Come on, hare. He's moving, dude. He's moving and grooving. That rabbit is dazed and confused. Oh, he's stuck. Oh, he's high centered. No, he's good. He's good. That was our best chance. What a race so far. Let's cut to a turtle cam. Get another look at the action. Come on, hare. The tortoise has crawled out to a commanding lead, but don't go anywhere because we have many more animal games to come. We're playing monkey in the middle, pin the tail on the donkey, and many more animal games to see which dude can climb to the top of the animal kingdom. The two dudes with the most stars after eight rounds move on to the finale. Dude, that turtle cam has got to be exhilarating. This is a good life lesson. Slow and steady in the right direction instead of fast in the wrong direction. Come on, rabbit. Come on. Shock the world. Toby, make it close. Do something. Bang on the wood. Do whatever you want. Hustle, hustle. Every day, hustle, hustle. Are we just full scale cheating on the channel now? Apparently. Sorry, guys. We haven't faked stuff in 16 years until now, where Toby just tried to scam his rabbit 3 quarters of the way down the track. Competition was a sham. The age old story stands. Safe to say, boys, it was a bad hair day. It's an elite dad joke, and I'm not a dad. Three stars coming your way. Thank you. Oh, that's a big one. You're going to make some ways and make some moves. Welcome to monkey in the middle. Whoever still has their chip at the end is the winner. Good luck, boys. Oh, whoa. Insert jelly. Mm-mm. Why me? Sorry, guys. I think my height will help here. Uh-uh. Mm-mm. Uh-uh. Can not let you. Uh-uh. Hang on a moment. Uh-uh. That's so good. Monkey see, monkey do. Bye-bye, twin two. Oh, your tail. Uh-uh. I'm in the middle. I'm scared. He's your guy. That's the guy, right? The big one. The big guy. Uh-uh. You got it. That's the biggest growl I can muster. I am full of that gorilla. Yes! Starbeam! Bang! I love you, sweetheart. Congratulations, Cody. On to the next competition. It's time for Frogger in real life. Boys, are you ready? We're ready, Sparks! Are you frogs ready? Hi-ho! We're about to find out. Release them! Go! It's a busy day out here. What's the rules on nudging? You need to call the rules. We got a nudger. I got to get him away from me. Get him off the line. Oh, dude! What do you want? We care about rules! You can nudge until you hit the track. Oh! Hey! Sorry! I couldn't do it. Oh! Get out of the way! Oh! Go! Oh! Watch out! Oh! Go! Dude! Go! Get off the track! I can't watch. He's in no man's land. This you, Tyler? Yeah, but he's got in blind spot. Dude, orange truck! Orange truck! Get your blind spot! Go! Come on! Go! Fine! Garrett, you were feeling froggy. Oh, over the sedan was special. Yeah, it was nice. First across the finish line, you, my friend, are a learned star. Thank you. Not getting earned. Thank you. Let's pin the tail on the donkey in 3, 2, 1, go! Get away from me, dude. Who is that? This is horrible! Oh, I heard him! I heard him! He was right here! I heard him! Something just ran by me. It's me! Oh, gosh! Oh! Where's Toro? Hold on. Everybody be quiet. Why? I want to hear him. I have no idea where I'm at right now. No! Stop touching me! I hear him! Hey! Oh, right by Kobe's face. Is Toro actually in the pin, or are we getting pranked? I'm exhausted. I have no idea where I'm at, dude. Hot or cold? I'm lost. Cold? Cold and getting colder. Darn it. Like, is he even letting us get close? Congratulations, Cody. No! You got it. No eyes, no problem. You pinned the tail on the donkey. You might want to tell your wife, you got to take the donkey home with you. That's your prize. That's new. I'll just give you the star. OK, I'll take the star. Thank you, Toro. Next up, duck race. I obviously didn't get the memo. Thought this was telephone parrot style. No, these are ducks. The dude who collects the most ducks wins. Guys, go right down the middle. You're looking for yellow. Team red? You look like a red. Team red? Hey, guys. Listen, blue for blue water. Hey, look. I've seen all the guys up here trying to talk to you guys. What they don't realize is you don't speak English. So I brought something to talk to you in your language. They get it. I mean, they get it, Ty. They get it. So are y'all ready? Yeah, we're ready. We're ready right now. 3, 2, 1, release the duck. That's fair. That was fair. Not a lot of action early. This is like Cody's race at Indy. There's not much going on early. No, no, no. It's a wave of ducklings. We're sick. So shocked. They went for the middle side. Golly. Put the green one there. It'll go down. Throw me a star. That was sick. Thank you. On to the next round. What's become a Dude Perfect staple? What's in the box? Starting off with Armadillo. Garrett, you're first up. Should I go fist? Just, you know, just in case I get a finger chopped off. It's like ripping a Band-Aid off, brother. Just go for it. Oh, is it a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I do not like this. Rock solid, Kobe. Not worried. Nothing to be scared of. Where's the animal? You've touched him twice with your left hand. That's a third. Oh, it's a turtle. It's a crab. A lobster. Kyle could be a crocodile. Nothing's attacking me yet. What is happening? I feel like I'm bonding. Can I keep him? I don't even know what he is and I want to keep him. I'm going to go turtle. Turtle, turtle. I would like to lock in fast turtle. Fast turtle. Well done, Corey. Oh, that's a dillo. Armadillo. It's a baby dillo. Goes to show you at home, kids, when you're not a chicken, things pay off for you. Next up. Are we piping in that audio? Why is it making noises? Birds don't frighten me. I don't know why. Birds don't frighten me. Famous last words there, bud. Oh, my. It's a chicken. It's a dove. Chicken. Baby chick. I'm going to go bunny. You're about to spit out a horrendous answer. I'm just going to lock in flamingo. I can't think of any other birds. Hey, guys. I'm back. TT. Round three of four. Tell me what's in that box. What? I didn't even see what you saw. There's a human in there? What is that? Whoa, what was that? That's real big. Confidence meter so far. Oh, that was quick. Well, I was trying to be confident. Did it try to bite you? I don't know, but it scared me for sure. It's a naked man. No, no, no. It's a naked man. I just saw a guy. I know that. That would be my Chinese Crested. Hairless. Spike. That's Spike. If I'm allowed to be broad, this is a hairless dog. I'm torn between hairless dog and pig. I will go with... Did that change things? Dog shake. Hairless dog. Thanks for playing. It's not a man. It's a weird dog. Scared me. Okay, okay. It's just water. It's water. Oh, baby. I wasn't ready for that. I said I was going to be rough. Slimy. Oh, that's so weird. What is that? I'm expecting... At this point, y'all did not put an eel in here. Flounder. Yeah, no, I'm a fisherman. So I'm just... I got to get to the mouth. Mouth tells you a lot. That's a bass. Largemouth bass. Koi fish? It's a face of confusion. Bigmouth bass. Thanks for playing, Kobe. That is a good-sized largemouth right there, baby. Never cease to amaze me. There's a towel. There's a star. Well done. On to the next round. Bird watching. First dude to find all three birds, yellow, blue, and red, is your winner. Clarky, do jumping jacks. I'm taking pictures. Look at that. Oh, nailed it. Three, two, one. Start searching, boys. Trust your naked eye. You'd like to think Tyler's background in hunting gives him a huge advantage here. Is that a pug wearing a sombrero? And boys, as much as I trust you, I'm going to need photo evidence of each bird. Bang. I see a red one. How high can the yellow bird fly? Asking for a friend. I have yellow and red. I'm still looking for blue. Sparky, I got him. I'm ready. Ow. Wild thornberry. Got a red boy. Check. Okay. Got a yellow boy. And I got a... Oh, that's Sparky. That's me. He's missing blue. On we play. I think I got it, Spark. He's got the ESPN app open. There's my red bird. Confirmed. Here is my blue bird. Here is my yellow bird. Third bird confirmed. Well done, G. Ready. Start. Next up, we're taking it to the sand pit. Frog long jump, boys. Every dude gets a frog. Each frog gets three jumps. The frog with the longest total distance wins. Hey, hey, hey. It's time. Three, two, one. Start your triple jump, buddy. There's one. Two. Oh, no. His hand's on the wall. That's as far back as I can go. Koby, Koby's going to die. Oh, Koby's going to die. That was a frog's way of saying, I demand a trade. He wants out. Three jumps, all we need. Oh, it's the funny looker, dude. Oh, there's one. Oh, two. Right there, right there, right there. I got it. Oh, that's not a great spot. I got a full 12. All right, you all ready? This guy's quick, all right? Oh, yeah. Leave him. One, two, three. Oh, right at the deep rope. That was crazy. Tyler, you're up. Ty's looks the best. Seven, six, five. There's no time, dude. One nudge. Good job, dude. Good first jump. Yeah, no chance. You could swat him and he wouldn't get there. And it's over. It's over. That was fun. Dude, you're shorting me visibly. I was watching you spot my frog and you missed. Do your thing, dude. Do your thing. One, two. Oh, there's going to be close. Oh, Morgan. Right here, Morgan. This is going to come down to the wire. No. It was right here. Dude. It's within an inch. Wait, you just picked up Gar's spot and moved it? Yeah, he did. He did. Boys, we've got an old-fashioned jump-off. Gene, you're up first. One. Come on. Two. Big jump. Do not go over that plank. Oh. We know what you need. Double frog, Gene, bro! Well done, Cody. Well, your frog it leaves. Three jumps and I'll give you the star. One, two, three. You look silly. There it is. Finale time. Both Cody and Gene collected the most stars, so there's only one thing left to do. Tick, tat, turtle. Time to let the turtles do the talking, boys. I love it. Three, two, one. And now we wait, boys. Patience. I just need to get the middle. The middle is key. When's the last time y'all were in a finale together? This feels... It is rare. Like, to not have Ty and Kobe here right now is very weird. I think we've got beef here. This is a stare-down. Oh, dude. I didn't see the minis. Oh, Gar's close. You got two. I got two, baby. Do your thing. Hey, you're one spot away here. As commentator, I'm not supposed to be biased, but I like this one. This little one, man. Dude, he's traversed the red signal. No way. Go. No. No way. I'm alive. Yeah, you ain't got nothing. I've entered the chat. I need a middle. I've entered the chat. Dude, you got three in one area. That's crazy. Let's go, dude. Let's go. Look at this. I'm about to win. Don't say I didn't earn this victory, Cody. Oh, my God. Don't say I didn't earn this. Come on. Hey, red boy. Let's go. No. Red boy. Come on, red boy. Let's go, baby. No. Let's go. One, two, three. Let's go. Kick that turtle. Well done, G. You were one with nature. Congratulations. Thank you. I earned every bit of this battle. I think I still have more stars than you.