10 Everyday Habits That Are (Quietly) Ruining Your Life

When I was a teenager, I used to work as a lifeguard, and that's when I realized that drowning in real life is nothing like it is in the movies. In the movies, when you see people drowning, they're always thrashing around and screaming loudly for help. But when people drown in real life, there's no splashing, no screaming, no cries for help. They just slip silently under the surface of the water and quietly start drowning, sometimes even in plain sight, with their loved ones standing right next to them. And the reason I'm bringing this up is because over the years, I've noticed that this is exactly how a lot of people ruin their lives. If you think about it, when most of us picture our fears, all of those things that keep us awake at night, we tend to imagine these big dramatic events. Things like bankruptcy, car crashes, or losing everything you own in a fire. But for many people, it's not the big things that are the most dangerous, it's all of those small, seemingly innocent habits we might not notice or pay attention to at the time that slowly pull us under. So in today's video, I'm exposing 10 small habits that quietly ruin your life and how you can rise above them before they drag you down. Starting with number one on this list, which is idolizing rich people and buying into flex culture. Let's be honest, our circle of comparison has gotten way too big. Thanks to social media, we're not just comparing ourselves to our friends anymore, we're comparing our lives against celebrities, millionaires, and even billionaires. I'm talking about the kind of people who think nothing of feeding their cat caviar off of Versace plates, and yet somehow have been bamboozling millions upon millions of people into thinking that this is somehow riching right. And let's not forget all of those people who were donating money to make Kylie Jenner the world's youngest so-called self-made billionaire back in 2018. But here's the truth, flex culture is fake, it's performative, it's insecure, and buying into it makes us miserable. People who are truly rich, the kind of richness that money can't buy, aren't showing off their cars or doing $70,000 luxury handbag hauls on social media, they're the ones who are quietly building wealth and putting their money towards strengthening their relationships and buying back their time, peace, and freedom. Number two, mindless shopping. If you ever want to save money and stop drowning in clutter and overwhelm, you need to break free from mindless shopping. Most people aren't buying out of needs or even with purpose or intention anymore, they're just buying out of habit. And by the way, did you know that research has found that it's not even the buying that hooks us, it's the anticipation of buying. It's that little dopamine rush that you get when you add things to your cart or click the buy button, all the while imagining how perfect your home or life will be afterward. But if you think about it, how many times have we been fooled into thinking that happiness is just one purchase away and that somehow a new planner is magically going to fix our lives or that cute new gym outfit will finally motivate us to actually go and work out. And before you know it, all of those small impulse purchases add up to $10 here and $20 there and your home starts to feel heavy while your wallet starts to feel a whole lot emptier and lighter. You know that old saying that goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, it's time to stop fooling ourselves that buying stuff is going to magically fix all our problems. Even as a minimalist, I never expected that when I started an impulse spending journal at the beginning of the year to track all of my spending habits, I would be shocked at just how much money I was saving every time I didn't give in to my spending temptations and whims. But even if you're not interested in tracking your impulse spending and all of your daily expenses like I do, at the very least, get into the habit of asking yourself, do I really need this or am I just bored, stressed, or avoiding something uncomfortable? Because every time you say no to mindless shopping, you're saying yes to financial freedom, peace of mind, and a home that feels calm instead of overwhelming. Next up on this list, we have the habit of hanging out with the wrong crowd. Years ago, my best friend dated a guy who swore that he would never drink. His dad was an alcoholic and he didn't want to end up the same way, which I really respected as someone with an alcoholic father myself. But in the end, his dad wasn't what dragged him down. It was all of his toxic friends who were into drinking and partying who kept pressuring him week after week, saying things like, come on man, you've got to live a little and it's just one drink. Whenever I think of him, it always reminds me of an old Korean proverb that I once read about that translates to there's no tree that won't fall after a hundred chopping blows. And when he finally caved, that one drink turned into a slow downward spiral of addiction, DUIs, and multiple arrests and house arrests. Just this past summer, my best friend sent me the mugshot from his latest arrest that made the news. And it was so heartbreaking to see just how far this kind, smart, and good-hearted man had fallen all because of the people he surrounded himself with. So please take my warning to heart and surround yourself with people who lift you up instead of the ones who want to drag you down to their level with their unhealthy habits and lifestyles. And speaking of unhealthy habits, that leads me to the next point on this list. But before we move on to that, there's another kind of danger most people never even think about when it comes to exposing yourself to the wrong crowd. Because sometimes the people who have access to your life aren't friends at all. They're strangers online who have way too much of your personal information. Most people have no idea how easy data brokers make it for random strangers to be able to find your name, phone number, home address, and even the names of your relatives. If you don't believe me, just go run a quick Google search for your name and you'll find hundreds of these websites that are buying and selling your personal data online, which opens the door to all sorts of risks, from phishing and scam calls to identity theft. Over the past five plus years that I've been a YouTuber, I've experienced thousands upon thousands of phishing and hacking attempts upon me and my channel. So protecting my personal information and privacy is something that is super important to me. And that's why I've been using Delete.me, a hands-free subscription service that removes your personal data from hundreds of data brokers and people search sites online, and who are kindly sponsoring this portion of today's video. Delete.me has been a leader in the online privacy space for years and were recently named the number one data removal service by Wirecutter. And as a busy mom who doesn't have a lot of free time on her hands, one thing I love most about Delete.me is that they don't just delete your data once. They keep monitoring these sites all year long. Kind of like a digital bodyguard that never has to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom. So they're protecting me without me having to lift a finger. Another cool perk of Delete.me is that they send you detailed privacy reports showing you all the places they found and removed your data. When I got my first report, I was honestly shocked to see how many places had my home address and phone number, and so glad to see them get wiped away with Delete.me. So if you're like me and you want to take control of your privacy and make sure your personal information stays out of the wrong hands, head to joindelete.me.com slash a-to-zen and use the promo code a-to-zen when you check out to get 20% off all Delete.me consumer plans. Or you can also scan the QR code that I'm showing on screen right now to start protecting your privacy today. And thanks again to Delete.me for sponsoring today's video. Habit number four on this list is all about how you handle stress and whether your coping mechanisms are helping you or quietly hurting you. There's a good reason that stress is called the silent killer because studies have found chronic stress is linked to everything from heart disease and insomnia to premature aging. I recently witnessed this firsthand during one of the most stressful times in my life when my husband lost his job and we had to move overseas. And I started noticing gray hairs popping up all over the place. And at the time, I thought to myself, I guess this is just what getting older looks like. And I even talked about accepting my graying hair in one of my previous videos. But after spending months dealing with my stress and lots of therapy, meditation, and regular exercise, I noticed something shocking. Those same gray hairs were turning back to my original brunette color. After getting a haircut, I noticed that my gray hairs had started growing back in brunette again and it was only a little bit of the tips that were left gray. I did some research and I found out that hair turns white from root to tip, not from tip to root. And under the right conditions, hair can actually go back to its original color once your stress levels go down through a process called repigmentation. So stress doesn't just steal away your peace of mind, it can also steal away your health and your youth too. And if you want to hear more about that and some of the tips and techniques that I've picked up over the years that helped me cope with stress, be sure and go check out this video that I've linked up here. And I'll also put that video and some other stress-related videos down in the description box below for you in case you're interested in checking that out. Number five, quiet resentment. Resentment is one of those emotions that slowly and silently eats away at our peace. As a recovering people pleaser, I've made this mistake so many times in the past, telling myself it's fine or it's not worth fighting about. When my friend habitually showed up 30 minutes late or my roommate forgot to wash her dishes for the fourth night in a row, these moments might seem small, but every time you swallow your feelings, you make a tiny withdraw from your own self-respect and boundaries. Nelson Mandela once said, resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies. And he was right. Staying silent doesn't keep the peace, it just pushes the conflict inside of you. But if silent resentment is a poison, that means the antidote is to start speaking up for yourself sooner rather than later. Speak up while the resentment is small, set boundaries before you burn out, and remember, saying no isn't rude, it's self-respect in action. Next up, we have living in someday mode. I definitely learned this mistake the hard way, always telling myself someday when I'm skinny again, I'll take that vacation and wear that bathing suit. Or someday when I have more time, I'll definitely read that book. But the truth is that someday isn't a day on the calendar, and so someday never came. There was always laundry to fold, appointments to make, work to be done, emails to answer, and all of those other excuses that sound so reasonable. Then one day I woke up and realized that someday isn't a date, it's a decision. So I stopped waiting for the perfect time and started taking small, imperfect steps towards my goals. And that's when everything changed. Not because life got easier, but because I finally stopped waiting to live it. And speaking of which, that leads me to habit number seven, which is quitting too soon. Not starting is one way to fail, but giving up too soon can be just as bad. All of us have experienced this in some shape or form. The gym gets hard and you're not seeing results in week three, so you stop going. When your YouTube channel hasn't gone viral after the first few uploads, so you quit. Or you have a tough day at work and go into debt, treating yourself to a shopping spree, after which you give up on budgeting because it quote-unquote doesn't work. But what we need to remember is that growth doesn't always look like progress. Sometimes it looks like showing up, tired and unmotivated, and still doing the darn thing anyway. Most of us overestimate how much we can accomplish in a week or a month, but give it three months, six months, or even a year, and you won't believe how much your life can change. Remember, success isn't always built in these big gigantic leaps. Often it's built in the boring, invisible consistency that no one but you sees. Number eight, never letting yourself feel bored. It seems like nowadays people have become terrified of boredom. The second we're sitting still or there's silence, we have this knee-jerk reaction of grabbing our phones to scroll on TikTok or check our email. In fact, did you know that one Harvard study found that when people are placed in a quiet and empty room for 15 minutes, most of them would rather push a button that gives them a painful electric shock versus allowing themselves to sit there and feel bored. That's how addicted we are to stimulation. But what if boredom isn't the enemy? What if boredom is our brain's reboot system? And just like dreams, boredom is a place where creativity, problem-solving, and self-reflection are born. When you never let yourself be bored, you're basically running mental apps non-stop until your system crashes. So start giving your mind space to wander, drive without music, take a walk without headphones, and find quiet moments in your day to embrace boredom and stillness. Number nine, being too frugal. Frugality is an amazing tool, but taken too far, it can quietly turn into a scarcity mindset and fear. And believe me, I'm saying this as someone who adores a good budget, but there's a big difference between being smart with money and being so afraid to spend that you end up missing out on your own life. There's a huge difference between being frugal and being cheap. And if it gets to the point where you won't replace a broken air conditioner, buy a gym membership to invest in your health when your doctor tells you to, or go years without visiting family because you think plane tickets are too expensive, that's a good sign that you've taken things too far, all in the name of saving money. But only worrying about saving money while your quality of life slowly shrinks isn't discipline, it's deprivation. And research has actually found that money can buy happiness when you spend it intentionally on your relationships, experiences, and the things that truly matter most in life. So yes, it's good to be frugal, but keep in mind that the whole point of financial freedom is to actually feel free. And finally, the last habit that can ruin your life is the habit of holding on instead of letting go. How many of us have held on to physical clutter because we were afraid we might need it someday, or held on to mental clutter such as endless to-do lists running through our heads that never get done, or have clung to the emotional baggage of guilt, grudges, and relationships that we've long outgrown. For a lot of us, letting go isn't something that just happens, it's a skill that we were never taught. And over time, this habit of holding on tricks us into believing that not letting go or moving on keeps us safe, when in reality, what it's doing is keeping us stuck. I spent 30 years of my life holding on to the past and collecting things that didn't bring joy or add value to my life. Instead, they kept me trapped and living in the past. But along my almost 10-year decluttering and minimalism journey, I've learned that every time you release something, whether it's an item, a mistake, or a grudge, what you're doing is making space for something new and better to enter. Because the lighter your life becomes, the more room you'll have to actually live it. And if you want to hear more tips and ideas about how to let go and declutter your home and life, be sure to go check out one of these videos that YouTube thinks that you'll like, or I'll see you next week. Until then, take care. Bye-bye.