Ryan Davis: UNDER-RATED {FULL COMEDY SPECIAL} Presented by Ali Siddiq

It's insane. I'm not saying let R. Kelly out of prison. You know what I'm saying? That nigga's guilty. I'm saying put a studio in the prison. Lock up the man, not the talent. What the **** are you punishing us for? A lot of people thought I was pro R. Kelly too, man. Cause I didn't criticize him during all that. And I'm not, it's just, I didn't feel like I was the right person to criticize him. Because what a lot of people don't know about me is my father is significantly older than my mother. So essentially I was raised by R. Kelly. And I didn't want to talk ---- about him. And then you niggas go do your research. Be like, what about your daddy though, nigga? And I'm gonna be like, **** y'all, that's my hero. I didn't know my parents' relationship was inappropriate. How much do you know about your parents growing up? They don't tell us ---- about them. You know, most of us don't know their real name until we're like 14. So I didn't know how young my mom was. I found out how young my mom was once her and my dad split. And she wanted to date again. She was like, Ryan, how do y'all date nowadays? I was like, well, we use dating apps. She was like, can you put me on a dating app? I was like, sure. And when I put her on a dating app, she kept popping up on my ----. I didn't know we were that close in age. I was like, I gotta change my settings. I was like, damn, were there signs that my mom was this ******* young? And there was, now that I think about it. She didn't like the same things my friend's parents liked. My friend's parents was going to concerts to see Frankie Beverly and Maze and Keith Sweat. I remember my mom tucking us in early, 5 p.m., because she was in a hurry to go see Outkast. True story. And she would ask my dad to go with her, and he'd be like, don't nobody wanna hear that hippity-hop bullshit. He's like, you niggas ain't the same age. Ain't no way. And even though my dad is the villain in that love story, that's the parent I'm actually closest to. Me and my dad get along great. And oddly enough, me and my mom don't get along all that well. I haven't talked to my mom that much in like four years. You see that? You hear that sound, non-black people? That's the sound of judgment. I don't know if y'all know this or not, but in the black community, there's no excuse not to talk to your mother. You say, I'm shaking her hand? That's right. Taking her side. They don't even know what the **** happened. How you know she ain't trying to kill me? Couldn't even wait. And even then, they're like, but it's your mama, nigga, you know? I get it. That's cultural. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is these new people we have in society. Have y'all noticed how people just wanna be victims now? You ever try to tell somebody some ---- you going through and instead of sympathizing with you, they try to one-up your story with some pain of theirs? I told a dude I ain't talked to my mom for four years. I thought he was gonna react like y'all. This nigga gonna say, well, you think that's something? It's like, nigga, that is not how you respond to somebody's pain. He took it further too. He was like, well, I would give anything to speak to my mother one last time. I was like, hear this nigga go. He was like, I'm sorry, dude. It's just my mother. My mother committed suicide and I would give anything to speak to her one last time. And I was like, damn, it don't sound like she felt the same. I mean, technically it was a decision, not an accident. You know what I'm saying? They were probably like, but what about the children? She was like, **** the kids, nigga. Sorry, I tell people what they need to hear, not what they wanna hear. I don't believe in political correctness, man. For real, I think it's fake niceness is part of the reason we have problems in this country today, especially racially, because people think we're a melting pot of races when in fact we're a melting pot of cultures. And no matter how much we see the same things in this country, we will see them differently because we're raised differently. We're all different cultures. And that's why it's important to have conversations with each other. And political correctness stops that. Remember, no matter what, we will always see things differently. Like for example, are there any dog lovers in here? Any pet people? You see? You see how they're clapping and ----? They think they're good people. But what is a dog's life before you own it? What? It's out there in the world doing its thing, just the way God intended. That somebody calls a dog catcher, dog catcher comes, captures the dog, takes it to the pound, throw it in a cage. Then you go down there, buy it, take it home and make it do whatever you want it to do. That's the plot to the movie Roots. The thing of that is, why is it different? Why are you better? Why? Because you dress the dog up? Is that what it is? Let me guess, you put it in unfamiliar clothing, give it a name in your language. Then the dog finally gets enough courage to run away and get its freedom. And what do you do? Put wanted posters all over the neighborhood. I'm sorry, lost posters. Lost posters. Because the dog must be lost. There's no way it would run away from my love. It's all in how you see it. And you got to understand other people's culture. And really, you ain't even got to understand it. You just got to respect people. And I have a friend who had an issue with that. She's like, Ryan, you say the N word a lot. And if racism is such an issue for black people, then no one should say it, not even you. And I had to explain to her, no, sweetheart, it's cultural whenever I say it. It's only racial when you say it. And I know that sounds confusing for some people when I say, hey, don't say the N word. Me and my niggas don't like that. But that's the rules, nigga. But she didn't, she didn't want to hear it. She wanted to win the argument instead of understand. So she took it too far. She was like, well, I believe every time you use the N word, Martin Luther King rolls in his grave. I was like, ----, that nigga spinning, ain't he? Yeah, that nigga twirling, boy. Sorry, can't use my heroes to shame me. See, she was trying to take something that black people love and respect, which is Martin Luther King, and weaponize him for the sake of winning an argument, which is inherently racist. But if she understood the culture, she would understand that even though black people love and respect Martin Luther King, we had several civil rights leaders for a reason, because not all black people wanted to protest the way Martin Luther King protested. Martin Luther King had black people marching in 120 degree weather in dresses, suits, and most importantly, hard bottom shoes. There were so many black people like, you niggas be safe out there, okay? And he believed in nonviolence, which means no matter what anybody does to you, you cannot fight back. Means people hitting you, spitting on you. You want to fight back. And he's like, no, my brothers and sisters, remain nonviolent. Spraying them with hoses, pinning them against the wall. They can't even fight back. They want to fight back. And he's like, no, my brothers and sisters, remain nonviolent. Then somebody yells, let out the German shepherds. He's like, let them bite you. They're like, oh, this nigga wilding, bro. I'm sorry, I had a dream too. I did. It didn't include no German shepherds. It didn't. It's time to see what Malcolm's talking about. I just feel like he understands me more, you know? I love how that joke divides the room. There's people laughing harder than ever. And there's people not laughing at all. Because they're politically correct. They were told, you know, anytime somebody jokes about Martin Luther King, it's not funny. Even though everything that I said was not only funny, but true. You're just being fake nice. And now you're at a comedy special looking stupid. And that's what I don't like about political correctness. Because it doesn't stand in truth. And I've had to learn that the hard way. Because I used to be politically correct. But political correctness is dangerous. I almost lost my life trying to be politically correct. Because political correctness taught me that if somebody has a disability, and they have a job, and they don't do that job as well as an able-bodied person, you're not to complain, as you would an able-bodied person. So I didn't say ----, and I almost ******* died. What happened was, I had a deaf Uber driver, right? Oh, you niggas in Chicago are different. I didn't say no joke. All I said was what a disability was. I said she was deaf. Y'all was like, how that bitch can't hear? That is crazy. Do something about your heart, Chicago. That ain't me. My issue was she was unprofessional. She kept talking on the phone the entire time she was getting me to my destination. And I know some of y'all are like, Uber drivers answer the phone, so what? But when an Uber driver answers the phone, normally they can hear. They just put the phone on speaker, or they put their AirPods in. It does not change the driving experience. But because she's deaf, she has to use FaceTime. So her phone is in the windshield, and her eyes are now off the road. And now her hands are off the steering wheel. We have five senses. She's trying to get me to my destination using smell and taste. If you see something, say something. It's what I'm telling you. So I'm honest. I'm honest about everything now. Even the things that I was afraid to tell people, man. Like, for example, I have a five-year-old son. And for the first four years of my son's life, my son didn't speak. And I knew then that my son may be on the spectrum. And my first thought was, damn, life is about to be tough for me having to try to raise a child with special needs. And what I should have thought was, damn, life is about to be tough for my son having to go through life being somebody of special needs. And that's when it dawned on me, I'm probably not the nigga he needs. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna abandon him, but I'm saying he deserve better. Well, I took him to the doctor. I had to see if, in fact, he was. And we took him to the doctor and they tested him. And they came back and was like, Mr. Davis, believe it or not, your son is not special needs. He's not on the spectrum whatsoever. It was a huge relief for my family. And I'm not gonna lie, there was a small part of me that was like, then what's this nigga's problem there? But the truth was staring me right in the face. I had to be honest with myself. Clearly, he just don't **** with me like that. This nigga was in the back talking to the doctor the whole goddamn time. Just in the back like, nigga, I talk. What are you talking about? If you knew them niggas, you wouldn't talk to him either, doc. The nervous dude. He don't even talk to his mama. The nervous nigga, man. He might be on the spectrum. Shit. Tell him I passed. Don't tell him I talked. There's some good ---- I got going. I love my children. I love them to death. I hate feeling like I failed them though because me and their mother didn't work out. I wanted to give my children a two-parent household like I grew up in. My parents were married almost 40 years. I wanted that for my children. And it's not gonna work. And I tell you this, if you're out there co-parenting and raising your children with somebody and y'all aren't together, always respect the other parent because you never know what can happen. I had to learn this the hard way. A little bit after my son was born, due to complications of giving birth, the mother of my children lost a ton of blood and went into a coma. And because she was raised Jehovah's Witness, her mother went into a blood transfusion to save her life because it's against their religion. And because we were not married, I had no say on whether the doctors could save her life or not. And I started thinking about all the little petty ---- that I was doing that was keeping us from being the best parents we could be. And now I'm looking at her in our hospital bed, thinking, damn, I would have never done any of that if I had thought for one second that you could possibly ******* die and leave a nigga full custody. Like, I was so scared. She's got two kids by myself. I'm not that kind of nigga, bro. I was scared. And for real, y'all. But she survived though. Won't he do it? Listen, God will not put more on you than what you can handle. He won't do it. That's my testimony. Me and her rarely saw eye to eye, even with our first child we did. When she found out she was pregnant with our daughter, she came to me and she was like, Ryan, I'm pregnant. And just so you know, I'm not keeping it. Now, I'm raised Southern Baptist. I don't believe in abortions. I told her, I was like, look, I think God gave us this child for a reason. I think we'll be amazing parents. And she was like, Ryan, I respect how you were raised, but I was just telling you as a courtesy. At the end of the day, it's my body, my choice. And she's right. Ladies, it is your body, your choice. Fellas, don't ever forget, it is their body, their choice. I don't care what the Supreme Court says. No man has the right to tell a woman what to do with her body. I understand this. I do. And I didn't want her to feel like I didn't. And I just wanted her to hear the other side of the argument. I just felt like that it was fucked up because I helped you make this child. Yet I have no say in whether this child lives or dies. As someone who wants to be a parent, I felt like it was a fucked up position to be in. And she was like, Ryan, that does sound like a fucked up situation to be in. That's why I'm glad that's not my situation. And even though I understand it's her body, her choice, because she loved me, she went ahead and had my children anyway, even though that's not what she wanted for her own life. And I've been a parent for almost nine years. And I can tell y'all from the bottom of my heart, I didn't know what the **** I was talking about. Listen, nigga, it is her body, her choice. If she want to get rid of that little nigga, man, off with his head. Nigga, I don't know what it is. I don't know. Maybe they can feel the evil. They know it ain't supposed to be here. Gotta trust them. And now, you know, like I said, I wanted to give my children a two-parent household and it's not gonna work out with their mom. So I've been trying to find them a step-mom for Christmas for like three years, but it's not working because I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning that I don't want to make any new children. I'm done making children. So that changes my dating pool. That means that I can't date women who also want to make children. You know, I have to date women who don't want to make any new children, which means mostly that leaves me to dating women who already have children because women with children understand why you shouldn't have children. Only problem with that is if I'm being honest, I don't really like dating women with children. And it's not because they have children. It's just, I don't live up to the standard they set for the man that they want. Women with children say things that make no sense to me. They say things like, Ryan, I want you to love my child as if they're your own. How can I love a nigga who calls me Mr. Davis? Like I love my children. It don't make sense. It doesn't. See, I love my children to death. Literally, I will give my life if that means that my children will live on. You think? You see how I don't even have to finish that for a lot of y'all? That's a hell of an ask. That is a hell of an ask. You want me to give my life for a friend of a friend. This is a ridiculous ask. And I know some people thought I'm boring. I'm not giving you the right example. So let me give you a better example, okay? Let's say I'm out, right? And it's her kid, me, and my kid. And for some reason, a gunman comes out of nowhere. And he's like, look, I don't want any money, but one of you niggas gotta die. Guess. Guess who's about to get shot. Now, if you're a politically correct person, your first thought is, Ryan, you gotta die. You gotta take this bullet to save these children. I disagree. And I only disagree based on the standard she set. She said, I am to love her children as if they're my own, which means she's supposed to love mine as if they're hers, which means we are a family. And we make decisions based on what's best for the family. If we're a family, how the *******, me dying is the best situation for the family. If you my woman, you don't even work. I'm rich. I pay all the bills. If I die, y'all are homeless. And I know some of y'all are like, nah, there's life insurance. I don't have life insurance. I'm taking this money with me, baby. You don't get to live the life that I made for me after I'm gone. To the streets you go. That is, everybody is fucked up. If I die, I think there's a better decision. I mean, all situations are sad. Every decision is a bad decision, but there's a way that more people can win. And I think I know what it is. Don't look like that, sweetheart. You know what it is. I'm gonna let him shoot this nigga. And it's the best decision for everybody, but I know everybody's not on board. I can see the faces. I can see you. You haven't laughed not one time in this. And I get it. I get it because your heart won't let you do it, no matter how much sense. But you don't have a good reason to why I should die. None of you. It's actually offensive to me that you think my life is worth less than this ******* kid that I made up. This ain't even a real nigga. And you still want me to die? A nigga that you came to see? This is ridiculous. And if I ask you why, you only got one answer, and it's the answer y'all been taught because of political correctness. Ryan, you're older. You've lived your life. Well, I believe because I've lived longer, I've proven that I deserve to be here a lot more than this kid has. What has he contributed? I give back to my community. I'm a role model. I take care of my kids. And before this little nigga was getting shot, and he is getting shot, I was trying to take care of somebody else's kid. I'm an amazing person. Top tier, if you ask me. And even though I made all these points, I still see the faces. Feel you looking at me, shaking your head like, Ryan, I can't get on board. No matter what you say, I'll never feel good about you letting an innocent child die just so you can go on with your life and live it however you want to live it. And I tell you this, you have a right to feel that way, and I'll never argue with you. But at the end of the day, my body. My choice. But I still want the relationship, though. Because I think I figured out relationships. I do. I think I just need somebody to practice with. You know, I learned the key to making a relationship last. I did. You just have to do what you did in the beginning to get in the relationship all the way through. And it works out. And remember how relationships start. A relationship starts because a man lies about who he is. And a woman accepts that. That is what a relationship is. So fellas, you have to keep lying. It's imperative that you lie to her in her face daily. And ladies, you just gonna have to take that. You have to take it. And I know it sounds messed up, I know. But it's because we're different. We love differently. A man's love is possessive. Ladies, we want you. We'll do whatever it takes to get you. And once we have you, only concern is keeping you and keeping other men the **** away from you. That's it. And ladies, y'all want something different. Women want something different out of love. Women want to be happy. You see how that's different? Fellas, you see how that didn't really include you? Women want to be happy. They make decisions in life based off of their happiness. That's why a woman can have a job making a million dollars an hour. And if she don't like the way she feels, go into that job every day. Eventually, she will quit that job. You see how y'all get that? You see the confusion on the men's faces? Because all they heard was, these niggas pay a million dollars an hour. And you're like, but what about what they do at the job? I don't give a **** what they do down there at that job. I'll see you niggas Monday. That's how we work. We're different. But because they prioritize happiness, fellas, that's why they get to be happy. She gets to be happy, all right? And some men have figured this out and they get to be married a long time. You ever talk to a man who's been married a long time? Ask him what's the key to his marriage. He'll tell you, happy wife, happy life. That nigga don't say nothing about honesty. You've never talked to your grandfather and he'd be like, keep it real with her, young blood. They love that ----. As long as she's happy, congratulations, you get to be married a little longer. That's how it works, all right? But she gets happiness, fellas. And in return, you don't get happiness. You don't get happiness. And let's be honest, fellas, you don't even give a **** about happiness. It's not our ----. No one's ever cared about our happiness. It's not our ----. Men care about peace. As long as no one's ******* with me, what a day. To the ladies in the room who don't understand this, peace comes from nothing, all right? It comes from nothing. Think about a time you asked your man what he did that day. And if the answer was nothing, think about how happy that nigga was to tell you that it was nothing. That's how we operate, all right? Nothing is a great thing, but fellas, do not expect your woman to understand peace. Just like you don't understand her quitting a million dollar an hour job, she will never understand peace. Because to them, peace looks like happiness. And they don't like happiness when they're not around. She's not gonna preserve your peace. And I know there's some women in here like, no, I'll preserve my man's peace. And you're a ******* liar. Because think about a time your man was in the room by himself, staring off into the distance, smiling. And you walked past the room. Did you look at him and go, he looks happy. I'm gonna leave him by himself, he looks happy. Or did you go, the **** is he smiling about? It better be me, it better be ******* me. And she thinks you're happy, fellas, so she wants to know what's causing your happiness. But she don't know it's peace. Nothing comes with peace. So she comes and asks you, what you thinking about? And you think it's a good idea to tell her the truth. And you look her in the face and go, nothing. And that's when the fight starts, because they don't get it. But fellas, you need your peace. But understand as important as peace is to you, fellas, listen, there will be no peace if she's not happy. And I know there's some men in here that's like, nah, I deserve to be happy, too. I get it, you ain't lived long enough. But if there's some men in here, if there's some men in here who wanna be happy, you wanna be happy in a relationship, I'll tell you how to do it. Any man in here who wants to be happy in a relationship, this is the only thing you have to do. You have to. Date a man, okay? That's why they call it gay. What's the definition of gay? Happy niggas, and that is what it is. Gay men are the happiest niggas in the world, all right? And I know there's some people who gonna push back like, nah, Ryan, this ain't the case. Let me tell you something, you all know this in the back of your minds. And I'll prove it to you. Let's say that you have a new coworker at your job. He's been there for like two weeks. You don't know much about him, you just see him around work. And every day from the time he come in to the time he leave, that nigga is happy, real happy. What's the first thing you think? That nigga gay. Listen, we ain't gotta do this today. We all know this is the case. That's how men get to be happy. But if you want peace, that's what you get with this woman, but you will not get peace if she's not happy. And you don't even have to date women to understand this concept because you all have mothers. You know what it's like to grow up with a woman of the house? You can't think of a time when your mother was upset and anybody in the house was at peace. She don't even have to be in the house to **** up everybody's day. In the house, she could do that with a phone call. This phone call don't even have to have details. She could just say some ---- like, I'm on the way. And that's enough to **** up everybody's day. All you know is that she's mad and she's coming. And when you got off the phone, you looked at your siblings like, clean up everything. I don't know, mop the ceilings, nigga, whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. I don't know what's gonna happen, it's gonna be bad. It's how it works, all right? But ladies, understand, your happiness comes at a cost and that cost is lying. Because we cannot tell you the truth and keep you happy. Doesn't work that way. In order for your man to tell you the truth and it make you happy, you would have to like him. And y'all don't like us. You don't. And we found this out at a young age, didn't we, fellas? The moment we started liking y'all, we found out. We came home with that stupid look on our face. Oh my God, there's a girl in my class. I really like her. I want her to like me back. What should I do? And somebody gave you the worst advice you ever got in your life. They looked you right in the face and said, be yourself. You was so mad when you came home, you just started throwing ----. You was like, man, what the ****, man? She don't even like action figures. Why would you tell me you don't like us? So we lie. And ladies, y'all love to lie. Y'all love it. You do. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't ask us stuff that forced us to lie. Asking us questions like, what made you approach me the night that we met? Knowing good and well he can't say, that ass was fat. It was fat. Me and my boys went out, we were like, what the hell? And then you came in, I was like, there they go. Don't say that, you'll lose your lady. Don't say that. So we lie. And ladies, you love it. If you didn't love it, I'm telling you, it's not even good enough to lie. Fellas, you have to start lying the way they want you to lie. Women like their lies with effort. They don't like half-ass lies. And they don't like lies that they feel like you've been telling. They like personalized lies. I'll tell you a lie several men will have to tell today. Because it was warm earlier. But y'all off this lake, whenever it gets late, it gets colder than a bitch in Chicago. But your lady ain't dressed for the late night weather. She dressed for how it was when it came in. Y'all on dates. Wanted to look cute. I'm gonna tell you a lie several of you will have to tell. When y'all leave here, you're gonna have to be like, I don't need this jacket. I don't even want this jacket. I wanna take my jacket off and give it to you. Even though I told you before we left the house. And not only do you have to give her the jacket, you have to tell that lie, but you have to tell it the way she wants you to tell it. And the way she wants you to tell it is, it is your pleasure to give her the jacket. This makes you feel good. This is what you want. You don't believe me? Try to give it to her angry. Say, take the ******* jacket. She will not take your angry ass jacket. She'll disrespect your jacket. Don't nobody want your stupid ass, dumb ass, ugly ass jacket, but she won't take your angry ass jacket. And not only does it have to be your pleasure, it has to be your idea. Because she will not ask you for the jacket. Cause in her mind, you saw I was cold. So you should wanna risk pneumonia if that's what it takes to keep me warm. And even though she will not ask for the jacket, do not let her make it to the car without that ******* jacket. If she makes it to the car without that jacket, she'll treat you as if she asked for the jacket. And you were like, bitch, don't do it, don't do it. Even though she will not ask you for the jacket, she'll give you a hint to let you know when it's jacket time. Y'all will be leaving the show. You'll be talking. She'll realize that it's cold. That wind will hit her and she won't say anything. She'll just start looking up at you, waiting for you to make eye contact. And as soon as you make eye contact, she'll go, she means it's jacket time, nigga, don't **** this up. And you give her the jacket and that should be the end of it, it should. But it's not because she needs to know how you feel about giving her the jacket. She needs to know it's your pleasure. So you have to smile all the way to the car and she will be checking. She will be looking at you to see. Only problem is, fellas, you're only human and it's cold outside. So you'll get halfway to the car and she'll start seeing your shoulders creeping up to your ears. And that's when she'll ask you the dumbest question anybody has ever ******* asked you. She'll look you right in the face and go, are you cold? Fellas, do not confuse this with concern. She don't give a **** if you're cold. She's checking to see if it's still your pleasure. This is not an open-ended question. The answer is no, all right? And you better put a cherry on top. Cold? Hell, no, I ain't cold. I love seeing my breath. That's how she wants to be lied to, lie accordingly. But ladies, understand, it is impossible to lie to you long-term. Fellas, you cannot lie to your woman over long periods of time. It's impossible. It's just the way it's set up. Women process information a lot better than we do. They do it differently. Men think in statements. Women think in questions. And there's nothing you can tell a woman where if she's interested, she can't think of another question to get more information. The only problem is when you're lying, you ain't thought that far at all. She will catch you, all right? There's nothing you can do. They just love questions. Like you can come home and tell a man and a woman the exact same story, get two different reactions. You come home, tell a woman, hey, I was at the grocery store and I saw a man get shot in the parking lot. She'll be like, oh my God, was it gang related? Was it a robbery? Wait, are you a witness? Do you gotta testify? Wait, do they recognize you? Do they know you? Because if they know you, ****, do they know me? She heard one sentence, 38 questions, ready to go. Men are completely different. You come home, tell a man, hey, I was at the grocery store, saw a man get shot in the parking lot. A man gonna be like, damn. A person who thinks like that can't lie fast enough. For somebody with that many questions, she will catch you. So ladies, it's on you. If you want your relationship to last and you wanna maintain happiness in your relationship, it's up to you to protect your happiness. So you have to do this. You have to learn how to accept and ignore some lies. But you can't do that, can you? And fellas, it's not that they don't want to, they can't. They really can't. Because they would have to give up one of the things they love the most. And that's catching you in a lie. They love that ----. Don't you think that they hate it? They love it. Because think about it, fellas. Anytime your woman caught you in a lie, did she frown? Nope. Smile from ear to ear like Christmas morning. It's like happy and crazy, all rolled into one. No matter how small the lie is, she just lights up. Be something stupid like, where were you at? I was at my boy Jason's house. She'll be like. Start whispering to herself, he's at Jason's house. I don't know what that feeling is, ladies. It must feel good, whatever it is. That feeling y'all get when you catch us, it feels great. It has to, because y'all are addicted to whatever feeling that is. And the reason I say you're addicted, because you act like addicts. You know what I've never seen an addict do? Take one hit and go about their day. You know what I've never seen a woman do? Confront you after catching the first lie. She knows you weren't at Jason's house. She could easily go, stop right there. Stop ******* lying. I know you weren't there, and this is how I know. Is that what she's gonna say? Of course not. She's gonna be like, so what were you and Jason doing? At Jason's house. Because she needs another hit. She's sick is what I'm telling you, they are sick. They got a problem. And ladies, I'm not judging you. I'm not. At the end of the day, you're the one being lied to. However you respond to someone lying to you is your prerogative. You're not in the wrong. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is get control of your addiction because it's causing y'all to do some crazy things, things that we think is crazy. You're doing things like going through your man's phone. And ladies, you can't go through your man's phone. You gotta cut that out because that's nothing more than your addiction, getting the best of you. Because think about it. Why do you go through the phone in the first place? You go through the phone because he hasn't given you your fix. Too much time has passed and you haven't caught him in the lie that you're trying to catch him in. So instead of thinking, hell, maybe there are no lies, you start thinking, this nigga's getting better at hiding his lies. It's time to go get that goddamn phone. That is why, all right? And listen, we probably wouldn't care about y'all going through the phone, ladies. We probably wouldn't if it wasn't for the reason that you give us for going through the phone. You tell us that you go through the phone because you're looking for evidence of another woman. And that's why we think you're crazy because you think two women like us. That is not most men's life at all, ladies, at all. He didn't even have nobody when he met you. How the **** that he's had all the bitches now? Where do y'all get that from? He was never capable of that. And y'all do not treat us like that out in the world, ladies. Y'all do not see men that have it like that. Why do you think your man has it like that? You know how you treat us in the world. Y'all be out and a man be like, hey, and y'all be like, ew. That's how your nigga is treated everywhere that he goes. It's not a different, what do you think happens? You think he goes to the store by himself and women just lose they ----? They can't even keep it together when your nigga come in. They come in the store and they be like, oh my God, girl, you won't believe who just came in here. The one nigga all of us wanna **** has just came in the store. You gotta get down here so we can **** him right here in the frozen food section. That's what you think is happening? Don't nobody want that nigga but you, sis. And it's because of this, men are terrified of their women, absolutely terrified. And I know you ladies don't think your man is afraid of you but I'll prove it to you. Fellas, let's play a game. Look at the man, you ready to go? This show is. It's a simple game, fellas. Don't worry about it. I'm not gonna leave you out. The drive is a simple game. I'm gonna ask you a question. The question is so simple that no matter how you answer it, everyone in the room knows your real answer anyway. Also, it's too many of you to ask individually. You know, it'll take all night. So I'm gonna ask you as a group. And if the question applies to you, all you gotta do is clap. If it doesn't apply to you, all you gotta do is sit there and look at me like you don't know what the **** I'm talking about. It's very simple, all right? Fellas, you ready? You hear that, ladies? Four niggas. That's what fear looks like. You saw it. I did everything to get them on my side. I told them they could clap or they could not clap. I told them no matter how they answered, everybody know the real answer. Everything to make them comfortable. And all but four of them was like, no thank you, my nigga. Because no man wants to answer a question in front of his woman that he didn't study for. You don't wanna do it. You wanna hear the question first. I get it. So this is what I'll do. I'll start from this side of the room and I'll work my way around, giving 90% of you the opportunity to hear the question and decide how you would like to answer the question. That is fair. That is super fair for you guys. Good luck, my nigga. You got this, though. All you gotta do is clap if it applies. Don't if it doesn't, man. It's simple. All right, fellas. Clap. Fellas, clap if you watch porn. If you enjoy watching porn, put your hands together. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. None of these niggas, no. Come over here. No, no, okay. What was that, about eight, about seven, eight niggas? Ladies, y'all believe that? No. No, wait a minute. Are you meaning to tell me that you believe these men are lying? There's no way, there's no way. They know you don't like being lied to. Truth has to be, multi-billion dollar industry hasn't quite made its way to Chicago yet. See, ladies, you'll never know what it's like to lie about something that stupid. They ******* know you know, but they wouldn't dare put them hands together. And ladies, you don't know what that's like, to have to lie about something that stupid because y'all don't feel that. Like, ladies, be honest. Ladies, tell the truth. Ladies, clap if you watch porn. Look at the pride, fellas. Woo it. Do you know what would happen if a group of men went, woo, them nasty motherfuckers. They clapping above their heads. They don't give a ****. Some of them clapping in their nigga face. What you gonna do? Nice ----. That's what freedom looks like, fellas. Get you some of that. And I know some ladies in here that's like, he could have clapped if he wanted to. Obviously not. Because he knows if he claps, it changes the whole night. It changes the trajectory of the rest of the evening. So now, cause he knows the conversation changes going on. It goes from, oh man, that dude Ryan was pretty funny, to nah, **** all that. What's this ---- you be watching? So now, you got all these grown men in here going, porn? What the **** is this nigga talking about, baby? I've never heard of this ----. This show's getting weird. You ready to go? I'm ready to go. And I know you niggas watch porn. I get it. And I get why some of y'all didn't clap. Some of y'all up there, some in the back. They like, I'm in the dark. That nigga can't see me. I can assure you, I see you niggas. I see every last one of you. But I get it. You're like, man, it was worth the risk. But you niggas in the front, no. You know I can see you. And you decided to lie directly to my face. Like, no baby, he's the pervert. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not alone. I'm not. My man. How old are you, player? Yeah? 46. You 10 years older than me. You watched the ---- when it was still pornography. What are we doing right now? You seen the ---- on devices I've never even seen it on. You a VHS nigga. What are we doing? Do you know how nasty you gotta be to watch porn on VHS? There's so many ******* steps. You have to take a tape and walk it clear across the room. Put it in the VCR. Push it all the way in. Hit play, then back up to get the full effect. With your pants around your ankles. And you ain't have a remote, my niggas. So if you had to rewind it, you had to shovel back to the VCR. Thank you, Chicago. Y'all were dope, man. ♪ I'm better than ever ♪ ♪ I think I got a vendetta ♪ ♪ Oh, now they call me Asena ♪ ♪ All of them stars getting severed ♪ ♪ I told them all I can let up ♪ ♪ They ain't not tired of me, never ♪ ♪ Give me a shot and I ooh ♪ ♪ I swat a shoe like Berettas, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ They getting nervous, I seen it ♪ ♪ What I seen, you wouldn't believe it ♪ ♪ They say they want it, I need it, damn ♪ ♪ I'm going dumb like I dropped out of class ♪ ♪ Get in my lane and I'm going right past ♪ ♪ I turn it up, watch me go to the max ♪ ♪ You ain't the first and you know that you last ♪ ♪ I thought I told them I'm coming right back ♪ ♪ I got the flows like it came from the tap ♪ ♪ Back and I'm better than ever, yeah ♪ ♪ I think I got a vendetta, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh now they call me, I seen them, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ All of those thots getting severed, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ I told them all I get let up, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ They get not tired of me never, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Give me a shot and I ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ I swat a shoe like Berettas, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Back and I'm better than ever, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ I think I got a vendetta, yeah, yeah ♪ And I got told on the move, not too much to lose Look at the numbers, got nothin' to prove I'm in the city, just me and my crew Told me I'm sick, and I know that it's true But I'm still gonna ball, it's like I got a flu Yeah, run it up and...