Roy Keanes Funniest Football Stories!

We go back to this famous video I was supposed to have done. I'm going to blame Gary a little bit for this, because I think Gary was supposed to do the game, but I was out with my broken foot, and the manager said to me, if you want to go off on holiday, and I ended up in Dubai, and the United game against Middlesbrough was on the television in the hotel, and I'm watching it, and I swapped, Gary was doing the game, and I definitely, do you remember, and I swapped with Gary, I said, well, I'll do that game, because I'm not here. Each player took a turn every week of analysing the game you just played in, MUTV, under the United umbrella, so I came back, and I had to do the Middlesbrough game, I think it was 4-1 or 4-2, I think, Middlesbrough won 4-1 or 4-2 or something, so I'm watching the game, as you do for MUTV, it's happening, you analyse, you go, oh, I thought you could have done better or not. I didn't think it was anything too dramatic. What's the worst, what's, genuinely, what would you feel might have been the worst thing you said, or the thing that would have crossed the line, publicly? I can tell you. I'd get rid of all of them. I'm forced to be critical of myself, but afterwards, when the next few days, where it really took off, where it was, the video has been destroyed, and I'm going, destroyed, it's a bit strong? Because I remember thinking that, going, and then I start to doubt myself, what did I say on the video? And then the United spin, and I think because I was into the man last year, Carlos definitely had issues with me, whether he thought I was too strong in the dressing room, I don't know, and there was definitely a bit of tension, there was no getting away from it, in all my time at United. Sometimes there was tension, early in my career, I remember, I fell out with Alex Ferguson about, I think he was going to say, leads were in for me or something at the time, and Robbo was at Middlesbrough, and in his office, and proper heated, you know, but I was kind of a really important asset to Man United then. I was now 34, I was trying to see it from their point of view, he's 34, he's the captain, he's maybe losing his way a little bit, my influence on the team, even though my last game was at Anfield with Drew Nidale, I remember, I was able to hold my own, I don't think my career was, I was in free fall, because I was doing a job in the middle of the park sitting there, which I think I could have done with my eyes closed anyway, because my experience, so then this video thing started really getting nasty, and the media were saying, I remember going, this is, where's this gone to, this kind of video thing? And eventually with Ferguson, and then, before we know it, we're having a heated argument in front of all the players, my only consolation, before I left Man United, and as I said, I'm forced to say, if I kind of stepped out of line, but put it this way, Man United, for the video, I got a letter about a week later, United tried to fine me £5,000 for my video, £5,000, trust me, I've been fined a lot more at Man United for sending offs, so £5,000, a player gets fined £5,000 for being late, that was a kind of small fine, and I remember I appealed it, I said, I'm not paying the £5,000, I did, I've been fined before, I've been fined, it's hundreds of thousands of pounds, and I went, yeah, I'll take it, I got sent off, I shouldn't have, never appealed anything, and I think because I appealed a fine, I'm sure, I think Ferguson went, oh, you're kind of challenging me now, but I was, I wasn't paying no fine, because I thought the video was fine, and the key for me, again, kind of skipping a few bits and pieces here, I ended up watching the video with the players and the staff, and I remember we were all walking up to watch the video, listen, Gary might say something different, I don't, and I remember walking up to the video with the players, I went, we need to watch this, because lads, this is not true, I'm supposed to have spoke about players' wages, I had no interest in other people's wages, that was none of my business, but I think United was giving that stuff out, I think the United machine was like, come on, you know, especially with the World Cup after, people were saying, yeah, let's just paint a picture, people need to look at the facts, and we ended up, and I went, can we watch the video, this video that was destroyed, and we watched the video, and I remember looking and going, I hope it's not as bad as I think, and when I watched it, it was okay, I didn't think for one minute I was out of order, I didn't, I was like, oh, thank God, and then the manager put it to all the players, we were in his office, he went, lads, have any of you got a problem, I think Fletch said something, or maybe you could have been a bit easy on, but not in two major, all the other players are going, no, we know Roy, we got beaten 4-1 or 4-2, I had to do the video, it could have been Gary's, it could have been me the following week, doing a game we'd won, what was I supposed to say, oh, the lads played great, we lost 4-1 or 4-2, and then that's when, and before you know it, Carlos said something to me, I told him where to go, and then, again, the madness of it all, I'm an experienced player, I was 34 at the time, a week or two later I was getting due to play a reserve game, Alex Ferguson wouldn't let me play in it, he said, get your solicitor up, and I remember meeting my solicitor on, I think it was a Friday morning, I met him at a hotel near the airport, he'd come up from London, and he said, what's this meeting about, I've been called up to see him, and I said, no, they probably want to get rid of me, he couldn't believe it, and Michael is a clever guy, good at negotiation, he's done my contracts at United, I think United had a lot of respect for him, so we go in to see United, me and Michael, this was about 9 o'clock, the players obviously were playing on the train on the Friday, we were playing, I think, Charlton away on the Saturday, again, stop me if I'm wrong, I'll wait until I'm finished, so I go into an office, and here's your question, so I go into an office, David Gill's there with Alex Ferguson, I've worked with Alex Ferguson for 12 and a bit years, if he wanted to say, right, chat, listen, our days are numbered, you'll contract him this summer, we'd shake hands, no problem, listen, I'll survive, don't worry, and David, he said, look, right, I think we've come to the end of it, and I remember looking, I'm going, right, and my solicitor's like gone, he's gone white, Michael, and he says, yeah, we've done a statement, passed across the statement, that we'd like to thank you for 11 and a half years of service, and I went, all right, I said, just to let you know, I've been here 12 and a half, you know, this is true, but this is all part of the game, you know, to kind of, and the two of them looked at each other, David Gill and Ferguson, going, oh, is it 12 and a half, oh, is it 12, and I said, yeah, I can, the first year we won the double, you know, all right, and they said, you and Michael, we'll give you and Michael five minutes to your service or whatever, and I said, well, if I leave, can I sign for somebody, and Ferguson went, yeah, yeah, yeah, because your contract would be terminated, and this was a Friday, I remember going, right, forget about payoffs and all that, carry on, and he left, and my solicitor was with Michael, and Michael went, what do you reckon to this, I went, yeah, let's get out of here, yeah, right, no, no, no, I said, no, and what I should have done, obviously, listen, I should have done my homework, I should have found out if I could sign for the team, because ultimately, this was what I think, and I remember, I was still coming back from my broken foot, I wasn't up to speed, I obviously later found out that weekend, I couldn't go to a club until January, which caused problems, because my fitness levels, and that was the end of it, as much as I'm not one for carrying grudges, no, I wouldn't forgive Ferguson for that, no, when they treat you with such disrespect, and then put statements in front of you, and say, all right, thanks for 11 and a half years, Ferguson, he was pulling me a couple of days later, going, listen, right, your days are numbered, we'll get to January, or let's get to the end of the season, and I tell you what, I was at the club when Brian Robson left, I was at the club when Steve Bruce left, two brilliant servants from Man United, and I didn't like the way they were treated at the end, so people talk about Ferguson's man management, don't be kidded on by all of it either, don't be kidded on by all that, and Ferguson came out laughing, going, well, I always done what was best for United, Manchester United, nonsense, his son played for the club, won a league medal, Darren, very lucky, his brother was chief scout for Man United for a long time, hey, listen, I'm surprised his wife wasn't involved on the staff somewhere, Darren, his son was at Preston one time, Darren losing his job, a couple of young players running around for Man United, guess what happens the next day, they're pulled out of Preston, is that what's doing the best for Man United? Do me a favour. How many times have you sent off? Not that many, I think seven, seven or eight. The first one was the FA Cup semi-final, Villa Park sent off for a stamp on Gareth Southgate. Yeah, and he deserved it. He said the defenders never be on your back, you know what I mean, always be on your feet. Second one, 1995, August 28th, early in the season, Blackburn at Ewood Park dismissed in an ill-tempered manner. I was unlucky with that one. No, I was, that was two yellow cards. Second one was for diving, when I was taken home for, I think it was a penalty. You dived. No, I didn't dive, that's my point. Third one, the Premiership versus Middlesbrough at Old Trafford, Keane continued to be dogged by a red mist and he was sent off for a third time in six months. Yeah, that was a bit silly. Fjord Hoppen, I'm the striker. Fjord Hoppen, yeah. Jan Arger, what did you do? To punch him. I think we won the game. Tried to punch him, didn't you? Fourth one, the Premiership versus Southampton at the Dell. Keane was sent off again as United lose 6-3. What were you sent off for then? I played the game. Well, you were older. I don't remember. Look at you, you played well, obviously, you gave up six. I know, it was a kit though, it was a kit, so. The fifth one, a fake-up semi-final at Arsenal at Villapark. Keane was somewhat unfortunate, he was sent off for two bookable offences. Exactly, all of them ours, yeah. I think I was covering for you again, you know. And that was Ellery, Ellery sent me off four times. I said to him, book me up in the tunnel before the game starts, because I know he's going to book me. He sent me off three or four times. Like a class system thing. Definitely, oh definitely, he was looking down on me, yeah. Without a doubt. Without a doubt, I got the same vibe from Ellery. Thanks. Sixth one, the Premiership versus Newcastle at St James' Park. Keane was again dismissed for collecting two yellow cards. Proper lost it then, didn't he? Yeah, he did, he lost it. Do you know what, that was more with the team as well then. We gave away a goal, I think, towards the end. I think, I don't know if you were playing, but Wes, Wes was poor for the goal. I was more angry at Wes. I'm sure, I thought Wes was playing. You know when they wouldn't give you the ball back at one of the end? When he's trying to get the ball back. The seventh, Charity Shield versus Chelsea at Wembley. Oh yeah. A red card for a reckless challenge on Gus Pouillet. Yeah. Was it reckless? Yeah, it was, but I enjoyed it. At that stage of the season, why are you like, what are you doing? This is Charity Shield. This is the happy new me. We had to put a marker down early in the season. Eighth, Premier League versus Manchester City at Old Trafford. Of course, yeah. A straight red for a disgraceful knee-high foul on Alfie Haaland. Yeah, but you didn't help either. I didn't help with what? Running off to the linesman and saying, it's only a yellow. It's true. Did you? Yeah. Gary Randolph going, it's only a yellow. So when you say that to an official, he's going to go, well, that must be a red. Why would you say, it's only a yellow? Don't even book me. He was stood over me when I'd done my crew shoot, which was a bad injury. And he was saying some nasty things when I was injured. And I just thought, well, obviously we'd meet again. We're at ninth. 2001, Premier League, Newcastle at St James' Park. Dismissed for a second successive season at St James' Park for throwing the ball at Alan Shearer. He then made an attempt to lash out at the striker as he made his way off the field. I thought that was one we were talking about earlier. No, no. The one earlier was for two yellow cards. Oh, right. Tenth, sent off by Uriah Rennie in injury time of the one-all draw after elbowing Jason McAteer, following a number of heated exchanges throughout the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about that one? Yeah, but he deserved it. He was your Irish teammate, colleague. I wouldn't go. I didn't mind lads kicking me or booting me, honestly. But McAteer, as usual, had plenty to say for himself. He didn't deserve to be sent off in that game. Absolutely not. If you ever look back at it, I didn't even catch him. Eleventh, February 25th, 2003, Champions League versus Porto. His side trailing 2-1 in the first leg of the first knockout round, the Red Mists descended for Keane again. You sound like you're enjoying it. With four minutes remaining, the Irishman needlessly trod on the Porto keeper, Victor Baye, as he tried to chase down a loose ball. I think I remember that one. I think I was playing. Yeah. No, that was... I felt bad after that one. That is letting the team down. I got sent off once for Ireland. So there you are, that's 12. And we think there's 13, but we've only got... I said, I told you... We've only got 12 at the moment. Yeah, it's not 13. I'd always been quite reserved with my car choices, even though, you know, we were doing okay financially. But I thought, right, I was playing for Liverpool, I was playing for England. I thought, you know, I can make the step up now. I'm worthy. I bought an Aston Martin, and I think I was only on like three or four days driving it. And I was a little bit embarrassed anyway. I didn't feel comfortable in it at all. So I was a little bit uncomfortable. And it was just when I was driving through Cheshire, I pulled up at some lights, and it's obviously where Roy Keane lives. I pulled up alongside him and he looked at me like I was something that was on the bottom of his shoe. And I was so embarrassed. And I think I had the shades on. I was listening to a bit of garage music blaring, thinking I was the man. And he firmly let me know that I wasn't the man. And as he sped off, I looked at myself in the mirror and I sold the car that week and I took about a 20 grand hit on it. What's the best story from a night out that you've never told? We had a good night of pre-season with United Chicago on it. That was pretty mad. We had a night out. We took a couple of young players pre-season. We were definitely in Chicago. Remember that? I woke up the next morning. Dennis is waking me up. We're kind of trying to get down for the bus where we were traveling. I looked, all my face was black, just black. I couldn't work it out what happened. I went, Jesus, trying to get my gear on, get on the bus. It's coming back to me. I'm sitting on the back of the bus. We're traveling, obviously, towards the airport. Our press officer sent us a story about some of the United players being in a strip club in Chicago. So I'm down the back. I said, don't worry about it. They've got no proof. Proof. Everyone relax. I've got it under control. I'm obviously the captain. You're fine with me. Five minutes, phone goes again. Apparently, they've got proof. I said, what have they got? What have they got? He says, they've got your fingerprints. He also said, they have your credit card details, my passport details. And I said, is that all they've got on me? They've done a story, obviously. And obviously, when I went in, I get my fingerprints. During the night, then I was just rubbing my face as the night was going on. That's all I was rubbing. I was just rubbing myself. I think they ran the story, the headline in some of the Irish papers was something like, horny devils or something. And my poor mother was saying, they've done a story about you in some strip. I said, you know what them papers are like? It was really, really scary. Because he would just lose it. And I can understand, when you've been a top player like Roy Keane was, one of the very best, in his head, he can't understand why us players at Aston Villa make certain mistakes. He just doesn't compute with him. How can you not pass from there to there? He just can't see it. But I remember this one particular game we played against QPR. We lost 2-1 down there. And he had us in the changing room. Paul Lambert kind of just stepped to the side and Roy started talking. And honestly, it was a night game, I promise you. All the lights in the building, everywhere, all the families that reached the way outside had gone because he was in the changing for two hours and he just went off for about two hours. But he went from talking about the Lucozade drinks that people drink, players getting too many massages, people doing yoga. Like someone, I think, Ron Vlaar had like a knee or ankle injury or shin splints or something. And he was like, how can a player be out for that long with shin splints? Like, it makes it, honestly. And he just went scouring around the room, picking folds and no one really wanted to catch eye contact with him because the moment you made eye contact with him, he was going for you as well. So he was like, and you. And everyone just sat there for two hours, like, and obviously you went outside, all the lights had gone off, the families had left. Was it, did it make you play better the next time around? Well, listen, I can't remember what happened because I'm still traumatized by that night. Honestly, he was crazy. For me, he led the team in an unbelievable way. You know, he was direct. Everybody knows that. And in the beginning, I had to get used to that directness. It was like, I had this hairband, you know, and for three months, every day, he was talking about that hairband. Get that thing out of your, from your head. What the F are you doing with that thing? And you're in the Premier League now and that, you know, but that was a banter in the dressing room. But he kept you on your toes, you know. But what's the story? I remember that the way he prepared for a game, I was sort of, you know, shocked with that. He was just reading the program. I see him sitting there in the dressing room, so calm, so easygoing. It's like he was having a relaxed read, you know. Puts on his Diadora boots with this big round stuttery. I remember that, the big round ones. Like rugby boots. Yeah, he has this shim pad so small, no ankle protection, no strapping around his ankles, nothing. He puts on them boots, little shim pads on, jogs a few times around in a warm-up. The referee blows the whistle and there's an animal on the pitch. I don't know how, how does that happen? He was like, calm, calm. That's why, Ruud, that's why I used to say to all my mates, there's something wrong with him. There's something not quite right there with him because he used to be like, it was like, everyone else you could see getting himself ready, getting himself into the mode. Here we go. Him, it was just like a switch. It was the same with the Vieira thing in the tunnel. In the change room, he was calm, quiet. Remember, Ruud? And then he got in a tunnel and just this animal came out like, wow, and he'd heard something, it triggered him and that was it, gone. You just think, you was cool a minute ago, man. What's going on? My first involvement with Brian Clough was probably the real proper chat I had with him when I made my debut. Pre-season, I was way over at the reserve. But again, I was lucky. When I was at Forest and because I was, again, I was full-time training, so I was feeling great. I thought, Jesus, again, amazing. And I played a couple of friendly matches and as you do pre-season with the reserves, and I scored a few headers. And it was only years later on, I speak to Martin and he said, apparently Brian Clough would love players who could head the ball, love players who can head it. And I scored, I think, a couple in the reserve match in like a friendly match in front of him. And so I must have been winning them over. The fact I was getting forward, like my Forest career, getting on the end of things. And they were, obviously, I was, like you do when you're a manager, watching players, you look and go, what's he got? And then the first game of the season, Forest on the side of, Forest played a home to QPR, I think they drew with him. And I, the reserve team went, the reserve teams were playing Monday night and then Forest, the first thing we went to Liverpool on the Tuesday and Liverpool were obviously really strong at the time. And I was put up, used to put the team up on the Monday for the reserves. And I was subbed for reserves on the Monday night and I was delighted I was top reserve, subbed for the reserve. Brilliant progress already, I've only just come over. I get on for about 10 minutes in reserve match and apparently some of the staff, Brian Clough, they'd already left with 10 minutes to go, so I played 10 minutes for reserves. I was delighted. I've always said, we even for a few pints after the game, you know, we do reserves. And I came in on the Tuesday morning, so I played 10 minutes for the reserves. Delighted with myself, going, I've made a bit of progress already. And I was told, you're going up to Liverpool tonight. The team had already gone up, you're following them up with Ron Fenton and Brian Clough. We picked Brian Clough up on the way of Derby to Liverpool. In the car? Yeah, me, Phil Starbuck and Ron Fenton was the assistant manager. We picked Brian Clough, I had his house. We go in, I remember sitting in his house and he comes on, he says, I remember he gave me a pint of milk, but I thought I'm going up, I thought I'm going up for the experience of being with the first team and help the kid, man. We see lots of clubs do that with young players. And he came in, I remember he gave me a pint of milk and I went, I said, I don't like milk. He says, you better drink that. He says, I'm putting the bottles out. So I didn't know what the deal is with him. And then I went up, met the players and I got to the stadium at Liverpool and I was putting the gear up with the kit man. Brian Clough said, what are you doing? I said, I'm just putting the gear up. He went, no, you're wearing that tonight. Did you start? I started at Liverpool on the Tuesday night. So subs reserves on the Monday, I went out, had a few pints. I didn't go crazy, about six, seven pints. The Tuesday, I go up and play at Liverpool. Bairns and Ronnie Wheeler and all these boys, players came over and were introducing themselves to me. Cause I wasn't even in the dressing room with him. Hadn't even gone, had a training session with him. I played on the right side of midfield. He said, the first thing really, he said to me regarding football and I made a career out of it. He just said, you're putting that on. He says, I've seen you pre-season. I was like, but I wasn't that intimidated by Brian Clough. Cause I was young and innocent. Yes. He said, I've seen you pre-season. He said, you can control the ball. And I was like, yeah. He said, you can pass it. I said, yeah. And he said, you can run. And he went, just do them three things for me. And I go every time, even when I left Forest and I went to United, or I might be having difficult spells. I remember, they were the basics for me. Control the ball. I know people laugh when I say control the ball, pass it and run. That was my career. That's what he said to me before my debut. Can you do that for me now? Absolutely.