Dolly Kanithi - Rue

The other thing about depression is that it kind of collapses time. Suddenly you find your whole days blending together to create this endless and suffocating loop. So you find yourself trying to remember things that once made you happy. Slowly your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. And eventually all you can think about is how life has always been this way and will continue to be this way. I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane. Which gave my mother relief because it meant that in the bad times there will be good times. But it also gave her anxiety because it meant that in the good times there will be bad times. It always confused me because I didn't really know what it meant. But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it. Granted, I didn't realize until later what the waxing and waning implied. That these feelings were fixed and constant and would never end for the rest of my life.