UPTOWN GIRLS (2003) | The Best of Ray and Molly Compilation | MGM

Why would I have a worry wrinkle? Why would you think anyone would care? Excuse me? I had shoes like yours once. When I was five. And that was what, like three days ago? Try three years. Oh, excuse me, Thumbelina. But you're still a little underage to be going out clubbing, aren't you? You're a little overage to be wearing a lampshade in your hair. Bright idea? You brought your own personal soap? Hey, you want to pick up bacterial meningitis or polio, you go ahead and be my guest. Whatever diseases you're already carrying probably make those sound like a joke anyway. Hi! Oh. My. God. You're my new nanny? Hi, Lorraine. It's Ray. Nobody calls me Lorraine. Okay, Ray. I'm Molly. We met at my birthday party, remember? You're late. Barely a second. By three and a half minutes. I have to take my Aspex by 426 minutes. 418 right now. We'll take it when we get home. That's when I take my client in. The agency must really be getting desperate. I actually am uniquely qualified for this position, having spent so many years developing my skills as a people person. Mission accomplished? Fruit punch. Why don't you just drink cyanide? At least it's quick. Damn. You missed a spot. Isn't doing the dishes what the maid is supposed to be for? She doesn't know how to dry without leaving spots. And you don't know how to dry without destroying the environment. For every single roll of paper towels that you waste, a tree in the rainforest dies. And I'm going to die of botulism from the germs of that gunky towel, you tree-loving hippie. At least I don't prefer tofu to normal hamburgers, my little friend. And I'm not the one who's going to get mad cow disease and go nuts, though you don't seem to have a brain to fry in the first place. Oh, maybe not. But at least I'm not the one holding the gunky germ-infested towel. Give me that plate. Oops, no, sorry, you might infect it. Why don't you get your little plastic baggie out and dig up some penicillin? No! Come on, come on. Give me the plate! You want it? How bad do you want it? Get a broom. You get a frickin' broom. When you work for me, you leave when I say you can leave. For your information, I do not work for you. I am employed by your mother. Oh, yeah? Take a look around. Do you see her anywhere? News flash! You're not gonna. Unless you make an appointment with her assistant or hang around her bedroom door at 3 o'clock in the morning. In the meantime, you're working. Oh, is that so? Uh-huh. News flash, Mussolini! I quit! Swinging door. Let me see this. Well, look at this. Perfect 98.6. Only 20 degrees above the temperature of the beautiful day waiting us outside. I'm not going anywhere. Especially with you. Oh, yes, you are. We are going to sit in giant teacups and spin round and round in circles until we puke. Are you on crack? We're gonna have fun. I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Oh, you are gonna so love Coney Island, Ray. Giant teacups you sit in. It's a ride, Ray. Like the ones at Disneyland? Haven't you ever been to Disneyland? You've never been to Disneyland? Why don't you alert the media? Haven't you ever been to an amusement park? Ever? Oh, my God. Ray, you are so psyched. Whatever. Oh, say it, Ray. Say, I am so psyched. I'm psyched, okay? Then you're gonna have to pay the toll. Let me go. It's like passing through the gates before you could get into the Emerald City. Let me go. Are you trying to murder me? You have to eat one, Ray, or they're not gonna let you in. They're toxic, you maniac. They have dead rats and nitrates. Okay. Do you want to ride the spinning teacups or not? You gonna swallow? Swallow. Wait. She's alive. The operation was a success, ladies and... Excuse me. Why is it so dead around here? The rides don't run till the season starts. The season? You're a week early. Thanks. Ray? The last time I saw my mom and dad, I was eight going on nine. Eight years, six months, and three days. Almost as old as you are. They were going on tour, and they were leaving me behind for the first time because they didn't want me missing any more school. When they came to my room to say goodbye, I wouldn't open the door. So they left. I fell asleep. And then the next thing I knew, my nanny was waking me up in the middle of the night, telling me their plane had crashed. You're lucky. Lucky? That you were mad. See, when you're mad, you don't miss people. And if you stay mad, it's like you never knew them at all. That way you don't have to feel sucky about it. You were lucky. Night. I wasn't mad, Ray. I was confused. Everyone was talking to me, talking, talking, talking, and I couldn't understand a word they were saying. And their voices became a blur. And soon I couldn't even recognize their faces. They were like these blobs. And then they started to grow fangs. And their eyes became green. And I knew I had to run away. So I packed my knapsack, got on the train, looked up at the map and decided that I wanted to live in Coney Island. I thought it was going to be, you know, a real island, and I could hide away there like Tom Swear and Huckleberry Finn. Well, imagine my surprise. The teacups was the only ride they let me on by myself. So I got on it, and I started spinning myself round and round and round. And I feel like I'm still there, spinning round and round and round. And the ride won't stop. You were right, Ray. I am scared. But you're scared too. You're as scared as I am. And I thought maybe, I thought maybe if we could go together.