Prioritize What Matters In Homeschooling | Haydee from Homeschooling For Large Christian Families

I'm able to offer something just simply because Christ loved me and that influences the kind of home environment I want to have for them. There is so much that they will not experience because I have Christ. My husband and I have intentionally parent the way that we do because we want to honor God and we want to raise kids that are bold in their faith with grace that we can offer them that's very different than either of us experienced um that comes from our relationship with the Lord first. >> Welcome to our life homeschooling. My name is Sherry Christian wife to my high school sweetheart Nelson and thankful mom to 10 incredible kids. I'm the author of the blog and YouTube channel Our Life Homeschooling, where I share homeschooling encouragement for everyday moms. I believe that motherhood is ministry and homeschooling is simply an extension of parenting. My passion is to cheer on other moms who are at home doing the most important work of all, raising the next generation for the glory of God. [Music] Hi and welcome to the Rife Homeschooling podcast. I'm excited to share today's guest. I'm going to be talking with Haiti from the podcast homeschooling large Christian families and we're going to be talking about prioritizing what matters in homeschooling. It's so easy to get off track when we are we have so much on us as moms. There's housework and homeschooling and just keeping up with doctor appointments, meals, all of these things, babies, toddlers, and uh we just want to constantly bring ourselves back to the true north and uh keep the important things top priority in our lives. So, I know you're going to love this conversation. I really did. I walked away so encouraged in the Lord. So, let's go ahead and hear from Haiti. Hi, Haiti. Thank you for joining me. >> Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. >> Yes, me too. And we're new friends. Uh you reached out to me and told me a little bit about yourself and your podcast. I listened to it and was so encouraged and thought that you would be a great one to bring on to talk specifically about the conversation we're going to have today about prioritizing what matters in homeschooling. So, why don't we start with introductions and you can tell us a little bit about yourself, your family, and your podcast. >> Yes. So, my name is Haiti. I have been married to my husband for quite some time. It feels like we dated for so many years and then um got married and we have five kids. My oldest is 15, my youngest is two. So, it's that fun span of being in the world of teen years and also hanging out in the nursery a lot. >> So, I feel like that's been a great great season of life. Um, I do feel older than a lot of moms in the nursery though at this point in my life, but >> I can relate. Totally relate. >> And so, I felt really a stirring of the Lord. I've been working at my church for five years in specifically in the children's ministry and just the Lord encouraging me um that it was a season to minister to moms. And so I started my homeschooling podcast with that heart, a little bit of like Lord, what do you have, you know, that you've been giving me and working in the years? Because I think so many moms, I feel like mothering period is so sanctifying and there's so many lessons along the way that we learn. And so I think that's like it like the Lord's just been like share your story, share what's working and and give some encouragement to moms along the way. So that's been um just a heart passion there. It's called homeschooling for large families for um yeah and so that has been something that that's been new. I I'm sure as you understand any new project is like another learning curve and being like >> God being obedient to you doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be easy. I'm still growing. >> Yeah, you're always learning and it's I felt like it was harder at the beginning. Um and then slowly got a little bit easier just learning. Um just sometimes just the technology. >> Yeah, >> I that was a big curve for me. Um just figuring out how some of the these things work and then once that's in place then the other stuff is easier. But that technology that can be a real doozy. >> I I understand. Yeah, that's something for me. >> So, I've listened to a couple of your podcasts. What are some of the topics that you've covered? >> Um, so recently I've been talking all about books because a big part of our homeschooling, as I know, a big part of yours is just reading real literature, real living books. And I think that that plays a role a lot in kind of what our conversation even today is in connecting with my family. I've learned so much from using this style of learning with my kids. And so embracing stories and books um and just helping moms guide them along how to use that, how to do that, even if you're going to use um a regular standard curriculum, how to also include living books. And then also one of my biggest heart things is just keeping moms connected to the Lord in this season. I have had dry spells, uh, seasons of depression, postpartum depression, and and so just being connected to the Lord is something that I feel um it's it's a lot easier to get disconnected without realizing you're disconnected. You just you don't just like wake up, yesterday I had a really great time with the Lord and today I'm like, where is he? It's always these slow shifts. And so it's been a huge part of my heart to say like, hey, that relationship really matters because out of that, we're going to be continuing to flow in the gifting that the Lord has given us in this ministry. Um, and so I don't want that either. I always feel like we pay attention or maybe we don't to like one day the kids will be out of the house and um I'm going to be stranger with my husband, but I just don't want that also to be with my God. like I don't want to be like now the kids are gone and now I can have a relationship and I don't I don't know my God. So that has been something recently on the podcast >> and probably gonna continue on because it's just my heart's desire to prioritize that relationship with God >> and that really is the bedrock for you, for your strength, for your patience, for your love for your children, for persevering through some of the hard days. And there are hard days as a mom when you're just physically uh exhausted from serving all the time. It's a serving position completely. Um so it is really the source of your strength. >> Um >> so in what ways then do you practically make time with the Lord in the midst of all of the housework and homeschooling and all the demands that we have on us as moms? >> Yeah. I think just being like super practical is what I'm going to share here. I can get into like the Bible and stuff, but >> yeah, I'm for me, I am a morning person. Um, and it's not because I think that's like a more holier time because I know there's some people who are not. Um, it's just why not work with what is natural to me. And so waking up before my toddler still wakes up with me. So if if you're thinking you cannot do it and you have a toddler, I'm here to dispel that. You can do it and have your toddler right there. >> Yes. He is usually the one that wakes me up morning. And so I and then I have a bag um that has my Bible study and pens and journals because some mornings I don't want to think. I just want to like just get up and kind of like if I the less I have to think about where to find things or what to do next, the easier I'm setting myself up for success. Um, and then another practical that I learned along the way is just setting my coffee pot the night before because coffee wakes me up and by the time I finished that cup, I'm like, I am ready for the day. Um, soaking in that, like having that ready, I can pour it, get my Bible out of the bag and kind of sit. And if you do happen to have a toddler with you, I have like applesauce packets and Cheerios and things for him to snack on while he's next to me. Um, and he likes just playing. And we do tend to meet like in a quieter space in the house so the rest of the house can stay asleep. But he's able to play. He listens. And if all else fails, and I don't use this often, but I will put on a 5 to 10 minute show if I'm just like, I really need to press into just a little deeper with the Lord, I will use what I need to. But I think having like a Bible study ready, um, at least that helps to guide me. then I don't really I'm not like picking something. I'm just reading the next portion kind of answering questions >> and that helps me to stay connected. But you know I have like tips for all sorts of seasons when I couldn't even like wake up with a newborn and I would just like listen to the Bible instead. I you know somebody else is reading it to me. That really helped. >> Yeah. And and I would say the same thing. Um, right now we have a two and a half-year-old, so I'm not up during the middle of the night. You know, he's sleeping through the night and so I'm able to get up first thing and spend time in the word and it's not as challenging. But thinking back to seasons when we I was pregnant or had just had an infant or the whole first year almost of having a baby. um you know like you're up all night and then you are just so sleepd deprived and so you're not getting up earlier or can't get up earlier and probably shouldn't because you do need your sleep. >> Um it was so much more challenging but yes exactly like you mentioned like listening to the Bible app or sometimes one thing that always challenged me was there was always some point in the day when I would get a little time to myself. I mean, it may not happen till like two o'clock or three o'clock, >> but I would always ask myself, well, what's the first thing you run to when you get that moment to catch up and refuel? Is it social media? Is it uh you know, you what is it? What's the source of your strength? And I would always challenge myself that first moment that I got when I was in that season of having constant demands to just spend that time in the word and just and getting that spiritual nourishment that we need so much. >> Yeah, that's so good. Yes, I think that too. And I think that's it. Priorit like finding the right spot. Like I'll say I will pray in the shower if I didn't get time to pray in the morning or even if I did like just taking advantage of like >> there are pockets to our day that we have at least five minutes that we can just say like this is a good time to fold laundry and pray. This is a good time to to talk. I think it's that leaving that um our hearts and our minds open to take advantage of of those moments when they come. >> Yes, >> that's good. And also I know I've learned like sometimes I would think that I have to come away with this great application or this great experience but it doesn't it's not always like that. It's very simple like you sit down you read the word and you you know it may you may not have an immediate application but it's investments into something that is growing you and you're learning more about Christ and his nature and it's sanctifying you. It's changing you, changing your desires. Um, but in like in one day or in one sitting, you may not walk away with this great application, you may walk away just taking it in and then going back out and serving again. And at some point, the investment is returned, but not necessarily at every moment. Yeah. And I think that's part of like sometimes moms and I've had this experience. You sit there and you're like, I am not getting anything out of this like and I think we we kind of think, okay, well, why am I investing this time? Why am I waking up early? It's not feeding. And like you said, it will come back. But I think anytime we start making those first um steps in connecting with any person, and God is is the person we want to connect with, it always feels a little weird. You're like, you sit out to dinner with your husband, maybe you're feeling disconnected. The conversation's like, uh, what do we talk about? What do we >> And you don't feel always connected that first, you know, meeting, but it's continuously coming back and then, you know, feeling a little bit closer by the time you realize like, wow, it it has added up that that time has reached. But I also think, and I I've shared this on an episode, um, our time with the Lord is also ministering to him. So sometimes we think it's just about us, but sometimes it really is like, how can I give you my worship, my time, and my obedience to him, too? And so I think that helps the challenge sometimes if you're >> like, I'm not getting anything out. Well, what are you giving? Can you give the Lord your time? Can you just hear Lord, you know, I I'm kind of weak here, but take my small offering of coming to meet with you because that matters you. >> Yeah. Yes. Very true. So, what does a homeschool day look like then? What does a homeschool day look like if you're trying to build um a relationship focused? If you're trying to uh connect with your kids rather than just getting everything done on your checklist. >> Yeah. Well, that yeah, that's a good one because I am a very relaxed homeschooler, but even a relaxed homeschooler, we still like those checklists. Like, I still like check things off. It just feels >> productive. of you were like, "Yes, I did something with my day. I can show, you know, that there was something here." Because without it, I do feel like sometimes it does feel like, "What did we do all day today?" Um, so I'm not against checklists, but I think, you know, when I'm focused in on relationships, and I've had this conversation with different home for moms, I know, um, I'm willing to take my time in any topic, like to take my time to listen to their answers. You know, I have five kids, you have 10. I'm sure if you listen to everybody, sometimes that's a lot of time, but they're not always talkative. So, I want to take advantage of when they are opening their hearts or whether that's a Bible story or we're reading a science book and they have facts that they like want to share. Like, I want them to know that their thoughts and their opinions matter. Um, instead of like saying, "Let's cut it short because we're supposed to be on history." Um, I want I want to give them the room and the space to have their thoughts because >> as a human and I'm just a person, too, right? They're students, but if I'm in a conversation with someone and they're constantly cutting me off, >> I just start to feel like I they don't want to listen to me, they're not really my friend, like you just feel un like not really seen, like they have other things they'd rather do. Yeah. You don't feel cared for. >> Um, and that's not that's not the culture we're trying to build in our home. And so, like I said, it's not every day that they all have opinions on something, but when they do, I do want to slow down and talk. And there are times I go off on a tangent, too. And like, yeah, this reminds me of whatever. Um, and that's that's kind of keeping it relationship focused, not just like, >> what's the next thing we need to do? Because yeah, we're squandering those opportunities of really hearing them and getting their heart and letting them know like mom cares that the 2-year-old remembered, you know, this random fact about whatever or however their ages are. like I want each of them from the littlest to oldest to to know I do care about what you have to say and and we're also learning how to listen to each other and >> relationships take time and so not stopping would be a disservice even to them to learn how to listen and be good listeners of each other. >> Um I think that's important too. >> Yeah. Yeah. Listening goes such a long way in relationships. Um like you said it makes someone feel like they matter and that you care about what they have to say. And I know like with my kids it doesn't take long. Um but I try and sometimes it's hard because usually they want to tell you something at like the most inopportune moment. Um and so I try as much as I can to remember like for me this is like the 10th interruption I've had in the half an hour, the last half an hour. But for them this may be the very first time that they've come up to me and what they have to say is really important to to them. And of course there are times where I do tell my kids in this next hour I am going away and I am going to my room and I don't want to be interrupted. You do your quiet time and there's a time for that. >> But I think in general when we are out there with our kids when it's our time to be serving um serving them and teaching them and doing the housework and making the meals just listening to what they have to say. um it just means so much to them and it does build your relationship when they know that mom is a safe place that I can go and talk to and she really cares about what I have to say and um I think it's also a good way to find out your kid's interests like if you don't know what they're really good at or just listen to them they will tell you what they're excited about and then that may be your avenue to like find a better connection with them or hey maybe we can look up this um topic that you're so into or maybe you can try this. This would be such a fun project for you to do or um you know, little things like that. So, listen. >> I think that's helpful, especially when you have a large family to just be able to see each of them um as individuals. Like I think you're saying, my four-year-old is really into dinosaurs now, but that comes from like sitting and playing and hearing like his questions and the little things he's like commenting on. And so, yeah, that's something we're like, we're gonna do a paleontology study just for him >> as a family >> and and let him know like this is because you were interested in this. Now, we're kind of all taking this um road. But yeah, I think that is good because if we don't spend time, we're not really knowing what's in their heart or their thoughts. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, what would you say to the mom who wants to have a stronger relationship with her child, but um she feels like she's constantly correcting or constantly redirecting, which I think is so true when especially in the early years of homeschooling and you're just establishing your routines and what works and you don't even know what kind of homeschool mom you are and how things are going to work for you, let alone your kids. Um, and so there is a lot of that, especially in the beginning. Yeah, I think yeah, that's probably very true for for me too and I I get lost in that still in certain seasons where I have to think like am I just engaging with this kid in a you have to change this behavior or this is happening like I don't want that and I've had seasons where a kid will get lost just because I had a more demanding older kid I was homeschooling a toddler and so I I would go to bed and just that mom guilt of being like did I even like engage age with this child. >> Um, so if those are my only touch points, I think that's really hard and I want to just encourage a mom like we have new mercies and new grace every day and so we don't have to stay in that cycle of constantly correcting. And the Lord taught me really early on, he used my oldest um this was years ago. I remember her looking at me and being like, "You just want me to be perfect." And I was like, "Oh, >> that just hurt my heart." And I thought, "If all day long she is just hearing me correct everything that she is doing wrong, she's getting this impression that I have." And I did. I mean, that was true. I had really high expectations for her behavior and for the things she should do. Um, and the Holy Spirit really helped me to see like >> I'm still growing as a person and he he's not overbearing and correcting me. like he's gently like giving me like, "Hey, spotlight. This is an area that that you need to work on." And so I started to just redirect that with my kids like instead of coming at like all here's a long list of all the ways they're see >> they are untrained humans and they need my guidance. Um and they need it to be gentle. And so if I'm even focused on like one habit then I can um focus on that. So, it's not let me correct every single thing. Um, but let me think like what's one area that we all can work on together. Like whether I'm like, well, they're all fighting or they're have harsh words. Let's all as a family think of like how we can grow in in the way we talk to each other. So, it's not simply one kid even though maybe I'm reminding one kid a little more often than the other of the thing, but it's a family dynamic. And I think there is, you know, there's a lot of fear I think we have as homeschool moms that we carry. We want to do this job really well. >> And I think some of the way we interact with our kids is it stems from some fear like we're correcting this because we want them to, you know, be godly kids. And so we have to get this right or else it's going to, you know, we think the future they're going to turn out like this or it, you know, and we're letting worry seep into just like seeing them, loving them, and how can I correct from a loving place. Um, I think that plays a big role. Like I noticed that even in my own character, like why does this really bother me XYZ that I feel like I need to have some sort of control over it? And >> yeah, >> I'm a little overbearing on my kids. that we've all we've all been there. Um, you know, where yeah, sometimes our motivation is driven by fear or um, like you said, wanting to control everything rather than um, just a trust in the Lord working in that child's life and working in our lives. How would you say you um how would you say you stay spiritually rooted when you're in a season of overwhelm or maybe you're burned out or you feel like you're failing because we've all had those moments especially after a bad day. Um I can think of times where I think I'm not I'm just not that good at this. I remember thinking that many times. How do you sp stay spiritually rooted and keep a level head, especially during moments like this? >> Um, well, I feel like I am not I'm I'm guilty of not always keeping a level head. I feel like there are times that those um bad attitudes or when I'm kind of upset or a signal like, hey, something is not right here and you got to pay attention to that. >> And I just came off of a week where something was just not right. I just either wasn't sleeping well. I felt like just this heaviness, this mom guilt, this anger. I was like, where is this coming from? Um, and I honestly was like uh like finding myself arguing with my kids. I'm not a perfect mom. And but these were behaviors that I was like, I thought I was more mature. I thought I was further along and like this is resurfacing. >> And it was a se I'm grateful for the little things that the Lord uses to help me. But um it was like just this heaviness of anger and I I thought who am I to be encouraging moms when I am like messing this up with my kids I'm fighting with them and I'm like and they're you know much much younger than I am. Like I just felt this like shame and guilt and overwhelm and I want to do this well but I am failing. And I took just just solace in the Psalms. Like I think I needed to just have a good cry before the Lord and say, "This is really hard and I'm having a really hard time." And I don't know why. I can't like pinpoint one thing or one reason, God. Um, and I know the truth that I can preach to myself. I feel like I needed the beginning of the psalm and then I could come to the end to preach the truth. But I needed to just >> sit before the Lord and just have a good cry. and and that was, you know, on a drive that I had to run an errand. It was in the bathroom. It wasn't just one sitting either. It was like, I really need to just pour my heart out. Um, and I can relate a little bit more to David in those moments of like, >> yeah, I'm feeling all these feelings and but you know what? I know I'm not going to stay here, God, because I know that you're good and that you're going to help me. And even asking for prayer from like my husband and just saying like I, you know, I'm struggling and I really need you to pray over me. >> Um, that helped tremendously. Like I felt night and day. Seriously, like I went to bed after my husband prayed and I was like the next morning I'm like I just feel like the fog lifted. Um, and I was gracious because there there are really seasons I like to think like I'm a high-capacity mom and I could just get my emotions back and I, you know, >> I barely, you know, yeah, I stumble. I'm not saying that. But there are moments where I'm reminded like, oh no, I still very much need to lean on the Lord and >> I don't ever want to be puffed up with pride thinking that I don't need him. I still need him and I'm I am grateful for those seasons that might feel challenging. I think of the scripture of like when we're going through hard times like consider it a joy. >> Um none of us want to consider a joy when we're actually in it, >> right? >> It feels hard. >> Yeah. >> But then I think of that like God is training me too. And sometimes it is in those harder seasons to say, "Okay, there's another level of trust that I need to grow in. There's some level of vulnerability before him." And and so I think not running away from him in those seasons and just kind of throwing ourselves a pity party and staying there and just thinking I'm the worst mom. I'm not good at this. And staying there that would that would hurt my family. But going instead to the Lord that keeps me spiritually connected like >> okay God you are my source. Um, I always think of the Hebrews pass passage, come boldly to the throne of grace and you receive the grace that you need. I'm like, >> you are the one I need to go to. I and I'm not going to hide in shame. I will acknowledge I was I sinned, I screamed, I got upset. Um, but you you understand and you have compassion and you want to help me. And so, yeah, I think it's just not running away that helps. Just keep leaning them. >> Yes. Yes. And that is our tendency when things are going bad or when we are sinning, when we're just doing the wrong thing is just to ignore or or not to go to the Lord. And that's exactly what we need to do. And I know I've had to remind myself too when I'm in times where that are overwhelming >> um to to not rely on my feelings because your feelings are shaky. That is shaky ground. They're not dependable and sometimes they're not even reality. >> Um God's word is reality. His word can be trusted. It is faithful. It's proven. Um but my feelings are unreliable things. So um just I have to often remind myself of that, especially I you mentioned having postpartum depression. There were times after having a baby where my emotions were just all over the map. And uh it was, you know, probably in large part to hormones. Um so I had to constantly remind myself this is how you feel. It may not exactly be the truth. It may not be true at all. It's just a feeling and just um focusing again on what is true, what we can rely on. I have to always do that with myself as well. >> Overcoming our own emotions or tendencies. And this is what we're training our kids to do too. So I feel like really like yes you may be upset but we can we can choose to do the right thing. We can choose to go to Christ for help. We can lean on him. >> So we also have to remember that sometimes as moms for ourselves like >> Yeah. Right. >> Expected. >> Right. Right. So as Christian parents our parenting our homeschooling should look different um because our priorities are different. So, how would you say that your relationship with God has shaped the way that you parent, the way that you homeschool your kids? >> Um, well, I was not raised in a Christian home, so there was a lot of learning really from examples around me or examples in the word of like, how do I raise um kids in a home that's Christlike? How do I I mean, I relied on the Lord for how do I how am I a white as a Christian woman? How do I do things that are very different than the way I was brought up? Um my parents divorced when I was young. So, I really didn't have that rate. Like, I wasn't raised in that kind of environment. And so, a lot of it was leaning on the Lord and finding um just mentors along the way of like, okay, this person seems to be doing it well, so how do I do that and closer to the Lord? So, I think that's really helpful when we're how do we do that? I think God constant his grace towards me has really been um a huge part of my whole life. It's marked like a huge difference and I think we can all say that, right? The graciousness of God. And I think that model of his love um that was so unconditional. I was a mess before the Lord and it was his love that brought me to repentance >> and his kindness. And so extending that to my kids and being like okay they are um looking for me to toward me to disciple them and I I am in charge and responsible for their hearts for not you know I cannot lead them or make the choice for them to pursue the Lord. But I want to as best as I can cover them and keep a lot of the pain and the hurt that I experienced without having that covering of the Lord on me as a child. >> Yes. >> Um if I can do that for them, >> there are things I I read with my kids about like I have this book called Beautiful Girlhood and I read it with my daughters. >> We have it too >> and I love it. And I remember the first chapter, I cried and I thought, "This is the childhood I get to offer my kids that I didn't have." Um, and I'm not like dissing my parents. I love them very much. Um, I'm not trying to dishonor them, but they just didn't know what they didn't know. >> And I'm able to offer something just simply because Christ loved me. And that influences like this is the kind of home environment I want to have for them. this is the kind of relationship I want to have. Um, and that there is so much that they will not experience. Um, because I have Christ and I'm able to offer that for them. Now, what what they choose when they leave my home, >> that is experiences between them and the Lord. it. >> Um, my husband and I have very much intentionally, you know, parent the way that we do because we want that. We want to honor God >> and we want to raise kids that are bold in their faith, but that have been trained in this season. So, I think that being the biggest thing, the grace that we can offer them when they make mistakes, the childhood that we're able to give them, that's very different than either of us experienced. Um, that's all, you know, that comes from our relationship with the Lord first. >> I I cannot give what I have not received myself, but because he's given it to me, I'm able to like >> Here you go, guys. >> Yes. Oh, that's so beautiful that that was um your childhood didn't look like that, but because of the grace of God, hopefully your children's childhood will look different because of the grace he's shown you. That is just beautiful. Yeah. >> And I mean, I think we can go on and on because I'm sure we both like when you love the Lord, you can talk about him all day long. >> Yeah. >> So good. But I'm I think you know, he permeates our home. And I've been in conversation with some friends of just like continuously pressing into um kingdom work, right? In the Lord's prayer, your kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven. And I think those are the opportunities as homeschool moms that we have that we are trying to make his kingdom here in our home and with messy people and sinful little lives. >> Yeah. And this life is short. We were just talking about that this morning in morning time. We were reading about uh John Bunan who wrote Pilgrim's Progress and um some of these Christian heroes of the faith. They really understood that life is short and eternity is is long and um they understood that the importance or the significance of investing in something eternal. >> That's something that we can give to our kids. That's a perspective that they can see modeled in us. Well, thanks so much Haiti for this conversation. and I've really enjoyed talking to you and um I'm so glad we got to meet finally and if you could just tell everyone again uh the name of your podcast where they can find you and I'll make sure to link that below. >> Yeah. Well, thank you Sher for having me. This was so wonderful and I I like I said, I love talking homeschooling and about the Lord. So, this was great. >> Perfect. Um, my podcast is called homeschooling for large Christian families and I also have a blog called bringing joy to these stays.com. Um, and I just share this kind of encouragement and homeschooling tips and some practical things there. Yeah. Thank you. >> Okay. Well, thank you so much, Haiti. All right. Well, thank you so much for listening. I hope this encouraged you as much as it did for me. I love talking with other moms and hearing just all the different perspectives. I love being brought back to the importance of what really matters, keeping our relationship with the Lord close and connecting with our children throughout the day. I hope this encourages you today. What you're doing in your home with your family matters. It has implications for today and it also will affect eternity. Keep doing the great work that you're doing in your homes. Thanks for listening today and I'll see you next time on the Rife Homeschooling podcast. [Music]