Jennifer Lawrence & Robert Pattinson Take Lie Detector Tests | Vanity Fair

You famously once auditioned for Twilight? Yeah, I auditioned for Twilight. Do you think The Hunger Games is cooler than Twilight? Jennifer. Yeah. Robert, we brought you here today to take a lie detector test. One of you will be hooked up to the machine, while the other will ask the questions. And then you'll switch. This is Lou, our polygraph operator. Hi Lou. Good to meet you. Who wants to be in the hot seat first? Rob. Wait, is that the lying seat or the other one? No, we're going to switch. You're going to sit here. And it's the truth seat. How can you do it? All right, now I need this hand here. These measure galvanic skin response, which is otherwise known as sweating. Oh God. He sweats a lot. Okay, I'm going to ask a few questions to calibrate the machine. Is your full name Robert Douglas Tom Pattinson? Yes. Are you about to take a polygraph test? Yes. Are you nervous? Yes. You once said you wanted to be a rapper named Big Tub. Do you want to be Big Tub instead of being an actor? I think it would be tough now. I think that was a time when that was true. Yes or no? No. Big Tub. Have you ever discussed your younger rap ambitions with this guy? I have not actually. No? Truthful. Okay. He rode a lime bike to the premiere of his film last year. Did that make you jealous? I did. It's a very good idea. When you were a kid, your sisters would dress you up as a little girl named Claudia. Are you the one that came up with her name? Claudia? Of course not. Your sisters? Yeah, because I look like Claudia Schiffer. Is that too much? I didn't make anything like that. Yeah, that is actually kind of insane for you to think that you looked like Claudia Schiffer. Do you think I look like Claudia Schiffer? Yeah. Thanks, Lou. Truthful. Am I the prettiest woman you've ever seen? Deceptive. Wow. Thank you for not just saying no. A teacher once told you that you shouldn't be an actor. Have you ever thought maybe that teacher had a point? Yes, every day. Truthful. Really? Wow. Are you jealous that I have an Oscar and you don't? Oh, that's quite difficult. I'm not jealous of your specific one. I'm glad you have one. I wouldn't want to take it off you and have it for myself. Is that true? True. Wow, how sweet. Before you were famous, you lived with Andrew Garfield, Eddie Redmayne, Tom Sturridge, Jamie Dornan, and Charlie Cox. Were they all good roommates? I only lived with Tom. We kind of all hung out together. I think all of the other guys lived together in LA, and we kind of all hung out. Did you say lived together or slept together? There was one bedroom, obviously. Oh my god, they did all sleep together. Breaking news. Would you say that you're more talented than all of them? No, absolutely not. Deceptive. Do you think that Eddie Redmayne deserved his Oscar? Yes. Truthful. Wow, okay. Who's the worst actor of that bunch? Just bleed the film. I don't know. I can't do that. You once worked with Josh and Benny Safdie on Good Time. Yes. Would you want to work with them again? Yes. Deceptive. That's crazy. If they were going to direct a new Twilight, would you do it? Oh yeah, for sure. I don't think you should, but okay. Great. I like taking jobs of younger actors. Yeah. I do. Okay. I want to play 17 again. There's a movie, Zach's movie, 17 Again. I did think it was insane when you cold FaceTimed me and I was like, it's crazy to cold FaceTime somebody and you were like, no, it's Gen Z. Do you wish you were a Gen Z? You're not Gen Z, you're a millennial. No, you're a millennial. How old are you? Truthful. I believe that you believe that you're Gen Z. I am Gen Z. What year were you born? Doesn't matter. I can't do this. Oh, I already know the answer to this, but when was the last time you actually called to make a dinner reservation? Never. I don't think you ever have. Yeah, I literally, I have to, if I want to make a reservation, I have to call and pretend to be my own assistant. Well, you don't have to. That's just something that you choose to do. I am calling from the office of Rob Pattinson. While making The Lighthouse, you would sneak off to vomit to get in the right headspace before a scene. Is that true? I wouldn't sneak off. How could you make yourself vomit? I can literally sit here and make myself vomit. Like, just by thinking about it. Do you have bulimia? No. It's like, you know, it's like a highly attuned gag reflex. He's being honest. Does this photo turn you on? She does. It's a really beautiful, it's a very specific one of those. Were you afraid you would get a boner when you were doing a slow dance with Willem Dafoe? Yes. True. Wow. Did you get a boner? He did not have a boner. Did you lie at any point during this interview and we didn't catch you? No, I am literally on another planet. I don't even know where I am. Oh, you're done. I think you did good. I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. I'm actually, I've sweated so much into these things. I don't think they're usable. Are those the same ones I have to use? It's a hand print. They are. Ew! I'm getting, like, spikes. I'm going to ask you a few questions to calibrate the machine. Okay. Is your full name Jennifer Schrader Lawrence? Yes. Is that a last name or a first name? Well, I guess my name now is Jennifer Lawrence Maroney, but my born name is Jennifer Schrader Lawrence. Is that just your middle name? I just begged for that to be my middle name. It's my grandma's maiden name. It's a cool name. Oh, thanks. Schrader Lawrence? Yeah, Schrader. I tried to go by Schrader for a while. Are you from Kentucky? Yes. Everything I'm saying feels like a lie. Is it registering as a lie? Nope. You're doing fine. Are you about to take a polygraph test? Yes. Are you nervous? Yes. I guess I never realized how much I lie in interviews because now that I'm hooked up to a machine and I'm like, I can't lie, I'm nervous. And it's like, well, how often am I just lying through interviews? I've always thought you have quite a deceptive face. In your last lie detector test, you said you think everyone hates you. Do you still believe that? Yes. Why? I don't know why anybody wouldn't hate me. I can't think of one reason. My kids, because they have no other option. I'm their only mother. They don't hate you? I don't think they hate me. Yet. The funny part about Rob doing the lie detector test is he doesn't understand the nuance between what is a lie to you and what is the truth. This isn't like a magical machine. And you're like, wait, is it true? Can it tell the future? No, it's just like if you're lying or not. I think that you think this is like a magic crystal ball or something. OK, continue. You're just stupid. You famously once auditioned for Twilight? Yeah, I auditioned for Twilight. Do you wish you'd booked the part? No. Why? Do you think The Hunger Games is cooler than Twilight? No. Truthful. Breaking news! Breaking news, this machine is broken. Did you see the ballad of Songbirds and Snakes? Yes. Do you like it? Yes. Be honest, do you think your version of The Hanging Tree was better than this woman's? No, obviously not. You learned to skin squirrels for Winter's Bone. Do you think you could still skin a squirrel? I can't think I can skin any mammal. Very truthful. Interesting. Is this person your best friend? Yes. Are you jealous that she has two Oscars and you only have one? Yeah. Truthful. Do you judge me that I have none? Yes. No, of course not. You deserve many. Is it safe to say Emma is a more responsive texter than you? Yes, she's a much better responder. Why do you get to ask me if I have a boner and stuff? Because I made them up. Oh, right, right, right, right. Do you text Emma? Just think of something. I'd love to straighten a few things out while I am hooked up to this machine. Yeah. Did I accidentally fall going up to the Oscars? Was that fall real? I know, but I haven't not hooked up to a machine. Well, you obviously did accidentally. Yes, I did. And the following year, I did fall on a cone. It was an accident. Truthful. Oh, wait, hang on a second. Is Emma a better friend than this person? Who is that person? You're shaking the picture. I can't see. Oh, Adele? Well, Emma and I live in the same city. I'm geographically closer. In 2019, you and Adele crashed a gay bar where, according to onlookers, you tackled her. Yeah. During a drinking game. Can you confirm or deny this happened? Confirm. Tackled her? Well, I mean, I don't remember what my headspace was at the time. I was in a bar, but it must have seemed prudent. Hmm. When was the last time you tackled someone? Probably that? No, I tackled you in the kitchen while we were shooting. Remember, I was paranoid because I weigh so much more than you. I thought I was going to snap your spine. That wasn't really a tackle. Jumping over. It was like a tackle when you counter in our weight differences. You talk about your love of reality television. Do you still keep up with the Kardashians? Not this season. I have been on TikTok, but no. Is this woman your favorite Kardashian? Kourtney is more annoying than ever. Why? She drives me nuts. Why? Who? Because everything has to be an announcement. It's like, you know, I'm not going to wear outfits anymore. Like, just wear whatever you want. Don't make an announcement about it. Or like, I don't have a TV in my room. Like, just don't watch TV. Stop announcing it. Just shh. Is there anything you'd like to announce right now? I'm in love with you. Always have, always will. Do you know what a merkin is? I do. I've worn quite a few. Well, you didn't say that to me. I can't even make a joke. I don't get it. I don't want to do interviews with you today. I'm literally trying my best. A merkin. I've never seen you wear a merkin. Yes, you have, Rob. That was a merkin, then. Rob, that was not my real... Did you not know that that was a merkin? I've had nightmares about it ever since. Did you seriously not know that it was a merkin? I didn't know what it was. I caught a glimpse of it and I turned away. Will you buy one of Kim's new skims merkins? Wait, she's making merkins? That's unusual. No, I'll get it for free. But just for everyday use? Well, probably not everyday. Probably like, you know, somebody's birthday. That's kind of an interesting thing, like, to just go to the beach and be like, I just want to wear a merkin. Yeah, well, it looks like a rabbit foot. Like a good luck charm. I like that. Your love of Cool Ranch Doritos led to you staining several dresses. Is ruining designer dresses part of your acting process? Um, I suppose you could say that, but no. And I've gotten a lot better. Truthful. Would you consider yourself a clumsy person? No. Deceptive. While auditioning for X-Men, you lied to a customs official about attending your brother's wedding because you didn't have a work visa. Do you typically lie to government officials? No. Deceptive. Have you ever lied? Have you ever lied to me? I'm like, it doesn't make, you could have, you could have. Probably. I'm sure I did. If you were like, do you think I should do another take? And I'm like, no, you were great. I'm just kidding. I've never asked if I've ever lied. I don't think I've ever been deceptive to you. I don't think we've ever had an important enough conversation for me to lie. Have you ever lied to Meryl Streep? No. Interesting. Wait, do you lie to Meryl Streep? I don't think I've lied to her. But I was curious, you obviously have lied to her. Otherwise someone's obviously heard about a lie. Why would I lie to Meryl Streep? Why would I lie to her about? If I asked you to withhold information from the FBI to cover for me, would you? No. Sorry, boys. Mommy has to go to prison for Rob. Do you think you're pickier about roles now than you were a few years ago? Yes. Is there a director who you'd never say no to? Well, yeah, but he's never asked me to be in anything. Christopher Nolan. He's brilliant. Must be nice. Tell him I say hi. You are no Hartfeil's co-star. Andrew Barth Feldman said, the two of you broke the ice by telling each other your deepest, darkest secrets. Do you have a lot of deep, dark secrets? No. And I can't imagine what I would have told him he was like 17. That would be kind of weird. That's quite a strange thing for him to say that's making it up. It'd be stranger if it's true. And I was like, come here, teenager. Let me tell you some stuff. Do you think you shared any deep, dark secrets with me? Probably. If you have, like, nothing is registered. Thank you. Let's hear it for the man of the year. Can you share a deep, dark secret with Louis? I... What is a deep, dark secret? God, my life is so boring now. I... I don't think I even have one. Sometimes I go into my room to pretend to work, but I open my laptop and then I turn the TV on. And then if I hear somebody come in, I turn the TV off, but my laptop's open. Truthful. Well, it feels good to get that off my chest. That is working, isn't it? Watching TV. She's pretending to work. Yeah, I'm acting. Like I'm working. Dying my love makes motherhood seem a bit scary. Do you find it scary? No. You starred in another movie called Mother. Do you think parenthood just isn't that scary for dads? Yeah, I don't know what you guys would be scared of. Do you think there's a lack of representation of scary daddy movies? No. If you want to see a scary mother movie, I'll show you my belly button. When you were 22, you said, I do feel like the reason I was put on this earth is to be a mother. Really? You said that at 22? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Was it true then? Yeah. Absolutely truthful. Interesting. Yeah. Do you stand by most of the things you've said in past interviews? No. You said, as soon as someone farts around me, I think it's hilarious. Is that accurate? That's, of course, accurate. Farts are very funny, but I don't think I ever said that. I've been seeing a lot of fake quotes on Twitter lately. Not that I look at myself on Twitter. Truthful. I've got to commit a crime. I really, I would just be running laps around these people. Have you ever committed a crime? No. Deceptive. I think that I watch so much true crime that I probably feel like I have, but I... I wonder if you forget. Like, if you forget you've done it, does that... Rob, once again, it registers a lie. I don't know, if you don't know you've lied... Exactly, then... You can't even remember it happening. Then it'll say the truth. It's not a magical machine. But if you don't remember if you did it or not... Then if you said no, you would believe it. And so it would say truth. I, right, okay. Did you lie at any point during this interview? But I mean, I've kind of... Yeah, I lied multiple times during this interview. Did you fart? No. Truthful.