My Husband Secretly Transferred Money Out Of Our Account

[Music] Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> Days before my wedding, I was laid off as the bread winner. And a month later, my husband quit his job without asking me. He didn't have a savings or financial plan. To get us through, I made a tight budget with my personal savings and gifts we received from our wedding that he agreed to. But it's been so bad we had to go on welfare. It's been months. And I recently discovered he secretly transferred money from our joint account to his personal account, spending 3500 in about a month and a half, leaving us with almost nothing left. When confronted, he refused to share bank statements or make a plan to address >> Why aren't you working behavior? >> Um, I got laid off. >> I know. Like months ago. >> Yeah. And I for a job. It's been tough. >> And you're still not working. >> Why? >> Yeah. I it's been really tough. I've been applying for a lot of different positions over I'd say at this point 250. I'm happy with the amount of interviews I've been getting. So hopefully I'll find something soon. >> But you've been not working for 6 months. >> No, not six months. >> I'm sorry. >> Three months. >> Three months. You've been married three whole months. >> Yeah. >> And all three months have been hell. Wow. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's been bad. Did you did this surprise you? Or did you notice about him coming in? >> Listen, your personal data is hanging around the internet like that group text that just won't die. And cleaning up your digital footprint is a part-time job just submitting these opt out requests. And that's why I use Delete Me. And if you don't want your data out on the clearance rack of the internet, you should be using it, too. Take back your privacy today with Delete Me. Right now, you can get 20% off at jointdeleteme.com/ramsey and use code rams at checkout. That's joined me.com/ramsey code Ramsey at checkout. >> Did this surprise you or did you know this about him coming in? >> I He's been He's a medical resident. So, he spent essentially his entire life in school. So, I did flag these things while we were dating um as um what I saw as problematic behavior, just poor spending habits. >> He's a medical resident. Does he not get paid for that? He does. But um a month, like I said, a month after we got married, he decided he wants to go into a different specialty and >> Oh, he quit. >> Quit his job. >> Mhm. >> Medical residency and you don't have your MD. >> He he does have an MD, but he wants to go into a different field within surgery. So, he wants to start a different residency, but it will take time for him to find that position. Here's the thing. Your marriage challenges are deeper than spending and deeper than him quitting. It is you don't respect this guy at all. And when when life 3 months in or a couple months into your marriage threw you guys a pretty big curveball, your biggest fears about him were exposed and you you reached that place. The Gottmans call it the worst of the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. You're at contempt. I don't like you and I think that I would be handling this different than you in a better way. And unless you address the your marriage at that level, you're all just going to keep playing whack-a-ole with symptoms. You're going to create your own checking account, your own savings plan, your own your own. He'll do his own his own and you you already are roommates. Y'all will have a divorce inside your own house. And so it's it's sitting down and saying, "I don't respect you. Here's how you've chosen to handle this. You quit your job. You quit this. You're not participating. You've got your own stuff. You don't want to be a part of this thing that we're building. We have to build a new marriage 3 months in already." And you got to call that. And then you also sending out applications. I mean, it sounds like you're hustling, but there's also something about you regaining your own dignity by just going and working at Burger King on the breakfast shift just so you can feel like you're getting underneath yourself, too, because it's easy to start throwing rocks back and forth at each other, right? >> Mhm. Yeah. And I I I do respect him. It's just you don't you don't have >> you wrote you wrote a letter that you read over the air that said I don't respect him. >> Yeah. >> You just read it to us. >> No, I I didn't say that. No. >> No. All the words >> the words say that. >> All the words that you wrote in that letter say that. >> Is that in a a really tough moment he quit his job and took off without you? >> And he stole our money that we agreed to while I'm trying to may be the one that is the adult and make everything behave. And this guy's misbehaving here, here, here, and here. I don't blame you for not respecting him. That's not respectable behavior. But I think you you like owning that. Does that make sense? >> Yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah. >> So, what what's what's your question for us beneath these other questions like how can we help you? >> So, in trying to move forward like you said, I realize that it's the issue is much bigger than let's say just money, right? Mhm. >> But um in trying to address behaviors in both of us that maybe um led to this happening um I asked him to share his face bank statements with me um and so that we can address some of these behaviors together but he's not being cooperative and hasn't done so. So I guess what I'm wondering now is what boundaries and improvements do I need to see and should we see in request to go forward because honestly my I don't blame different people for having different financial knowledge but I think we should work together to make that to make each of us stronger in that regard and honestly I'm just concerned that even when he is a full-blown surgeon making that salary in several years this we still won't be financially stable because the spending would be in >> it doesn't start with the spending. It's the spending anchored into the fact that y'all have a marriage where he has his bank statements and you've got yours. Y'all should have bank statements that anyone can pull up at any time that y'all talk about together regularly. Yeah, sure. You're 100% right. The joint savings and checking. >> If he actually does complete residency, which would surprise me, but let's say he does. You are your fears are 100% grounded. He's going to make half a million dollars and he's going to say, "This is my money, >> right?" >> Yes, you're right. >> I would be terrified of that if I were you, too. >> So, what do we what's the next step for her? The next step is you being honest about sitting down and saying, "Do you want to be married with me?" This should have been a conversation y'all had before you got married. I'm not I'm not going to marry somebody. I'm not going to connect life with somebody that won't engage with a joint f a dreaming about a joint future together where we put our money in the same account because that funds our dreams and our commitment to each other. >> But you're already here. >> Yeah. We have transparency and we have a joint >> the t the tactical things that we are doing with every dollar we are deciding together before we do them >> this >> right and that's part of my concern >> separation and deception separation and deception can't go forward >> I see we did make a joint budget going into this and did make a joint savings um with our money um and a joint checkings but in order to hide the spending habits he transferred from our joint savings to his personal account and that's why I can't see the transaction. >> And we call that financial infidelity. He's cheating on you. He's deceiving you. >> Do you have any idea what he spent it on? >> Yeah. Um unfortunately, um just generally speaking, he wouldn't show me the statements, but it seems to be personal grooming, haircut, buying stuff for his hair, fast food, and paying off his personal credit cards. Although going into this, given the severity of the situation, we had agreed to not um making payments on our credit cards at this time temporarily. >> Okay. So, he's got a really good haircut and he's debtree. It sounds like he's leaving. >> Okay. >> It sounds like It sounds like he's setting up another move. >> Yeah. Either that or he absolutely 100% is not interested in building a life with you. He's interested in continuing his life next to you. And that's a very different proposition. That's not marriage. That's roommates with benefits. Can you imagine if I told Sharon I spent money on a haircut? I I can imagine the eulogy I would read at your service. I can imagine that. Wow. I'm not saying the guy's bald. I'm just saying. Yeah. There's something scary about here's there's something scary about sitting with a spouse 3 months in or 3 years in >> 30 years in creating a plan shaking hands. We're going to do this together and then you find out they went off on the side >> and did whatever they wanted to do. >> They did whatever they wanted to do. >> They completely lied. >> Yeah, they lied to you. >> So, this is an integrity and trust breakdown and you can't go forward with deception >> and integrity and trust issues. So you guys have got to sit down and go uh what the teenagers used to call a define the relationship. >> TDR DTR DTR DTR. >> Yeah, DTR. Define the relationship. And so uh is we or isn't we? Right. >> There we go. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your