9 Clips That Prove Bert is the Main Character ¦ The Big Bang Theory

That is unbelievable. Good for Burt. Damn, the MacArthur Genius Grant. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Everything is stupid and I want to go home. That's Sheldon's way of saying he's proud of Burt too. It's not even called the Genius Grant, it's the MacArthur Fellowship. Just like it's not Frankenstein, it's Frankenstein's monster. Which brings us back to that hulking simpleton over there. If anyone's a genius, it's me for the way I brought that full circle. How much money did he win? Over half a million dollars. Wow. And he doesn't have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it. Oh good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under. Here he comes. Right. Be polite, I know how to behave. Do you? Hey congratulations, Burt. Yeah, good for you. Thanks, I was as surprised as anybody. When they called and told me I won, I didn't believe them. And then they said, no, you really won. And then I said, cool. Someone call George R.R. Martin, this guy knows how to finish a story. Gotten pretty good at telling it. Oh, see ya. Some genius. I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn't even notice. I know, and it was the greatest sarcastic quip I've ever heard. Well, aren't you a peach? How did you guys meet? Actually, we met online. Our first date was at a coffee shop. Although unlike your date, she actually showed up. Oh, he looks sad again. Well, I really envy your relationship. Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple. You know about that? Yeah, everyone at the university does. Were you aware of this? No. No, I only told Leonard, Howard, Raj, Kripke, Professor Wu, Professor Klein, and a lunch lady in the cafeteria. How everyone else found out is a mystery to me. Excuse me, may I have your attention, please? I have recently been made aware that my personal relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler has become water cooler gossip, and I just want to say shame on all of you. Now, we're scientists. Our minds should be focused on the advancement of human knowledge, not the intimate details of other people's lives. He's right, and I'm sorry for the part I played in this. Thank you, Bert. You're a good man. That woman who stood you up and humiliated you last night really missed out. That doesn't paint me in the best light. Oh, I'm sorry. Correction, that woman not only had vigorous coitus with Bert, she also tipped him a dollar for a job well done. Any better? Not really. All right, why don't you sum up? Focus on science, keep your nose out of other people's business, and, uh, whoa, for a good time, call Bert. Excuse me? I'm meeting a girl here. It's kind of a first date. In a library? She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so it seemed like a good idea. People say I'm a little awkward, too. May I join you? No, you can't join us. Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from. You can do better. Hello, Mr. Rat Brain. Not so bitey without the rest of the rat to back us up now, are we? Anybody home? Hey, what brings you guys here? We were just on our way to lunch and wanted to see if you'd like to join. Why? Because Sheldon's not here this week and you don't think I have any other options? Just kidding, I'll get my purse. I'm sorry, I didn't know you had any company. That's okay. Bert, this is Howard and Rajesh. Guys, this is Bert. Hey, good to see you. Anyway, I wanted to show you this tourmalinated quartz that we got in the lab. This is so pretty. Bert works for the geology department. Yeah, you know what geologists and Bon Jovi have in common? You're both into rock. Yeah. See ya. Oh, you forgot your quartz. Oh, it's okay. I want you to have it. Bye. He's nice. Yeah, he's nice because he likes you. What? No, he doesn't. He brought you a pretty rock. So? He does that every day. Oh. You know, if you'd rather skip lunch and hang out with your boyfriend, Bert, it's totally okay. He's not my boyfriend. Are you sure? He's tall, pale, and awkward. That sounds like your type. Should someone as lonely as you really be making fun of me? Yeah, grow up, Howard. God. What do I do? I don't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe the problem is he thinks you're available. Does he know you're dating Sheldon? I guess it hasn't come up. There you go. And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon? I'm sorry, who are you dating? Yeah, knock it off, Howard. Hey. Hello, Bert. So anyway, there's this big rock and minerals show. Next week in Santa Monica. Listen, um, Bert, before you say anything else, I have a boyfriend. Oh, this is awkward. You thought I was going to ask you to go with me to the minerals show. Weren't you? Yeah. That's very nice of you, but I do have a boyfriend. That's what you all say. You just don't want to go out with me because I have an off-putting personality. No, that's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality too, like way worse than you. Don't worry. I'm used to it. I mean, I'm big and weird and funny looking and no one ever wants to do anything with me. Don't say that. It's okay. I know I'm a monster. No, Bert, come on. I'd love to go to the minerals show with you. Sweet. It's a date. No, it's not. Too late. The mineral and rock show. That would be awful even without Bert. So what am I supposed to do now? Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring. This isn't funny. I'm going to have to tell him the truth that even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't be interested in him. Oh, I've heard those words so many times from Linda Nosenchuck, Tammy Rosenworcel. Padma Kapoor, Neha Chaudhary. Marcy Grossman, Lisa Mazzarino. Megan Binkus. Tammy Cho. Oh, who's that girl from our Starbucks? Darlene Russell. Yes, Darlene. She wrote no way on both our cappuccinos. Poor Bert. That guy's got a rough afternoon ahead of him. Well, how would you want a girl to tell you she wasn't interested? I guess I'd like her to sit me down, look me in the eye and say, I was wrong. I love you. And then maybe she could touch me in a special way. That's how you reject a guy. I don't have time for this. I'm just going to go find him and be brutally honest. No, don't. He'd be so upset. He'd probably climb up the Empire State Building and start swatting at planes. You want us to talk to him? Really? You would do that? Sure. We've both been in his shoes. We'd let him down with compassion and respect. Thank you. Let's go. So we tell him she's a lesbian? Of course we tell him she's a lesbian. Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me. Sorry, Amy, didn't want to go. Really, really sorry. We need her when I have you guys. Rock show, rock show, rock show, rock show. This rock encapsulates all my negative emotions. I will cast you far away. Feel free to take out a pigeon while you're at it. Let it fly. Ow! I'm angering through a rock into my foot! Then he got more angry and kicked the rock with his other foot. And what happened to you? Oh, I laughed so hard I burst a blood vessel in my nose. It's fine. Bert, I wanted to let you know that I read your research and your award is well-deserved. Thanks. I've been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I'm great. Well, in just this once, you can count me as people too. You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I'm allowed to nominate someone for next year. Really? I didn't know that. I was thinking, you know, engineers don't get a lot of respect. Is your friend Howard working on anything cool? You know, I'm not sure. No, you'd have to ask him. Excuse me. You know, you've got a lot to be happy about. You're at the top of your field. You have a great girlfriend. Yes, that's right. I have Amy. In the past, you've professed feelings for her. Does it eat you up inside that I have her and you don't? It used to. Now that I'm rich and successful, I think I can do better. I can't believe you punched Bert. I didn't punch him. He turned around and I gave him a Captain Kirk karate chop. I'm not even sure he knows I did it. Hi, Bert. This is my friend Penny. Hi. Hey, come on in. I'm going to go turn on some rock music. That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist. And a joker. How early are we? Oh, actually, we're an hour late. I suddenly wish Sheldon was here. So should we talk to each other or mingle? I don't know where everyone is. Yeah, I mean, I could see him eating one or two guests, but not a whole party. Well, I guess this is kind of a bust. You don't have to stay. I'm going to start cleaning up. Okay. I feel so bad about leaving him here. That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you. Hey, listen, you're not saying anything about this to the people at the university. You know, because you're you and I'm me, and it's kind of embarrassing. Wait, what do you mean she's her? Well, you know how Amy's the coolest girl on campus, right? No. Oh, yeah, everybody thinks so. What? You tell me about your foot fungus, but this is a secret? I'm sure it's just because I'm dating Sheldon. Actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you. Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening? And when Amy started using a solution of chromic acid and white vinegar to clean all her lab equipment, all of a sudden, everybody was doing it. You trendsetter! Just the right idea at the right time. Okay, okay, so Amy's cool, Sheldon's cool. Tell me about Leonard. Who? Leonard Hofstadter. Oh, him. I guess he's all right. Apparently, he tricked some hot girl into marrying him. That's me, I'm her! You know, he didn't trick me, he just wore me down. It makes sense you two are friends. I mean, hot girls always stick together. You thought this wasn't going to be a great party. You know, I had no idea. Caltech is exactly like my high school. Well, it's not exactly like it. And we're all extremely smart. Wow, you popular girls are mean. Thank you so much, Bert. This was great. My pleasure. You girls want to take home a two-gallon tub of potato salad? I think we're good. Okay, well, thanks for coming by. You're nice people. Well, so are you. In fact, you know what? We will never take you for granite. Did you get that? Granite? Little geology joke. You need to leave. I'm in love with both of you now. Bye! Oh, yeah, this feels good. Born to ride, buddy. Yeah, watch out, ladies. All right, well, wish me luck. You won't need luck. Yeah, only condoms. He sees that car, right? Raj said you got $800. Jerk. On a positive note, the scooter helped Bert meet a girl. Oh, that's nice. What does she do? She's an ER nurse. No. No, it was a real neat cute. She popped his arm back in the socket, and when he came to, they exchanged phone numbers. Oh, hey, guys, come in. Thanks. Everyone, this is Rebecca. Hi. She's younger and far more attractive than he is. They're copying you two. So is this your first time dating a scientist? Because I'm thinking of starting a support group. Actually, I'm not new to this. I was engaged to a Scientologist. Bert, Rebecca, I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier. Don't worry about it. It's fine. See, it was fine. I didn't need a timeout. It wasn't a timeout. Let's get some food. You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did. Get your food! Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest? She lies around all day eating malamars and hollering at me. So her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete. Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for. Hey, Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night. No, no, I didn't. That's not my jacket. Then why does it say, property of S. Cooper, stop touching it? It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket. Are you guys working together on the meteorite project? Yes, fine. You found me out. I'm doing geology. Just please don't tell anyone. Are you embarrassed of me? Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to. If you're ashamed to be working with me, then I don't want to work with you. Sheldon, that was pretty rude. Well, what do you expect? He's a geologist. Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert. What do you want, Sheldon? I would like us to work together again. I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, because while some of them are funny, all of them are mean. Wow, this is awkward. What are you doing here? Bert asked for my help. Yeah, he's an excellent scientist, and he doesn't tell me what time I can go to the bathroom. It's called bladder training. When you're in your 80s, you'll thank me for it. Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me. Bert, please. I know I behaved poorly in the past, but things will be different this time. You'll see. Come on, let me in. We'll have some laughs. We'll calculate some isotope ratios. I'm sorry, Sheldon. So you just shut the door in his face? I got to start writing this stuff down.