Speak English with Confidence Today – Stop Making These 5 Mistakes!

Hello, and welcome to my course. My name is Melissa. I've been an English tutor for more than two years now, and I've tutored thousands of students from all over the world. And I want to share with you the things that I feel will help you increase your confidence today. Right now. Let's do it. I'm going to share with you all the advice, all the tips and the things that me as a native English speaker and an experienced English tutor, these are the things that I want you to know. I want to help you. You can be better. You can do this. You got this. Anything is possible. So keep watching. Let's get started. As I've mentioned, I've tutored thousands of students and the trend that I've noticed, especially when I first meet them, is not that their grammar is so bad or their pronunciation. Really, I would say their confidence. You know, when I first meet a new student, they make, they, they have this self assessment that they've made and they come to me and they say, well, my pronunciation is bad. And, you know, my accent is really bad and, you know, I need help with my grammar. You know, I'm listening to them and, you know, I'm not noticing any of those things after having spoken to them for a substantial amount of time. Although, you know, I do realize when we make our introduction, you know, maybe that's a little rehearsed, but, you know, I, I find that what they're missing is confidence. You've got it. You just have to see how amazing you are. And that's why I'm making this course. I want to help you realize that you have the ability, you spend all that time studying grammar and memorizing verb tenses when you were in middle school and you know it. You have it. Now let's just bring it out of you, out of here and out of here. Before I share with you all of my advice, I want to first tell you a little bit more about me. My name is Melissa and as I mentioned before, I've tutored thousands of students from all over the world. Every profession that you can imagine from major companies, many of whom are way more successful than I am, but it's okay, I'm happy to help. I've studied three languages since I was 11 years old. So when I was 11, I started studying Spanish and then in college, Italian. After I graduated from college, I started studying American Sign Language or ESL. And so I have the same background as you. I've worked hard to learn a second language or maybe in your case, a third or four. That's everything about me in a nutshell, as we say. So let's jump right in. Please don't obsess over your accent. Everyone has an accent. There are millions and millions and millions of people, native and non-native alike, all over the world, speaking English. And we're all speaking English with a different accent. Even amongst the countries that have many native English speakers like the United States and Canada, the United Kingdom, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, we all have different accents. And I can't always understand them. Respectfully, I was watching a reality show about a fast fashion company in Manchester, United Kingdom, and I could barely understand anything that they were saying. They have a different accent than the one that I'm used to hearing. And so I had to use subtitles the entire time. And we're all native English speakers. And here in the United States, we have so many different accents. I'm from New York and I studied journalism in college. So at that time, I had to learn to suppress my New York accent and try to have a more general, standard American accent, which is maybe what you're hearing today. But every now and then, you know, a Zora instead of daughter slips out of my mouth. People around the United States will know that I'm from New York if they hear me just say that one word or water instead of water. But I don't think you all, as people learning English as a second language, I don't think you should obsess over your accent. I think ultimately, the most important thing is that we're able to understand what you're saying and that your pronunciation is correct. So here's a word that I hear people frequently mispronounce. I'm going to write it here so you can see it in your head. This word, what is this? Many people say say photographer, right? And let me tell you something. If you said photographer, I think I can't I can't speak for all. I can't speak for all of us. But I think many of us would know that you mean photographer because that's actually what the word, you know, looks like. So I completely understand why you think it's photographer, but it's actually photographer. And so, I mean, things like that, that's small to me. This is my assessment. I remember there was a businessman in Asia that I was talking to, and he was telling me about how he went into a store and he came to the United States and he went into a store and they gave him. I thought he said corn, C-O-R-N, right? But that didn't make sense given the context, given everything else that he was talking about. So I asked him, could you say that again, please? And he said, he was actually saying that coin, coin, which, you know, I didn't figure out until I asked him to write it. So ultimately, you know, we're all trying to communicate with each other. And I don't think you having an accent would necessarily hinder or stop our ability to communicate with each other. It would tell me, you know, where you're from. Or maybe some people would make a judgment about you. Let's be honest. But, you know, it's who you are. I have a New York accent. Someone has a British accent. Or, let me see, I found all these different American accents. California, right? So if I hear a California accent, I might think something. But ultimately, we can't change who we are, where we're from. And, you know, our culture is a part of who we are. So I say, keep your accent and speak as clearly as possible. Don't be afraid to ask someone if they've understood you. I work as an English tutor. And, of course, as I've mentioned, I'm from New York. So I'm used to talking to people who speak English as a second language all the time. So I feel like my ear, you know, can kind of hear, you know, through different accents pretty well. But there are some times when I, you know, can't understand someone. There was this man that I was talking to once. He doesn't know any native English speakers. He lives here in the New York area. And he says no one talks to him. And he says that he tried to talk to people, and people just, like, walk away from him. And I said, I want to be honest with people. Because if you get this real honest information, maybe this is what you needed to hear. You know, we're polite. And maybe someone won't necessarily tell you this. It's been hard for me to understand you. And I think it's because you're talking really quickly. And maybe you may feel, maybe you may equate talking quickly with fluency. But it's actually making it a little bit harder for me to understand you. So maybe if you just slow down a little bit, you'll be easier to understand. And I think, I know that we do this. I don't want to speak on behalf of all Americans. But if I'm talking to someone and I don't understand what they're saying, because English is their second language, you know, you kind of are like, Oh, yeah, totally, okay, see ya. You know, and you're trying to, like, go away. And maybe avoid that person. So if you notice that that's something that's happening to you, then maybe, you know, try slowing down a little bit. Or even don't be afraid to say, Did you understand what I said? I don't think anyone will ever correct your English. I spoke with a businesswoman from Asia who lives in the United States. And we were talking about coffee. And for some reason, we ended up talking about coffee grounds. And she was calling them coffee grains. And I said to her, Just so you know, I call them coffee grounds. And she said, Are you serious? I've been living in the United States for 18 years, and I say coffee grains almost every day. And no one's ever said anything to me. No one ever told me. And I said, You know what? I don't think that I would tell you if I saw you outside of this tutoring circumstance. Because I feel like it's rude. I feel like maybe we think it's rude or impolite to correct someone's English. So people might not necessarily correct you. Here I am now on Google. And I'm going to search the term coffee grains just to show you what comes up. So it says here, Did you mean coffee grounds? Yes. And so let me show you the images now. Coffee grounds. I knew exactly what she meant. So she was completely understandable and able to communicate. But, however, we say coffee grounds. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. It's inevitable. Mistakes are going to be made. Especially when you're trying anything new or maybe not so new. Maybe you've been speaking English for a long time. So have I. And there are words that I messed up. I'm not perfect. And I know my fellow Americans, they're not either. Let me show you two words that I literally have to like pause and stop and think about before I say. Antibiotic. Because in every other word with anti as a prefix, it's anti. But here it's anti. So I slow down before I have to say this word. And then there's another word. Let me see how to spell it. This person. I had to see this person. Apparently I can't spell either. L-M-O-L-O. Okay. So it says ophthalmologist. I avoid saying that word. I just say the eye doctor. So I know that I'm not alone because I saw this word just now on a list of the most commonly mispronounced words. I'm a native English speaker. Okay. So this is what happens to me. So you're not a native English speaker. So just embrace that mistakes will happen and try your best and forget the rest. That's what I always say. And if you aim for the moon and you miss, you'll land amongst the stars. And I have another quote that I want to share with you. Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts. Nikki Giovanni. She is a famous American poet. Don't be afraid to ask for clarification. If someone just said something that you didn't understand, you can ask them, Excuse me, could you say that again? Or I'm sorry, what was that? You can say that. That's okay. Sometimes I have to say that to the non-native English speakers that I speak with when I tutor. Because I don't always understand what they're saying. And likewise, you may not always understand us. So it's okay to ask. When I was studying American Sign Language, a big part of sign language is fingerspelling. It's kind of like the alphabet with your hand. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z. So proper nouns and maybe some words that there isn't a sign for will be fingerspelled. And many times when I would speak with a deaf person or my teacher, the fingerspelling would be so fast. And I would always ask them to spell it again. And my teacher told me to stop doing that. Because it's arduous or difficult sometimes for the person who's fingerspelling to spell this long word. And then to have to spell it again. So what she suggested was that I show them what I did see, what I did understand. Like if they were saying M-E-L-I-S-S-A, which is my name, and I just saw M-E-L. I would show them that I saw M-E-L, right? And that would show the person that I was listening, that I was an active listener. And that is how much I understood. And so that they can explain to me again from that point. And so you could do the same thing. If someone is saying this long thing in English and you were able to understand what they said up until the last two sentences, you can just specifically ask for clarification on the last two sentences. You could say something like, I heard that you said you had a dentist appointment on Monday, but you didn't go because something happened with your car? And then they can start to explain again from that point. It's okay. It's okay. Why miss all the communication just because you don't want to ask? You have my permission. If you needed my permission, ask. I'm not the official spokesperson of all Americans. I'm not the spokesperson for all New Yorkers. But I know that many of us don't love when someone says, I don't speak English. Because, you know, maybe that's not completely accurate. For example, there is a businessman that I always tutor. And he was recently telling me about an upcoming trip that he was making to the United States. And he was very excited, but a little bit nervous because, of course, he's trying to improve his English. And so he told me that when he gets in a taxi, he's going to say, I don't know English. And I said, don't say that because that's not true. That's not true. You do know English. You talk to me all the time. So for me, don't know English means like you don't know, like you don't know what this is. You don't know computer. You don't know water. You don't know how to say, hi, my name is Melissa. How are you? Like nothing. I think to us, that's what I don't know English means. Because in that situation, what if the taxi driver starts talking about him? Saying like, oh, I have these people in the, you know, whatever, right? And if he finds out that they were able to understand everything that he said, maybe the taxi driver would be upset. Many students tell me that maybe they don't feel that they can speak so well, but they understand very well because they spent many years studying grammar and reading and listening, but not always having to, not always having opportunities to speak or produce language. If you can understand English pretty well, I think we would categorize that as you knowing English. So don't say that you don't speak English. And anyone who's watching this, okay, I'm not holding back with my English at all. I'm not speaking slowly. I'm not omitting any big words. I'm being my regular self. This is how I am with all my friends and family that are native English speakers. And so if you can understand everything that I'm saying right now, there is never an occasion for you to say that you don't know English. Adults can master English. Let me say that again. Adults can master English. Or any language. That was Italian for I started to learn how to speak Italian when I was 20 years old. Not 4 years old. 20 years old. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to study abroad in Italy when I was 20 years old. And contrary to what you might think, contrary to popular belief, you can learn a language when you're not a child, when you're an adult. I was totally immersed in Italy. I was in Tuscany and everyone around me only spoke Italian at the time. These days, if I go back to Europe, everyone speaks English and they're like very eager to practice speaking English with an American. But contrary to popular belief, you know, I just disproved that idea. And I'm me. You're you. We're all unique. We all have different circumstances. We all have different natural talents, natural aptitudes. But I don't want you to allow that to be a glass ceiling for you. You are capable of mastering English or fulfilling the goal that you have with English. Don't let that idea, don't let that be an affirmation for you that it's not possible. Because I've met some students that were already defeated when we started our tutoring sessions and they were just like, you know, I'm an adult. I can't learn. I'm an adult. In the United States, I know this is maybe different around the world, but at community colleges, two-year schools, they have continuing education programs. And I always love to learn. And so I would take classes in these continuing education programs like Italian so that I could continue practicing the language. I haven't practiced much since I've graduated from college. So I've lost a lot of what I gained. But at any rate, in many of these classes, a lot of the other students were seniors, old people. And they were taking the class because many times they were going on a trip to Italy or they wanted to connect with their heritage. You know, here in the New York area, we have a lot of people with Italian ancestry. And they were fearless. They didn't think that they were incapable of learning Italian because they were 50 or 60 years old. You can do anything you want at any age. Anything is possible. So get rid of that idea that only children can do well at English. I'm sure, you know, there's science that supports that. There's a lot of science. But let me show you a study that I found. I found this study on medium.com that says, MIT scientists prove adults learn language to fluency nearly as well as children. Look this up. This is from May 2018. Once again, I just want to say one more time, anything is possible. Thanks for watching this video. That's all for now. I'll see you in the next one. I wish non-native English speakers knew you are not the first non-native English speaker that I've met. I live here in New York. So my entire life has included people who, many immigrants, many people who don't speak English as a first language. Tourists, you know, these people were my doctors, my teachers, the people that work in stores. The huge part of our community here in New York are people who speak English as a second language. So we're used to trying to understand. Well, you know what? Everyone is not like that. Maybe some people are impatient, but I think a lot of people want to be able to understand you. And a lot of people are patient. Now let's talk about you and let's talk about your first language, your native language. Are there a lot of people who attempt to speak your language? People that aren't native speakers that try to learn your language? How do you treat them? Maybe you are surprised if you hear someone from another country speak your language. Many times when I've traveled and I've spoken another language, people are often pleasantly surprised. They're delighted that I'm able to speak their language. And in some places, I won't say where, but not everyone is so welcoming. But I want to acknowledge that I know everything is not always going to be sunshine and butterflies and rainbows. You know, maybe someone will criticize you. Maybe someone will judge you. Maybe someone will mock you. And it's happened to me when I've tried to speak some other languages. But don't let that stand in your way. It might not be the last time that something like that happens to you. You're doing something that's really hard that many of us can't do. I don't think that many people like me that were born and raised in the United States, and I'm not the child of immigrants, not many people can fluently speak a second language that they learned in school. I started learning Spanish in school when I was 11, and that was early. I think many people start their second language in high school. So remember, what you're doing is hard, and I admire you. And as we say, hats off! There are more of you than there are of us. There are actually more non-native English speakers in the world than there are native English speakers. Let's check this out. The most spoken languages in the world. Here's what I found from Berlitz. This is from September 2021. So English has 1,132 million speakers. 379 million are native. And 753 million are non-native speakers. Non-native speakers eclipse native speakers. So there are more non-natives. And you know what else that means? That means that you won't always be talking to someone that sounds like they're on Friends or Big Bang Theory. Everyone always tells me that they like Friends, Big Bang Theory, Breaking Bad, Prison Break. Everyone watches the same shows. But you know, everyone you talk to might not sound like that. You might be from Brazil and have to speak English with someone from Turkey or Germany. So the reality is, you've got to train your ear to be able to understand everyone. And you know, ultimately, we're all working hard to communicate. There are many, many, many successful people that are not native English speakers. Here in the United States, here in New York, my doctor when I was a little girl, he was from the Philippines. And then I had another doctor who was from Haiti. And they weren't native English speakers, but they were my doctors. And I respected them tremendously. Then when I was in college, I studied politics at a university in New York City. So naturally, the university attracted the most knowledgeable professors in their field. And I remember I had one professor, and she was very difficult to understand. And you know, I don't think it was because of her accent necessarily, but she didn't have like any different kind of intonation. But I say that because that didn't stop her from achieving success and becoming a professor at a major university in the United States. I remember thinking like, wow, she's brilliant. She like had this encyclopedic level of knowledge when I was able to understand her respectfully. I say all this respectfully. She was very, very nice. When I had the chance to speak to her after class. A few years ago, there was a show on Netflix, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo is a woman from Japan. And she's a consultant. And she helps people declutter or clean their space of like extra unwanted clothing and other items. And I watched one episode of the show. And I thought what she was doing was amazing because she helped these people who had so much clutter and garbage inside their house. And things that they just didn't know how to throw away. They didn't know where to start. And she has a specific method for helping you determine whether or not you should keep something or not. But I thought what was really interesting and surprising about the show is that she didn't speak English. There was an interpreter that was with her. She, I think, was like one of Time Magazine's most influential people. It's because she's really talented and great at what she does. So the possibilities are endless. I heard this billionaire say sometimes you have to learn to do what you hate. And I wasn't able to find his exact quote. But I found this quote from Goethe. I think that's how you say his name. Cease endlessly striving for what you would like to do and learn to love what must be done. Some of my students have told me that they actually hate learning English. That they maybe resent having to learn English. But it's something that they have to do because the reality is that they need to be able to speak English for their job. Or maybe to gain better job opportunities. And listen, I didn't create the circumstance. If you want to be able to achieve more success in your life, you know, English is the key that will unlock some doors for you. There was a man, a developer that I tutored. And he told me about how it's so important for him to learn English. And to stay focused and that he's been losing his focus. And he told me about a job opportunity that he lost in the United States. And it was because he didn't speak English so well. Like his level, his English level wasn't high enough. And he told me the salary. The salary was like three times the average U.S. salary. It's more money than I have ever seen. And English was the thing that was in between him and that amazing opportunity that would have allowed him and his family to relocate to like a great city in the United States. All he had to do was just practice. I mean, I'm sure it's not so easy. I don't want to simplify it. But, you know, what he was lacking was the motivation. As he was telling me, not many Americans have seen that kind of money. Different people are motivated by different things. I understand and acknowledge and recognize and respect that. That's all I have for now. I'll see you in the next video. I saw a study in one of my language classes that said that we all have a different personality, an alter ego, when we speak another language. And I think that's true. Because when I speak Italian, I feel like I'm very allured. You know, like, per favore, vorrei un cappuccino, signore. I like me. I like Italian Melissa. I like American English Melissa as well. But embrace that. And maybe draw on that and let that motivate you. You're a new you. You're a different you. You have a chance for a new life when you speak English. The English version of you. Before we finish, I want to share with you some of my personal favorite books that I've recommended to many of my students. And they always come back. If they go and they read the book, they always come back and tell me, Melissa, this book changed my life. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It might be Carnegie rather than Carnegie. This book is like everything that I know and everything that I do and how I approach people and meet people and engage with people. It all comes from what I learned from this book. But even more so, I think one of the most important books that you can read is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is a newer book. When was this published? This is a book of wisdom. And there are four agreements that you should make with yourself. One of them, the last one, is to do your best. Everything is alive and changing all the time. So your best will sometimes be high quality and other times it will not be as good. Both of these books, I'm not exactly sure, but I'm pretty sure that they're both translated into your language. So what you could do is you could first read it in your language and then you could read it again in English. Specifically The Four Agreements. This one is a short read. This is a quick read. Or you could just read it in English and see how well you understood and then read it in your language. That's something that my Spanish teacher used to always suggest, although I'm not sure I took that advice. A man from Brazil once told me that one of the reasons why he wanted to learn English was because he loved reading. And all, I'll say, many books that he wanted to read weren't translated into Portuguese. And so that was a huge motivation behind why he wanted to learn English. I appreciate spending this time with you all in this course. And I sincerely hope that you enjoyed it and that you gained some valuable knowledge, some inspiration, motivation. And most importantly, I hope that you have been able to increase your confidence. Thank you all again and I'll see you in my next course.