Ranking the Top 20 Burgers from Bob's Burgers | Best with Babish

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Ranking with Babish, or as I like to call it, Banking with Ravish. Today we're doing things a little differently. Instead of ranking foods from grocery stores or restaurants, I'm going to rank foods from fiction. One fiction in particular, Bob's Burgers. There's a near unlimited amount of burgers to choose from in the Bob's Burgers diaspora. I never use that word correctly. Lexicon. The Bob's Burgers lexicon. So we picked the top 20 Bob's Burgers. How are they the top 20? Don't worry about it. Today's episode is sponsored by Lumen, a unique tool that can help you improve your metabolic health. If your metabolism is your body's engine, then food is your body's fuel. And we deal in a lot of food. By breathing into my Lumen in the morning, I can find out exactly what's going on in my body in real time. Like how my meals yesterday and my sleep last night are impacting my metabolism. Lumen will give me tips on exactly how to keep my engine running in tip-top condition. For me, that is translated to better, healthier eating and a host of other noticeable health benefits. Head to lumen.me slash babish to get 20% off your Lumen. That's L-U-M-E-N.M-E slash B-A-B-I-S-H for 20% off your purchase. Well, bro, it's a certain somebody's birthday today and I'm waiting for burgers. So I can think of no better use of my time than whipping up a little birdie told me, that birdie being the birthday boy himself, that his favorite cake is coconut cake. So I'm gonna make that Tom Cruise coconut cake. Thematically appropriate? No. All right. The first burger's here. Okay. Thank you, Rachel. You are welcome. That is the don't get creme fraiche with me. So this one has an herby creme fraiche, a little bit of blueberries. I'm sorry, what? I know. Yes. Why are blueberries on this burger? I don't know. Is this from the cookbook? That's from the cookbook. Okay. So the official Bob's Burger literature specifies this to have blueberries on it. Yes. Are they just whole fresh blueberries? Yeah. I did a little bit of salt, a little bit of sugar, cook them down a little bit. Exactly. And then did a little drizzle over top. A little fresh spinach to cut it. And then you've got some dill, basil, parsley, a little lemon zest in the creme fraiche. Yeah. We are starting off strong. Let's see what happens here. Not feeling super optimistic about this one. Oh my God. This is the problem with opening yourself to new experiences. You get hurt. So you should just never do that. I would describe it as a spinach salad with a lovely dill dressing and blueberries, which all makes pretty good sense. But then you threw a burger in there. And I'm going to have another bite of it. It's not like disgusting, surprisingly. I kind of have a soft spot for this because the one time I went to Italy in Florence, I went to a place called Aquile Due and there they served a blueberry steak. I chased that dragon for probably 10 years after that experience. So this is kind of scratching a weird old itch for me. I wouldn't eat this whole thing. I don't think, or I would if I was hungry, but I'd be like, why did I eat it? Why did I order that? Why didn't I just get something with bacon on it? Bacon and blueberry. Actually, that'd be pretty good. There's things happening in here that are working. So shock of all shocks, I'm going to give it a six. Not badly done, Bobathy. Eggers can't be choosers. Cheesers. Eggers can't be cheesers. You have to throw that one in there. You got to get the full pun. Yes. Little Friday, some classic sharp ched. Just a fricking breakfast burger the way burgers were meant to be. I'm going to give it a little yolk pop here. Can't see how this could possibly go wrong. You can't do much better than this. Fried egg only adds to the burger experience, adds fat, adds flavor, it adds texture. It is a little breakfasty, but I would enjoy it any time of day. And I think Eggers can be cheesers because that's what's happening here. The combination itself is going to get a nine. I mean, it's a runny egg on a burger. Cauliflower's cumin from inside the house. Yeah, this one is a nice little cauliflower steak with the cumin dusted over it. I'm excited for this one. I like cauliflower steak. How's it going to work on a burger? I wish there was cheese on it, if I'm being honest. Same. But hey, it's healthy-ish, at least healthier. It's basically a salad. Yeah. Let's see what we're working with here. OK, that's, you know, doesn't look great. It's a cauliflower steak on a burger. What are you expecting? Hmm, OK. I mean, it wants cheese real bad. The cauliflower is nice. It's like adding a very unintrusive texture, like it's crispy around the edges because we fried it. And it's got, you know, the nice little cumin flavor. It's not nothing crazy, but nothing terrible either. I don't know. I keep eating it. So it's a six because it's like, not bad, but it's also it wants cheese. It wants something. We have every breath you tikka masala, a tomato, Kashmiri chili mayo, and then with a little bit of grated garlic as well, a tikka masala spice blend, dusted that over the patty, give it a quick little sear. Smells fantastic. Right? Looks lovely. Oh, that's delicious. That's delicious. Spices are just right. Again, another burger without cheese. What are we doing here? But doesn't need it. All the mayo, super rich, really flavorful. I love it. This guy's getting an eight, which for a burger with no cheese on it, that's an accomplishment. People have been saying my job's too easy. Well, time to prove them wrong. I finished adding the wets and dries, so I have a complete batter here. Oven's preheating. Now it's time to grease up that pan. But first, the next burger. It's fun to stay at the Rye MCA. Looks beautiful. The Y is, it's R-Y-E, so they took some liberties there. The M, mustard. The A, avocado. I think that covers it. So what's the M? C, cheese. Cheese. Okay. Let's see what happens. I want a little more from it. I want it to want more for itself. And that's self-sufficiency. Teach a man to burger, he burgers for a day. Teach a man to babish, he'll burger for a lifetime. Yeah, the avocado, it's a little too mushy. I mean, I'm not a big fan of avocado on sandwiches, if I'm being honest. It's just fine. It's another six, I think. I think that this could be a lot better with a more flavorful fat. This one is between a broc and a charred place. So garlicky, Swiss chard and broccoli florets, toasted bun, little boig. There's no cheese, no sauce. I'm so sorry. That's not your fault, I think. If I remember correctly, I didn't wash the chard all that well. So I think that this is going to be a, well, it's going to be a journey. Yeah, it's like eating a burger on the beach. To the beach. Journey to the beach. Let's go. So another quote unquote health fear entrant to the Bob's Burger cinematic universe. Oh, you don't expect it. When you're eating a burger, you don't expect for it there to be grit. The flavors are decent, like, you know, I don't really taste broccoli and chard that a little bit, but it's more the garlic that I taste. So the nice sauteed garlic, that's playing nice in there. If I had washed the chard properly, this would probably be okay. But still nothing special, nothing right home about it. We got another six on our hands here. We have the itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot zucchini, yellow zucchini fritter, grated with some onion, a little bit of garlic. Well, they're cute. It's true. But do they taste cute? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, another burger that wants for cheese. Bob does way too much without cheese. He's way overconfident. It's just a whole bunch of bread and some zucchini in there. It's just, it needs, it needs something. It needs a sauce. It needs cheese. It needs something. Maybe the most disappointing burger thus far today. It's not bad, but it's also not good. So that's five. Sorry, little guys. It's that time of day where I put batter in a pan and I don't need to go to the bathroom. Is that your euphemism for going to the bathroom? Yeah. Yeah. How do you say it? Take a dump. You know, it's probably the most classic. Ew, Brad, that's disgusting. Do you want to build a snowman? Okay, hold my hand. You're getting a little old for this. You're 35 years of age, Brad. Why do you still need to hold someone's hand when you poop? Okay, now this is one of the most iconic ones. Sped it all on black garlic burger. One of my favorite episodes also. We've got a black garlic mayo, uh, forewarned. It is pretty packed on there. As is the cheese. Yeah, I was going to say, they put an absolute brick of mozzarella, spinach. Yeah, that's a lot of mozz. You know, if the black garlic's really pungent, then maybe this will help balance things out. Let's find out. Yeah, that's good. I put it in the context of a prosciutto sandwich in my head. We're like, okay, a major, instead of mozz being a condiment, it's a major component of this sandwich. And it works. I like it. I think it's a seven. The black garlic is a very pungent flavor and the nothingness of the mozzarella sort of like, it gives it a bigger field to play on. You know what I mean? I'm rotating the cake. Don't get excited. Rotating the cake for who? Oh, Brad, when are you going to learn that I know it's your birthday? Stupid idiot. Get the final kraut down. Sorry, I had to do that. It's called the final kraut down. It's in your contract. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Yes, actually that is. Uh, we have Swiss cheese, double Swiss cheese. Cause you haven't had cheese in a minute. You need a little extra, you know? Oh, thanks. Yeah. Absolutely. Spicy mustard, classic sauerkraut, toasted bun. Yeah. Yeah. No, there's no way this is bad. Unless you don't like sauerkraut, cheese and burger meat. There is a fair amount of kraut. I don't want that to be mustard. I want it to be French dressing or a thousand island dressing. It just goes so much better with sauerkraut. That being said, it's still good. You know, it's sauerkraut, it's cheddar, it's mustard. It's good. It's fine. Yeah. Nothing to complain about. Uh, but nothing that good either. Is that another six? We're just, we're just laying out sixes today. Today's the day of the six. This is the last of the mojicama. It has a jicama slaw, julienned jalapeno, red bell pepper, red onion, jicama, tossed with lime, olive oil, salt. This is going to be a wet burger. Yeah. And I don't like a wet burger. I'm not crazy about the texture of the jicama. That being said, the flavor of the slaw is delightful. Um, the, the red and green bell peppers, the onion, then there's a little bit of acidity from the whatever dressing she made for it. It's nice. I, I would totally eat this. Like I'd be, I don't know. I want it to be on something else like a chicken burger. That's a really juicy chicken or Turkey burger. I think that that's it because chicken and Turkey burgers, historically drier than beef burgers. So this would bring some moisture to the situation and some flavor too. This is like these flavors. I feel like would work a lot better with, with, with poultry. Black garlic burgers become my metric for seven now because it's good, but it needs help. Uh, this one is good. It doesn't have cheese on it. How could it possibly have the same score as black garlic burger? That's mostly cheese. I'm gonna give it a six. It is tasty. It was quite tasty, but it's another six. This is the poor graphics person. It's just going to be the longest line. What if they run out of room on the screen? Wow. That last burger was something, huh? Well, now I'm making a cake again. This is how we should do it. Every time I get confused, I make mistakes. It's totally jarring for me. I guess that's normal. Now that I think about it, we have another classic, the baby. You can chive my car. What'd you call it? Quintessential. Yeah, it's iconic. It's one of the old timers. Yes. So we have some fried pickle chips. We have a sour cream and chive sauce. Okay. Zero value to eating these on their own because with this sour cream and chive sauce, this is really where the magic happens. Okay. That's a good fried pickle. Okay. Looks like she went nice and sparing with the sour cream sauce. That's ideal. You don't want this thing dripping in sour cream. No, no. Cheese would certainly improve it, but it doesn't really need it. You've got the dairy. You've got the nice little sour hit from the sour cream and from the pickles. I think these are like dill, so they have a decent acidity level, but then there's the richness of the beef and the richness of the fry batter. That's adding a whole other level of savory to it. It's every bit as good as I imagined it. If it had some kind of cheese on it. No, actually, I think cheese would be too much. I don't think there's any improving it. That being said, it's not like the perfect burger. It's not like the best thing in the world, but it's pretty good. I'm going to give this a nine. This was young Bob that came up with it. This was baby Bob and he was innovating. I don't think it was because his father wasn't supporting him. Sometimes you need to have boundaries to reach beyond them. You feel me? In New York classic, the forget about it. Oh, I don't know about this. So this is goat cheese, an absolute slab of it. I was going to say there's as much goat cheese as there is beef on this fryer. It's a 50-50 ratio. I like a one-to-one. I like a one-to-one. And then a little bit of thick jam on the bottom and the top. So sweet, salty, a little bit of a combo. Thank you, question mark. Thank you. Really do not have very high hopes for this one, young man. It's good. I squished a bunch out by cutting it in half, so that's going to help. Okay, that's not bad. Goat cheese and fig is one of my favorite flavor combos. I just thought it was going to be disgusting on a burger, but actually kind of, kind of works. Tastes like I'm eating a charcuterie board on a burger. Better than I thought, not something I would seek out. That's a six. Well, while we're waiting for the next one, I might just do a little bit of cake craft. So, this might ruin your cake, Brad. If it does, I'm not sorry. I have to try new things. I have to step outside of my comfort zone. So, so do you. And oh, look how beautiful that is on the out of side. You should appreciate that about me. This one's for the ladies. Girls just want to have fennel. Oh, okay. Yes. The caramelized fennel that you made yesterday. Okay. And that's, that's it. I don't have high hopes for this one, if I'm being honest. I think this is going to dearly want cheese. Maybe like a Munster Gruyere. Oh, Gruyere would have been great with this. Would have been great. It's tasty enough, but yeah, if this had Gruyere on it, it'd be getting a, I think it'd be getting a 10. Like if you did Gruyere and maybe even some of that Big Jam on this, I think you'd be looking at a 10. As it is, I'm going to start sounding like a broken mind, but got another six on our hands here. Cause it, it is just better than okay. That one is, she's a super leak. And we have, you're loving it. I really am. I love a dad joke. So for me, I'm like, yes. So that is sharp white cheddar and the compi leeks, parsley, whole garlic, olive oil, and I think salt. What kind of cheese is this? Sharp cheddar. Is that part of the recipe or is that a... I thought it would add something. I'm glad that you took that look at this because I think just leeks on there would be a bummer. It would have been kind of sad. No, I totally agree. But this looks rocking. That's what was missing in the last one. Not only was the fennel, I tried to caramelize it, but there's not enough sugar and fennel to just naturally caramelize it. I even added sugar, but it wasn't sweet and jammy enough the way that onions are. And then you got the cheddar over top. That's perfect. Burger itself. I love it. If I weren't becoming extremely sick of burgers and eating in general, I'd be, I would eat this entire thing. I would, I would gleefully eat this entire thing. I think we have a nine in our hands. A fantastic burger. I'll have half what she's having. This one comes with an olive mayo and then layered with corned beef as well. So we're definitely taking liberties here with the corned beef, but you know, it's a tribute to when Harry met Sally. I don't know. I, but I'd like to think that it is not just olives on a burger. Yeah, no, that would be really sad. Yeah. So what do we got here? Okay. It's exactly what she described, but that's the cross section. That's a shame. I've never had olives with corned beef in my mind. I thought it was going to go great. You always have pickles with corned beef and other like sharp aesthetic things, but this only tastes like olives. She didn't even put that much in there. She put them in a mayo. It's like, I'm at an amazing vegan restaurant that made a picture perfect burger, but they did it with olives, just olives. I'm going to give it a four. I'm not a huge olive fan, but that's not even weighing into my decision. It doesn't even taste like a burger or corned beef or nothing. It just tastes like olives. Don't you forget about me. Oh well. Sorry I had to do it. So this has Vermont white sharp ched, a regular mild cheddar, horseradish cheddar, and then the top one is a habanero cheddar. Whoa. So it's a little flirty. And if I'm not mistaken, a little cheesy. We'll be right back. It's cake time. Come on down to Babish Cake Days. It's the Babish Cake Day sales event. It's all you can food food. Welcome back. Okay. I have a feeling this is going to be a little much. Let's see what happens. Gluey. I think if, if, and I'm not telling anybody what to do, but if you're going to do this, maybe shred all the four cheddars together, mix them up, put them on top. So you get even flavor distribution. Cause not only is there too much cheese on here, there's too much of some of these flavors. I suggested horseradish cheddar that's on me, but there's a tremendous amount of it on there and it really drowns out the other flavors. I'm going to score it as though that's what happened. That we shredded all four cheeses and we had equal cheese distro. So nine, I guess the burger was with cheddar on it's already a nine. This is if anything, an upgrade, but could also be seen as a lateral move. It's a nine. This is a nine. I'm guac-ing here. Sorry. We have pepper jack cheese, a little guac. Now I know you're not a cilantro man. So hopefully there's not too much in there, but yeah. You better look out. You better not cry. You better not shout. It's pepper jack time. Cool runnings. Okay. I definitely taste cilantro, but I'm not going to hold that against it. That's my, that's my, my problem. My cross to bear my curse. There's a lot less avocado than there was on the patty mill. It's nicely like spiced and, and has, has some lime juice in it. So there's a nice balance to all the fat. It's good. I wouldn't say it's like amazing, uh, but it's, it's ticking every box. It's, it's leaving nothing unticked. I'll give it an eight. It's a very good burger. All right. Enough fun and games is back to cake time. You know, it looks more like icing time for me. That's funny. Oh, it's your birthday. You're right, man. You're right. It is more like frosting time. This is the beats of burden. We have sliced pickled beets, a dill garlic Mayo that I tried to jazz up enough to hopefully, I don't know if it's going to help at all. Cause with pickled beets on top of a bird. Also that flavor is going to be overwhelming. It's going to be intense. This is going to suck. I think once again, my expectations have been subverted. I quite like that. The urban garlic Mayo is fantastic with the beats. Like those two things play together real nice. It would also plays real nice with the burger and the beats. I thought they were going to be really intrusive, both texture and flavor pickled beets, especially, but you know, pickles are good on burgers, right? Again, not blowing me away, but it is also way better than I thought it was going to be. I don't know. Again, I don't know if I would order this, but it's really quite good. I'm going to go. I'm going to give a seven. It's like transformers one. It's better than it needed to be. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry on this one. This is not, if I can kelp it, we've got a Nori sheet on the bottom. This is a very oceanic burger. I made a wakame. I made a slaw with a, with togarashi furikake. I made it with soy sauce and rice vinegar and toasted sesame oil to hopefully help that. I'm not sure that it'll do anything. I do not like seaweed salad, seaweed snacks. I especially don't like it when it's wet and I don't like kelp and I don't want this. Oh, I'll get it down. I don't like that. I think that it is offensive. I want to see what an actual seaweed enjoyer thinks of this burger. And I know that Nico is a heavy duty seaweed enjoyer and I know that he's tired of eating burgers, but I'm his boss. He has to do it. Yeah. We need your, we need your seaweed expertise. I think you're probably going to like it. Like as far as seaweed salads go, I think it's well seasoned. I just truly dislike it. Delicious seaweed salad. I don't think it should be on this burger though. So it's like a pizza and ice cream situation. A little bit. Yeah. What would you rate it out of 10? Four probably. I'm going to give this a three. Nico gave it a four. I'm gonna give it a three because I'm impressed by how much I like the seaweed salad, but it does not go well together. Been a lot of sixes, but been very few sub fives. So this is a fairly obvious one. And we're back to the actual part of the, to the show. The actual show. The reason that you clicked on the video, the burger video. Making this cake. Hard to say what it is I see in you. Wonder if I'll always be with you. Words can't say and I can't do. Enough to prove it's all for you. This one is called. I gotta look, hang on. Blue is the warmest color. Blue is the warmest color like the movie, right? Just like the iconic, yes, movie. So we have blue cheese dressing, which I know you hate. I don't hate blue cheese dressing. Oh. Hence the, I thought it was just blue cheese. Oh no, we went blue cheese dressing. Okay. I thought it might make it a little easier. I do see that there's straight up carrot and celery sticks on there. With a little bit of something. We did a little sugar, a little salt, a little red wine vinegar. Wow. Hopefully it's not too intense with pickle, but I thought maybe I could hide the blue cheese dressing. I almost wish there was buffalo sauce on it. That was too much. That's better. It's not bad. Burgers, you know, they're good and flavorful, but I cannot taste them. This only tastes like vegetable dip and sticks that has the texture and appearance of a burger. The mouth feel, exquisite mouth feel. This is a Bob's Burgers quote. Yeah. I can't get behind blue cheese, even blue cheese dressing. I can't get behind it on a burger because it just drowns out the thing that you're eating, which is a burger. I guess it's a five. Also the only bite that I had had hot sauce on it. So I think I have to take another bite. Brad nods his head. Yes. And it's just breakfast. I'll do whatever you want. Like the last bite, but worse. All right. The final one. I know why the Cajun bird sings. Okay. A Cajun mayo, some grated garlic, paprika, thyme, garlic powder, all that jazz, a little bit of mild cheddar, just to give it a little oomph, some sliced white onion, and then seasoned the patty as well with plenty of Cajun seasoning too. So hopefully it should I think it's going to be nice. That looks pretty freaking good. Might be another one from the website. Even though she put Cajun seasoning in the patty, the patty is like still nice and loose. So she must not have used salt because salt will bind the proteins together and meat. And this one's like perfect. And the flavors are all really great. That, that Cajun mayo is just right with, especially with the raw onion on there. Everything's working together. And as much as I am sick of burgers, I'm going to give this the 10. And just because I feel like this is the right way to do things, I'm going to retroactively bump the fried egg one up to a 10. Because if this gets a 10, then that should deserve it. That's another perfect food item. And I think that this is as close to perfect as a, a themed burger can get because it tastes decidedly Cajun, but it's not stealing the show. It's not overwhelming and it's still very much a burger. I'm having a, no I'm not. I'm done here. Well, folks, that's it. And it was accomplished in no small part. In fact, entirely thanks to the incredible efforts of Rachel Dolphy. Just want to bring in for a little, little, little. I loved doing it. It was really, really fun. Time for a nap, company-wide nap after 20 burgers. Or what about the cake? But now, surprise, Rachel, it's Brad's birthday cake. Happy birthday, Brad. Yay. I knew it. Yay, Brad. Oh, you ready to eat this whole cake right now? We're going to rank every bite of this cake. So what did we learn? Burgers, you can put stuff on them sometimes and it tastes good. And other times you put stuff on and it doesn't taste good. And the choices you're now, if you comment in below, talk about the you put on burgers and it tastes good or hasn't tasted good and what you want me to put on burgers next time and what you think of what's going on. And your favorite Bob's Burgers quote. Thank you again to Lumen for sponsoring this episode. Lumen is a very useful tool in your culinary tool belt and something I recommend if you want to optimize your metabolic health. Lumen can help make weight management easier. It has improved my energy levels, can help you get better sleep and much more. Take the next step in improving your health and your kitchen sensibilities at the same time by heading to Lumen.me slash Babish to get 20% off your Lumen. That's L-U-M-E-N.M-E slash Babish for 20% off your purchase.