Building Confidence and Finding Your Unique Voice with Jen Gottlieb

Jen gotle has big goals I want to be the greatest motivational speaker of all time Jen has had a career that most people only dream of from Landing a role on Broadway to hosting her own show on VH1 to even successfully exiting her own PR firm but even with all the success Jen realized that she wasn't fulfilled just telling other people's stories she had a message of her own to share with the world in this episode we talk about Jen's new book be seen and what it took to get this book into the world we talk about how to recognize your own purpose and implement it in your life we talk about how her relationship with her mom and her dad both LED to separate and big realizations in her life and we talk about what manifestation really means is it BS or does it work all this and more in this week's episode with the one the only Jen got Le what's going on everybody welcome back to another episode of the show today I am super excited to be in studio with my very good friend Jen gotle Jen what's up what's up so happy to finally be here welcome to the show I was thinking the other day that we had done an episode before um because after we scheduled this and I went to go look for other episode and I was like we've never recorded an episode I know I feel like we've done it in our minds yeah I feel like I know we've had you as an expert for our people and I had Chris back when I first met Chris like in 2017 or 2018 or something like that so maybe in my brain I was just like yeah oh yeah I've had I've had Jen before like a perfect example of what happens when you envision things and then they come to be cuz now we're like duh we have to be sitting here like this is like it's already happened exactly exactly we've had to too many back of the bus conversations oh my God we've had a lot of back of the bus conversations those have been my favorite for this to not happen totally um before we jump into some of the stuff I want to talk to you about I have to at the top of this mention your book be seen um because this is the main reason we having this conversation this comes out at the end of October and you have been doing nothing but writing this book breathing this book eating this book sleeping this book talking about this book so why don't you uh give a good little plug here for everybody listening or watching before we jump into the rest of the content why should they buy a copy of b scen h I wrote the book for the person that has a service a story a product or even just a desire to get that service story or product to the masses whether that is like the masses meaning their Community where they live and they just want to be known amongst the people around them or they want to build a big personal brand online and they're too scared to start perfectionism is holding them back they don't know the first thing to do they don't feel ready they feel like they'll do it tomorrow and then tomorrow never comes and so that book is half strategy half mindset because the mindset is the most important piece of the puzzle abely for sure because no one's going to post anything if they're not feeling courageous enough to post it and then mixed in with a lot of my stories of how I messed up along the way what I did wrong what I did right a little bit here and there um in order to build a brand that now is finally I feel an authentic version I know a lot of people throw around that word authentic but I really do want to use it um version of myself because I spent so long not being that sure and now that I'm finally visible as that my life has completely taken a turn and I've essentially created the life that I used to dream of yeah I love um I love titles like this that pop but also speak to the exact problem that the person's experiencing who needs to be reading the book to begin with because it um it makes you feel a certain way when you say like you need to be seen because there's a lot of people that uh just want to be behind the scenes you know they they they are they have a business or they have a a product they have a service and they want to sell more of it and they want to grow their business they want to hire more people and they want to maybe pay their employees better but they can't do any of those things because nobody knows about who they are what they do what Their prodct or service does how they solve their problem they don't know any of that stuff and they think that it's an option to not do that and still be successful and at the end of the day it's just like you cannot be successful unless more people see you and your brand and your stuff not only that it's your responsibility yeah on top of it I mean listen if you have like you've probably helped so many people with your podcast whether you entertained them or you gave them an idea or you made them feel not alone could you imagine if you didn't make yourself visible to those people they'd probably go listen to someone else or maybe even like sign up for a different program or or learn something that wasn't as good as what you had to say so if you have a service or a story or a product and it can help people and you're not making yourself visible to those people you're being selfish yeah and under the guise of being selfless yes right because that's the that's like the story that you tell yourself is like well you know I'm not Grant Cardone you know like that he's he's too he's too much and blah blah blah and you tell all you tell yourself all these little stories that make you feel better about like remaining in this little box where nobody can see you or hear you and then you struggle to make payroll next week it's like well where's the fun in that you know what I mean there's no fun in that and then there's also no fun in that feeling in your gut that's always telling you oh but I could oh but what if oh tomorrow I promise I'll post it I know I or even scrolling and saying I could do that and then not allowing yourself to do it because of fear of what other people will think of you and this feeling that you just like represented so perfectly where it's like oh like oh I'm not Grant Cardone all of that that is all just fear coming in and telling you lies to keep you exactly the same and to allow you to hide yeah but here's the thing when you start to tell that lie yo what's up fear I see you I hear you and you're bsing me and I know what's up and I'm going to take action with you there in the passenger seat of the car anyway and you start showing up you actually prove to yourself a lot of things that you probably needed to learn which is that you are in fact Worthy that it does infect work that it's not as scary that you're not going to die if you post a video or somebody thinks a certain way of you yeah so your brand has I mean I've watched it I've had a front row seat to watching your brand really take off in the last couple of years like I said I met Chris uh your you guys are married husband yeah husband um you guys uh I met him back in 2017 or something like that um when you just had the pr agency you know and and then I saw you come to the picture and then I was like oh this this is Jen is brand new part of this business like let me go see what this is about and then um I was kind of watching from afar you know I always liked Chris great dude and we always got along because he's you know your whole brand is called super connector mine at the time was called Builder Network it was very sistic um and then and then you and I met for the first time in person at the Hun milon mastermine um at the very first event and and even since then in 2019 what four four wow almost four years ago that we first met crazy um almost four years ago and even from then till now your brand is Leaps and Bounds gotten much much better even since then um and what I find to be true most of the time is when somebody kind of explodes people tend to only see that version of that person they see this version of Jen and they see everything polished and put together and they see you know uh uh the result but they didn't see everything that went into the result which you alluded to earlier so let's kind of peel back some layers here and go back in time uh way back in time okay so humor me Jen we're going to go back to let's say uh 9-year-old Jen Gody set the scene tell us what it was like being Jen at nine Jen at nine was obsessed with being seen she was messy she let her belly hang out she was a tomboy she had frizzy hair she did not care what other people thought she was a performer I like I was a child actor so I was a performer even when I was a kid and I love that you said nine cuz I was just having this conversation with Ryan earlier I had a moment when I was nine that really changed the trajectory of my whole life and I would perform in shows because I was like singing and dancing from the moment I could walk I was like anyone that will watch me do a show watch me do a show Michael Jackson Little Mermaid like all of it and I was started to do children's theater and I was in this show and we were in a really big theater it was like an Amphitheater in boaton and I was wearing these like bedazzled overalls and like this bright red leotard underneath it and I was singing Annie like the songs from Annie and it was always my dream to be Annie I never got to play Annie but I got to sing some of the songs from Annie so that was good enough so I'm on the stage and I'm singing and I remember stopping for a moment at like 9 8 or 9 and I look out at the audience and I remember thinking this so clearly it's one of the like like clearest memories I have as a child I thought to myself there is nothing better than this I want to do this for the rest of my life and from that moment I was like I'm gonna be an actress wow I'm going to be a performer this is what I'm going to do what did your parents do my dad was a Trader on the Chicago Stock Exchange when I was really little okay and then he got totally burnt out we moved to South Florida and he got into the jumper like equestrian world and we had a barn horses interesting yep and my mom was aird transition very weird he always loved horses and he rode as a kid so when we moved to Florida he was like I'm going to do what I always love to do when I was a kid good for him yeah and then my mom was like a preschool teacher and then she was a mom and I had a really awesome childhood until I was about 13 okay when it all kind of came crumbling down my parents got divorced and my perfect experience of everyone doting on me and Jenny you're the star and everything's great and everything revolves around you I really was like thanks mom and dad like you spoiled me I don't know if it was good or bad probably brothers and sisters wasn't great younger brother okay younger brother and my parents got divorced and then suddenly I was no longer you know as it happens when parents and families you know get separated yeah the star of the show and it's a rough time to go through any sort of crisis when you're already going through a crisis of sorts when you're 12 13 14 like in that transition phase it's like you you throw in any other pieces and it's like I don't know how to handle this one thing let alone like these adult problems that I don't even understand it was insane and my dad was also diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis at that time so it was like family divorce Ms and then I developed a serious eating disorder um you know I'm not going to say that it was because of that but a whole bunch of stuff sure coming together and it was a a really rough time I was really rebellious in my teenage years I don't even recognize the girl that I was like completely really lost really really really lost and but I still knew I'm going to be an actress really even through that oh yeah I was still I mean I was like I dabbled in all the different things like figure skating horseback riding but no matter what above all I was like I'm going to be an actor like I and I was still performing and singing and dancing it's what I always love to do no matter what when I got on that stage the world didn't exist yeah I escaped there it was my favorite place but here's the thing Travis I always envisioned in my mind that my purpose was to be an actress in the traditional sense to say other people's lines to go into auditions and wait to be chosen sure I pick you you're good enough now you can be hired to go say these lines and sing these songs and it's so funny that I'm a motivational speaker now and that I speak on stages because my dad this is actually in the book this is one of my favorite stories in the book and I haven't talked about this on any podcast yet this story so you're going to get and I love how you you're really good at this you led me into this which no one has um so when I was in high school I would perform we didn't have a theater in high school we performed in the hallway because like my school was really small and my my dad was always my biggest fan ever in the world and he would come to my hallway performances and sit on the floor of the tile with like his his flowers in his arms and like i' I'd be done he'd like be like Jenny you're going from hallway to Broadway I know it I know you are you're you're I'm your biggest fan you're G to be a star the greatest dad and when I started speaking and like everything changed and I guess we'll get to that part of the story later um and now I speak on all these stages in front of like these really like a lot of billionaires very successful people big rooms thousands of people and he sees me on social media and he's like that's so cool like you're performing but he never really got to see me speak in person because he has multiple scos and he can't travel yeah but I got asked uh to speak at Kent Clo's event in Fort Lauderdale and my dad looks him for a lot of nice so I got to invite my dad to come to one of my speaking engagements for the very first time and he couldn't really it was at the Hard Rock Hotel in casino and my dad has a hard time walking he walks but like with a cane and so he's like I don't he's like I'm going to walk through that entire casino to come see you speak I'm gonna be so cool everyone's gonna love me he sat in the front row and when I was done he's like hysterically crying we get into the car and it was such a cool moment for my dad to look at me and say oh my God Jenny it all makes sense all those years of you auditioning and acting and Wedding Singer and VH1 and all of it like it was all for this yeah it was all for this and I'm like oh my God like you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards and to have that moment with my dad to realize sometimes you think you're purpose is one thing but in order to figure out what it really is and what you're really supposed to be seen as or seen yourself see yourself doing is something completely different that you didn't even know existed and the only way to figure that out is to like try and fail and face plant and then win and pick yourself back up and then try something new and like my dad was there the whole journey watching and it was just a really really cool moment and the end of the book is that moment with my Dad yeah that's awesome dad I mean I I can't I can't explain it it's just like one of because I'm I'm a dad and I have little girl and the yeah the it hits hits me my dad feels hearing stories like that because it's you know it's just it's everything it's so it's everything and you you you exude a ton of confidence and I know confidence is something that you talk about all the time it's in all of your materials in all of your trainings um but I have a feeling during that kind of rebellious teenage years period you probably were not the spitting image of confidence so I'm curious to hear um from the parenting perspective what were some things that maybe your dad or your mom or both or whoever helped you with through that time that maybe allowed you to be more confident than other people when you came out on the other side I think it was really hard for them during that time to be honest I think they were really like listen if I ever have kids like God you're probably GNA give me something like I know I know what I'm in for I'm prepared um it was really difficult for my my parents but they did the very best that they could and when I look back it's like I they they they did the best that they can and I think that that's such a good reminder for everybody everyone's doing the best that they can for the most part especially when it comes to Parenting cuz nobody knows what they're doing no I bow down to moms I'm not a mommy I'm a stepmom but like every mom every dad like I bow down it is not an easy job but growing up my parents always instilled in me like you can do anything that you want they always did they always um allowed me to try things and mess up and be imperfect and they encouraged me oh you want to try this great you want to try that great all those different things that I tried ended up making me the person that I am today and they allowed me to explore and they always were there to pick me back up my mom uh there's a story in the book that's actually a really um really cool Moment full circle moment that I don't think you know about there was a time when I was at like probably the lowest point in my life when my TV show got cancelled and the guy that I was with that I thought I was going to marry ended up leaving me for one of our friends and I found myself going from this like multi-million dollar apartment that we lived in together with this perfect on paper life with my TV show and all this stuff to within a week's time like living in a little bedroom with a window that face to brick wall with like six other actors and that it was like that week or that month when I was just in a severe depression not knowing what I was going to do and my mom lived in Long Island and I lived in Manhattan and she came into the City and she's like I got to do something about this girl and we go to dinner at this Italian restaurant and I'm sitting there crying hysterically I remember like it was yesterday and my mom is very into personal development and she's a raiky master and she is yep she's into that and when back then I was not I was like Mom you're woo woo BS like get it away from me I don't even want to hear it I have real problems mom yeah yeah for real like this is not going to help me please don't raike me okay I'm good but we're sitting there and I'm crying and I'm like I don't know who I am anymore I I was on this show for five years where I played this version of myself that couldn't have been further from who I really was I was in this toxic relationship I'm like who am I what am I even going to do this is like your early mid 20s this was like yeah mid 20s like 25 she pulls out a book out of her purse and slides it across the table and the book is called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and I look at the title and I'm like you can heal your life mom please no like I cannot heal my life okay my life is unhealable yeah and my mom knew that I wasn't going to read the book so she's very smart and she photocopied one of the affirmations in the book it's a book of affirmations okay by a woman named l and she became very famous from writing these affirmations that could if you say them over and over again they can heal whatever situation you're dealing with believe it or not whatever you choose to believe okay so my mom did and she photocopied an affirmation and on the back of that she wrote dear Jenny I hope you find yourself again and because she knew I wouldn't read it but she knew that I would read that one yeah and so I got home and I took that one affirmation by Louise Hay and I put it on my refrigerator and I said okay I'm just going to read this stupid thing every day that's all I'm going to do I'm going read this every day we'll see what happens and I don't know what it did cuz some days I would read it and I really wouldn't believe it but over time it helped me to believe a little bit more than I didn't in myself and it slowly but surely helped me to expand and open up my eyes to more personal development content and start to believe that I could do things on my own and that I could start over and I could find myself and it was like the Gateway that affirmation skipped to today my publisher is hey house Louise Hay's publishing company oh no way Louis Haye changed my life and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be sitting here right now I wouldn't have a book and all of these Publishers rejected my proposal ton of them and I was getting really frustrated there's a whole section in the book about rejection because I'm a professional get it like I get rejected all the time and it's part it's a part of success okay um but and I was really going through it with all these Publishers but I truly believe that it was just redirection because hey house was supposed to publish my book yeah no kidding yeah seem see seems like it I get on this call with them and I'm like I told them that story and I didn't even think of that story until I got on the call with them and everyone's crying and we're like you need to publish my book yeah so that was really cool just full circle moment of an experience of how my mother really instilled confidence in me without even maybe really realizing it too do you remember the affirmation no I in the Infinity of life where I am all is whole and complete and then it goes on and on and on I remember the first line but I should probably memorize it for questions like moving forward in this just to put at the end of the book just like a here's the affirmation full circle um okay so let's go kind of back into the story here so rebellious teenage years um and then you find yourself you have a TV show so PE piece what happened between like I'm rebellious teenager and now I'm on TV yeah so I dropped out of college I went to the University of Hartford as a musical theater major okay I did terribly in high school as you can imagine I just kind of showed up and did the shows I was like in all the shows and I was a cheerer but I like really hid under the desk of my theater teacher thank you Mr Stansfield I love you and I barely graduated by the skin of my teeth and the only reason that I got into college was because I auditioned and I got into the University of Harford the Heart School of Music uh by the skin of my teeth it was the only College I applied to and what you audition with what did I audition with yeah like do do you like a reading or something or you have to do a song a monologue and you have to dance this musical theater so you have to be a triple threat yeah so I sang I read I danced and I got in and I got there and I hated it and I hated everything about college really hated it why stopped going to class um well there were a lot of reasons um number one I don't I'm not a student I don't love school I wanted to perform I was like I just want to perform all the time I don't want to do math like please stop with the math like just still have like General Ed classes even though it was school and then I was very so there was when you go to a real a regular College like University of Hartford you've got the musical theater kids and then you've got like the fraternities and the sororities and like all the other kids and I didn't really fit in with the musical theater kids that much and so it felt really uncomfortable for me to be in class with them they were actually kind of mean to me go um so there was a lot of Mean Girl stuff going on there and I was like I don't like this so uh I left and when I got home I decided I was going to move to New York City to pursue dang I was like screw this we're going to go to New York and I went to a two-year Conservatory program on the upper west side where I live now actually called the American Musical and dramatic Academy and I just sang and dance all day long and um any do you still find time to do any of that stuff singing dancing not really no do you enjoy it um you know I like speaking on stage so much more I was say that's my new way of Performing yeah I like it so much more because I get to say my own words and when you don't practice singing or dancing for a long time you lose it and I don't like sucking at things I have a hard time with it so if I go into a dance class I like to be the best one and I'm really bad now so it just makes me feel bad about what's funny is like the more you get known for being good at something the less easy it is to be okay with sucking at something new you know what I mean cuz it's like cuz people perceive you as being like a very competent person and you're good at this thing you know and then you like switch to something else and you have to like start at the bottom again and it's hard to like switch like um Talking do you know Brennan sha talking to Brennan sha he's a a podcaster and stuff but he was a UFC fighter who went to do stand-up comedy and like it was kind of that's he he gets a ton of scrutiny from people because you know his his standup wasn't very good for when but he had such a big Spotlight on because he got super well known Through The Joe Rogan sphere of world you know what I mean so there's so many eyes on him when he started standup just like well most standup Comics don't get eyes on them until they're 12 years into bombing on stage for you know you know over and over and over and over and over again they already got the sucking part out of the way and by the time you hear about them you know what I mean so like yeah total empathy for where you're coming from on that my therapist ask me all the time she goes when I was like nervous about the book she's like this is your first book she goes what's your relationship with being a beginner yeah and I'm like oh I don't think it's very good I have to work on that but I talk about that and I teach that when I speak on stage I show a video of my first Facebook live ever and the evolution and like we have to remember not to compare our our journey to somebody else's beautifully like packaged chapter 20 right and so so important to remember um but back to the story so I go to I go to New York City I study musical theater and I during that time I went to see a lot of Broadway shows and one of the shows that I went to see was The Wedding Singer you know the Adam SLE movie The Wedding Singer so I go with my friend we're like in the nosebleed section like the worst seats ever like student Rush seats and we're watching and all of a sudden this character comes out there's like a smoke machine and she comes out out of the fog and she's like walking onto the stage and she looks like Madonna from Like a Virgin and and she's the ex-girlfriend that leaves Robbie har at the altar she's like a [ __ ] she's like the mean like the evil character in the show and this woman her name is Felicia Finley the actress that played the part starts singing and I don't know what happened to me but everyone's laughing and I'm hysterically crying and I look at my friend who's next to me I'm like I'm going to play that part one day I don't know why this is my part this was made for me I am going to play that role he looks at me I'm sitting like we're students I live in like a 8 by8 like little tiny room with a twin bed bunk bed thing you're like 1819 or something like that uh 21 21 okay and he's like yeah okay I'm like no no no no I am no I'm serious yeah mhm and so I heard at that time um when I was in school my mom gave me another book uh and this was actually before the You Can Heal Your Life Book uh so I was like kind of like she gave me the book The Secret and I didn't really believe in that either until I saw Oprah talking about how she manifested her role in The Color Purple by using the secret The Law of Attraction so I'm like I going do an experiment yeah I really want to be I trust Oprah more than my mom totally I really want to be Linda and The Wedding Singer that's what I want I'm gonna manifest it okay and I did all the things that they told you to do EnV Vision it and every night before I went to bed I visualized myself playing the part like over and over I'd feel the costume on my body and in school when we would have to sing songs for our tests in musical theater school I would only sing the L Linda music that's it that's all I would saying my teachers were annoyed with me they're like aren't you gonna do anything else I'm like I am Linda in The Wedding Singer I it is done it is already done and so I finally I what I believe the Law of Attraction doesn't work without the law of action and all the visualizing all that really does is it points you in the direction of the opportunities to get the thing that you want absolutely and suddenly I saw in the backstage magazine back when I I'm dating myself but we had like those newspapers paper where all of actual physical paper yes the auditions are listed said Broadway national tour of The Wedding Singer casting I'm like oh my God I'd never been to a Broadway audition in my life I'm like there it is I'm going this is mine this is it it's happening like I am ready and I go in dressed in my Linda costume and I sign in and I'm number like 580 like there's so many girls there I'm like I'm gonna get this and because I had done all the work yeah and I'm there I'm auditioning and they keep cutting and cutting cutting and I'm left there with one other girl wow and I get back and it's like the final call back it's like me and this other girl and I remember her name her name was Na and she was tall and blonde and gorgeous and I'm like oh this is forget it like I did not believe in myself very much in that moment in time I was very scared but like it was like American Idol on steroids like she would go in and then I would go in and then she would go in and then I would go in and they're like okay thank you so much bye that's what they do they like don't tell you anything and then you leave that's fun and no yeah so fun and then you don't hear anything good luck sleeping for the next couple weeks yeah if you don't get it you also don't hear anything what so I even do the courtesy of the breakup call no breakup call those bastards no breakup call W so I find out through the grape vine that na gets the roll ah first big rejection but be I don't know what I was so I was like I don't care it's just not right now yeah and I was just like so resilient and so I snuck into a different audition I got very very like sneaky about this and I took crazy scary action like can't do this in the musical theater world but I saw an audition for foot loose and I knew that that director would be casting the next national tour Over The Wedding Singer I don't know how I found out so I snuck in and I sang the Linda music for this guy uh even though it was a foot loose show and he comes out of the holding room and he the like the of the room where the audition is into the holding room he comes up to me and he's like listen I'm not casting Wedding Singer right now but I want you to take my card and I want you to follow up with me because when we do I want to bring you back in and that was when I learned how to follow up with people I was GNA say you're going to regret this decision sir I emailed that guy I think once a week for like six months I had nothing to say to him I sent him pictures of my dog I I was like happy Hanukkah I was like I don't know I just was emailing him all the time yeah you said you told me to follow up so I learned follow up finally finally finally I get called back in again and again and again and I audition again and again and again audition my face off to then receive an email in my inbox that says congratulations we want you to be part of the Broadway national tour of The Wedding Singer Linda understudy still didn't get it so I have to now show up I'm very happy I get to be in the show but I have to now show up and watch this girl play my part that I know that I'm better at and there's a big part in my book about fomo about fear of missed opportunity and the feeling of seeing somebody else doing the thing that you know that you could do better yeah and and you could either you can go in two directions with that I could have been so pissed off and annoyed her and just like I had to wear a fat suit in the show I was like the fat girl that's that was my role so I wore a fat suit every night and then I sat in the wings and I watched this girl like sing my song that I had visualized doing for so long and I could have been a [ __ ] to her I could have been angry about it or I could have befriended her and watched her every move and studied her and asked her why did you do that there let's be friends tell me like everything you know about this part because for some reason you got it and I didn't and I want to know yeah and that's where I learned if you can turn your fomo to fuel and gratitude and be grateful that somebody's Paving the way for you you can create any opportunity that you want because the second that I got on that stage and got to play that part you better believe that I took the part yeah so then when we went on the big tour we put up the show for four months um in smaller theaters before we went up on the road with the big Broadway sets and Broadway costumes and they gave me the role and Travis when I played the part of Linda thank you for the first time in the same costume that Felicia Finley wore in front of an audience with the light and everything and I sang the song with the smoke machine and everything it was the same visual that I had done in my little twin bed in acting school and I walked backstage and I collapsed on the floor and I look up at the sky and I'm like anything that I want to I can create and that was really a big pivotal moment in my life where I learned the most important lesson ever yeah so many following up persistence rejection fomo like all of it to create everything and then I had to like learn it again 85 more times sure yeah cuz I still we're still not at the Rock Bottom moment yet yeah um but that was a huge moment in my life well and along the way though we're we're we're Paving these like we we're making deposits in the confidence account the whole time yeah like and a moment like that puts so much so much additional deposits in that account it it is almost unfathomable you know what I'm saying like to to to think to to think something's completely out of reach and then to just commit to making it happen and then to see it actually happen that is is that exact moment it's when you you're just like what else can I do that I thought I couldn't do that people told me I couldn't do those the stories I'm telling myself that just aren't true because this one worked you know like totally what else so where did you go from there so then I got home from tour and I learned about this audition for this TV show on VH1 where they needed a sexy rocker chick sexy rocker chick that's what I just did yeah for a year on the road I played a sexy rocker chick that was I was like G in the bag I'm gonna get this but what little did I know it was for a heavy metal talk show so a talk show all about heavy metal music it was hosted by three comedians Eddie Trunk Don Jameson and Jim Florentine and they would interview all these big rock stars like the guys from Metallica and ACDC and guns and roses and they needed like a van of white for the Show Gotcha like the hot girl that's it and so I was like okay I am going to crush this audition I'm going to study everything there is to know about heavy metal music like the night before and I'm going to know everything so I Google and I research and I'm memorizing all these band names and all this and I go into the audition dressed in my version of what a heavy metal girl would wear and I'm I'm actually in the waiting room and all the other girls are like real metal girls they like have like leg tattoos like they're real my metal shirt was from blooming and their's were they were really from the concert and I go in and they ask me all these questions and I forget everything this is actually on YouTube my audition for that it is you can watch it pull up the clip yeah you can roll the clip me do to improve our look at how smooth I forgot everything and you can see me I'm like um I really like everything from Beyonce to Black Sabbath what if you favorite bed well as far as music goes I like everything from Beyonce to L like I was down out to here in the room and my person not this morning so get in the mood I like anything that really that makes him dance and like I just look like an idiot and then they so I'm like I this is you're an act you're acting yeah I'm pretending but I'm doing a bad job I'm not even doing a good job so they pull out my resume and on the bottom as a joke I say do a great Britney Spears impersonation and so at the end of this I'm like this sucked like I'm just not going to get this and they say to me Jen you do Britney like let's see your Brittney I'd love to see a Brit I'm like this is going in the wrong direction so I'm like forget it I take the Down The Mask I decide to just be myself because I didn't get the part anyway yeah and I started singing like Britney Spears can we see your Britney you want to see her Britney yeah I used to think everybody starts laughing I get a call a week later I got the part Jen we want you to be part of the show we could really see ourselves having fun with you on set and that was a lesson in being myself yeah there were so many girls there that could have been better for the part and when I was faking it I forgot everything but when I was just myself that's when people leaned in and even though I wasn't a metal girl they connected with me yeah and that's why I got it ironically because then I lost my real self along the way in a big way yeah um because I got this job on the show for 5 years where I was supposed to be a heavy metal girl yeah and I wasn't sure sure there was just a job it was a job but I was simultaneously building a brand and an audience of people that thought I liked heavy metal and music right and I was like all right I need to be super blonde I need to be super sexy I need to pretend that I like these things and I need to make these videos and I need to do and did you did you find yourself like gaining interest in any of that or it was literally just like this is what I do for work and this is what I have to do to pay the bills or yeah and I was in an internal battle with myself this is what I do for work and when I it was great job we filmed at so many Universal Studios like as far as Jobs go it's not like it's you know flipping burgers or something like that amazing I wouldn't take it back for a second so many great friends came out of that I loved being on set but I was not a metal girl sure and people could smell that from a mile away those fans they are hardcore they're great they're very loyal fans they love I love them and we had a live studio audience but I started to see online people like Jennifer's fake she doesn't really like and I'm like I am and I was like in this like push and pull with myself like this isn't who I am yeah and because it wasn't a character I was playing it was like a combination of who I really was plus a character it wasn't like I I could go be in a movie be a character and then be done right it was like constant it's like you're I'm Jen like me and this is who I'm pretending to be so I was totally out of alignment building a brand that was out of alignment because all these people thought that was following me thought I was something that I wasn't Y and when it all went away because the show got canceled got yeah and um during that time I was dating this guy that I really thought I was going to marry because he was perfect on paper I knew deep down just like the show it wasn't right M found out that he was cheating on me with our friend and the relationship ended and I went from this perfect relationship with this perfect job on this TV show it getting canceled all around the same time and everything kind of blowing up and having to start over and figure out who I was and what I wanted to do and that's where we get to the Italian restaurant with my mom yeah okay so you're now 25 26 have some experience you as far as resumes go in acting like it's getting stacked up right I mean like you Broadway tour yep you got you were on actual television on a real show um what were you thinking at that time like you were you thinking like I shouldn't be an actor or were you thinking I I need to re-engage with a different part of myself like is is there any of that going on or you just complete identity crisis at this point I was complete identity crisis and I was holding on to the old identity in a big way I was not ready to let go of it the old identity like the rocker chick or the old identity of pleasing everybody around you type of a thing pleasing everybody around me finding a guy that was like the finance New York guy like I want to be in that scene thinking that was what I needed to be like to Pro please my family everything and then also being an actress I was still holding on to being in that world and going to auditions and hoping that one day I would get something but really in that world like I learned when I was on tour I didn't love the act of being on tour I love performing but doing 10 shows a week and living on a bus was not my favorite thing sure at all uh and and there were signs along the way that it wasn't an alignment it just wasn't but I was holding on to it because of fear of not knowing yeah and fear of of of like whoa what if I really did take all this down and decided to figure out who I really was was like that's scary and I wasn't ready to look at that and what got me to start getting ready to look at it was the affirmation started to help me to be like maybe I could read a personal development book maybe I could listen to a podcast maybe I could and then I started to go down the rabbit hole and my life started to change and I decided that I wanted to be a personal trainer instead of like while I was being an actor I thought it's a great job for me because I could my I could have flexible hours I could still audition I could help people I love working out this is a good job for me I don't have to be a waitress or a babysitter I could be a personal trainer yeah so I got my taste of Entrepreneurship and when I became a personal trainer and it was the greatest gift ever because I started training people and making money and then I started actually thinking well if I'm paying the or the gym is paying me $30 and they're charging the client $150 what if I just took the client outside of the gym and trained them and got the full $150 like that's way better so I started doing that and I built a like a multi6 figure business very very fast nice because I just had this bug and I had this determination and my back was against the wall and I had no other choice and so I started building a brand as Fitness gen instead of metal gen and I learned about publicity and I learned how to change the narrative and I learned how to build a brand and during that time I'm like wow I'm becoming like successful this is amazing I had my own studio apartment in New York City and I had a business but I still missed two pieces in life my performing piece it's always there that's in you it's in you and I was missing and I'm like is this going to be my life now I a person I have I I had trainers working for me so I was doing online stuff it wasn't just you know dollars for hours it was really building something but I wasn't performing and I wasn't really being seen the way that I knew that I still could there was something in me that was pulling and then the other thing was I knew I wanted to fall in love and I was single and I was obsessed with having everything perfect in my life and blocking off all the relationships because I didn't want anyone to to come in and screw it up for me screw up everything that I built so I went to my very first personal development event which was Louis House Event Summit of greatness I was like he was one of the podcasts that I listen to and I was like this this oh man this was his first one ever so how many years ago 20 I don't know 14 15 16 maybe I don't I'm really bad with yours yeah it was a while ago it was a while ago I would assume yes and I was just like building my company and I was just exploring personal development I'm like I know I need to be around people that think like this my friend like this where am I going to find people so I went by myself and I sat in the audience and the speaker on the stage had us do like a perfect day exercise where you close your eyes and you envision your perfect day what would you have you could have anything like okay I'll play and I allowed whatever could come up to come up well in my mind I was in a relationship that was like a power couple I had met a 6' tall entrepreneur and we built a company together and we went to semar like that together and we spoke on stages together and we built this thing and I had never thought of this before ever and I open my eyes I'm like holy [ __ ] I I need to find my person yeah and so I did what I did with Wedding Singer and I decided I was going to manifest my partner and I started talking to him every day as if he existed in my life even though he didn't and I'd have conversations with this invisible person and I knew like I like I was like if you see me I'm wearing like my blue outfit come say hi to me I can't wait to meet you and I knew that we were going to live in this very specific apartment that this building that I used to train people at I I would tell the doormen when I walked in I like I'm going to live in this building one day and they would laugh at me and I would say I'm telling you I'm going to live in this building one day you better believe and so me and vision board guy was a picture of this guy on my vision board I would Envision it was the guy that was going to be my husband and we were going to live in that apartment and we had this whole life that I created in my mind then this is how it all ties in together so I got fired from that gym because they found out that I was training people on the outside like you can't come back here ever again bye all right fine so never go back never go back build my company into a very successful company so now I'm a a member at equinox which is a fancy mancy gym in New York Equinox had acquired that gym and I found out one day when I was walking down Columbus Avenue and I look and I'm like oh my God Equinox acquired rebok well that probably means that none of those people that fired me work there anymore and then all of a sudden I was like you need to go join that gym like Jerry Seinfeld works out there Adam Sandler Madonna it's like a celebrity gym I'm like there is someone there that you need to meet you need to go in there you need to join yeah so after like 5 years of not being there because I was fired I walk in I give them my credit card I like sign up as a member and I'm working out there and within two weeks I bump into this trainer named Carlos who I used to date when I was a trainer there oh no way yeah and Carlos cheated on me I found underwear on his bed it was very dramatic situation one of those things that happened for me I didn't realize why it was happening for me I bumped into Carlos and and I'm like feeling so good cuz like I'm a member now and he's training people there at the gym still and I'm crushing it and he's like what are you up to and I explained more than you yeah well this you you asked well and I'm telling him all this stuff and he's like you know there's this guy that works out here I don't know him that well but I think he does online stuff like that his name's Chris Winfield I think maybe you should know him Carlos ex-boyfriend from when I was a trainer at that gym sends me Chris Fields Facebook profile that's hilarious my word of the year that year was connection I was really working on con now what year is this oh such a good oh so if it was right before I met Chris it was probably 2017 okay and I was like connection's the word I'm going to connect with people this year and I Google this guy Chris and he's super connector and I'm like oh this is perfect this guy could totally help me this makes so much sense with my word of the year so I go and I I I DM or no I I friend Chris he DMS me we're dming under the table over Thanksgiving and I'm like telling my f my family members my guy's on the way like don't worry next time I'm here on Thanksgiving he's going to be with me little did I know I'm dming with my husband to be under the table and we end up meeting up falling in love creating the life that I envisioned moving into the apartment at that building with like saying to the door man what's up buddy here I am and we did not do that because Chris was really successful and I just I think that that's where the story like people are like oh did you just like meet the rich guy and then you know got the apartment of your dreams in the life no he was building his business just as I was and we were both building separate businesses together and we both were becoming really Successful by helping each other in our own businesses we weren't even Partners yet yeah and I would help him and he would help me and we would Inspire each other and we both got to a place where we couldn't afford a apartment like that together yeah and then once we started living together it became very clear that there was a something that we could do together sure sure and I was like seeing him speak on stages and I was like that's the thing that's missing for me that's it performance piece yeah yeah this exists I could do this and so we decided to come together and do that one event we did an event together on Fair Advantage live and we were like we need to become Partners we need to create this into a much bigger company and then we did so my takeaway is that I've known Chris almost as long as you have Jen so you have you've long you known him longer than me I think no I don't think longer but at least as long yeah so Chris where's my ring you know nothing I I have two no love um man that's so that's so awesome I love every piece of the story like you said you can't join the dots until you look behind you instead of looking ahead but I'm going to ask you to do just that Jen looking ahead where do you view the next dots appearing on the horizon for you for Chris for bcen for everything you guys are working on now it's yeah I mean the first thing that comes to my mind is always something that I hesitate to say and I say this because I know a lot of people have big dreams that they get scared to say because they're scared that people are going to think a certain way of them if they say it so I say it even with fear there anyway I'm going to preface it I want to be the greatest motivational speaker of all time that is what I want to do I don't know what that means I don't even I don't even know that's just what comes to me I love speaking more than anything and I love I I don't even just love the time on stage I love the time before the stage I love the time after the stage connecting with the people seeing what happens as a result of the moments that we create when I'm at an event and in person just like those people did for me when I was going to events yeah so I mean we're hosting big events now we've got a 600 person event coming up in October um BC in the book is I mean I hope that it becomes a a number one times number one New York Times bestseller or whatever any kind of bestseller just because I want as many people as possible to get it in their hands um you know I mean it would be nice to have like all of those great accolades but I tell my te when we're marketing it I'm like I don't I'm not going for that I'm going for like let's get this book in as many hands as possible it's I want people reading it and I want it in hands and then for Chris and I we're our company's really pivoting into teaching people how to use artificial intelligence to build their brand and um yeah that's like because it's faster and it's really cool uh technology that we're living in today that can help you be seen without having any excuses of not knowing what to say or not knowing what to write so we have a community a mentorship program a mastermind that is amazing we're obsessed with it and we really dive into how to build a profitable brand but we're really pivoting into like how do you use Ai and Implement AI to make it faster and more scalable and easier for you so that's a big direction that we're headed in right now that I'm really excited about too okay so if you had to choose between speaking to 100,000 people or selling a million copies of your book which one pick that's a hard question and I'm going to explain to you why okay because if I sold a million copies of my book you could theoretically get on any stage you wanted to get yes yeah yeah and that's more long game like people will be sitting with my content in their hands they'll be implementing it they'll be able to go back to it they'll be able to have that experience again and again and again and again they'll be able to gift it to other people that stage while yes I could record it and cut it up into a lot of different pieces of content and it could live on it really is just for one moment so I would go with the book because it helps create more impact than that one stage will it would be selfish to say the stage but selfishly I would like to have that moment and I know that I will that's why I was asking the question um uh more books are you like do did you like the process of writing did did you enjoy like putting the book together I did it felt easy okay it did it didn't feel hard all my friends told me that I've written books that it was going to be the hardest thing yeah that's what I keep hearing that everybody discourages me I going to encourage you to shift your mindset right you can allow it to be easy if you choose it if you choose that if you decide I'm going to let this be easy and fun instead of going into it like thinking what everybody tells you it's G to suck it's going to be so painstaking to write it I just got on my keyboard and I talked to my girl yeah I knew who she was I thought about her in my mind and I told her my stories and I spoke to her and that made it so easy yeah if you focus on that I I like we call it hope help one person every day thinking about like when you're creating content you're just helping someone you're talking to them that's what made the process really fun and I will let you know at the end of the launch if the marketing part was fun if the launch bar was fun totally different things this is amazing but we'll see yeah I mean you got you got a couple months to go of just like pushing and pushing and pushing so right that's right and allowing as well you know I think that with the marketing thing of the book there's a lot of a lot of cooks in the kitchen a lot of people that think that they know the right thing to do and so you're going to get advice from a zillion different people and a z zillion different ways to do it how you should do it and then also a lot of pressure from either yourself or outside you know like or you're creating your own pressure basically from comparing yourself to other people's launches or like how it should be there's a lot of noise I'm I'm I'm sitting in the noise and I'm acknowledging the noise and I'm like how can I make this experience just be about the fact that I wrote a damn book yeah sure sure like yeah holy crap did you did you like working with the publisher have you like have you enjoyed that yeah and everyone else tell me that it was going to be terrible another one of those things that's what I'm saying that's why I'm asking you the questions my publisher is amazing I love them like it's been wonderful that's so good yeah that's awesome to hear yeah like shift your mindset on that allow it to be easy and fun all right allow it to be easy and fun and don't don't uh write off all the Publishers no yeah I I I wouldn't okay and if you are looking to publish a book let me know and then I can introduce you yeah all right we we we'll have a chat maybe later this year yeah yeah all right Jen um this is way long overdue I can't believe I could not believe when I was looking at my archives that we never recorded an episode so thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show thank you for writing the book be seen if you're watching this right now it is officially out so please do not hesitate go pick up a copy like I always say on the show never wait to buy a book just buy a book it's like 20 30 bucks and it has the ability to literally change your life it has the ability to package up somebody's entire thought process wisdom experience knowledge in a couple hundred pages and you're going to hesitate to buy it just just just buy the book don't don't don't keep waiting on it just buy the book be seen um wherever books are sold um go get a copy of bcen follow Jen on social if you're not already you probably already are um tell her thank you for all the amazing work that she's doing in the world Jen thank you you're awesome can't wait to do this again this was my favorite thank you