Trump Pardons Reality TV Stars, RFK Jr. Dials Back COVID Vaccines & JD Vance Grifts in Vegas

I have to say, a rare day of forgiveness in America. You know, we say a lot about the president. Some of it isn't flattering. Some of it is critical, I'll admit that. But it isn't fair to focus only on the negative. We should focus on the positives, too. And today, President Trump showed that he isn't just a dishonest, divisive, money-grubbing, golf-ball-pounding narcissist who cares only about himself. He is also capable of showing compassion. And he did that today. This afternoon, Donald Trump granted a full and unconditional pardon to Todd and Julie Chrisley. These are the Chrisleys. They are reality TV stars, just like him. He doesn't forget his roots. The first time I saw a promo for their show, I think I was watching Mr. Robot. I think that's the last time I watched the USA Network. I thought it was a joke. I thought they were actors in a parody of a reality show. Put that picture up again about a woman who married her own ventriloquist dummy or something. It's not. This is a real couple. It's not a mom and her gay real estate broker son. This is a real married couple who had a show called Chrisley Knows Best until a jury in Georgia found them guilty of conspiring to defraud community banks out of more than $30 million in fraudulent loans. That happens to be an issue that is very dear to President Trump. He has a soft spot in his heart for fraud. And so he summoned the cameras to capture him calling the Chrisleys' kids, who are also reality stars, to share the good news about the pardon. Your parents are going to be free and clean, and I hope we can do it by tomorrow. Is that OK? We'll try getting it done tomorrow. So give them. I don't know them, but give them my regards and wish them a good life. Mr. President. Yes. How are you? I just want to say thank you for bringing my parents back. Yeah. Isn't that beautiful? That's how generous Donald Trump is. He doesn't know those people. He just saw some fellow criminals in need. And you know, the J in Donald J stands for Jesus. Thanks to his loving, even Christ-like generosity, the Chrisleys can get back to the important work they were doing, which was this. Todd is very controlling, and you have to let him think he's the boss. And that's OK. OK. So what do you think? It's just me and you that's supposed to be walking through the door, not me, you, and your camel toe. Todd, for real? It's the whole hoof. Are we sure that guy wants to leave prison? Give me two more weeks to say goodbye to the fellas. They said the Chrisleys could be released as soon as tonight, which was especially exciting for their daughter, Savannah. You know, the real reason Trump released the Chrisleys is because A, their daughter's good looking, and B, she spoke in support of him last year at the RNC. Turns out that was a savvy move. President Trump didn't just commute their sentences. He gave them a full, unconditional pardon. So for that, I am forever grateful. Thank you, President Trump. And I vow to stand next to you and your administration and exposing the corruption and continue fighting for the men and women that are in prison. Cool, we'll get you a ticket on the next flight to El Salvador. For that, you can help the Tiger King. Joe Exotic is livid today. He has been begging Trump for a pardon for quite some time. And now they got it instead. He's so desperate, he is now begging Khloe Kardashian to ask Kim Kardashian to ask Donald Trump to help him get out of jail. Being alive in 2025, it's like always being on mushrooms. And not a microdose, by the way. Trump today floated the idea of pardoning the men who plotted to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. He said they got railroaded. And he also granted clemency to a man convicted of tax evasion a month after his mom dropped a million bucks at a fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago. Paul Walczak was an executive at a nursing home with more than $10 million from the paychecks of the nurses, doctors, and others who worked at his facilities and used that money to buy a $2 million yacht and a bunch of stuff at Bergdorf's and Cartier. So he's good. He's a good guy. And when he was sentenced, the judge told him there's no get out of jail free card for the rich. And he was right. The card costs a million dollars and is to be delivered in person by his mommy. So wait a minute. Let's do some math here, because I want to figure this out. So Paul Walczak, he was convicted of hiding $7.5 million from the IRS. And then after he was convicted, he was ordered to pay a $4 million fine. But then when he got pardoned, that wipes out the $4 million. So I will add the $4 million back. And now, assuming he pays his mom back the million dollars he gave Trump, he comes out ahead $6.5 million. Not bad at all. That's pretty good. Finally, someone associated with Trump made some money on something. And I don't want to go down the if Biden did this road, but the man stole from nursing home employees to buy a yacht. What more do you do? And do we hear anything from Congress? That sound you hear coming from the Republican side of the aisle is crickets, specifically the ones they feed Ted Cruz at night. Raking in the dollars. I guess nobody told these guys that once you win the election, you stop asking for money for a while. JD Vance headlined a fundraiser in Vegas last night. Tickets were a million dollars a pop. Imagine you have one night out in Vegas. If I'm paying a million dollars to see JD Vance in Vegas, he'd better be on that stage, pants down, humping a sofa while Celine Dion sings the Titanic song to turn him off. Maybe Criss Angel pulls an Ottoman out of his ass. That was last night. Today, JD was at the Big Vegas Bitcoin Conference. Speakers included JD, Vivek Ramaswamy, the Winklevoss twins, Eric Trump, and Don Jr. Basically the guys you'd expect to be lined up to greet you when you got to hell. Trump's media company announced they're planning to raise $2.5 billion to invest in Bitcoin. $2.5 billion. That is a lot of Bitcoin. Or maybe it isn't a lot of Bitcoin. Nobody has any idea how much Bitcoin that is. Trump has been known to drop a lot of money on things he doesn't understand. Bitcoin, casinos, Melania, all of it. Melania's doing her part to grow the family griffness, too. She's got her own meme coin. She's got NFT. She's got jewelry. She just released the audio book for her best-selling memoir, which she proudly announced is narrated by AI. They used an AI-generated version of Melania's voice because she's super busy. That is so accurate, you could hardly distinguish it from the real AI-generated Melania voice. And apparently, the book's doing so well, she's now reading other books. Hello, America. It is me, myself, Melania J. Trump. I have always loved literature and books. But now, thanks to the power of artificial intelligence, I can be reading every book ever written with Melania AI. The Great Gatsby was rich, but also sad. Very metaphor. So many books, 10,000 or something. Mr. Frodo wished he could throw his ring into a volcano. Beach, same. Suit your children's two sleepings. Good night, room. Good night, glass. Good night, locks keeping husband away from my glass. Open up. I watched Judge Jeanine. I'm horny for sex. Let robot me read you all the classics, like Moby Dick, To Kill a Mockingbird, and even The Grinch, Who Gives a F**k About Christmas Stuff? The Who in Who Will Give a F**k About Christmas Stuff? The Melania AI Collection, The Way Words Were Meant to be Readed. Order now at melaniatrump.gov, slash, give me monies, slash, scam. Please let me go home. So another host from Fox News has jumped ship. Judge Jeanine Pirro is the 23rd Fox News personality to get on board Team Trump. She's the new interim US attorney from Washington, DC. They had a swearing-in ceremony at the White House today at which Trump was asked about the war on Ukraine. Somehow steered his answer to that question to this answer. I brought inflation down to practically zero. And all of the groceries, and all of the eggs, and all of the things that you've been hearing about, they're back down. They're way down from where they were. I did something in four months that nobody's seen. And I have to say, in four months, and I said it before, and everyone's talking about it all over the world, we've got the hottest country anywhere in the world right now. We're the only country anybody's even talking about. It's true, but they're talking about us the same way people talk about the Diddy trial. It's with curiosity, disbelief, and revulsion. This is apparently the plan now. The plan, things are not getting better, so he's just going to say they are better. Same way he keeps saying the price of gas is below $2 a gallon. He's gaslighting us about gas. Then Trump took more time away from Judge Jeanine's big day to brag about how much the people love him on TikTok. Yeah, I think we'll be able to save TikTok. I'd like to save TikTok. I mean, TikTok was very good to me. I won the young people by 37%, so I have a little bit of a warm spot. I know I shouldn't. They'll say, quid pro quo. Put him in jail for the rest of his life. Quid pro quo. No, TikTok was very good to me. I won young people. I don't know if it was because of TikTok, but it was, something happened. No Republican has ever won the, they call them young people. It's true, they do call them young people. Call them young people. What else would you call them, old babies? Meanwhile, our Secretary of Health and Wellness, Robert Kennedy Jr., has been doing his own research. And yesterday, he announced that the CDC will no longer recommend the COVID vaccine for women who are pregnant or healthy children. That's good, right? They're dialing back COVID vaccines less than a week after they passed the bill to kick millions of American off their health care plans. What a time to try to be alive. Not only is the government making it less safe to live in America, they're making it less safe to work here, too. The Dogebros have been closing offices operated by OSHA, which is the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. This is the government body responsible for keeping our workplaces safe. And while the cutbacks have been drastic, the Department of Labor wants you to know there is nothing to fear. Thanks to the bold, cost-cutting measures from Doge, America is finally back to work. For too long, hardworking American men have sat by watching the government waste our money on woke nonsense, like fire escapes and safety goggles, which make a man look like a library lady. But now our workers are free again, free to get the job done without goggles, free to climb ladders however we please, free to calibrate a lathe while she's running, free to now have some DEI hire at the Department of Labor tell us how to depressurize a steam valve, we're free to drunk drive a forklift, free to choose how many fingers we lose, and free to knock over an unsecured oxygen cylinder so it shoots across the floor like a torpedo and decapitates Bruce. And sets the break room on fire. Rest in peace, Brucie. And rest in peace, OSHA. Thanks to President Donald J. Trump, champion of the working man. You know, hairspray's not like it used to be. It used to be real good. Damn straight. Let's get back to work, America. It's time to stop playing it safe. 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