Remember the boy who weighed 4kg at the age of 10? Here’s what happened to him after ADOPTION
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adoption does have a negative impact
i don't believe you can see it from the
outside looking in it will
unquestionably alter your life
it won't be able to penetrate your life
without ripping shredding and tearing
it comes into your home with your
permission and establishes itself in
your heart and mind your living room
floor kitchen counter family car and
dining room table will all be littered
with suitcases
as a result of adoption it'll be a
complete disaster it will completely
demolish you ruin you and force you to
look around with wide eyes
occasionally i become a sobbing mess and
yearned to return to my youth when i was
blind and innocent to the world but i'm
well aware that i don't truly want to
and that i'm unable to
when i traveled to eastern europe to
adopt my son israel who had spent his
first four years of life in a crib in
the deformities department of a
bulgarian orphanage
before being adopted at the age of four
i prayed that my eyes would be opened
and they were and my heart was shattered
into a million pieces and i can no
longer go through each day without
thinking
kids are dying
my ability to worship in church leave my
children off at school or make a run to
target as hampered by the whispered
phrase
kids are dying
children are dying
i want to scream as i sit calmly and
watch people go about their everyday
lives with barbecues
shopping trips and soccer games
and i want to say kids are dying
people comment on our children's
adoption and remark wow that's awesome
but then they continue on with their
lives i want to scream kids are dying at
the top of my voice
i sit here whispering kids or dying and
no one truly hears me because if they
did they'd know and they'd be grieving
as well
they see the flesh and blood example of
israel and the photographs of the
orphanage and they shed a tear before
walking back to their monday morning
jobs
instead they continue to live and the
children may continue to die
so many days i battle with the knowledge
of children who spend their lives in
institutions of babies who are born
without medical attention and of infants
who are taught not to cry laugh or smile
at any point in their lives
children confined to cribs
slamming their heads against the bars to
self-soothe
gnawing their fingers till they bleed
rocking ceaselessly and fed a handy
liquid diet are all too common
the load of knowledge falls on my
shoulders and when i try to unpack the
information in front of friends family
or the congregation
they grin and change the conversation to
something less heavy
and yet this great burden causes my
knees to weaken my shoulders to ache and
my heart to break even harder
when i returned home i found a genuine
breathing reminder of what i had
witnessed in eastern europe and his
existence reminds me every single day
that kids are dying
i took everything out of the box
a year ago today i walked out of the
bulgarian airport and into a world of
crushing heartache and sadness
this is what i remember every day
one year ago my eyes and heart were
awakened to a world that was different
from my american middle class upbringing
and culture
one year ago i sat in a sweltering
stuffy orphanage with no air
conditioning cradling a stenchy
urine-soaked infant with stained teeth
i left behind my ability to turn a blind
eye in a hellhole orphanage in bulgaria
a year ago today i left behind thousands
of other orphans who are no less
deserving of our attention than israel
a year ago
one year ago i looked at my beautiful
comfortable life and felt humiliation
and grief
and that day marked the beginning of the
end of my life
as usual every choice decision and step
i make is influenced by my adoption
experience
a small voice says kids are dying just
as i'm beginning to establish a new
normal for myself
kids are dying a small voice whispers to
me as i fold laundry and head to work
as i fall asleep that small voice
continues to say
kids are dying in the dark
i frequently feel lost and helpless so
i'm on my knees praying for guidance
i don't know the solutions so i'm on my
knees praying
israel was subjected to trauma to the
most appalling levels of neglect and
misery that one can imagine
every day is a few moments that are
tinged with his trauma
many of his judgments are based on fear
and survival instincts which is
understandable surprisingly persistent
trauma has been shown to alter the
structure and chemical function of the
nervous system
we've watched him move swiftly through
the developmental stages as he recovered
from his injuries
israel came to us from an orphanage
eight months ago and has grown from a
size 18 to 24 months to a size 4 toddler
in that time
beginning with inventory such as shapes
orders and stacking locks he's
progressed to playing with automobiles
and trucks and he's particularly fond of
musical instruments
he likes church because they have a
worship band and if they ever decide to
go on tour he plans to volunteer as a
roadie for them
his lack of exposure has resulted in him
knowing just about 20 words when we
first took him up
now he knows hundreds of words and can
sing his abcs and is enrolled in
kindergarten
israel on the other hand is my living
and breathing example though i left
thousands of others behind
in addition virtually every week a photo
of a child who's been removed from the
adoption registry because he's died is
posted on one of the adoption groups in
facebook
and when i look at my child i see his
enormous potential and i'm so grateful
that i was able to see past myself in
order to bring him home
shunt seems alarming and i've never seen
anything like this are just a few of the
comments i've heard from specialists and
doctors about the case of medical
neglect
i've been witnessing israel who's
extremely undernourished and suffering
from a spine that was trying to protrude
through his skin
was forced to rely on a liquid diet for
the sake of convenience
understanding that israel was not
supposed to live to be five years old is
essential
children with these difficulties
typically die before they become a
burden in eastern europe yet israel did
not die in the situation
he wasn't meant to live with limitations
and as a result he wasn't cared for in a
compassionate or humane manner
i know it's difficult to meet him and
look at him and realize what he's been
through but please take a moment and
gaze at him
examine him beyond the smile and the
muscular figure beyond the fashionable
outfit and the incredibly cool
wheelchair
take a step back and consider what love
can accomplish in just eight short
months
i want you to understand that this
little child has a message for you and
that he should serve as a daily reminder
to you as well
little boys and little girls just like
him will not live to reach their sixth
birthday as will many other children
they'll not embrace in the arms of their
mother as they die
instead they'll be left on their own
moreover i'm crying as i type this
because i need you to look at him and
understand that he was chosen from birth
to die
he was placed in an orphanage alongside
other children when he was born
and many of the children who were left
behind have died or have been relocated
to other homes and to be moved is to die
because 85 percent of these youngsters
die within a year of being admitted to a
mental health facility or home for a
thoracic spina bifida
israel was born without feeling from the
waist down
he's in love with a woman who has the
same condition as him
he was placed in an orphanage at birth
where he was deprived of everything save
the bare necessities of life
he had survived in this horrific
environment and he was approaching the
age of four
he was suffering from a variety of
medical conditions many of which i'd
never heard of before
when i saw him on facebook i should have
used the opportunity to express how
adorable he was and to wish him the best
in finding his forever family
instead god placed his tiny face on my
heart and i dreamed about him and he
appeared on my facebook news page on a
consistent basis
as a result we felt it would be a
wonderful idea and chose him as our son
from among the millions of orphans in
the world
a child who would never run
dance or walk would be a rare breed a
youngster who would never be the sun i
had envisioned for myself
it was important for me to choose a
child who had never experienced the
warmth of the sun on his face or the
breeze blowing through his hair
israel was confined to a single room and
was never allowed to leave
and now the child i chose is sharing
with me the wonder of a fleeting moment
in time
he's taught me that true love is not
conditional and that true beauty and
character are not found on the surface
of things
when i look at israel from the outside i
see nothing but a shell
his heart's gorgeous strong and brimming
with possibilities
i've been really fortunate to observe a
youngster who had been enslaved by his
circumstances be set free and allowed to
demonstrate his true worth and beauty
and now when i go about my daily routine
i'm conflicted
i've chosen a child for you
picking and choosing implies that
someone else was passed over for
selection
and the fact that you were not chosen
implies that kids are dying
the orphan issue is a crisis for us all
when it comes to adoption there's never
enough money enough time or the perfect
time
we must rise to the occasion and respond
to this demand