“True Love Doesn’t Look Like What You Think – Here’s the Harsh Truth” EPISODE 2

Hello, welcome back to the second episode of our what is true love and uh here with me is still My name is Tina Yahemba from Nigeria. Yes, we're still on it We're still on the topic of true love What are the signs because i'll just go direct and ask you this question. What are the signs of true love? in a dating relationship their sacrifice Yes, I'll just want you to list list them out there should be sacrifice sacrifice they shouldn't be greed Okay, please. Can you can you explain sacrifice because uh, uh, I want our viewers to understand what you mean by sacrifice Now it depends on where both parties are at Okay. Now for for some relationships, you could see the young man is quite less privileged financially Maybe her family is quite buoyant Or has a little more than him And they are both in school You know giving out a little help to either of the parties is sacrifice already uh secondly uh, there's a mutual understanding The both parties must understand that oh, sorry for that That they are going on the same journey On the same place. Okay. Now they must understand that the pace might be different but in trying to understand what true love is Each will hold each other's hand and go on that journey together until they arrive It's about giving You know I i'm trying to understand the points you're making. So the first one is a sacrifice. The second one is what mutual? Benefit mutual benefit. Yes There's there's always going to be looking out for what someone doesn't have. Okay, trying to see how to get to that person better Okay. Yes, but before we continue I want to dwell on sacrifice a little bit because today Honestly before we came here. I saw Something on an article from uganda because I still get ugandan news even If i'm still in nigeria, yeah That a buddha buddha guy Sacrificed to send the this girl to school and right now after she graduated And uh, she abandoned him. In fact, I screenshot it on my phone And I kept it because I want to talk about it Yes, so what would you say because you talk about sacrifice a man laboring and sacrificing for this lady to go to school At the end she finished and she abandoned him and she tell him you know how ladies here I don't know how the nigerian ladies do their things, but they'll say you are not my class beautiful. It's good any longer So what how would you uh, what do you have to say about that? You know, the the idea of relationship actually Begins from the nature of that human being. Okay you and I And those watching us are the way they are in their relationships by their unique natures Okay, some guys are just not honest people I know in this situation. It's not the guy is the lady will be betrayed. Yeah. Okay. Okay I mean guys, but I mean like both guys, but let me let me more directly Some ladies are not very honest people same as the guys the male the male guys now So i'm saying that the integral challenge of relationship It's about the seasons And how we go through those seasons Okay, I can assure you the buddha guy spoke about in uganda and the lady might have begun Really pretty well But as he was doing the buddha stuff And she was getting more enlightened and more exposed Perhaps she met other guys who said that's not your class And then that season challenged her uniqueness How dogged is she going to be to stay to? The promise that she had made to the guy By receiving help from him about the future they have together So for me the thing is this If you are going to be an honest person to say even though he's a buddha guy And i'm not a graduate. Okay, maybe some people don't understand what I mean by buddha buddha means, uh in nigeria They call it okada people who carry people behind in uganda. We call them buddha buddha So in nigeria here is uh, they call them okada okada. Yeah Depending how you understand it so this guy labels to Get money from his job, which he carried passenger and sending this lady to school at the end. She said, uh, You are not my class. So she abandoned the lady for someone else and uh in in another form from your from the point you're making is it that The foundation of their love is already faulty or is built on lies Or everything is okay Then as the as they continue in the relationship something went sideways or went sour along the way Yeah, or the foundation of their love is already built on lies now. Yeah, it depends. Okay get the point I'm saying that it all ends and begins from the integral nature Yeah of the human being okay Like you said for some it might be that it began on lies The girl knew that I don't love this guy, but he can get me the money So she can pretend for as long as help is coming. That's one For some it began truly sincerely. They were doing well But later as the as they went on in that relationship She now got influenced by some other people to say leave that guy And then she didn't have the stamina to to stay On her convictions because men can have their convictions change tomorrow So for some on lies for some it was thwarted. It was changed later in the relationship But i'm saying whatever it is as long as we have hope of tomorrow working together Even if she's a graduate. He's a buddha guy She will see respect the fact that he sacrificed for her and got her to the place where she's at That's what i'm saying Okay I got your point but uh in the case whereby because uh, a lot of men That uh, it's not the first time such we've heard about such incidents that has happened It has been happening some go an extra length to even harm the lady Yeah, some go an extra length to do things that you you cannot even imagine they do So let me say sorry, let me cut you on that. Okay I was in botswana some years ago. Okay, and I made a friend. He said to me there's a word called messy killing and messy killing And the guy also killed himself So I know of those things that happen in the name of love or betrayer Like what did in the first episode betrayer once somebody feels betrayed I labored I sent money to you. I helped you out and now you just turned your back on me If you're not very strong-hearted, you can just go extra mile to hurting the person yeah, you're right because i've seen such issues happen and uh, even in uganda it happens because uh, there's a lady mercury that After the guy labored so much to send her to school And she said you are not my class and a lot of funny and terrible things happen And my advice to young ladies out there is that please if you don't love somebody Please be open to talk to the person that I don't love you don't eat collect money from other people and uh Yet at the end of the day you don't them or you don't care about them. That is really terrible But uh, let's leave that aside because it's a very deep topic my due to time I just want to ask you some few more questions But my next question to you is that have you found any couple that their love has inspired you? Yeah, I have a couple who have inspired me by the way Uh, he speaks softly to his wife Or by the way, she respects the husband Or by the way, they would go out together. I've learned a few from here and there you say he speaks softly to his wife I don't mean softly like with a soft voice like hello Okay, okay, not exactly not as what I mean is respectfully respectfully, okay not to embarrass the wife in public Yeah, I never shout on my wife in public That I learned from someone you know how to really Even if there's a matter on ground with my wife, so you cannot correct your wife publicly. It depends It depends. Okay, it depends There are times you must shut down the correction till you get back home If that correction will embarrass your wife before a friend before a family or before someone viewers Do you agree to that? Yeah, I will leave that but Yeah, so yeah, keep going. So our wife should be respected. Okay. I mean true love is shown by respect You know every man should respect his wife That's the truth now. Um When when you find a man who can talk to his wife Anyhow in public what he's doing is this He's going to affect her self-confidence how morale will keep dropping Then she will not be sure when she is right or when she's wrong She'll not be sure what to say or what not to say To her husband because he's an angry man So I feel whatever it is. There is a challenge on ground They must be patient Endure get back home Don't just get back and just wait. I said I told you no no Allow a day to pass When she's in a good mood call and say see what happened two days ago That was wrong. It should be like this That's what I think but look at it yourself When she understand that the motive for that is not just to To blackmail her or to make her feel like a bad person the motive behind is to correct her And that's out of love Because people want to know Why you are doing what you do? Not just what you do. So if I can do something right to my wife, but if the way I Presented it is not right. She cannot get offended because of the way it was presented So that respect part is very important. Mostly The typical african man doesn't have that so much around women. We should learn to know that women deserve our respect I mean for having kids for us Even though I don't like saying my kids They are our kids. So African men nigerian men african men ugandan men. Let's stop saying my kids. No, they are our kids our children because to take in pregnant for months Labor and either have Cs or natural birth. It's something it's you can't think as a man So to make them know that this sacrifice of having children for me As it were Let it not be for us. They are our children So how we deal with our wives can tell how How that love can be garnished again the family. That's what I think Okay, ah you said something here towards the last point whereby you said The woman carries the baby for nine months and everything. I just want to ask this question because i'm in nigeria When the women are giving birth are the man present in the hospital? It depends if it's in a public facility is a no Okay, because in a public facility where there are a few other women laboring together. Okay for privacy So the men are all asked to stay Waiting for when their own wives will put to bed and the baby will brought them. You see that is why the men They didn't see that part. That is why they abuse it My wife is from germany in germany. If your wife is giving birth, you have to be present You have to help the nurse. Yeah in nigeria bring out the baby. Yeah, you have to collect it so I think that he has a psychological impact true because he because What happened there? We transform your life forever. Definitely. So even if you raise your hand to hit your wife You remember that? No, it has it has a way that it works like like it affected me For long that you respect your wife you honor them. You say this is not easy. Yeah, this is not easy so I started talking to myself being raised in africa that If all african men have the opportunity to be in a labor room with their wife when they come out There's something that happens. I believe that we're in nigeria Like I said, we have the public hospitals and the private hospitals those are kind of for private, uh facilities Do see I get that. Yeah. Yeah, but the transformation comes from there. Oh, really? It's it's a big deal Yeah, it's a big deal. It's a big day personally Personally if I were to have that option of seeing my wife put to bed, I might want to decline Because I I don't know it's quite decline Yeah No You have to be there because the nurse is there will tell you Come in and assist us and we want to because you'll be the one to encourage her and tell her push Okay. Yeah, you'll be pushing and once the baby comes out they severe the umbilical cord They will take the baby rapid and give it to hold after some time They have to return the baby to the mother, right? Yeah bonding for the mother first, but after that the nurse will pick the baby and say this is your baby Then you will hold it and do baby baby Praise god Okay, that's good. Yeah, um, my next question is that what is the most difficult thing about true love Please ask me again What is the most difficult thing about true love selflessness? Selflessness. Yeah, if you're saying true love, okay in true love you must be selfless you must Look at the betterment of the other person. Okay Before your own Okay, if you're not selfless, you can't say you have true love or you are in true love Selflessness is the opposite Or let me say greed is the opposite of selflessness So to be selfless means you have the other person at the betterment At heart, okay one day good for the person else What should somebody look at when they are looking for true love? What should that person be looking at when they are finding true love before you look pray pray Yeah before you look pray. Okay. What about if i'm not interested in prayer? They are in for it. You see what you see? You see what you see You see what you yeah, you see what you see? Yeah, because um You see Some people don't have the energy to pray. So what what would you say to them? You learn you learn? Yes You learn to pray now prayer prayer is not difficult prayer simply lord. I want to get married and i'm not sure if Sister a b is a person but I like them Please lord. Give me a sign Give me a sign that's prayer I have a problem with that. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes it Okay, my problem is this you say lord. Give me a sign What about if I tell the lord I say lord as i'm going to church today or going to this gathering? And i'm the lady and I said lord whoever puts on a brown suit and a red trouser That person give me a sign that that is the sign. I need is my husband and I went to you She is telling the lord already what to look at brown trouser what a combination what a combination Yes, maybe that's my choice And I went to church and I found that there are three brothers that dress the same way. This is it Ah, you don't you don't you don't tell the lord the conditions Okay, no, I won't say Uh, how would the lord give you the sign? This is it now. This is it Okay, you don't say lord. Let the person have now for me now Let there be a lady who is light in complexion wearing a red shoe and a black gown And a beautiful golden wristwatch When you do that Satan can arrange inspire someone to do that and then you have lost it What you should do rather is this give me a sign A sign goes beyond what the eyes can see A sign is a witness in the spirit I'm, sorry, if you are not born again what i'm saying now is strange to you Yeah, you have to be a believer Of the lord or the believer of the lord. Jesus christ. You have to have the holy ghost in you Walking through you you have to know that your life is not your own Your marriage your finances your career all of these things is channeled at giving god the glory so if We don't have young people Who are open to knowing the voice of god to understanding how god operates how god speak what i'm saying right now is An illusion is not factual for them Okay, so i'm saying that to to that young man who is confused not know what to do. The answer is Make jesus your lord Okay. Yeah when he is your lord he by the holy ghost will inspire And then you will now know That this is what the lord is saying about my marriage Johnny, okay. How would you talk to somebody who has never experienced true love? Well I've seen many Yeah, how would you encourage them to start? I will start by being The true love they've met Now, let me make it clear Maybe she's i'm married And i've had ladies who have been battered in relationships So I can't be their true love in a certain way, you know what I mean by that. I can't be intimate with them but I'll let them know that Not by my words I'm not going to say. Hey, you are seeing a true love here. I won't do that I'm saying that by the way, I'll treat them respectfully And help them see that that's not the end of life take care of them Because some guys who are mentors Have been unable to survive the pressure Emotional pressure that comes when a lady who is broken comes to them for help I've seen mentors Who have ended up also Hurting ladies who came to them for help Why because of their inability of keeping their emotions in check So when a lady sorry, I have to come in here because I don't want this thing to skip my mind Yeah, so if they come to a mentor that uh Mentors that are unable to keep their emotional. Yeah How they feel emotionally Checked or balanced. Yes. So how would you so you are in support of ladies mentoring ladies then? No, no I was going somewhere before you caught me. Yeah, i'm saying and i'll i'll say something about that. Okay I'm saying in a case where a lady comes to a guy. Yeah Maybe it's to say that i've been heartbroken. Yeah, I need healing Now if that guy is not Emotionally strong If he has tendencies of also flirting around In the bid of being a helper to that lady He might end up Abusing that same girl so what she was running away from Will still get to happen to her with this young man. Okay, so i'm saying that the first way to help a hurting lady Is that the young man to whom she has run to That young man will show her by his action That he respects her He cares about her well-being Without asking for anything in return To channel and please don't forget to click on the notification bell