An Ideal Husband (Miss Mabel Chiltern) - Monologue written by Oscar Wilde

This piece is from An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde as the character Mabel. Well, Tommy has proposed to me again. Tommy really does nothing but propose to me. He proposed to me last night in the music room when I was quite unprotected as there was an elaborate trio going on. I didn't dare make the smallest repartee. I need hardly tell you as it would have stopped the music at once. Really, musical people are so absurdly unreasonable. They always long for one to be perfectly dumb in the moment when one wants to be perfectly deaf. And then he proposed to me again this morning in front of that dreadful statue of Achilles. Really, the things that go on in front of that statue are simply appalling. The police should interfere. And then, by luncheon, I saw by the glare in his eyes that he was going to propose again. And I just barely managed to check him in time by assuring him that I am a bimetallist. Fortunately, I don't know what bimetallism is. And I don't believe anybody else does either. But the observation crushed Tommy for ten minutes. He looked quite shocked. The way Tommy proposes is so annoying. If he proposed at the top of his voice, I should not mind so much as that might produce some effect on the public. But he does so in this horrid, confidential way. When Tommy is trying to be romantic, he speaks to one as if they were a doctor. No, I really am very fond of Tommy. It's just the methods in which he proposes are quite out of date. I wish, Gertrude, you would talk to him and tell him that proposing once a week is quite enough to propose to anyone. And it should always be done in a manner that attracts some attention.