CLIMBING THE GIANT ROCK (EL PEÑOL) IN GUATAPE, COLOMBIA

Travelling in style. Right, I'm going to start this video. I hope you've got energy because I've got zero. I was awake until 6am and then we got picked up at what, 9am? So I've got zero energy to climb this big bastard. It was basically a shot of alcohol with a beer poured on top of it. Oh, there's another michelada which is like salty, limey soda water. Oh yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, sorry. I have no idea, don't listen to me. What does that mean? I think it's a rock. Oh, are you teaching me Spanish? Oh, that sausage has got my name on it later. That's the gayest sentence I've said today. But that sausage has definitely got my name on it. The chorizo. The choripan. Are you big enough? Almost. Right, this is the steps. Is this where it starts? So it's supposedly, how many steps? 700? 750. Bloody hell. So they've got the numbers of the stairs. I'm already blowing a gasket. How are you getting on? Doing it. All these other people are dying. Almost. Hola. 425. Getting there. It looks like we're really close to the top, doesn't it? Only 300 more to go. 450. Describe that view in one word. Incredible. Breathtaking. Chimba. Chimba, yeah. Que chimba. Vamos, amigo. Puedes hacerlo? Someone's dying. Right, so we've made it to the top. Palacema. Thoughts? Beautiful. It's hot. We're hiding from the sun. Have you been reading the dictionary today? What was the word earlier? Amazing. Breathtaking. Chimba. Paulina just described the sun as what? Unrelenting. I'm teaching Gary to be smart. I'm done. I've only got two syllables in me. If it's more than two syllables, I can't do it. The sun is strong, there you go. Strong. My cap is one syllable. It's the most sour thing to ever exist. Holy cow. She's brought me a monstrosity of a soury drink. The mango is good. Club Columbia. Get the shot of you shoveling it in. My mouth is so small. Gary, what are you doing? I'm cooking up an absolute storm of a message. For the bird I met in the swimming pool earlier. The one that was surrounded by her parents. It made it very awkward for me. How did you get her contact? I harassed her. I chased after her when her parents weren't looking. Are you going to ask her if you're going to practice Spanish? Yes. My future Columbia wife. I'm telling you. I'm going to have a Columbia passport in five years. We've been up here for about an hour. Can you describe the views with one more four-syllable word? I'm brain dead. They were lovely. No, I called you a despicable human being. I won't tell you why. We won't go there. But she is a despicable human being. That was my four-syllable word for the day. It's so much easier going down, isn't it? Why isn't anyone going down? Why are we the only ones? There is a chicken shop.