12 Things You Should Know in Your Twenties to Live a Better Life with What We Said

hi y'all this is House Guest and I am your host Kenzie Elizabeth think a Gen Z wannabe Martha Stewart meets Dolly Parton trying to live in a Nancy Myers movie in her 20s we talk all about life relationships navigating your 20s closing out the bars or waking up at 5:00 a.m depending on our vibe that week ultimately living our best lives and figuring it out along the way so come hang out sometimes I have guests on who do really cool things some of my best friends or it's just me and my house that I spend way too much time in so let's get into the show hi house guests welcome back to the show today we have Jaci and Chelsea over for a cute little couch convo if you will LA edition i'm off to Los Angeles the city of angels and we are recording a pod swap i have had the what we said girls if you will on multiple times so if you guys want a whole playlist of all of our episodes together like we can make that happen they're all very fabulous and they're the best if y'all are watching on YouTube we are doing a YouTube giveaway to two subscribers i will just vent you $100 of someone who comments of future guests that you guys want to see on the podcast all the details will be like down in the description below but I hope you guys enjoy and without further ado let's welcome Jaci and Chelsea on to the show because I'm getting a little stage fright really no I would never get stage fright these lights when we first went into our studio like the first time we recorded in our new studio with like studio lights and everything I was like I'm so nervous you're actually like shaking i cannot talk normally i feel like I'm in an interrogation can we actually talk about your new studio cuz it's really the most stunning thing I've ever seen thank you yeah we can it's our dream we're so happy to have an actual studio i mean we were getting bullied before as we should because we were just had like a very recording in a circus tent yeah it was the the curtain behind us wasn't really giving what it needed to give um it really was like the blue gold black dress thing it was it was people be like the red curtain and I'm like the red curtain and the gray couch were like this couch is as blue as could be it's as blue as I have to be honest and tell my truth like it was gray to me the couch was gray to you i swear to you that's why I think it was the blue and black striped dress you know what I'm talking about of course I know what you're talking about to me I really saw it as gray have you seen gray and red have you seen my Tik Toks of me wearing the half gold and white and half blue and black dress no it's like one of my viral Tik Toks that like I keep the dress just in case things go really soft and I have like no relevance because the second I put that dress on it's like such rage bait but I I wore that dress once i need to show you this video and I was like I love my golden white dress and like literally I got like hundreds of thousands of comments half and half yes but then people literally kind of like were like wait am I going crazy i want to show you this dress no that's all you need if things If you're feeling irrelevant just get this dress look at this dress nothing works quite like blue and black that is blue and black what do you think it is no no it's It's both though this one this specific dress is like it's it's a it's like a Halloween costume that someone would wear but then people I'd be like I love my blue and white dress or whatever and people like it's half gold and I just found this white and gold dress i'm obsessed that's what I said so anyway um that being said the curtains were giving that it was a different color in different lighting depending on what we wore and frankly it wasn't doing the job so we we brought in the big guns and we had a set created and we love it thank you for the compliments was not reflecting our skin our complexion yeah or our truth honestly because it it made us look just disgusting honestly every time we'd see a clip I'm like "Oh my gosh am I okay am I ill?" And people don't talk about that enough like podcasting like this career that we're in is incredibly vain you want to look as good as you possibly can especially when you have a guest you want them to look as great as possible because they're going to be sharing those clips people are sharing clips because they think they look good in them oh more often than not you know what I mean no exactly definitely and you know it wasn't a vain thing podcasting until the evil YouTube came and everyone was like "Well you have to YouTube in order to be relevant." like you podcasting was so pure and like it started so wholesome like the best intentions of just like doesn't matter what you look like doesn't matter how you're talking with your hands doesn't matter you know what you're wearing you can just talk into the mic and that's all that people the audio experience yeah but now it's just changed and I feel like it's actually hard to keep the what's the word I'm looking for like authenticity sacredness of the audio experience when you have to worry about being on camera what you look like what if I have a huge hair sticking out or like those things are distracting it's not even necessarily Guys I have something to confess to you okay and it's something that's been going on on the internet for the past couple of weeks so as you probably know your old Tik Toks have been resurfacing i don't know that so I don't know anything i'm terrified okay so old cover videos that you guys have done in like 2016 resurfacing on Tik Tok 2016 mama that was 2012 baby girl what old dance videos of 2020 they're all resurfacing posting them and one thing about them is that I am the first comment and I'm the first repost on every I'm seeing I'm seeing reposts i'm like now girls what is what is going on though like I don't know what's going on any Chelsea deleted Tik Tok and that was the worst timing because I have had to fight this battle alone um they have come out of the woodworks the the YouTube videos of us singing are unfortunately accessible and just always will be we cannot find the source of like the email or how whatever we used to create that YouTube account when we were like 14 or 15 i'm trying to like lower the age i'm like we were 12 we were we were full age of 16 probably at that point you think well anyway we started this YouTube channel and then when we got into adulthood we're like how do we erase this like obviously we don't need this as part of our digital footprint can't find out how to erase it cannot find the source don't know the email so those videos just live free and then we kind of were like you know what that's a part of us that's us you don't delete your old YouTube videos do you no and by the way the cover videos are good they're not bad it's just funny that everyone keeps resurfing you look at the comments and it's like Kinsey reposted i hate you i didn't think anyone noticed it and I TK the other day brought it up to me she's like I keep seeing them and it's Kinsey reposted and it's so funny and I'm like you know it's so crazy cuz like we literally have a group chat and like they haven't said anything i don't even notice that I'm doing it you're the one who's posting the videos no honestly at this point like if it stops I might have to pick it up myself because something about me reposting it we don't have that many that's the other thing is like how many have they found i don't know more than I'd like to admit they They found a few of the singing ones and then they would go back into the into the archives and find the dancing ones and the dancing ones are particularly offensive to me because like we were just too old uh we were married to we had made the decision to wed at that age and we'd already been married for a couple years and we decided to do that and I'm like literally trying to get pregnant i'm like girl you don't need a kid right now when I see those videos I'm like you're not ready sweetie the day I found out I was pregnant that's why God gave you infertility because you He's like show me you're ready once you show me you're ready i'm not kidding you guys like I see those and I'm like I'm literally crying right now like tears cuz I'm like that is so humiliating like the thing is we eat like No honestly guys I really don't think it's embarrassing it's just singing it's the facial expressions for me that make me like That's what I was going to say those aren't things that we're like bad at okay like we have rhythm and we have decent voices i I'm going to say it i We're triple threats exactly and I think we ate it up however like the serious nature is kind of what's getting me it's like we are dead serious in them and we would rehearse for hours but you know it was co like what else are we supposed to do no that's so true a lot of people like went to alcohol and you guys went to Tik Tok dance videos and we were getting we were breaking a sweat we would honestly get into arguments of like no it's on this like and that's like literally me when I was like 8 years old teaching my siblings dances for like our neighborhood recital that like I was putting on i was producing I was directing I was choreographing i was doing the whole thing yeah no that was us like we were basically quarantining together so Chelsea would literally come over at like 9:00 a.m and it's like "Okay let's get to work." Like matching tie-dye sets and 5 6 7 8 The best part is that the matching outfits like you guys really really were in it cuz at the time I like truly didn't think anything of it i was like "Oh they're like blowing up on TikTok." That was it yeah we were doing something i don't know what it was but yeah whole lot of nothing honestly i Those are those ones are a little painful but it is funny i actually think it's hilarious that people like dig them up and like all the comments are cracking up they're like "Oh they're going to hate this." Like I know this was wiped from J's memory cuz I have like no memory of like literally anything i don't have memory aside from yesterday like I don't remember a thing and specifically trauma I wipe out so yes all the Tik Tok dances are like from my memory yeah that's actually insane but it's really funny i was going to surprise you on the podcast cuz she genuinely did not know they were resurfacing but then clue but then Aspen texted she's like "I'm dying at these." And then and Chelsea was like in the message that she sent it and I was like "No." And husband tried to unend it she's like "Wait." I was like "Wait no." I was going to surprise her and she she tried to unend it chelsea already saw it i saw it i saw the screenshot of me with like weird extensions in my hair i don't know what was happening but so they found all of them i mean they found probably the YouTube that many but like three or four songs and yeah they were But you know what someone was saying they're like "This was pre um" They were like really complimenting us they're like "This was pre- chin pre- nose pre- teeth." I'm like "Pre nose who got a nose?" Yeah i'm like "New nose?" I'm like "No one had a new nose right preblit." I'm like they're like "New teeth?" I'm like "I already had braces." Like what okay like look how ugly they used to be i'm like "You did get me on the lips and the chin but other than that I don't know what they're talking about." Who knows they were assuming that we like literally redes now I know how Haley Bieber and Bella Hadid feel when they're like you didn't do anything you guys all natural okay i mean you can say that I can't as much unfortunately but well actually it's not all natural i have filler and but okay anyway guys that's like my favorite thing that's happening on the internet right now well speaking of things we've learned in our 20s to put down the tripod and the the Tik Tok songs that's what we've learned after no that's so real did you do any dancing not really but I wish I had because I would make more money transparently yeah i wish that I had it's just funny because people who were never into dancing at all or any of that stuff like became Tik Tok it was just a thing like anyone learned the dances because it was like co it people were stuck at home and then so many people were blowing up from dancing that I feel like it just genuinely became a thing that like everyone I knew did this i feel like a lot of people I knew that never danced or anything like they would learn Tik Tok dances it was fun i think we should get into what we wish we knew in our earlier 20s i'm ready you know I technically stay in my 20s how old are you i'm 27 and I'm turning 28 but I'm not in my early 20s and I would like to get to my 30s like obviously I would like to live to that point but like I would I'm ready for my 30s i think I feel like I'll thrive there 100% you will okay good i was just saying that like right guys I'm like it's all going downhill i was going to say you already seem 30 to me and not I mean that as a compliment i agree i feel 80 yeah not even like you don't look it or anything it's just like your energy gives 30 to me so I think you're going to love your 30s okay i think it's going to be good okay i wrote down a couple but you still have plenty of time i mean I honest I mean I feel like I turned 28 this summer it's going to fly by it will you know I have like two weeks until I'm 30 and I'm like I'm 20 i'm in my 20s i'm like really trying to remember like I'm this is the last I'll be in my 20s for like two more weeks for two whole weeks when you said you were in your late 20s or you said something about like I'm in my late 20s still I was like you're I'm like I can't be friends with you you're too young no you're still young ji turned 30 like months ago no literally I'm like 3 months older than Chelsea and I'm like you'll learn when you get to your 30s you'll learn a lot don't worry you'll finally learn those there's a lot of wisdom that comes with it yeah i'm waiting for that i'm the wise sage in this room right now so absolutely okay the first thing that I put it's not just one point it's actually like 15 great and this is something I've talked about on the show a lot but I feel like you think you have to know everything in your 20s and you think you're so old but you might as well be prepubescent like really and I would say I wish that I would have like leaned into uncertainty earlier because your 20s are a decade full of uncertainty and I feel like I was trying to like push against it and have everything figured out and also like make sense of everything going on in my life versus just when I started to like lean in and just think like it doesn't matter i'll figure it out or like I'm not supposed to know right now i feel like before I was like up against a wave if that makes any sense and then once I just leaned in then I just started having fun and relaxing and then I I needed to chill out i I really needed to really needed to relax it's like you hear that and you know that you're not supposed to have everything figured out but I'm like yeah no one else needs to have everything figured out but like I need to have it figured out yeah but I'm like but actually I'm a little bit different because I'm supposed to have it figured out it's a little bit different for everyone else though like you guys don't need to but therefore I do and once I just realized like not just realized realizing things Kylie Jenner once I actually like implemented that into my life and lived like that is when my 20s got fun you know yes i like that a lot as I was reflecting on my 20s and just like everyone around me's 20s I feel like we all have such different experiences and it's kind of hard to put I don't know generic lessons into a time period that's so different for so many people on it because I was thinking like a lot of people it's like their moment to you know that decade of their life is for like self-exploration and traveling alone and like figuring out what they want to do for a living but Chelsea and I got married when we were 21 so I feel like we were doing all of that but at the same time like we did have a different lifestyle than certain other friends that I have or whatever who didn't get married till they were 30 or whatever it is and so yeah it's I mean I love what you said chelsea and I were talking about that on the way up here where like you learn that you know nothing that's kind of like what you learn the older you get it's just like the more you know the less you know yes yeah i feel like the older I get the less I feel the need to figure things out too like the pressure that I put on myself at 22 versus the pressure I put on myself at 27 it's still there it's still kind of looming in the background but it's a lot quieter because with every year you get older you gain wisdom you know like JC has most of it right now but you realize that like you're actually not supposed to have it figured out and honestly thank god I didn't have things figured out because the stuff that I thought I wanted at 22 23 24 is so far from it and like what I've ended up finding or what I think I still will I just feel like has been so much better than like what I would have wanted at that certain age exactly you know yeah i feel the same way i think my I'll go next because mine kind of goes off of that it's you don't have to be perfect and although it's like it's like you said you just know these things you know other people it's like Yeah you don't have to be perfect but I do i saw this like at reals i know I'm on rails now instead of Tik Tok i'm really in my 30s she is geriatric um and it was like my therapist you really need to work on your perfectionist like mindset you need to break free of that and it was like me okay and it was me i need to become the most mentally healthy person there ever was and be your best client like that is I feel like something in different areas of my life I've had to overcome just like this need for everything to be perfect squeaky clean no matter what it is it's like okay I want my health i want to be the healthiest person there ever was i want to be like perfect in what I eat and how in my workout routine I want it to be all perfect and then realizing like that's not the answer like what am I trying to figure out then moving on to okay I want my relationship to be absolutely perfect nothing wrong with it i want my life to look perfect i want my career to be perfect and then just realizing like honestly in the last two years what is perfect it doesn't exist and why you don't even want that because even when things are good it's like that's always better changing yeah yeah exactly i I feel like it's like trying to learn to be happy and content with what you have while still striving for more is a very delicate balance that I feel like is is very hard the lines get blurred and just enjoying it instead of I reposted a quote again very millennial of me um a Pinterest quote on my story yesterday that was like "Now that you know you don't have to be perfect you can be good." Yeah and that resonated with me because I was like okay we in my 30s I do not want to be so focused on everything being perfect and it's okay to think about other things for once of not like okay how can I make this better how can this be improved how can this be even bigger or even better just enjoy the little moments and I think the last couple years I have been better at that and it's been just peaceful but at the same time you just got to be ready for what's coming my mom has always said to me like "You are such a perfectionist you need to relax." My mom is like the opposite of a perfectionist my mom was like so relaxed and so chill and I like never really felt that I was because I'm the first like the whole like launch fast adjust later like I'm like I like put things out and they're not perfect like I'm just consistent and I do things so I never really understood what she was talking about and then as I got older I started to see it more and I feel like for me I really had like moral perfectionism like I need to be the best friend possible i need to do this x y and z i cannot mess up and I've seen it I don't really know where this comes from in my life but I've noticed it come up more in relationships or like just friendships in general i think it's something that happened like two years ago where like I [ __ ] up as a friend and I oh my god like the amount of shame even now I still it still bothers me like it still gets to me and I like that friend like it was dumb like we had like a great it was fine like it ended up being so fine like everyone messes up it was okay but like to this day the amount of like shame I have around that moment is so insane also in our decade of friendship if that's like really the one thing it just like wasn't even in it never ended up being like really that big of a thing but that's kind of my point is that like I blew up this moment it made it like it affected me so deeply because I put such a high level of like I need to be perfect in this friendship and in this relationship and like I can't be a human being and I can't mess up and I need to have all that like it was it was this crazy spiral but like that moment made me realize I'm like "Oh my mom's right." Like I am a crazy perfectionist nitpicking yourself yeah and I was so hard on myself for like literally messing up one time which like people mess up in relationships all the time like it's a normal thing like it's also it's actually like part of human relationship yeah like it's a normal thing but oh my god and that was something in my 20s is like when I think about anything in my life which is like it's I'm being dramatic but when I think about anything like that really bothers me and it's because of the like perfectionist element of it you know I I feel like also if you are really hard on yourself which I am like I hold myself to a really high standard in a lot of different areas of my life because I I don't know how to even articulate this and it's probably like a deeper This is probably going to sound like deeper than I even want it to but I feel like it almost just feels like dumb to me to mess up like I'm just like that is like a stupid thing to do like why would you do that like I'm very hard on myself in a lot of ways and I think when because I'm that way I've found that when I'm being super critical and hard on myself like it's much easier for that to bleed over into my other relationships where if like someone like a friend or my partner if like someone in my life makes a misstep I'm I treat them that same way kind of at least internally i'm like why would you do that that's like a dumb that's stupid because that's how I treat myself and so I feel like the past few years I've like really been trying to soften up a little bit and be like Kate you don't have to like always say the perfect thing be the perfect friend be every thing to everyone like I've always just wanted to like have it together i think that's the thing is I've always wanted to be perceived as like a strong person who like has my life together and so any would mess that image up for even myself I'm like whoa whoa whoa no like I'm someone who has it together and I think the past few years like truly infertility did teach me a lot because I just didn't have it together a lot of the times like I was doing IVF i was not feeling well and I just like I'm literally going to like lay on the couch today because I feel I feel very unwell and it gave me a lot of it like really leveled me and humbled me in a way that I was just like people just go through hard things and like you can't just be so on and so perfect and have the perfect image all the time like it's that's not what's important in life and that's also not allowing you to like have a deep connection with someone like you have to mess up and they mess up too and it's like that's what being a human being is and it's okay so I can like really relate on the perfectionistic thing and I feel like that's been something I've been working on a lot in my later 20s my mom would say that too like she's like as a child you've been like this forever like you could never mess up but everyone else around me was allowed to mess up and honestly screw me over and I had nothing but empathy for them but I've never had empathy for myself like I'm honestly glad that that happened because it made me like start to like work through things i'm like googling self-compassion but then you go like it's then I'm trying to like almost you like spin it in a different way of like perfectionism but what you said about like that's how you that's how you have deep relationships like that's normal if you're trying to have everything together and be perfect and never mess up and everything's good like you're not a human being and you're not having it's not relatable also at all yeah at all and you don't have like deep relationships with other people because you're so focused on not messing up and being perfect and there's nothing ever that's gone wrong and everything's perfect and everything's going great and like you just don't actually like have like real friendships that way you know 100% yeah that's definitely been something I've been working on for the past few years one of the things that I wrote down is just that investing in yourself I believe is like one of the most important things you'll do specifically in your 20s and I was really thinking back to my early early 20s when I was a photographer and I was like trying to start my brand so this is a little more career oriented uh but you I think you can apply it in a lot of different areas in life but I truly think one of the things that I did right in my 20s was I invested in myself and when I wanted to you know when I was a photographer I would do these shoots and like I would be friends with other photographers too and I was like I would have these ideas of like okay I'm going to rent out this studio and I'm going to like hire this model and I remember other photographers being like oh like I'm not I would not do that cuz that like cost money and in my head I was like but that's like going to give me great photos and I would just be willing again this is like I could make a lot of disclaimers too because I was literally living at home i didn't have like a ton of risk it's not like I you know so let's put all all of that like in our minds too but I basically just like every dollar that I made I would just put back into like I would drive my crappy car to California and like pay for the gas and pay for like a crappy hotel i would go alone just to shoot like a model that I was looking up to and I would invest like just like my time and my money and my energy into that and I remember other people in my industry like not being willing to do that being like "Oh I would never like I'm not going to drive to California for a photo shoot." And I'm like I am like I I was just always willing to like kind of go the extra mile and invest in myself like if I got $1,000 if I saved up $1,000 I would buy a new lens like and then I would be back to $0 but I was just willing to like put money back into myself and I feel like that's literally how I got like any sort of success is just like repeatedly doing that because I feel like that's just how you like level up i mean again I think you can apply this into like health and wellness or other areas of your life but just like investing in being the best version of yourself or in your career I think is so important and it's like sometimes I don't know i don't know what the kids are doing these days i'm like is that a lost art like Kim Kim Kardashian said "No one wants to work these days." I'm not even saying that I worked super hard i think I was just willing to put time and money back into myself constantly take a risk on yourself well I think it's confidence too like working on your confidence because if you don't have confidence then you're not going to be as willing to make take a risk for yourself cuz it's like well I don't know if I can pull that off i don't know if this is going to be worth it i think on top of it career-wise I think something that I've done different that I would say like a lot of like my friends that are in this space like I've really invested in my relationships with women who are 20 30 years older than me like there's nothing I love more than someone who's older than me and like obviously we always joke I'm like a grandma but there's just certain people even that I've been able you know I've been lucky to be in rooms with people who have been like crazy like and successful and had so much wisdom but I you know built a podcast so that I was like able to like be in rooms with them and those women majority of them have come on and are like kind of like mentors to me like are still very invested in my life like I get audio messages from them frequently like and it's more so I care more so in like the emotional aspect of it like I love these women and I look up to them so much and I'm so curious and I know they know so much more than I do so I feel like I have like a cheat sheet and I learn a lot but then also like down the that's helped my career so many times like they've connected me with some people that I've never asked or even really thought of but that's been something I would say like it's I would say like put yourself in like yes put yourself in crazy rooms like find your way in like you need to be around the right people but I would like really focus on people who are older than you that know a lot more about you because I feel like that's actually a lost art of people these days like I don't hear any of my friends feel like before a lot of people were like obsessed with having mentors mentor this mentor that and it kind of became like annoying like I just cold emailing someone and asking them to like meet with you for 30 minutes like pick their brain in quotes is like very annoying but I think like I've been able to build something that also benefits them and then we've been able to we just happen to build a relationship through that was never intentional but like as time has gone on the women that I've had who like are some of like the richest women in the world who are very successful that I feel like actually genuinely do care about me I've been able to like meet through so it is through the podcast but I think just investing in because you invested in yourself too like the reason you're able to be in those rooms and have those relationships is because you believed in yourself enough to start a podcast and you are consistent with your podcast and you've built something that you are offering to someone as well which is like also I think a part of any transaction like if you want to I mean this is like so can go into anything if you want to be a if you want good friends you want your friends to celebrate you then you better be a good friend you better be celebrating them every chance you get if you want a successful podcast like you better have something to give like if if you're not offering anyone something then yeah it's like you're not just going to randomly email someone hey would you want to like mentor me it's like why like why would they mentor you if you're not you know what I mean like you have to invest in yourself to even get to that point i also think in your 20s like making sure that you have something to offer someone like I've never regretted like giving something to someone whether it's like connecting them with something giving them certain information like because I think one as women especially in business we should do that i think that's like a very very important thing but also I just think it like sends good energy into the world like I'm not even like an energy person but I just think it kind of all comes back around and when you're creating this world that's like very giving and we're all helping each other and stuff like that's the world that whatever world you're creating is like obviously the world that you're going to be living in people always say they want a village but they don't want to like be the villager right and I think about that a lot in business it's like okay this is also with the ecosystem that you are then creating but when you are gatekeeping everything when you're not willing to help when you're not willing to like even take like a threeminute audio message back or something like that's also the world that you are then living in I think that people just like forget that stuff you know definitely it's a two-way street but back on to investing in yourself i put down I think that the concept of identity capital was something that like really changed my life in my 20s and I really wrote like the defining decade yes yes i wrote down like get to know yourself like you would a friend and I think that that sounds great until you're like how the hell do I do that i have like no idea i'm so confused and I think that like I'm so big on hobbies like find a hobby a singular hobby it doesn't matter what it is like you need something that you are doing because one hobbies build confidence because the great admlet says that confidence is built by making promises to yourself and keeping them so as you are developing hobbies you're consistently showing up for yourself and as you're consistent like confidence is trust so you build trust by showing up for yourself consistently learning new things yeah and you also build self-esteem by showing yourself that you're able to learn new things like it's very very beneficial but you also get to know yourself a lot deeper i feel like I don't even know what kind of hobby or anything that I would be interested in i would look back at what you were interested in when you were like five and just start doing that so like anything I'm very quick to like act on something so anything that I felt interested in like horseback riding or I got into running or you know journaling or whatever it is I just like started to do that and you just figure it out like cooking all of those things and when it comes to identity capital basically the defining decade is this book it's a very controversial book actually but really yeah people like really don't like it i read it forever ago but I think I was in my earlier 20s so and as we've discussed I have no memory so I'm like I knew that identity capital was from that book but I'm like kind of forgetting the whole the whole spiel basically identity capital I actually give us notes i'm going to look up the definition so I can get the correct it's basically like you're building up like points of like interest in your life so then you can be a more interesting person and your interesting people are more interested exactly so then it's like that's why I think hobby another way to be perfect write that down no I'm like actually perfect i'm going to I'm doing a solo episode on literally interesting people are more interested like that's like it's so Okay so the defining decade it was a controversial book i think it's controversial if you read it when you're like 28 and you're stressed and you feel like you lived your 20s incorrectly whatever okay got it i loved what I took from that book was Identity Capital and identity capital refers to the Wait okay identity capital is the collection of skills relationships and professional resources that we build over our lives but in the defining decade it goes more into like interests that you have so instead of focusing so much on finding yourself what you need to be focusing on is building yourself like there's not really this like level of like transcendence we're going to find where like we meet ourselves spiritually i think like you are who you are and you build it from there so with identity capital it's basically just a group of all the different interests that you have and once you start investing into those then that becomes your life and that becomes you so that was a huge thing and actually just like acting on it treating myself like I was a friend and getting hobbies and other things outside of like work and just my dayto-day was probably the most beneficial thing I think I've done in my 20s completely i really think that hobbies like I say it all the time like if you've seen my Big Fat Creek wedding how the dad is with like Windex he thinks that Windex does everything that's how I am with hobbies i'm like "You just need a hobby." I'm like break up with your boyfriend get a hobby like you'll be fine no literally but seriously like I really think I'm like you don't need a boyfriend you need a hobby i really think that we need to talk we're going to talk about that on our episode with you we're saving the good stuff for our Can you actually stop talking about that okay take that out yeah literally we were talking before this i'm like I am like you know when like your funny like hasn't arrived like that's how I was feeling before the podcast and Joel's like great so like we'll warm up on your episode yeah ours will be the finale the grand finale that you want to no but I think that it's just so important hobbies are so important for one identity confidence relationship building self-esteem like I think that that's the best thing and that's how you get to know yourself also it's important to say like you will consistently be getting to know yourself like you're evolving and changing at all times you don't come to this like kumbaya moment where like you know everything suddenly and certainly not coming to that in your 20s or your 30s or your 30s like constant building yeah like my mom is still doing so like so hobby queen she's like has so many little hobbies and it's like I feel like she's still even building who she is and she's in her 50s now absolutely and also another thing that I love I have a whole soul episode on like you're not behind it's like a list of people who have achieved success like later in life quote like basically I did anything past like 40 yeah i love that and your life does not end in your 20s like I don't most people who are very successful look back and they're like god that was a wash like it just you don't know anything you don't need to have it figured out like there's I feel like as women in society I feel like this is lessened but there was you had to be married with kids by 30 and like maybe that's what you want to do but I feel like that translated to like everything in life like your life ended at 30 for whatever reason it doesn't it doesn't matter you could start a new career path in your 50s you could start so many great things in your 60s like life is long you'll be fine it's honestly a good reminder because I think it does sometimes like even hitting 30 i had this this moment the other day where I said out loud like someone asked me something and I said "Yeah well I'm 30 and that happened." And I was like "Oh my gosh like identity crisis." I was like "That's actually crazy that I'm 30 i cannot believe I'm that old." But also I feel like my life like I actually genuinely feel like I'm just now kind of finding out who I am or building who I am and I know that that's nowhere near over like I still feel like I have like 30 or 40 solid more years of doing that and so it's like yes you have plenty of time and I also almost think that like quote unquote having your life together by the time you're 30 aka if you know I I feel like people's perception of having your life together is being married having a house and having kids or something that does not equal having your life figured out like there are so many people who well what are you going to do for the next 50 years it's like just sit there have those things figured out but maybe in 5 years they're going to get a divorce or do you know what I mean or they whatever it's like everyone's just on a different timeline and just because you feel like someone's further along like that's not necessarily true and one of the things that I had written down that like I learned in my 20s is that the people that you look up to are no more important than you are like I think it's easy to put certain people on a pedestal even like people that you I was going to say Martha Stewart but she actually is better than all of us so like actually that's not a good example yeah that one doesn't work but a lot of people I feel like that you know that we idolize or like oh this person has it figured out like they're so successful or they have what I want their house is amazing whatever it's like they are no more important of a person than you no just because someone's successful or has money or has something that you want they have a beautiful family a husband whatever like you are more than capable of living the life that you want to live and like you said you create who you are you create these hobbies i think obviously there's a lot of things that happen to us outside of our control of course like there's a lot of caveats but I think you do create a lot of the world that you are living in especially in your head and if you are constantly putting people above yourself and being like oh I could never do it like them like you literally your secret sauce and the greatest power that you have in this life and the greatest currency is that you are yourself that is all you have actually that is all you have is that you are uniquely you and no one else can be you so the second you're putting people on pedestals and like trying to be like someone else like it's great to have mentors or people you look up to but like you just have to be you and you are important just as you i think like that's something that I've really realized again later 20s I'm like what was I learned in the early 20s well I think too like speaking of Martha Stewart Lauren Elizabeth was on the podcast when we did book club like the Mel Robbins episode and she said something that was very interesting because she's very similar to us and like very hard on herself expects a lot and all these things and someone had said to her like no one with a documentary like has lived a perfect life like no one who's really interesting and really is where you want to be or someone that you idolize like none of them have been perfect they've all messed up they've all made mistakes they've all had like very low moments they all have things that they would take back like look at Martha Stewart she literally went to jail okay like she actually went to jail wrongfully so but like that's a story for another day there's a lot of things that she's done she's probably had many interactions with people that she's not proud of or that she wishes she could take back honestly with Martha she might be it's a little different you guys get what I'm saying like it no one who has a story that's worth telling has ever been perfect they've had really low moments and they've messed up so like I have to keep that in mind when I'm like so hard on myself and I'm like "Oh my god this I could have done better here or I could have done I could have been this person or I could have done that." Part of what makes them interesting like you think about Trisha Pis and it's like if she didn't have all of her different moments like she wouldn't be who she is and she wouldn't be like as interesting and as fascinating as she is not that everyone needs to be so interesting and fascinating but it's like it really does make you more well-rounded and it's like something that I love about people like Trisha is like she is just being herself it's exactly what I was saying like if she was trying to be someone else like it wouldn't be this it her stuff her videos wouldn't hit the same her thing actually yeah cosplaying other people actually literally dressed up as like I'm like she's never trying to be anyone else she's literally dressed up as like someone else every day trisha she's actually a completely different person every few times but she is she leans into Yes absolutely that is who she is like and she No and she's an honestly an incredible example of someone who I just went to the eras of Trisha Tour and we brought a friend it was incredible we brought a friend who is like I mean she works like a hedge fund she's very like she's very intelligent like is she knows like lifestyle influencers probably a little bit but like she's not in like the YouTube like internet realm we were trying to explain it to her before and I'm like honestly we you just have to go in and like hope for the best and she was like this woman is like the epitome of like being persistent she goes "Nothing that you said first off would have ever prepared me for that second it was so fun she's so great." But she really is so persistent like the amount of nos that that woman has gotten in her career oh my god and she just like knew it was going to happen one day and she's 20 plus years into this at this point honestly and like look at her now she's at the top of her game and she just keeps going no she's like literally an inspiration for real she is i think that one of the things that I learned in early late forever 20s is like sometimes you have to let go too kind of going off of what you guys are saying you have to let go of or I had to let go of who I thought I was like I almost learned more of who I'm not than who I am like in my 20s like these things that I thought you know as a kid it's it's like you have these plans for your life you think okay this is what I'm going to be this is what I'm going to do this is who I'm going to marry this is what my life's going to look like this is what I whatever and this is what I like to do these are my gifts these are my talents these are my hobbies and I feel like the older you get like you have to choose a career you have to choose a what is it called i haven't been in college in forever a major so early you know you just have to like choose so many things of like deciding who you think that you are and it's like you guys were saying like you have to find who you are and I think to do that you have to let go of who you thought you were and like who you're not and maybe these things that don't actually define you and you don't have to hold on so tightly to them i feel like something I've had to do in my 20s is really just like let go of a lot of things like let go of the perfectionism let go of expectations for other people for myself let go of very specific images I have of like again what my life should look like or what I should be doing or what I should be like anything like that and I think this happened too like after I had both my kids like I had this almost felt like I was like cracking and like an egg was cracking over me where I'm just like oh my gosh that's who I really was like okay now I'm this is who I am and then it just like fell away and I'm just like okay well that's who I thought I was trying to hold on to the pieces and be like no no no that's who I am I just have to find myself again and it's like that's never who you were that was just who you were or that's never the like blueprint of who you were like that what you were doing at that time that's how you acted that's maybe who you were at that point but that's not who you're supposed to be for the rest of your life yeah you can evolve and that's actually the point like you can find uh another millennial quote that I love is like the you can never lose the magic because the magic is you and I feel that was on my vision board this year because I feel like you have to it's easy in hard times to kind of forget that like in different times of your 20s you feel like you're immortal you feel like you can do anything you feel like the world is your oyster and then something happens sometimes it's not even a big thing something it's like rejection and it just feels like your life is over and you're like oh my gosh how do I come back from this how do I ever like build the pieces back together but I feel like when you remember that it was always like you were saying just you like the magic is you it's who you are and you can always it's always there like it's never going to leave you and you can always tap into that and just keep going and that's literally the only point of life is to keep going and there's really nothing to like figure out it's fun like hobbies are great because there's really no purpose it's like you're just doing this and it's usually Yeah and it's usually something like cyclical like it's like gardening or sewing or even like sports or horseback riding it's just like something you do and then it ends and you do it again seasonally or like there's just something you're starting and doing there's no destination for it and that's like what's so beautiful about it that's why you enjoy it so much because it's just like this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life like just living and not looking for so many things cuz when you're looking you're like being distracted by what is actually the point and the magic of living i also think that going back to what you were saying I think that figuring out what you don't want to be is actually like 10 times more powerful than figuring out who you do want to be i think about that just in my early 20s and just kind of the group people that I was around i learned so much more about what I don't want to be than I did who I do want to be and I think that that was actually more pivotal for me personally yeah I agree 100% sometimes you have to try things to figure out like that is not what I want and you could be wanting it for so long and then you finally try and it's like okay that's actually not what I am good at that's not who I want to be that's not what I thought it was so I got clarity to to even figure out who you do want to be i feel like that can be like Yeah pretty clarifying i feel like the last thing that kind of like ties all this stuff up with a bow is I would say like do it bad like just start whatever it is that you want to do it's probably not going to be your even in business your multi multi-million dollar idea but I think that whatever that experience is and whatever the contacts are the things that you learn are things that you're going to carry with you throughout life and maybe that'll lead you 15 years down the road to like something that you really want to do but I think our 20s so many people are paralyzed with the thought of starting something and the idea of starting something new is a really scary thing but I would just start like Michael and Lauren always say like launch fast adjust later which is something that I always say and I think that that's been something that I've been able that I've done in my 20s honestly you don't even have to look at in business like yes I'm have been working for a long time i was able to like fund my own company like I was able to like pay for that so that's a little more of an extreme example but I think even in something as simple as a hobby like just start whatever you're starting if you want to do it you start it's not going to be good starting off like just do it bad and I think that that's really what's going to like give you fulfillment also not everything that you do needs to be good like there's so many people who love to needle point and they're not like necessarily good at needle point like whatever that means and but they still really enjoy it and like doing it so I would say you don't have to be perfect life is it's not a race just start and if it's bad it's fine it's a start honestly starting bad is a lot better than not starting at all totally i just saw this quote the other day that I posted on my story it was like make it exist first then you can make it good yes and I feel like that is truly like the key to life and I I think you know again you can relate it in a lot of different ways whether it is business and being successful in that way or whether you are having hobbies or whether you're talking about friendships and relationships like just putting in effort in life is like all you can do and it's really important and I feel like I also saw this thing talking about how this guy was basically saying like all the richest people I know the most successful people people I know the thing that they have in common is that they just like do stuff like they just try and even if they're bad at it they're just like "Oh well I'm going to try and like we'll see." And it leads them somewhere else i feel like I've started a lot of things like that led me to other places like even being a photographer weirdly like led me to podcasting with Chelsea like that was those videos to bring it all the way back our singing videos led us to this moment it really did our Tik Tok dances it's it's just like people I think are so and people meaning also me like I'm not above this at all but I just think like people are so afraid of failure these days and it's like so afraid to look dumb and I think specifically having this career has instilled a lot of that fear in me because I don't want to like start something and look stupid like yeah like I'm going to start this thing and then people are like you're not good at that and I'm like oh but I think there's so much power in just doing it anyway and like that I really look up to people who like have hobbies or who try new things i was listening to your episode with Lauren Elizabeth and she was like "I've been embarrassed like I might start horseback riding." And I'm like she doesn't realize like I think that's so cool like if someone was to be like "Oh I've never ridden a horse." Like I'm going to start horseback riding i'd be like "I'm following you you are so cool like I'm I'm so impressed by you." I think it's like such an amazing thing to just try and just do new things and even to bring I don't know why I'm bringing up Trisha Pis every 5 seconds but like even her it's like she tries so many different things and I love that she just doesn't have any embarrassment or shame she's just like "I'm gonna dress up like this person i think it's funny like I'm gonna do this music video." And it's like I just personally think that's so admirable i love that people do that and I'm trying to tap into more of that in my 30s specifically and you know what Taylor Swift and Trisha have both taught me in my 20s more than anything else is like it's okay to be excited about things it's okay to be cringy it's okay to be passionate about something and be excited be a fan girl like when I went to the the actual Aeros Tour Taylor Swift Aeros Tour and like watching just certain people like just shows me I'm like who cares like why am I trying to be like too cool like oh yeah I guess that's kind of cool like I'm not that excited about that it's like what why is that cool like why do we think that's cool it's it's actually way more empowering to other people when you are allowing yourself to be excited about things when you're allowing yourself to be like I really care about this like I actually have a lot of care in my heart for this that I'm doing like I really care if this fails or I care about what I look like i want to put effort in it is It's like you want to look effortless but it's like what is wrong with effort oh I couldn't be I couldn't put more effort into everything i'm also effortless no I'm like full of effort couldn't be more full of effort something that Jaci said too like around the fear of failure i'm also on the side of TikTok right now that's like successful people just do they're not sitting there and conceptualizing for 6 months and strategizing and all of this stuff because really what that is is procrastination and it's you being fearful and not actually launching and like acting on stuff i'm an inagram 3 so like my biggest fear in life is failure and I have really reframed it to like failure to me is just not trying like even with like the first brand that I had I knew I would say that goes back to another thing in your 20s like you need to know yourself and listen to your gut i knew early on that like I should have done it in a different structure and I should have done it to where it was built off of my career in the past 10 years and like leaning more into like stuff that I needed like I just knew it wasn't the right fit but I was already locked in and we already like started and ultimately I feel like for so long I was like god I don't want to like I don't want to like leave or I was like people pleasing or I was you know x y and z and like my partner was amazing it had nothing to do with that but I really ultimately did was not able to be honest with myself fully because I was afraid of like quote failing publicly but once I got to the point where like we made a decision to shut that down and I immediately like had like excitement again about something else that I was doing and I just like knew I was like in the right place and I was heading towards the right thing which like clearly I did I made the right move it's so clear from an outside perspective that like and not that I even thought that that first brand wasn't like at the time I was like oh that's awesome that she's launching a brand but like now seeing your brand and that it's so authentic to you and that you're in anthropology that's so amazing and effortless effortless you're such an effortless girl you're so perfect and effortless no I don't even try guys no but honestly that really freed me from a lot of the fear around failure like now I don't feel that way at all like I actually and my whole life I was so terrified of like looking dumb or looking stupid or something failing and honestly like having shut that down and realizing it's really not that big of a deal and I've gotten so many like really kind messages from people that I'm I'm not that close to that have just sent me like five minute audio messages about how they're like "God I think it's just so great that like you were able to do this because I have this fear and it's not like back in." And it's like "It's so great you were able to fail not me." That would be I love watching other people fail it's so empowering i could never do that no I would never i'm so glad that you did that no they were just like honestly it made me realize it's not so scary and it's like not that big of a deal and it wasn't world altering and it wasn't world ending and it really gave me a lot of confidence and like freedom to fail again like it's not something that I am so scared of but I was petrified like the fear of failure actually was like ruining my life like it really really was and now I'm like okay that's fine and I don't even really view that as a failure like I learned a lot it led me to something better and we had a good time like I really don't look at it as like this like colossal failure by any means but I think it's because I've reframed my like I could easily be like we did this it didn't work it was something that like I didn't really feel aligned with i probably should have said no before we even started i probably like I could just fill in the blanks some things that like I I really didn't even feel it's just like you kind of go back and like revision is history but anyways yeah and I feel like it really helps so I feel like I think that everyone needs exposure therapy to failing as well because in order to actually be living your life to like the fullest and to like your max capacity like that's going to involve a lot of failing so I think the quicker you get comfortable with failing like the faster you're going to get to like where you need to be and just like adjusting and also being honest about it like I feel like the response to failure like specifically I'm just thinking with our job like if you launch something and it doesn't do well just being like honest being like "hm I thought this was going to work i'm gonna adjust because like it didn't really work out as well as I hoped it would so but just not making a huge thing it's like oh my life is over i failed like it's like yeah failure is a part of life rejection is a part of life it leads you to great things like that didn't work okay adjust and try something else like it's really not that deep i mean it is if you like put your life savings into something and it fails but but even then you can start from you can start from scratch it's like your life isn't over it is like obviously terrifying but it's like you said it's exposure therapy like you have to go through it to understand like I can get through this so it's not going to be as debilitating looking into the future of like okay I got to equip myself with the proper like gear to go on my path instead of like trying to be like okay let me scout out the path in front of me make sure there's no failure there and then I can go it's like no even if there's failure I've got what I need i can do it i can go through this mhm amen well guys this is a really fabulous episode can't wait for ours is going to be even better it's going to be 10 times better because like maybe my funny is like back on you know um we recorded a swap so you guys can go listen to the what we said episode amazing it's already up go listen if you guys are new be sure to subscribe love you guys so much you guys can find them on What We Said and your socials we'll have everything linked you don't even have to look it'll come on your page apparently actually just go to my Yeah easily just go to my review on Tik Tok thanks for having us guys thank you thanks guys