SINGAPORE FOOD DIARIES | toxic Asian beauty ideals, imposter syndrome + bad body image | brand trip🥹

There's no way this is my real life. That sentence does a pretty good job at summing up this entire trip. Welcome to my Crazy Rich Asians travel diary documenting my first brand trip ever with all the most incredibly surreal moments and meals and a couple mental breakdowns too. To be honest, it really is more of a food diary than a travel one, but we are in foodie heaven. Or in other words... Singapore. Guys, someone needs to just pinch me hard. This is insane. What's going on? A brand trip. Me. What? And with creators I grew up watching on YouTube. Don't tell them, but I did hardcore fangirl for a solid month. And of course, I was flipping out in a good way, but also in an extremely anxious and perspirating, stressed out, social anxiety kind of way. My introverted self? Hysterically crying. And I formally apologize to my family for randomly screeching and screaming obnoxiously multiple times a day leading up to this trip. Nothing feels real. We're going to the airport now. It tastes like... Yeah, I think that. And I'm waiting for this moment. Oh my gosh. They're oatmeal raisin. It kind of tastes like sweaty armpits. It's a 30 plus hour traveling journey for us Canadians to Singapore, but low-key, it was way too enjoyable. We flew Air France and were spoiled with champagne and mini baguettes and brie and macaroons and croissants. The food highlight for me was definitely the watermelon salad and the plate of super tiny cute desserts. Our long layover in Paris turned into a very, very long layover in Paris. And I made the mistake of booking us a pretty fancy restaurant to, you know, celebrate my other son's first meal in Singapore. And we ended up landing two hours after our reservations. So that was kind of awkward. And this is the kind of restaurant where you eat like 15 rounds of food for five hours and everyone gets served all at once. But they literally saved us every dish we missed. So we kind of had to speedy to catch up, but I'm not kidding. One of the best meals of my life. Ran through the airport for like 30 minutes. Every single dish had touches of Asian flair and a fancy fusion twist. Every bite was just perfection. We even ate raw lamb and I know that's a little wild, but it was also unexpectedly wildly yummy. And just to explain to you guys how incredibly timed this trip was, at the beginning of this year, I had a mini quarter-life crisis and did a solo traveling journey throughout Southeast Asia. Best burrata I've ever had in my life. And my final stop on my solo travels before going home was Singapore. So for months, I was used to feeling always a little on edge, out of place and lonely. But the moment I stepped foot into Singapore, it was like my body did a huge exhale. There was an instant click. Yes, like love at first sight. I felt weirdly accepted. Everyone spoke a mix of Mandarin and English like me. There was so much food that tasted like home. And man, it's just so freaking clean over there. The best thing I've ever eaten in my life. The best way I can describe it is like soulmates, but a soul place. Reminds me of my smoothie bowls. And the entire time I was here, I so badly wanted my mom to be able to experience it with me. And when I was back at home, I was going through some serious Singapore withdrawal. But literally a week after I came home, that was when Love Banu asked me if I was interested in going back to Singapore. I'm telling you, it was fake. That's ridiculous. Now, of course, I was excited about the brand trip, meeting the girls, doing some shopping. But first, we gotta eat. So yeah, I purposely flew out a day earlier than all the other girls for the food. I spent the day taking mother-son to some of my favorite spots from my last visit. Of course, Tantian chicken and rice never disappoints. Then we made our way to my most treasured spicy, but not actually that spicy, just drenched in heaps of chili oil. Szechuan wontons. I'm convinced these are the best wontons on the planet. As you can tell, we basically didn't stop eating all day and didn't really sleep either because we were just so excited to check into our temporary home for the next couple of days. This was our ultimate dream, top of the bucket list hotel, guys. The Marina Bay Sands, aka the hotel with a huge boat on the roof that's in Crazy Rich Asians. Yes, I am still mentally freaking out. Thank you for having me. Am I a Crazy Rich Asian girl? Guys, my room tour. Free snacks, sugar cubes, water. Oh my gosh, you're actually kidding me. Oh my god. It's like a hazelnut cream butter. Fully stocked outfits from Love Bonito. Flowers. Yeah, they're fake, but beautiful. The most important thing first, snacks. Spin crackers. Guess what it is. Canary tongue. How cute. Two. Another cat. A bag filled with another bag. Triple shot espresso head-to-toe magic powder wash. First part of that sentence, I thought it was food and now I'm confused. So I don't drink this. Healed chapped lips. Get ready with Love Bonito for your next big adventure in style. I love to be stylish. You're neat. This one says gin up. On cloud wine. Another umbrella. Water bottle. I've never received this many gifts in my life. Holy crap. What is it? NASA powered tri-light savvy AI app. God, this is too high tech for me. Oh my god, why is it so heavy? Holy s***. Oh my god, it's like that scene in Crazy Rich Asians when that mom goes off on that other mom. Okay, now I have to learn how to play this. For my last lunch before my first time meeting the girls, we went on a hunt to find some really good roasted pork belly and chashu. And I knew instantly my mouth was about to be very pleased. The skin was an extreme level of crispiness. It definitely passed the crackling crunch test. And the chashu, oh my god, tender, juicy, and sweet. Just so much comfort in a bowl. Oh my god, that's crazy. Oh my god, oh my god, that's the best chashu I've ever had. And the noodles were just perfectly springy and chewy and drenched in a dark sticky sweet sauce. And don't even get me started on the egg. Are you glad you didn't get one to share? This is really all you'd need to make me the happiest girl in the world. I would call myself a minimalist. Not with clothes and stuff, but with people. My best friend is my mom, which I love. It's just like, you know, the thing where you're supposed to make friends and actually go out on Friday nights and like speak to people. Yeah, not one of my greatest strengths. So the first night and the first time meeting everyone, it was rough. I was excessively sweating and I was so nervous I couldn't even eat any of the beautiful food. But on the bright side, I was in a super cute all-black galapagno outfit with an off-the-shoulder moment. I definitely looked like a confident boss woman, but I didn't exactly feel like one. Yes, I am internally crying. You can do it. Okay, I can do it, I can do it. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And just to be completely transparent, I definitely had moments of complete, utter confusion. Why I was here. I was with girls I had watched growing up. I was significantly younger than everyone and not in the fashion influencing space whatsoever. I couldn't help but feel like I didn't really belong. The fit of the day. Excited, nervous, fangirling a little bit. Buffet breakfast first and then we'll stress about everything else. Too much to eat. I don't know what to get. Thank you. Going to get there. Oh my god, I'm alone right now. Social anxiety, bad, but everyone is so nice. This pineapple is probably the best pineapple I've ever eaten in my entire life. This is just stripped down, I guess so. Massages are always so painful and I don't know if I mean that like in a good way. I swear I always cry a little bit. Ow, my body feels attacked. I don't know, I kept looking at these girls and they're all just so successful and mature and gorgeous and I think I kind of look like a chubby sweaty hamster cat. Which, you know, I think it's kind of cute in its own way but I could clearly see how different my body shape was, my size, my style. I kept thinking, how many people did they ask before they settled with me? Very toxic of me to think like that, I know. But imposter syndrome is very real. I'm very good at doubting my abilities and feeling like a fraud and not recognizing my worth. But I really didn't want to spend all my time here convincing myself I didn't deserve to be here. But truthfully, I really think the universe was on my side this time because it's painfully hard for me to find people I can be authentically 100% my weird, naive, silly, awkward self with. But these girls made it so easy for me to just be. This is one of my favorite Love Bonito outfits from the trip, by the way. And I got so many compliments on it. It's like a skirt but pant in one. A skant, if you will. This is a little message I received from one of the girls. She said, Just know you have all the time in the world to figure out what you want to do. I know it's easy to feel caught up in the negative feedback loop but you are the only person that have made all these amazing things happen for your own life. Please take pride and ownership of that and remind yourself whenever you feel low. You're just as beautiful, talented, and worthy as everything else on this trip and therefore, you were invited. Mommy, this is the first time you've ever gotten breakfast served in our lives. Pungent bread, dim sum. Ah, not the bow! A flower. Oh my goodness, this is so good. Let's eat. I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal but it is a huge deal for us. Mother Sun was too excited and I was too excited because she was so excited and also like free food so who wouldn't be excited? And while I'm stuffing my face, I just needed to thank you guys. I know every creator says this but it's because it's true. I wouldn't be eating this dim sum without you. Interesting jam selection. What's a blackcurrant? Guess we'll find out. Ooh, I like blackcurrant. And like I can't thank you enough for how much you've changed my life but I seriously can't thank you enough enough for giving my mom her dream travel experience too. Mother Sun has been talking about staying at this hotel for years now. She'd say, one day that'll be me up there. Maybe when I turn 70, I'll treat myself. And she's one of those moms who never spends anything on herself ever. Like guys, she sometimes still wears my brother's hand-me-downs and even though I'd truly give my mom every last penny I had, I know I would never be able to repay her for everything she sacrificed for me but being able to share this experience with her just makes me so happy. So thank you guys so much for just making both of us the happiest humans ever. Anyways, back to the itinerary. Today we had an exhausting morning of shopping at Love Benito and doing a mini dressing room fashion show with their new collection. I'm so honored to be here with Love Benito. Not only is the company female-owned and operated by so many amazing, strong, beautiful women but they've just made me feel so seen and empowered and comfortable in my own body. Growing up, I could never properly fit into clothes at the shops all the girls at my school shopped at. Either the pants were too long, I was flat in all the wrong places or something was always a little off. Love Benito's clothing is tailored towards an Asian female fit and they really value supporting women and owning and feeling confident in their bodies and on our own individual journeys. It's incredible how different and invincible you feel on the inside when you're wearing something you feel confident in. Oh, I like the little bubbles. They make me a little uncomfortable but I kind of like it. And I finally feel like I found a brand who tries to make clothes that fit me instead of me always trying to fit the clothes. Oh, I'm letting you record it. And all the girls on this trip had such different styles and we all went a little crazy at the store and got way too many clothes. So really, there's something for everyone. Oh my god, this is so good. What the heck? Whenever I used to visit China or Asia with my parents I would always, without a doubt, get two things. A lot of mosquito bites and very self-conscious in my body. Asian beauty standards have always messed with my brain. I've always felt seven sizes too big, my arms were too wide, my legs too muscular, my back too broad, my skin too dark, my face too big, and that list continues on for a while. And then on the flip side, my body was always too Asian to fit Western beauty standards. So my whole life, my body has always just felt wrong. But the beauty standards are the problem, not our bodies. Thinking certain bodies are better because they look a certain way is the problem. Comparing our bodies that are all meant to be and look different is the problem. This is so weird. I didn't think it would happen this time because I've seriously been in such a great place with my body image. But I think it was a mix of a lot of little things. Like none of the clothes that Love Bonito gave me fit, even though they gave me a size that fit me six months ago. Plus the imposter syndrome and my overthinking brain and having to take so many pictures of myself. It was a recipe for disaster. But Love Bonito was so supportive and sent over a whole new wardrobe that fit me. And I just kept reminding myself, it's so normal for our sizing to change brand to brand and our bodies to fluctuate over time. I have a good relationship with food in this body. I feel strongest in this body. I have the most energy to focus on all the things that make me happy in this body. And I feel the most me in this body. And that's what my body's here to do. To experience all this life, make all the memories, and to enjoy all of this food. Like this Michelin star Peranakan restaurant we went to tonight. I've never ever tasted flavors like this before, but every single bite, guys. It's so good. And I just have to say, it is the best feeling when you're with a group of girls that love food and love eating just as much as you and encourage you to get the drink and order seconds and yet overly excited about dessert with you. It was very weirdly healing for me and something I very much didn't know I needed. 90% of the time on this trip, I had no idea what I was putting into my mouth, but I seriously was having the time of my life at every meal. What I'm eating right now is like a sweet dessert soup with taro and sweet potato and little sago balls that are so satisfying to eat. And I really couldn't tell you what other substances entered my stomach that night, but all I know is I was a very well-fed and a very happy girl. Oh my god, what? Peanut butter? Breakfast buffets, they just hold a very special place in my heart. They're like endless plates of happiness. I always do a mountain of fruit because fruit is life and the fruit here is also just so sweet in a very balanced side of Belgian waffles, muffins, and tater tots. And then I was properly fueled for our yoga session, which I swear we just lied down for an hour, but in this humidity, yeah, even that was quite challenging. Oh, thank you. So yeah, we did only eat about two hours ago, but after all that lying on the ground and snacking on leaves, I was ready for some compressed watermelon olive oil balls. Probably the bougiest balls I've ever consumed. This is so good. Are we Chinatowning with her? Uh, I love her. I love her too. I feel like she's my mom, but like, oh wait. She's our auntie. I am your mother. For some context, on this trip, I was the baby because I was the youngest and this is Miss Erica and she was the mother of the group and she officially adopted me for four days. She's just this ball of good energy and wisdom and the kind of person who lights up any room or crowd she walks into. Anyways, I was honored to be her temporary daughter and also honored to demolish this beehive meringue that they pour honey into when it leaks through the bottom. Excuse me. Little snacky snack-a-doodles. Which one do you want to try? It's okay. My love bonito outfit this afternoon were these beautiful and I mean perfect fitting white trousers and the comfiest beige knit tank. I decided this shall be the outfit I wear to my first durian experience. If you didn't know, durian is like the smelliest stinkiest fruit. Imagine a warm salty custardy texture with undertones of onion and like old sweaty socks. Some people really do love it while others do not. Dinner today was at Synthesis. It looks like an old Chinese medicine storefront but it opens up into this cool fun vibe-y lighted restaurant that won me over the minute I tried their bubble tea cocktail. I'm embarrassed but I really couldn't tell you what half the things I put into my mouth here were. But every bite of every single dish was just 10 out of 10. One of my favorites was this paw fun that tasted like it was just healing and nourishing my soul and like something your grandparents would make you when you're sick but like better. And this was one of the coolest dishes I had on the entire trip. It's laksa which is a creamy spicy soupy noodle dish but in ice cream form with prawn tartare spread on a pringle chip. I know it sounds slightly suspicious but it's quite delightful once it's in your mouth. It's fun but I'm just tired. 好长时间我都没见人了 然后这几天也不是见 就是每天都在说话 Clearly I've felt a lot of things on this trip but proud is a big one. Not that I got asked on this trip but proud of my mindset, my priorities, and the peace I felt on this trip. We have this one precious life in body. The things you spend your energy focusing on and believing matters. So it's important to pause sometimes and reflect on what's really important at the end of my life. Whether it's in 80 years or tomorrow, knock on wood. I don't want to have wasted my energy on being terribly mean or unfair to myself. Only seeing my value and how I see my body. Or stressing about food instead of enjoying food. So when you're anxious about going out, someone not liking you, stressed about the fat under your arms or cellulite on your legs, hating yourself for not fitting into the skirt, overthinking that extra slice of cake or pizza. Remember you don't owe anyone perfect or smaller or a certain size. But you do owe it to yourself to live the fullest, happiest life. Today's Love Benito outfit of the day consists of some beautiful basic black trousers. Like I've been searching for these all my life guys. My top, it's my new favorite oversized blue shirt which I threw in for a white sports bra from Love Benito's activewear line. What the f**k? There's no rule that says you must look a certain way or be a certain size to love your body. To make amazing memories or post a freaking little picture on social media. So wear the outfit. Try all the local foods. Don't let the way you think about your body hold you back. Some extra food doesn't ruin your life. But adds to it. Let's focus on all the ways we are strong. We are loved. We are beautiful. We have made ourselves proud. All the ways we're growing and that we are doing so much better than we usually give ourselves credit for. I feel like a big tree. Oh my god, spicy. What the? I'm like gasping for air. It's kind of like bitter though. By the last day, my social battery was like at five percent. But my camera roll, my stomach, and my heart were so so full. I started off this trip as a sweaty ball of nerves. And by the end of this week, I have a second mother, a new twin, and feel like I have seven older sisters. Sometimes you just gotta let life and time do its thing. And it's crazy for me to think where I was at the beginning of 2023. I was a ball of dark sadness. And seven months later, I feel so happy and so alive and so grateful. I feel like for the first time in a while, I can remember what it's like to really laugh again and believe I'm gonna make friends again and love again. That I really am strong enough to withstand all the things life throws at me. And I learned that I don't actually hate going out. I've just never gone out with the right people. I know this is not exactly the same thing as dating the son of the richest family in Singapore. But honestly, this was equally as crazy for me. I mean, I got to eat a bunch of free food and met the most amazing, beautiful souls and swam in a huge freaking boat on a roof and did it all in my favorite place with my favorite person. I really do feel crazy rich. Just rich in a different way. Can you take some vertical? Cheers! I love the papaya! It's so good! Motherson and I are now off to our next adventure. And don't worry, I'm still pinching myself. And I'm honestly very grateful that I have this video so I can watch it to make sure that no, it wasn't all just a dream. Thank you, Love Benito, for literally everything. And you guys can actually use my code LVXLSNLT for 15% off orders of $100 or more. And yeah, just thank you, all of you, for making my dreams come true. I love you so, so, so, so much.