Dingo Boy *True Story Sunday*

Hey guys, welcome to True Story Sunday. Today I'm going to tell you a story from basic training. I reported to basic training on November 5th, 2002. It had a lot to do with a couple of jerks running a couple of airplanes into a couple of buildings. I really felt like I wanted to be, you know, defend my country or whatever, so I wouldn't join the army. In basic training, basic training will provide a different experience to everyone who goes. I mean, some people hate it, some people love it. I hated it while I was there. I felt like I was a prisoner of war while I was there. But when I look back on those, my experiences there, I can laugh about a lot of stuff that at the time seemed like, well, it just feels like it will never end. I had no concept of time when I was in basic training. I didn't know what day it was. I didn't know what time it was. We weren't allowed to wear watches while I was there, but we were punished if we were late for formation and those sorts of things. The clock in our barracks, they took the battery out of the clock. It was just like being a prisoner of war. We had no idea what was going on. We were always being punished for stuff, but I guess that's what makes good soldiers. I want to tell you about a guy. His name has been on the tip of my tongue as I was thinking about telling the story, but I can't remember it. What I do remember is he looked like his mom and dad were very likely closely related. I think that's one of the reasons. He was from the south and he just looked like a dummy. He looked like he had sexual relations with animals. That's the kind of guy that he, you know, and then he liked to start things on fire later. Instead of smoking a cigarette, he would smoke someone's house or barn. So that was private Dingo Boy. That's what the drill sergeants called him. They called him Dingo Boy. Oftentimes, you would hear throughout the day, Dingo Boy, and he'd shout, yes, drill sergeant. They would say, I hate you, Dingo Boy. They would scream, I hate you, Dingo Boy. They were mean to everybody. They hated all of us. So Dingo Boy, one day, in basic training, you get, I mean, the word basic training is get out of the street. The word basic training is so descriptive, you have no idea. We had classes on things as basic as how to write a check. Because in the army, you know, there was like 17, 18 year old kids there. I was 22. At 22, I was one of the oldest guys in my platoon. I was the grandpa of the group. But there are 17 and 18 year old kids going through there that have never had a bank account in their lives before. So they don't know how to write a check. And to get paid in the army, you have to have a bank account, because they do direct deposit. So you have to know how to write a check. So like, that's one of the classes that we went through. Well, one day, my story about Dingo Boy comes from the day that we learned how to salute. And we were marched, when you march, you go in columns of four. And we marched down this to this area where, where this, where it was like a parking lot sort of area. And they split us into two columns, and they were with a large space in the middle. So there was, there was two of us. Oh, boy. This bike's a little wobbly. So there was two columns, and there was about 10 feet in between the two columns. And then we were, we were turned to face each other, so that everybody in the two columns was facing each other. And the guys in the back uncovered, so we were staggered, so the drill sergeant could see everybody. And then they explained to us how to salute. Well, Dingo Boy and I were straight across from each other. You know, I, he was 10 feet away from me, but I was looking straight at Dingo Boy. And he makes me laugh to call him Dingo Boy and feel like that's normal. Yeah, that was his name. Dingo Boy was an idiot. And so when we saluted, he looked straight at me. And I salute, you know, with my right arm, because that's the arm that you use. But because he was looking at like a mirror image, he put up his left hand. He was the only guy out of like 60 people that puts up his left hand. And the drill sergeant walks over to him and looks at him like, you're serious? Can't, can't, like the drill sergeant, when they see a mistake like that, that is so dumb, it's almost like they enjoy it. I mean, remember the smile on drill sergeant Pipkin's face when he saw Dingo Boy put up his left arm to salute. He was so happy because he knew that for the next little while he was going to be able to just unleash all sorts of fire and brimstone down onto Dingo Boy and belittle him and make fun of him and badger him. And drill sergeants are sadists, and they love that, man. So drill sergeant Pipkin goes over to Dingo Boy, and he's like, hey, Dingo Boy, one of these things is not like the other. And so Dingo Boy is like nervous. I mean, it's impossible to not be nervous when you have one of these drill sergeants screaming inches from your face. One of these things is not like the other Dingo Boy, and he's yelling at him, and poor Dingo Boy is looking at me for help. And I'm like, I can't say anything. I can't say anything or else I'll be in trouble. So I'm going like this, and I'm like trying to signal like, your right arm, dude, and I'm moving my arm around. And I'm trying to, you know, let him know that he's got the right arm up. But instead of switching arms, he sees what I'm doing, and he tries to mimic it. And so he's going like, maybe my elbow's down too low, or maybe it's too high. And so he's trying to move it around, and he's doing this with his hand, and maybe it should be up like this. But he can't figure out that he's got the wrong arm up. And so the drill sergeant notices that he's getting signals from somebody, and he turns around, and he sees me. And so next thing you know, I'm on the ground doing push-ups, because I got busted trying to help poor Dingo Boy before he, you know, became suicidal. So I'm on the ground doing push-ups, and the drill sergeant, he's yelling at both of us now. And he goes, hey, hey, Private. He's talking to me. He goes, hey, Private. I didn't have a cool nickname. Hey, Private, did you ever watch Monty Python? No, he asks, hey, Private, you ever watch Monty Pythons? And so I'm in my push-up position. Go ahead. Just drive wherever you feel like driving. And so I'm in my push-up position. I raise one hand like, here, drill sergeant. He goes, remember that guy that used to wake up every morning and hit himself in the head with a brick? Yes, drill sergeant. And he points to Dingo Boy. That's him right there. So I'm like trying to do push-ups, but I'm laughing hysterically. And it was just, it was just such a funny, crazy situation. And I guess finally, I don't even know what happened. I don't know if, I can't remember if Dingo Boy ever learned his left from his right hand, but there were some people, you know, when I joined the Army, we were going to war. We had like two wars going. It was, we were positive that as soon as we finished basic training, we would be going to Iraq or Afghanistan. And so I felt like the standards, I hope, I don't know. I don't know what happened, but I think that it's possible that they were letting anybody in. Anybody who said, I'll go to war, they were letting in. Because they're like tests and stuff you have to pass. And there's no way that someone as stupid as Dingo Boy could have passed the ASVAB test. I mean, there's like, there's just, I don't know. There's no way. I can't comprehend how someone that can't, that doesn't know his left from his right could pass that test. I want to tell some more basic training stories because it's such a crazy time in a person's life. You're taken from complete comfort. You know, I had a job and I had an apartment and everything was fine. And I left all that and signed up for the Army and you're thrown into this world of complete chaos where you're not in control of anything. And I noticed that the guys who were like 17 and 18, they were okay because they had never been in control of anything in their life. They were always, you're always just kind of doing what you're told at that age. But I was 22 and I was, you know, I was taking care of myself. I was making my own decisions. I could think about things and say, that's not right. Wait a minute, that's wrong. But you can't do that when you're in the Army. You only do what you're told to do. And so it's hard. The older you get, harder basic training becomes because you're just out of control of your life and it's really difficult. Anyways, that's my story about Dingo Boy. I've got some other good ones I'll save for another day, but ride safe everybody. Travel far and do it soon.