Fireside Chat Ep. 114 — How to Tackle New Year's Resolutions | Fireside Chat

Hi everybody, i'm dennis prager, this is my house my otto the bulldog my fire and this is the fireside chat Every week, which is amazing because you have no idea how much I travel but this is really important to me And it is just a chance. Sometimes I just I review this it's a chance for you to get to know me What what do we stand for at prager university? What I stand for And in the most in almost the most informal way possible, I mean i'm somewhat formally dressed I even explained that on a video why Why I wear a jacket and tie for the fireside chat And and you by the way, you should look at past videos. These things are not dated. They're about life life Issues aren't dated So, let's see. I always begin with some comments And they were triggered in part By a question so normally I go to the questions after my comments, but i'm going to read a question which will lead to my comments Is that clear? totally clear Should I tell how rodrigo ended up here? You want to hear a funny story folks? This is This is really funny behind the camera The man making this possible camera wise is rodrigo And i'm going to embarrass him he's a terrific guy I I hate to say it because it's going to go to his head and i'm not going to hear the end of this But anyway, rodrigo's a terrific guy. So we had a prager you a party christmas party Uh, we call it a christmas party not a holiday party because the vast majority of people there are in fact People who celebrate christmas so I have this bizarre belief that the vast majority of people Deserve to be honored in any given situation unless they're evil. Okay. So anyway, we had a christmas party And they were raffling off all sorts of prizes So they announce Okay, and now the prize You get to visit dennis during one of his fireside chats And I assume a fair number of people there would have liked it after all they're there And guess who won rodrigo Is that awesome? I can't tell you I laughed so hard. I was choked the only the only two people there for whom it would have meant nothing Were rodrigo and megan rodrigo won it I can't think of an analogy. That's almost like winning a If you won a prize to visit your home today It's not a big prize You're you're going anyway Anyway, I thought that was hilarious Uh, uh, what is it? Lucky, what is it lucky in love lucky and what is it? This is some phrase I Rodrigo is lucky in love So he is not lucky in in uh, You know in what in lotteries, so that's great better to be lucky in love All right, so here's the question that triggered my uh What I want to talk to you about this is from ryan in franklin township, new jersey usa I often wonder what one can do to stick to new year's resolutions They are often arbitrary, but this year I want to be better with my time and more intentional toward friends and family All right. So let me tell you folks I'm a big believer in new year's resolutions, even if you break them on january 3rd I am because at least You have confronted What you want to be? What you want to be is the most important question in some ways you can ever ask about your life Remember, I actually I think I talked about this right where what you're asking a kid What do you want to be a lawyer a doctor an engineer? Uh an electrician an it expert a ceo at a company God knows what right? And uh, that's not the right answer. The right answer is I want to be a good person I want to be a good citizen of my country I want to be a good christian a good jew a good whatever it might be If you're in a good religion, so that's that's a good answer. That's a better answer So I like the idea of a new year's resolution. I want to be better At and you you know what if you really want to be something There's a very good chance. You will be it not if you want to be a millionaire That there's that's not guaranteed But if you want to be a certain type of person You will end up it. I I what hit me with with regard to this Was I I don't know how this arose But I I am a father and I am a father-in-law One of my two sons is married and I I remember thinking I want to be an easy father and father-in-law That's that was important to me because a lot of people have issues with parents. I mean they're talking about adults And a lot of people have issues with in-laws and I I I just wanted to be issue less for my my son and daughter-in-law Now, I you know, I whether i've succeeded or not. You'd have to ask them but it would that's been a goal So that that's so I am a fan of new year's resolutions Because at least you're confronting how you can improve Right. Nobody takes a new year's resolution to be a worse person So a clearer or worse at something So it's a good thing. It makes you confront what it is. You could do better at point number two You've got to be behavioral so for example Let us say you would like better relations with your parents. I'm just I was raised here family issues so Wanting better relations with your parents doesn't mean anything. It's nice. It's sweet and I want you to want that but that That's not enough because it doesn't mean anything You need concrete. This is the key Your resolutions have to be as concrete as behavioral as possible So for example, how about this? I know I I did this when I was when I left my parents home at 21 years of age With whatever issues I had with my parents and like so many people I did have Issues at that time with my parents. Nevertheless I called my parents every week until they died at 96 and 89 years of age. That's a long time to call them up Every week wherever I was I called them up That was this very specific act Whether whether I was in the mood to do it that week or not in the mood to do it that week was irrelevant Moods are the worst possible sources of behavior Don't let mood Determine what you'll do Your mind has to determine what you'll do. So that that's a concrete thing. You want better relations? How about call them every week every 10 days? I don't care what you decide Every other day. I that's not my issue, but something specific I will do this want a better marriage a bet wanting a better marriage means nothing You have to do something and by the way, not it doesn't have to be enormous In fact the the less enormous it is probably the more likely you are to keep it I'll give you other examples, but let's say you want a better marriage So figure out what one thing one thing. That's it. Just one thing will improve it I don't know what it is for your marriage But maybe maybe ask your spouse. Hey If I could do one thing just please let's keep it at one. We'll work on something else next year But if I could do one thing That would make you happier to be married to me What would it be? By the way this your spouse may not have an answer Because it's so specific You see it's not enough to be you know more attentive I mean that doesn't mean anything That's what I mean general. I love generalizations, but generalized Rules like that have no impact That's like saying I want you to drive more carefully it doesn't mean anything Just tell somebody how about this every time you change a lane signal. That's it. That's my only request of you Then you're driving better That's that's that's a perfect example Is that is that clear that the the specific? Has to be what you're what you're after. So if you ask your spouse and by the way, that might be That might be a very very big help in uh in the case of of the spouse because I don't know if everybody's clear if my husband or my wife Could do one thing That would make me happier Or make me, you know, just more loving even what would it be? They may not have an answer That's why it's it's useless be more attentive i'm just giving one example that's useless Spend 20 minutes with me every time you get home just talking about my day or your day I'm, not saying that's the answer. I'm just saying that means something especially for a man Men are great at rules at directions We need to be told Exactly what it is. We will not read your mind that should be given to every woman at the wedding I love you, but I will not read your mind Okay, just just the thought So it's got to be specific. Okay. Let's say another one. You want to be in better shape You want to be you want to lose weight or you just want to you want to be in better shape? You want you want to you know? Be healthier physically One thing just one thing So I I know four years ago. They built right next door to where I broadcast my radio show They built a very very high class gym. I joined it immediately and I said i'm three days a week I am going to work out and with a trainer, by the way, that was another critical thing It has for me and most people it has to be a trainer Because if I walked into a gym three days a week without a trainer I would like saunter over to this machine do a couple of lifts a couple of pushes talk to some of the people in the place and Get on, you know get on a treadmill Watch some something on on the video screen and go home And it would have been a total waste of time My however trainers are all sadists And therefore they they enjoy your suffering and since they're no pain no no pain no gain I'm in pain. That's why it cracks me up whenever I show up and there's three days a week Whenever I show up They go. Oh Dennis or mr. Prager, whatever they call me. Uh, enjoy your workout. I'm thinking you got to be kidding Enjoy my work. What are you? What does that even mean? I enjoy after the workout. It's like enjoy giving birth Nobody enjoys giving birth After the baby comes out a woman is often you know overwhelmed by this love machine that's just come out of her but The the process it's so in a sense the process i'm very happy right after it's over I feel better. I know i'm stronger I'm i'm taking care of myself, but I don't look forward to it ever Ever enjoy your workout as a joke benefit from your workout great Anyway, do a specific thing. So I will work out x number of times a week or I will uh cut Desserts by half just do one thing or I will cut out bread Okay, I just don't go overboard you won't do it Just do one thing. And of course if you do it for a month, there's a good chance. You'll do it for two months so those are my uh, those are my Suggestions on new year's resolutions. Okay Be specific and don't be grandiose Okay. Now we usually open up and we will with a video question And here we go Hi, dennis. I'm sophie. I'm a proud member of prager force at the university of wisconsin river falls from st Paul, minnesota My question is we usually see your bulldog auto in your fireside chats as a dog fancier myself I'm curious to know why you picked the bulldog breed and what your favorite part about auto is. Thank you Sophie wants to know why I picked the bulldog. Is that right? Okay uh This I don't know if my answer And my answer will is true, but I don't know if this will disappoint you folks but There is an answer to your question actually And what was the other part? Is there anything about auto? My favorite thing about auto All right, i'll come to that afterwards. Okay. So why did why did my wife and I We picked two dogs basset hound and an english bulldog And my reason and I think it was hers, but I can't speak for her I mean sometimes I can but i'll speak for me in this case Those are the two funniest breeds of dog That's the reason you cannot look At either a basset hound or an english bulldog and not crack up All right. Let's be honest you know I love a lot of a lot of breeds of dogs. I mean if you see a great dane, you don't start laughing If you see a german shepherd, you don't start laughing. They're great dogs but him Uh You don't see his face right now But an english bulldog face is a face only a mother could love And or a father in my case, so they they make me laugh and I love that So what is the thing I most love is he relaxes me he's a calming effect on the home When he snores he relaxes me when he looks up at me when his tongue is hanging out most of the day He's just he's a crack up Then why not? so, uh, okay, so that's the uh, that's the otto Now you don't I don't think you've ever seen. Uh our uh, have they ever seen the other dog snoopy? He broke in one time that was it This guy is so funny he now gets into this position Whenever tv networks send people in here to interview me for the for the national tv show Whatever it might be He sees lights go up. He goes right there He he this is very funny. It's his pavlovian response Hey, I gotta get on set. All right next Here we go All right Uh, this is also about otto nathan 25 burns harbor indiana. Howdy dennis. Howdy I'm sad to bring this up But do you think otto has fallen to the second most famous dog in america now that conan has been given a ceremonial medal by? the president So the president gave conan this was the dog that went on the on the osama mission That's a long time ago. Is the dog still with us? I don't remember exactly No, so it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't osama was uh with an another leader I guess of uh of isis Yeah That yeah, it wasn't it wasn't osama, right? so, uh I'm very okay with conan being more famous than otto That's it. The question is how does otto feel? I'm at peace with it But I have not informed otto of conan's Fame My trust is it won't affect him because none of the fame has thus far gone to otto's head And i'm very impressed by it Okay Sam 44 years old meridian, idaho on your most recent fireside chat. You said people are not basically good We've heard you discuss this topic before And frank is quoted as saying despite everything. I believe that people are really good at heart. How do you respond to her quote? My wife and I love you. Dennis. Love you. Dennis. Thank you Give otto a scratch for us Otto this is from Uh, oh idaho Okay, that's the man That was otto at his most energetic By the way, he takes a very long walk with my wife believe it or not this guy uphill Uh, I uh my reaction to anne frank. She wrote that in her diary the most famous holocaust document Teenage girl who a dutch jewish girl who was hidden hid with her family until they were betrayed By someone, uh to the nazis who then shipped them to death camps And she was died in one of the murdered by the nazis in one of the death camps She was about 16 years old. I think maybe 15. I don't know Diary is very famous And it gives a face to the to the horror of the holocaust I know she wrote that and my answer is Uh It doesn't matter that she wrote it I don't get my wisdom from teenagers That she was a a wonderful young woman and wrote an unbelievably powerful document That will last forever Is beside the point I don't expect 16 year olds, uh, unless they grew up in a religious jewish or christian home. She she was a secular jew uh Most kids, uh believe that But it is not true. So it it has never Been an issue for me, you know, well you disagree with anne frank. Well, so what? And by the way, I mean to be very uh Serious for a moment I would be very curious. I've thought about this a lot if I if I Were to be able to visit anne frank while in a concentration camp, would she have still believed that? We don't know Okay, rebecca 22 belton, texas dear. Mr. Prager. I'm a big fan of fireside chats. So am I I was homeschooled and did not attend college So I like to claim prager university as my alma mater, I think that's adorable and completely valid We don't give degrees we give wisdom which is a lot more important than degrees Why what would what would like to I guess all right Uh, there's there's a mangled english here. Anyway, what? It's not her fault i'm sure but what is your opinion on the phrase ignorance is bliss Thank you for your time Uh ignorance is bliss Uh, there's a lot of truth to that It's it's uh, so the question in life is Is are you willing to be ignorant in order to have some bliss? I want to be non-ignorant and happy So because to be ignorant is not to be fully human I want to be fully human and I want to be happy so, uh, you can choose, uh, I guess to be ignorant, uh, And and retain some degree of bliss I assume but in general, uh, That's not it's not a price. I'm i'm prepared to pay I want to be aware and happy What's our time Cool mustafa 24 in iraq in babel Hello, mr. Prager for those of us living in islamic countries and struggling with applying your advice and morals in our daily life Do you have a suggestion for us? I'm agnostic Thank you so much for all the wisdom that's shared On your show and channel. I'm truly grateful Well, I am grateful to you mustafa Uh, uh, there there is a crisis within islam that there there is Nothing would please me more Than to see a great moral movement emerging from within islam and Right now I don't see it. I see it with individuals. There are some fantastic muslims, obviously Uh, but as a as as a as a larger thing, for example There are just I'll use a religion. I'm not a member of i'm not a christian and there are so many wonderful christians christians who Volunteer their time in the poorest places in the world to help the poorest in the world and and who adopt children with with terrible disabilities and Give charity and volunteer And and deeply believe that it is their task To just demonstrate love to people many of them do Not all christians are wonderful and certainly historically many christians were terrible but My my experience in america with christians has been a very positive one Islam has to Muslims have to look within islam and emphasize Whatever is there that emphasizes goodness and There are some parts that don't I mean the greatest muslim writer in history ibn khaldun Uh, I think the 15th century Uh who wrote the muqaddimah the introduction to history? Wrote and I caught him in my book which I book. I I don't mention enough It's a very important book about the left islam and america Still the best hope it's called It's really an important book if I can say that about my own book and I quote ibn khaldun there and who said Unlike and i'm paraphrasing unlike jews and christians We muslims do believe in forcing people To convert to our religion That's that's not a good, uh, that's not a good doctrine It's not a moral doctrine in my opinion So it's it's muslims. I think most islam needs a reformation I I do and There are muslims working at that in in the united states and not only the united states And there are some really as I said special people so That's a challenge it's it's a there it's it's it's Not honest to deny That there is a moral challenge within islam And has been for many centuries So you have to decide you say you're agnostic Uh, and I and I respect that You have to decide can islam be used to produce good people Not to produce believers But to produce good people That's that's the that's the by the way, that's the question for all religion And that's how I judge religion. I judge religions by the fruit their fruit Every religion has bad fruit So that's a given But how much good fruit? Does your religion produce? That's that's the that's the big question I'm, not, uh, i'm not a mormon. I I have been very impressed By many of the mormons that I have met That's that's that's a that's a compliment to Uh the mormon religion or lds as they refer to themselves Okay Good luck. You give me hope by the way mustafa you do And everything I say is applicable to anyone of any faith or no faith Okay, let's see I'll end with this one, I guess scott 29 chesney, south carolina Usa. Hey dennis huge fan. Thank you What advice would you have for a male raised with no father? Who wants to live the best godly life he can without a healthy father presence growing up? The answer is to find another father presence I I tell men all the time your task every man's task Is to be a father figure to younger men That is our task the biggest single task men have Is not to be president of the united states or the prime minister of whatever country you're listening from the biggest task is to be A father figure a good model to young men That's the most important thing a young man could have so it doesn't have to be a father It could be another relative like an uncle could be an older brother or it could be. Uh, uh as my psychiatrist friend Who has been a dear friend for for for 25 30 years. Dr. Stephen marmer He speaks about a patient he had It was very interesting story. He had a patient many years ago And he his father was a traveling salesman came home for weekends And he was so happy to see his wife. He'd spent no time with the kids. So Basically, he his father was not in his life during the week. He was a traveling salesman during the weekend He spent the time with with with his mother with the guy's mother So this man would go to the movies every saturday and he picked male figures in movies To be his father figure And it worked It doesn't work today because movies don't provide decent male models It's one of the post 1970s collapses of society The men in 1950s movies were so much more impressive than in the men in movies since the 70s Many of whom were just boys and male bodies so Uh, if I have that role in your life, even though we don't know each other personally, that's great and not just me but that that is That is how there's another answer too And that's the reason as I write in my commentary on the bible in the book in my genesis commentary God is depicted in male terms not because god is a male god is not male or female but because If you don't have One of the reasons there are many but if you don't have a male if you don't have a father on earth Well, you do have a father in heaven And to those of you who are atheists, this may sound absurd Like I should do a broadcast on How much absurdity Secular people believe compared to how much absurdity religious people believe And believe me the the secular Absurdities outnumber religious absurdities by a factor of 10 But anyway, yes, so a father in heaven can be a very powerful thing for for a man Well, anyway, happy new year since we took the new year's resolution thing I wish you a good Happy a year where you could look at the end and say You grew That's a biggie To grow That's a big one. I ought to talk about that once That's a goal So anyway on behalf of Otto and all of us God bless you with a wonderful healthy new year Thank you for watching. If you'd like to keep these fireside chats free, please do by donating to prager you