How to let go of the beliefs you inherited - a detailed strategy

these are Universal thoughts I'm not good enough another very common one when we don't get Attunement as children or we don't get uh connection is I'm invisible or we have other beliefs like something terrible is going to happen I can't do it here's a really scary one that a lot of us have and we're totally not aware of I'm not going to do it that's a very scary belief for us especially with the Persona uh beliefs which is all about doing but most of the time that belief of I'm not going to do it is is is very strong within us and it's it's so not allowed that we really push that out of awareness any of these thoughts resonate with you guys I'm too old I'm too young I'm too damaged I'm too poor I don't have enough education I'm too introverted right all those beliefs the world is a harsh scary place that's another one I can't stop doing this that's another very common one that's about helplessness it's too late for me it's too late for me in this life I'm going to be rejected or another one I'm not in important okay so those are I think Baron KY has dozens upon dozens of those belief described and uh I don't know I Pro I probably have had all of those at some point certainly come into my Consciousness but those those thoughts they come they are injections I'm not important you're not born with that belief right yeah it's dependent on how your needs are met as a child and the messaging you receive from the masculine and feminine energy that you're around we inject those messages and then what we do with inquiry is basically we're either attaching to these thoughts because they're not questioned right there's no one around the problem with with childhood is there's no one around to to say often what you're learning about yourself here is deeply misguided and not true so we interject it and there is no questioning and when there's no questioning you can only do two things with these thoughts you either question them or you attach to them and that's what happens and then be then they become beliefs now not overnight but they become beliefs over the next number of years because what happens then is if I interject that belief about myself I'm going to the belief then will be in my my mind and it's going to look out through my eyes into my life and it will look for evidence to support itself so a belief is like pretty much anything else it wants to survive so it's going and the way a belief survives is purely an Evidence okay so would you guys all agree that those beliefs that I described there are pretty unhealthful we all have that right we have that in us and we know how it makes us feel and we're like why do I feel like this I'd love to get rid of this I'd love to let this go I'd love to be able to detached from this and I think we all agree with that and inquiry just pure inquiry which is byon K's process of is it true do I know for sure it's true who would I be sorry how do I react emotionally behaviorally and psychologic psychologically when I believe this who would I be without this thought and then finally turning around and looking at the opposite thought of it right that's an way to let those thoughts go but and it's very effective the problem is those are the thoughts that we want to get rid of these all seem like mechanisms there's a question here one second guys mechanisms of the ego 100% Jersey that's exactly what they are and in addition to these shadow beliefs that I'm describing right what we're going to notice now in a minute is I'm going to describe the persona's response because the Persona will have a response to this and it's not to do inquiry you can you can be sure of that right the Persona and the shadow are the two aspects of the split self this the fal self right and they work kind of together to maintain a sense of Separation but they the the trick of all this is that they present themselves as mortal enemies so you think well these two parts don't really get along this part thinks well I'm going to describe it right now all those thoughts those Shadow thoughts I just described okay I'm not good enough um the world is a scary place all those things the Persona will'll have is strategy to deal with those it has something and it offers us this so the solution according to the Persona is well I'm not good enough anybody want to guess what the solution is for that Persona will come up with a fix strategy better try to prove yourself perfectionism bingo I need to fix myself I need to get really busy doing it I'm invisible Persona comes up with a strategy I need to be more extroverted more introverted more interesting something terrible is going to happen well I need to prepare things perfectly I can't do it I'm not going to do it well I need to get disciplined I'm too old etc etc I need to get surgery I need to I'm too uned I don't have enough education I need to get a PhD there's a solution it's always going to put when the well the other one the Persona would have the world is a really harsh Place well you better stay away from it I can't stop this well you have to stop doing this that's the solutions that we get from the Persona right and this is the problem the shadow we're all in agreement about we we were trying to get rid of it but with those Persona thoughts that come up we actually the problem is we kind of see them as helpful we trust those more than the shadow beliefs that we have that we interjected a long time ago and my idea is with jeel inquiry is that the problem and the solution to the problem are the problem and it's with that starting awareness that you can start to really make progress with this because I have used inquiry in my personal life right and I have used it with many many clients but I've always noticed a really interesting thing that happens and there's a bit of a snag I noticed with some people just doing pure inquiry has been re ration to me right but I've noticed a little issue with some people with it and it's very understandable when they start to question the shadow something's wrong with me I'll I'll never amount anything there's a a big resistance that comes up the question in that if you've ever tried to question that belief yourself you'll notice that I just can't seem to make progress with this I there seems to be just this resistance to to go in all the way with this questioning here or it doesn't seem to ring true for me this questioning it's because when you get down that halfway down that process of questioning the Shadow the Persona is over here and it is saying you know what it's saying don't you dare go any further with that questioning don't you dare ask another question over there now that's strange isn't it because they present themselves as mortal enemies they don't get along with each other but when you start questioning one of them this one trying and it says that no no that's enough for that so this is an interesting thing so my idea with jeel inquiry basically the idea of it is it's it's pretty much exactly like inquiry except all you do is at the start of it you identify the problem and the solution that you have to the problem and then what you do is you get a piece of paper and you split right down the middle and you put down the problem on the left hand side and then you put put down what is my solution on the right hand side and you start questioning either of those okay you start questioning either one and you'll notice now which one should you start with it doesn't really matter can can I give an example yes so an example might be um uh I'm not good enough I'm not educated enough I need to get a PhD okay so I'm going to put down okay well I'm not educated enough I need to get a PhD what emotions will I feel see this is this is really about emotions and the criticism of inquiry sometimes is is people say Jersey your question at the at start was what about emotions right and people have said about inquiry that well it's it's a lot focused on thinking it's almost a cognitive approach but really it isn't inquiry is almost a meditation into it into the body and we do it effectively so the what's the emotion I feel when I believe I I'm not educated enough I'm going to feel shame I'm going to feel small I'm going to feel hopeless Shadow and then I'm going to look over here and say well you know what I need to get a PhD what am I going to feel with that belief I'm going to feel overwhelmed I'm going to feel anxiety probably now if if you genuinely did have a a sense of yes I really want to go and do that that's awesome and you feel a lightness in yourself then you are already in the truth okay there is something real but if you feel that the the the Persona response to this is go and get yourself super educated or hurry up and do more or right you're going to notice that that there's an anxiety and a and a pressure and an overwhelmed Sensation that you feel so what we do with it then is basically just determine whether you feel more anxiety and pressure or you feel more dejected and hopeless and depending on which emotion you have that's where you would begin right so let's say with that example um I'm not educated enough and I feel shame and I feel unworthiness okay that's where I'm feeling I'm feeling depressed about it I'm going to start with that and I'm going to notice halfway down doing that inquiry is it true can I be sure it's true how do I react when I believe this emotionally behaviorally psychologically who would be without it okay and and then turn it around to the opposite I'm going to notice probably at a certain point down that inquiry process that I'm feeling resistance to it that's because David you need a PhD is in the background and it's it's saying don't go any further with this this is the solution over here why are you questioning this to begin with so what you do is if you notice the resistance gets too strong in the inquiry process you just switch the the other belief now that is a little bit um unusual inquire in inquiry because one of the things about inquiry is you take it at one belief at a time normally and you don't switch between thoughts once you've started but this is a little there's this is okay to do it this way because you're not switching from you're the belief we're working with is in the same context we're not switching from this problem about being Not educated enough to now talking about well actually the problem is I'm not attractive enough we're still within the same context of this problem we're just allowing ourselves to go back and forth to look at how the Persona and the shadow are dealing with this okay so what you'll have then so the the again back to the original premise here is the solution sorry the problem and the Sol and the solution to the problem are the problem and once you question you're going to question I'm not educated enough you're going to get to the truth that you're going to realize that's not true I am educated enough now maybe I don't have a PhD but I'm educated enough to do whatever it is I need to do right now or and the idea that I need a PhD well that's not true either I don't need a PhD but what you're going to notice is whatever whether or not you get the PHD or not is irrelevant what you're what you're working with is how you feel in that moment we're trying to liate seate ourselves from is the pressure and the unworthiness right when we get rid of the out of that shadow Persona trap back into ourselves back into the heart if you need to go and do a PhD it's going to be super easy to go and do it but don't do it with that intent of pressurizing yourself to that degree it's not about you know it's not about the practicalities of it where does the feeling of need come from aren't we whole just by being ourselves well we do have needs we don't need a PhD probably right and we don't need a lot of the things we believe we need uh we're told that we need a lot of money we're told that we need um status admiration all these different things but there are certain things that we do genuinely need in life those are connection that's the primary need that you're born with you come with those needs hardwired into you right and I have a bit of a problem with some spirituality nowadays because I think it kind of bypasses some of this stuff and it pretends like you can trans transcend your way out of having needs all together but we have a need for connection we have an an inherent need for freedom and autonomy inside us that's not going away right we have a need for a purpose a purpose Within our own the context of our own lives we have that need it's a very strong need we have and we have a need for love real love you know to be appreciated but in an honest way in a real genuine sense not not like a a lot of us get kind of get that in childhood but it's a little bit syrupy and fake if we get it at all right but genuine appreciation is what we do really need so the the inquiry process is you doing the work with yourself or with somebody else with the goal of not to pretend like I don't have needs at all but to to to to make it so that we can actually have the needs met right and we do have responsibility within ourselves if we can do it within ourselves for ourselves to question the stuff we carry around again is that stuff we injected when we were younger all those thoughts I'm not good enough I'm not important I'm invisible my ideas don't matter I can't do what I want in life the world is a scary place we start doing the work on ourselves and we start removing a lot of that stuff it actually makes love a lot easier to find in this life right now I'm not saying you have to be perfect because that's another issue too people think well I need to work on myself and work on myself and then I think if everyone had that idea we'd be uh the population would be in steeper decline maybe than it is but I do think there's Great Value in doing this work and I'll give you an example of what I mean by the problem and the solution to the problem are the problem problem that's okay li no worries Li needs to go so the what I mean by this is an example I give is um let's say we had let's use an absurd example let's say I believe something very strongly I believe that the Easter bunny is a serial killer and he's stalking me outside my house now we obviously know that that's absurd right but if I believe that what am I going to do I'm going to get um pieces of wood Timber and I'm going to board up all the windows in my house that's the solution I have to that problem and that solution is going to make it so that I never look out that window and see what no Easter Bunny so the solution reinforces the original problem and all of this stuff we put in ourselves these Solutions and again the Telltale sign that it's coming from egoic Consciousness is pressure anxiety overwhelm right if that's what you're feeling that solution is not coming from the heart it's not coming from higher Consciousness so these false Solutions are a little bit trickier to let go of because very often in our lives we've been relying on them for a long long time and we've we've even had experiences in the past where they seem to work right until we get to the point where we realize this is just about emotional Liberation for us right we want to get to the point where we're able to let go of this anxiety this pressure and that's how your your true self really does show up but to to make this more practical it's going to be very difficult let's say you're feeling okay right now It's Tricky enough to do inquiry if you're feeling okay it actually is it's it's quite difficult to do inquiry to go into to probe into those beliefs and try and isolate them and find out what they are but this is why our triggers and I made a video recently on triggers our triggers are the most useful thing in our lives in this sense so look out for any trigger when it comes up any emotional volatility because what's happening is that that stuff from the the bottom in the shadow is coming up to the surface those are the opportunities so when you get really upset about something that's when you got to use this inquiry and if you can Master inquiry and even do this method I'm talking about where it's like okay there's going to be two issues there's always every problem is two problems if you can start to do that technique when you need it and know what know how to do it when the need arises I have a place to bring my triggers when I get upset I have a place to bring them because often you know it's that strategy of let's wait this out hopefully I'll feel better soon well hopefully he'll apologize or you know this that and the other will happen it leaves us too passive to it and we don't actually get to the deeper truths of why am I so angry right now okay yeah the person did something but why am I reacting like this this is really strong this reaction this is telling me something that I've I've believed and it will bring you back to probably a belief about yourself that isn't true ultimately and I used to think I I I did inquiry many years ago and uh I stopped doing it and then you know someone said to me well David you know you should probably do some inquiry on that thing that you're dealing with there and I was like yeah I did some inquiry you know I know what that's about you know but really I didn't I didn't really know what it was I know what the questions were but I didn't really understand it not really it's it's when you do it and you keep doing it when you're upset that's when you realize okay there is Liberation in this it's a lot more than asking questions just up here first of all the body has to answer the questions you have to let your body answer them you have to let your body be ridiculous and childish and reactive and unreasonable because that's how we feel when we're children and um but if you can do it and you can practice it a lot when you need it that's the the transformation on the other side of those triggers is incredible right and I I I've seen more I think I think inquiry is actually more important than meditation for instance for most people I'm not saying meditation there's something wrong with it I think it's a fantastic practice to meditate but we we do we do need to question a lot of this stuff that's holding this s of false self or identity in place and you know the the shadow is all about the past the Persona is all about the future and what it creat within us is this implied self that's called I or me that must be there in the middle but have you ever noticed that when you're in the shadow Persona you're never actually present you're always in the future or you're in the past and there's an implication that there's somebody in there but that's a character it's an illusion of self it's not really who we are and um so I would say a few tips maybe I'll I'll I'll open it up to more questions in a moment if anyone has questions so when you're doing this process when you're upset when you need this process right slow down take a space for yourself try and get a place where you'll be alone maybe if you can or do it with somebody else if you've got a friend or partner you can do this with or a therapist even it's a fantastic thing to do but you slow right down and let your body answer the questions so the first question is this true and people who start to do inquiry for the first time okay uh I am I am so ridiculous I'm so stupid whatever the shadow belief is something's wrong with me is it true and people at the start will often say well no it's not true I suppose it's not true but the body isn't answering that question like that the body is upset and the body is saying yeah it is true the first question is almost always yes the answer to the first question and the second question am I absolutely sure that this is true that one is more to see if there's any little bit of light getting in at all at the beginning right so you might be 99% sure which is good because it means you're not 100% sure but sometimes the second question is am I absolutely sure that this is true about myself in this situation sometimes the answer is yes and that's fine too what you need at that point then is what the next two questions in Inquirer designed to do is to get you motiv ated enough to question it because this belief of something's wrong with me I'm not good enough why do we have it okay we interjected it but why does it hang around why are we still attached to it we believe or it believes you could even say that it's helping you it thinks it's preparing you for the day when somebody else says that to you at least if you do it to yourself you'll be more prepared to handle external attacks or criticism so we do actually put stock in it we we kind of hold value in it to that degree Until you realize with the inquiry process which is well is this what happens to me exactly when I believe this well my emotional life is complete volatility my behavior falls apart I can't get out of bed or I can't work or I can't function I can't exercise I isolate myself what images do I see well I'm in the past I'm thinking about that silly thing I said 3 days ago or that overreaction I had or whatever it is but it's and it's the thing about the images that you're seeing is it's a very selective version of your life it's only going to show you things that confirm something is wrong with you it's going to it's going to highly edit your life to pick out anything that will confirm that belief so and then you will look at well look the next question is who would I be if I could put this belief down and that's going to show you well if you can really let get get you got to get so still with that question and I actually think it's helpful to say to yourself with that question don't put any pressure on myself to feel anything here almost take that as a hypothetical question imagine if I could stop believing this and think about that for yourselves right now if you have a belief something's wrong with me I'm not good enough don't try and drop it too much pressure try and say imagine I could imagine there's like an off switch or I could stop believing that what would that be like I wonder just hypothetically even and I think you get a glimpse maybe into what it would be like now you see you're looking at my life with without the thought my life with the thought ah truth is actually choiceless it's a no-brainer I would prefer to let this go I'd love to let it go it actually doesn't have any utility even though I've been thinking it's helpful now you're actually at the point where you're you're hoping it's not true you're really hoping because You' you've it out there as okay this is obvious here at this point this belief is not helping me I would question if it even helped you for a nanc in your whole life and now you're like okay well let's look at the direct opposite of this there's nothing wrong with me and know you'll sit with that and maybe nothing comes immediately but if you're allow yourself to sit with it long enough you see the problem is the the nervous system ego is looking in thisd Direction all day long there's something wrong with me there's something wrong with me there's something wrong with me and what we're trying to get it to do is say look just slow down look here for just a minute just slow down and you're going to start to find evidence there is nothing wrong with me and it can be small evidence at first right did I rob a bank this week no now it starts off small does that prove that there's something wrong with you no but is it a suggestion a small movement in that direction it is and we keep going with that until you can get kind of three pieces of evidence that suggest that you actually do resonate that do resonate with you internally that's what you want to find and you can find that in Stillness when you're not preoccupied with this right you're giving yourself permission to explore this alternative that you haven't been allowed to look at and the the same process then with the Persona right I need to work harder um I need to hurry up I should have this already I have to do it I well I have to do this I have to do it that's a big one in the Persona and of course the problem with that is it blinds you to the fact that many things in life you actually want to do but you're not even aware that you want to do them because of that that belief system or that imperative saying that you have to do it you have to do it you have to do it intervenes it actually blocks you from it and and the the beauty of inquiry is I see so many people you know and they're living fantastic lives they're living amazing lives but they can't see it because it's this stuff in their head these injections about who they think they are and their identity that blind them they they make they can't see it so like a person they started a new job they have a you know all sorts of things going on in their life but the mind is going to find grievances with the self because it it's always looking for problems that's all it does it's going to try and find solution or problems that re reinforce this idea the primary interjection we had that is surrounded by guilt and shame usually for most of us so just to recap Sally says isn't that the same as finding a solution to challenging NE negative beliefs to looking for positives it is but the only thing S I would say about that is this isn't the same thing as positive thinking I'm not not don't even think that's what you were saying necessarily but what we do the the process of inquiry involves looking first at the negativity and the the emotional reaction okay the trigger the the the potential problem with positive thinking is that I am upset I am triggered and I'm going to lean into positive thinking or solution based thinking before I've dealt with all this right so in that sense it can positive thinking can potentially become a way to repress emotions and really deeper questions that would be helpful for us I'm not saying there necessarily always anything something wrong with positive thinking but I think back in the I think the 70s when the positive Mo thinking movement kind of started I think a lot of people did run into problems with kind of having this cognitive dissonance within themselves when there was this inner trauma that they were dealing with feelings of guilt and shame and they were trying to do affirmations and telling themselves all these different positive things and it created this cognitive dissonance inside themselves so you can get to the truth which is loving which is positive and hopeful and proactive and everything else but we must first look at the error that we interjected to get to the truth on the other side of it right so I'm not sure Sally if that doesn't answer that question let me know but um oh I would say one thing though on that also let's say you do this inquiry on yourself and you genuinely question there's something wrong with me as an example and you find out there's actually nothing wrong with me in fact there's something right with me there's a lot right with me in my life and you've you've looked at the trigger here to get to that realization and you've done the work you've felt the emotions you've done the the the inquiry once you have found that truth what I would say Sally and everybody else is don't lose contact with that you've earned that positivity now right that's a different way of saying uh let me grab for something that sounds more positive and let me just focus focus focus on that all the time instead of transforming the negative into the positive and then retaining that positivity as mine does that make sense right you can you can you can certainly focus focus is a very important thing but but um I would say that I almost put it in terms of you earn your positive thinking by looking at what isn't positive initially right children don't really do positive thinking what children are looking for children are and you probably know this you know they're brutally honest right that's what they're looking at they're looking for the truth and that's what we're looking for that's what we're all looking for we're not looking for positive thinking the the trick is though the crazy thing the beautiful thing about it all is that the truth is loving it's so loving you let go with all this pressure on yourself I need to be this I need to do that take a deep breath I don't need to do any of that I don't need to I can do things I'll probably do a lot of things but I don't need to do any of that and it's not going to get me what I think it's going to get me the PHD the new relationship they're beautiful things maybe potentially but if I do it for the wrong reasons in AKA to get love to feel better about myself to get rid of Shame well the very least will be sorely disappointed by the outcome because that stuff can only come from you that comes from in here because you're born with that that's your Birthright so we do that questioning and the beautiful thing is you get more peace of mind and with peace in mind you tend to be more creative you tend to want to go and do things and express yourself and create things and build your build your life and create connections with people or be more more authentic certainly be be more in line with the truth of things so the truth people say the truth hurts the truth doesn't actually hurt it's hidden lies hurt hidden lies lies that we block out because we don't want to deal with them they hurt but and the truth does set you free ultimately and what is the truth we're talking about here love love connection not seeing separation everywhere we go not having separation within our own split mind Shadow Persona Shadow Persona all the time and this Waring mind so the the goal here is peace of mind and then once we have that in place we start to emphasize that more as a value for ourselves action comes action comes [Music] [Applause]