German Podcast | The Story of the Inner Critic | Ep 01 |

You're not good enough. You'll never make it. You are and will remain a failure. You're not as smart as the others. Many people know this inner voice that says such sentences to us. Sometimes this voice is quiet, but sometimes it suddenly becomes incredibly loud. I have experienced that this voice, after a success, like, for example, a good presentation, suddenly says, that was not good at all. Others can do that much better. You should have prepared even better. That seems like a blow in these moments. It's more than discouraging and you feel worthless. Sometimes this voice also speaks before an important decision, extremely loud to us. You don't have to apply. You won't get the job anyway. The others are much better. You can't learn this language. You're not smart enough for that. In this case, this inner voice might make it so that I don't even start a thing But what also happens is that I lose my self-worth and only feel a little joy in life. How strange it is that this critical voice in us often doesn't get quieter when other people see us positively. Imagine you have just done a great job. Maybe you passed an exam, completed a project or did well in a sports competition. Your friends and family congratulate you. But still, there is this voice in your head that whispers you could have done better. Or it was just luck. No matter how hard you try, this voice never seems to be satisfied. The inner critic is merciless and insists that we see ourselves negatively and are happy about nothing, no matter how many counter-proofs we are shown in reality. Where does this inner critic come from? To understand that, we have to go back to our childhood. Maybe as a child we were rejected by a part of our parents or were constantly criticized. Maybe our mother or father didn't take care of us. Or we were often depressed, angry or cold. Sometimes there were perhaps more inconspicuous things like comments or gestures that made us feel unimportant or worthless. As children we have the deep innate need to find an explanation for our negative experiences. Why do I experience this? Why do my parents criticize me all the time? But as small children we still don't understand the world of adults. We still don't know the real reasons for the behavior of adults or the problems of adults. For this reason we blame ourselves for all these negative experiences. We think I am to blame that mom always scolds me. I am not a good child myself because otherwise dad would like to spend time with me. So we put order into a seemingly chaotic world. In addition we need our parents very much and don't want to risk their love by criticizing them. If we would look for the mistakes in them we would be far too afraid to lose their support and love. So it often happens that children who are badly treated by their parents still defend and protect them. But there is a big problem. We develop the conviction I am bad myself. We don't say I did something bad on day X. Instead we think and feel I as a human being am bad insufficient untalented. We unconsciously evaluate ourselves as a human being. This conviction accompanies us until we are grown up. Imagine you as a grown up have a good job and nice friends but always when you get praise you think that you didn't really deserve it. Actually there is no objective reason to think so negatively. But you still think so. Your inner voice doesn't stop telling you the old stories from your childhood even though they don't fit to the current reality. But how can you free yourself from this inner critic? It is possible to free yourself from your inner critic. At least a little. The first step is that you start to observe your inner critical voice. What does it say to you? And in which situation? You can write a little diary and write down which sentences the inner critic always repeats. I did that once and I realized that these negative thoughts are just thoughts in me but that I am not these thoughts. It became clear to me that the critical voice is just a small part in me but it is not the whole. It was really healing to observe this strict critic from a distance. The second step is to talk to your inner critic. You can give him a name like Mutzelmann or Müsli Franz or something else. You can doubt the critic contradict him and realize that he does not necessarily tell the truth. Imagine that you have achieved a goal in your life. For example you have successfully learned a language up to level B1. If now your inner voice in your head still says that you are not good at learning languages or that you will never reach the goal then you can answer I have made progress. I have done that well. If we doubt regularly whether the voice in our head is right or not and then honestly ask ourselves what reality really looks like we can change our self-image over time. We can develop a much more realistic view of ourselves. Of course, this requires practice and patience. Another step could be to look at yourself with the eyes of a friend or a girlfriend instead of through the glasses of a hard inner critic. From the perspective of the friend you can see that you as you are are totally okay and valuable. Your friend likes you as you are and he is not blind. Maybe you feel the pain that you once experienced in your childhood. Maybe you also understand how you have blamed yourself for the mistakes of your parents only to save your relationship with your parents. This can be painful but feeling the pain is good. Now you don't need this false conviction anymore. It becomes clear that bad events didn't happen because you are a bad person but because you and simply believed without knowing the real reason. The experiences from your childhood should not limit your value or your future. In the end the key is to allow yourself to be human with all your strengths and weaknesses. It is okay to make mistakes and it is okay not to be perfect. Each of us is on a journey and grows and develops. But we are all valuable people with great inner wealth, important vocabularies and expressions, the inner voice, an unconscious form of intelligence that we use for decisions. Sometimes my inner voice encourages me to continue when it gets hard. Many people know this inner voice that says such sentences to us. To feel worthless. The opposite. Valuable. To be convinced that you can't do anything good or important or that you are not important. You feel worthless because you are often criticized. The inner critic can be so discouraging that you feel worthless. The self-value. How you assess yourself and whether you consider yourself valuable or worthless. It is important not to make your self-value dependent on the opinion of others. A consequence of harsh self-criticism is that I lose my self-value and feel little joy in life. The inner critic. The voice in your head that often harshly judges you and tells you that you are not good enough. Sometimes I only hear the inner critic and forget how much I have achieved. The inner critic is merciless and insists that we see ourselves negatively and are happy about nothing. No matter how many evidences we are shown in reality. Being merciless. Being very hard or strict without compassion. The boss was merciless and fired many employees without giving them a second chance. The inner critic is merciless and insists that we see ourselves negatively. Rejecting someone. Not accepting or accepting someone. She felt hurt because her ideas were rejected. Maybe as a child we were rejected by a part of our parents. Criticizing someone. Telling someone what he did wrong or what is not good. Sometimes people criticize others because they are insecure themselves. We need our parents very much and don't want to risk their love by criticizing them. The guilt. A feeling of being responsible for something negative or bad. She gave him the guilt for the argument. We often blame ourselves for the negative experiences of our childhood. To be guilty of something. To be responsible for something that happened. He was guilty that the glass broke. We think as children that I am guilty that mom always scolds me. To be insatiable. Not being good enough or not meeting expectations. She often feels insatiable even though she gives her best. We often think and feel that I am bad as a human being. Insatiable. Incompetent. Criticizing someone. Making someone's value lower or thinking or speaking badly about someone. He criticized her opinion by ignoring it. We unconsciously criticize ourselves as human beings. The praise. A positive feedback for something that you did well or for a good quality of you. The teacher praised her for her good work. Whenever you receive praise you think that you didn't really deserve it. To earn something. To get something right because you tried or behaved well. You earned a break after all the effort. Whenever you receive praise you think that you didn't really deserve it. To be healthy. Helping to get healthy or feeling better. A walk in nature can be very healing. It was really healing to observe this strict critic from a distance. The self-image. The idea that you have about yourself or how you think about yourself. It is important to have a realistic self-image. If we doubt regularly if the voice in our head is right or not we can change our self-image with time. To be empathetic. To be able to perceive how others feel. An empathetic friend listens and helps when it is difficult. From the perspective of the empathetic friend you can see that you are totally okay and valuable. Pay attention now during the second listening once again to the details. How much do you understand now? You are not good enough. You will never make it. You are and remain a failure. You are not as smart as the others. Many people know this inner voice that says such sentences to us. Sometimes this voice is quiet but sometimes it suddenly becomes incredibly loud. I have experienced that this voice after a success like for example a good presentation suddenly says that was not good at all. Others can do that much better. You should have prepared yourself even better. That seems like a blow It is more than discouraging and you feel worthless. Sometimes this voice also speaks before an important decision extremely loud to us. You don't have to apply. You won't get the job anyway. The others are much better. You can't learn this language. You are not smart enough for that. In this case for this inner voice maybe I should not even start a thing or break it in the middle. But what also happens is that I lose my self-worth and only feel little joy in life. How strange it is that this critical voice in us often does not become quieter when other people see us positively. Imagine you have just achieved a great achievement. Maybe you passed an exam completed a project or did well in a sports competition. Your friends and family congratulate you but still there is this voice in your head that whispers you could have done better. Or it was just luck. No matter how hard you try this voice never seems to be satisfied. The inner critic is merciless and insists that we see ourselves negatively and are happy about nothing. No matter how many counter-proofs we are shown in reality. Where does this inner critic come from? To understand this we have to go back to our childhood. Maybe as a child we were rejected by a part of our parents or were constantly criticized. Maybe our mother or our father did not care about us or was often depressed annoying or cold. Sometimes there were also many inconspicuous things like comments or gestures that made us feel unimportant or worthless. As children we have the deep innate need to find an explanation for our negative experiences. Why do I experience this? Why do my parents constantly criticize me? But as small children we do not yet understand the world of adults. We cannot yet understand the true reasons for the behavior of adults or the problems of adults. For this reason we blame ourselves for all these negative experiences. We think I am to blame I myself am not a good child because otherwise dad would like to spend time with me. So we bring order into an apparently chaotic world. In addition we need our parents very much and do not want to risk their love by criticizing them. If we would look for the mistakes in them we would be far too afraid to lose their support and love. So it often happens that children who are treated badly by their parents still defend and protect them. There is a big problem with this. We develop the conviction I myself am bad. We do not say On day X I did something bad. Instead we think and feel I as a human being am bad insufficient untalented. We unconsciously evaluate ourselves as a human being. This conviction accompanies us until we are adults. Imagine you as an adult have a good job and nice friends but every time you get praise you think that you did not really deserve it. Actually there is no objective reason to think so negatively. But you still think so. Your inner voice does not stop telling you the old stories from your childhood although they no longer fit the current reality. But how can you free yourself from this inner critic? It is possible to free yourself from your inner critic at least a bit. The first step is that you start to observe your inner critical voice. What does it actually say to you and in which situation? You can run a small diary and write down which sentences the inner critic always repeats. I did that once and it became clear to me that these negative thoughts are just thoughts in me but that I am not these thoughts. It became clear to me that the critical voice is just a small part in me but it is not the whole. It was really healing to observe this strict critic from a distance. The second step is to talk to your inner critic. You can give him a name like for example Mutzelmann or Müsli Franz or something else. You can doubt the critic, contradict him and find out that he does not necessarily tell the truth. Imagine that you have reached a goal in your life. For example you have successfully learned a language up to level B1. If now your inner voice in your head still says that you are not good at learning languages or that you will never reach the goal then you can answer I have made progress. I have done it well. If we doubt regularly whether the voice in our head is right or not and then honestly ask ourselves what reality really looks like we can change our self-image over time. We can develop a much more realistic view of ourselves. This requires practice and patience. Another step could be to look at yourself with the eyes of a friend or a girlfriend instead of through the glasses of a harsh inner critic. From the perspective of the friend you can see that you as you are are totally okay and valuable. Your friend likes you as you are and he is not blind. Maybe you feel the pain that you once experienced in your childhood. Maybe you understand how you blamed yourself for the mistakes of your parents just to save the relationship with your parents. This can be painful but feeling the pain is good. Now you don't need this false conviction anymore. It becomes clear that bad events didn't happen because you are a bad person but because you heard certain sentences and simply believed without knowing the real reason. The experiences from your childhood should not limit your value or your future. In the end the key is to allow yourself to be human with all your strengths and weaknesses. It's okay to make mistakes and it's okay not to be perfect. Each of us is on a journey and grows and develops. But we are all valuable people. With great inner wealth.