Diogenes the Dog: Based or Basic? The Intense Story of the Strangest Philosopher in Greece

Welcome back brothers and sisters to another exciting chapter in the labyrinth of ancient philosophy. If you thought our dive into Socrates was a trip, brace yourselves because you've seen nothing yet. Today we're delving into the life of a character even more eccentric, even more provocative and unquestionably hilarious. His name was Diogenes of Sinope. Originating from the pages of Diogenes Laertius's significant work, Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers, which chronicles the lives and teachings of Greek philosophers, our story today unravels the narrative of this unforgettable philosopher in a modernized style. Diogenes was a blend of wit, word plays and some deep stuff. As we walk through his fascinating biography you might not get all his jokes, I mean there's a lot of backstory to unpack. However, I've done my best to bring clarity and taken the liberty to sprinkle a few personal comments along the way. And yes, Diogenes was quite a character, captivating and funny, which is probably why he was well-liked by many. Personally I'm still not sure what to make of him, but come along on this ride and perhaps together we can decode the enigma that is Diogenes. Life of Diogenes by Diogenes Laertius. Diogenes was originally from Sinope and his dad, Hysesius, was a money changer. According to Diocles, Diogenes had to skip town because his father, who ran the city's bank, got caught counterfeiting. But Eubulides, in his writings on Diogenes, says it was actually Diogenes himself who was tinkering with the coins, leading to both him and his father getting kicked out. Diogenes even admitted to this in his own work, Podalis. Others argue that Diogenes was an official in charge of the mint. They say he was talked into messing with the money by the workers there. Then he supposedly went to the famous oracle at Delphi or Delos, asking the god Apollo if he should go ahead with what people were pressuring him to do. Misinterpreting Apollo's approval, Diogenes believed he had the green light to mess with the money. However, some say he got caught and was expelled from the city, while others suggest he saw trouble coming and fled. There's also another version that Diogenes messed with the cash his father had given him, which got his dad thrown in jail where he eventually died. Meanwhile, Diogenes made a break for it, headed to Delphi, and asked the oracle not about messing with the money but about how to become famous. This led to him receiving the cryptic message we've been talking about. When Diogenes arrived in Athens, he decided to hang out with Antisthenes, who wasn't exactly welcoming. But Diogenes was stubborn and insisted on sticking around. Even when Antisthenes threatened him with a stick, Diogenes just put his head under it and said, go ahead and hit me, but no stick is going to make me leave as long as you keep talking. From then on, Diogenes was a part of Antisthenes's crew. Being an outcast, he naturally started living simply. According to Theophrastus, in his book, Megaric Philosopher, Diogenes once saw a mouse running around without a care, not looking for a cozy bed or hiding in the dark, and not even bothering about the little luxuries that a mouse might want. This sight helped Diogenes deal with his own poverty. He was the first guy, as some people claim, who started wearing his cloak folded for warmth and slept in it, who carried his meals around in a bag, and who would just make himself at home wherever he was, whether that was eating, sleeping, or just hanging out. Pointing to the colonnade of Jupiter and the public magazine, he joked that the Athenians had built him housing. When he got sick, he started using a stick to get around. After that, he always had it with him when he was out of the city, along with his bag, as told by Olympiodorus, a leading Athenian, and confirmed by Orata, Polyuctus, and Lysanias. Diogenes once asked someone to find a small house for him, but when they were slow in doing it, he made a barrel he found in the temple of Sibyl, his home, according to his own letters. In summer, he'd roll around in the hot sand, and in winter, he'd hug statues covered in snow, always pushing himself to withstand any condition. Diogenes was known for being extremely blunt, and he wasn't shy about showing his disdain for others. He referred to Euclid's school as a school of bitterness, and called Plato's discussions a disguise. He said the Dionysian games were just a big spectacle for idiots, and referred to political leaders as the puppets of the masses. He'd often say, when I see pilots, doctors, and philosophers, I think humans are the smartest animals, but when I see dream interpreters, fortune tellers, and people obsessed with glory or wealth, I'm sure there's no creature dumber than a human. He also believed that a person should have more reasons than excuses for their actions. Once, he saw Plato at a lavish feast, munching on some olives. Diogenes asked, why did you go all the way to Sicily for a feast like this when you're just eating olives? Plato responded, I ate a lot of olives in Sicily, to which Diogenes quipped, then why did you need to go to Syracuse? Didn't they have olives in Attica? Once, Plato had invited friends from Dionysius to a banquet, and Diogenes walked all over his plush carpet, saying, this is how I crush Plato's ego. To this, Plato responded, you're being pretty arrogant yourself, Diogenes, thinking you're not arrogant. On another occasion, Diogenes asked Plato for some wine and dried figs, to which Plato responded by sending him a whole jar of figs. Diogenes remarked, if someone asked you what's two plus two, would you answer twenty? You don't give based on what's asked, nor do you answer the question asked. When asked if he saw any virtuous men in Greece, he replied, no men, but I've seen good boys in Sparta. Once, when people didn't show up to hear him speak, he started whistling. When a crowd gathered, he criticized them for running to Diogenes had a knack for quick-witted and often biting remarks about different professions, whether they were grammarians, musicians, mathematicians, orators, or those who were rich. He also expressed surprise at slaves who watched their masters overeat, but didn't help themselves to the food. He often praised people who planned to do something, but didn't follow through, like marrying, going on a journey, getting into politics, or raising children. He famously said, you should always give a hand to a friend, but don't close your fingers. In other words, when you offer friendship to someone, it should be done wholeheartedly and unconditionally, without any expectation of receiving something in return. When Diogenes was captured and sold as a slave, he was asked what he could do. He replied, I can manage people. He instructed the auctioneer to announce, if anyone wants to buy a boss, there's one available here. When told not to sit down, he retorted, fish are sold no matter where they are. He often expressed his surprise that people would thoroughly check out a dish or jar before buying it, but judge a man based purely on appearance. When he was purchased by Xeniodes, Diogenes told him that Xeniodes should obey him, even though he was his slave, as people obey doctors or pilots regardless of their status. Eubulus writes in his piece, The Sale of Diogenes, that Diogenes played a key role in the education of Xeniodes' children. Beyond their standard lessons, he taught them practical skills like horse riding, archery, and throwing a sling or dart. He didn't believe in intense athletic training, instead focusing on fitness that would improve their complexion and general well-being. Diogenes helped the kids to memorize meaningful lines from both poetry and prose, including some of his own words. He taught them how to remember things in a concise way to boost their memory skills. At home, he encouraged them to be self-reliant, to be satisfied with simple meals and water. He got them used to a minimalist lifestyle, having short hair, no unnecessary accessories, going barefoot, and dressing simply. He taught them to remain quiet and focused, avoiding distractions as they moved around. Diogenes also took the kids out hunting. They deeply respected him and praised him to their parents, demonstrating the profound influence he had on their lives. The same writer, Eubulus, asserts that Diogenes lived out his final years in the home of Xeniodes, who had his sons bury him upon his passing. Once, while still alive, Xeniodes asked him how he'd like to be buried, and Diogenes quipped, on my face. When questioned why, he explained, because in a little while, everything will be turned upside down. A prediction about the rising power of the Macedonians. One time, when a man showed him around a lavish home and warned him not to spit, Diogenes, after a light cough, spat in his face, quipping that he couldn't find a more suitable spot. Some say this tale is about Aristippus, though. Once, Diogenes shouted, hey men! As a crowd gathered, he shooed them away with his stick, retorting, I called for men, not trash. This story is from Hecaton's collection of anecdotes. It's said that Alexander the Great claimed, if he weren't himself, he would have wanted to be Diogenes. Diogenes referred to the truly disabled, not as those who are mute or blind, but those without a pouch or bag. One time, he showed up to a gathering of young men with half his beard shaved off, as Metrocles recounts in his collection of anecdotes, leading to the men beating him. Diogenes responded by writing their names on a whiteboard, wearing it around his neck to publicize their shameful act. He compared himself to a hunting dog, relentlessly tracking those who received praise, though none who praised them dared join him in his hunt. A man boasted to him about winning at the Pythian games, to which Diogenes retorted, I defeat men, you only defeat slaves. When people advised him to take it easy in his old age, he replied, why so? If I had run a long race, should I stop just before the finish line or push on? Once, after being invited to a feast, he refused, saying that no one had thanked him for attending the day before. He often walked barefoot in the snow and attempted other extraordinary feats. On one occasion, he even tried eating raw meat, but couldn't stomach it. He once ran into the renowned speaker Demosthenes at an inn, and as the orator tried to sneak away, he quipped, you will now be ever so much more in an inn. When people wanted to see Demosthenes, Diogenes extended his middle finger and said, this is the great demagogue of the Athenian people. Just a side note here, the term for inn, kappellion, was also used metaphorically to mean brothel. So when Demosthenes was trying to sneak away from the inn to avoid being seen with Diogenes, the cynic philosopher made a joke that now Demosthenes would be even more in an inn, implying that he would be further in disgrace or scandal. It's a kind of sarcastic comment on Demosthenes's attempt to preserve his dignity. To teach a lesson to man who dropped a loaf of bread and felt embarrassed to pick it up, Diogenes tied a string around a bottle's neck and dragged it through ceramicus. And another side note, in this anecdote, Diogenes is challenging societal norms and expectations about what is considered embarrassing or beneath one's dignity. He said he mirrored chorus teachers speaking loudly so others could follow the proper pitch. He claimed most people were a mere finger's breadth away from madness. Extend the middle finger, he said, and you seem crazy. Extend your forefinger and you don't. He observed how great value and worthlessness could switch places. A statue might sell for 3,000 drachmas while a bushel of meal only fetched two obols. When Zenaides bought Diogenes, he expected him to follow orders like a regular slave. He told Diogenes, come do what you are ordered to. To this, Zenaides added a cryptic remark stating the sacred river flows backward to its source. This remark was a metaphorical comment on their unusual circumstance. A free-thinking philosopher like Diogenes, now owned as a slave, was akin to In response, Diogenes retorted, In this sharp counter, Diogenes implied that despite being bought as a slave, he still possessed wisdom and knowledge akin to a skilled physician. Just as you wouldn't challenge a doctor's advice because you've paid for his service, you shouldn't mindlessly challenge the wisdom of a philosopher, even if he is in a servile position. Once a guy approached Diogenes, wanting to become his philosophy student. To test him, Diogenes gave him a sepurda to carry and follow him around. But the guy got embarrassed, tossed the beetle, and ditched the whole idea. When Diogenes bumped into him later, he joked, Another similar story comes from Diocles, who recalls someone asking Diogenes for a task. Diogenes handed him some cheap cheese to carry, but the guy refused. So Diogenes laughed and said, Diogenes was always seeking ways to simplify his life. One day he saw a kid drinking water using his hands. This made Diogenes feel his drinking cup was unnecessary. He declared, He did the same with his spoon, after he saw a kid scoop up lentils with a piece of bread He had this belief that everything belongs to the gods and the wise, as friends of the gods share in everything. Therefore, he believed everything belongs to the wise. On another occasion, he saw a woman prostrating before the gods, in a rather inappropriate pose. To snap her out of her superstitious behaviour, Diogenes approached her and asked, He had this unique way of helping people understand respect for the divine. He dedicated a man to the god of healing, Aesculapius, to go around smacking anyone who was prostrating, in a way that disrespected the gods. Diogenes often joked that he embodied the tragic curse, because he was, Diogenes was known to speak his mind with wit and unexpected wisdom. For instance, once, when he was soaking up the sun, the mighty Alexander the Great stood beside him and offered to grant any favour he wanted. Diogenes simply replied, On another occasion, someone was droning on, reading a long passage. When the speaker finally finished and showed the end of the book, Diogenes quipped, He had a knack for putting abstract concepts into tangible terms. When a guy tried to logically prove to him that he had horns, Diogenes simply touched his forehead and retorted, Similarly, when someone was arguing there was no such thing as motion, Diogenes stood up and walked off. Once, someone was rambling about the stars and meteor showers. Diogenes deadpanned, There was this shady eunuch who had written on his house, Diogenes cheekily asked, After smearing perfume on his feet, he remarked that the scent from his head ascends to the heavens, but from his feet it only reaches his nose. When the Athenians tried to convince him to be initiated into the Eleusinian mysteries, promising the best seats in the afterlife, he shot back, Seeing some mice scurry up to his table, he joked, See, even Diogenes has his groupies. One time, as he was leaving a bath, someone asked if many men were bathing. He replied, Nope. But when a crowd poured out, he admitted, Okay, yeah, there were a lot. And when Plato labelled him a dog, he shot back, Absolutely, because I've returned to those who sold me. When Plato defined a human as a two-footed, featherless creature, Diogenes, never one to miss an opportunity for sarcasm, plucked a chicken and brought it to Plato's school, saying, As a result, Plato had to revise his definition to include with broad, flat nails. Once, someone asked Diogenes when's the best time to eat dinner. He quipped, While in Megara, he saw sheep all decked out in skins while children ran around naked. His remark? A man once hit him with a beam and then said, Diogenes replied, He often said that the demagogues were nothing more than public servants, and that fame was fleeting, like garlands that wither. In a symbolic gesture, he once lit a lantern in broad daylight, claiming he was looking for a man. Another time, he stood under a running fountain, evoking pity from the bystanders. Plato, who was there, told them, After being punched by someone, he joked, When Midius punched him and said, Not one to let things slide, Diogenes, the very next day, used a boxer's glove to give Midius a taste of his own medicine, saying, When asked by Lysias, the drug seller, if he believed in the gods, he said, Once, he saw a man trying to cleanse himself through a ritual bath, and he commented, Diogenes often criticised people's short-sightedness. They blamed their misfortune on the gods while asking for superficial pleasures, rather than what's truly good, and those scared of their dreams, he reminded them to pay more attention to their waking deeds, not their sleeping visions. At the Olympic Games, when the Herald announced, Diogenes corrected him, Despite his peculiarities, the Athenians had a soft spot for Diogenes. Once, when a young lad vandalised his tub, the townspeople disciplined the boy, and replaced Diogenes' makeshift home. Dionysius the Stoic recounts that, after the Battle of Chaeronea, Diogenes was captured and brought before Philip II of Macedon. When asked his identity, Diogenes responded, One time, when Alexander the Great sent a message to Antipater in Athens, through a man named Athelios, Diogenes, who was present, quipped, When Perdiccas threatened to kill Diogenes unless he came to him, Diogenes retorted, He argued that the real threat would be if Perdiccas said he could happily do without Diogenes' company. He frequently argued that the gods had given humans all they needed to live comfortably, but people made life complicated by desiring luxuries like sweets and perfumes. Observing a man who had a servant put his shoes on for him, Diogenes said, Once, he saw temple officials arresting a man for stealing a bowl. Diogenes commented, Another time, he saw a boy throwing stones at a wooden post and said, When a group of boys approached him, afraid he might bite them, he reassured them, To someone who was proud of wearing a lion's skin, Diogenes remarked, And when someone praised the good fortune of Calisthenes for being part of Alexander's entourage, He eats breakfast and dinner only when Alexander decides to. Diogenes, when he found himself strapped for cash, would tell his friends he wasn't asking for handouts, but just collecting what he was owed. On one occasion, he behaved rather inappropriately in the town square and made a wry comment wishing that filling an empty stomach was as easy as satisfying lust by simply rubbing one's belly. He once spotted a young man getting ready to rub shoulders with some high-profile personalities at a dinner. Unimpressed, Diogenes dragged the guy away, delivered him back to his buddies, and told them to keep a tight leash on him. When approached by a flashily dressed youngster with a question, he wouldn't give an answer until the youth confirmed whether he was a guy or a gal. There was a young lad playing a popular game in the public baths. Diogenes' wisdom to him was, At a feast, some of the guests decided to treat him like a dog, throwing bones his way. But Diogenes wasn't the type to take it lying down. In true canine fashion, he peed on them. Moving on, he had a unique term for people who love to hear themselves talk, calling them thrice human, implying they were three times as miserable as everyone else. An uneducated yet wealthy person would get labeled as a sheep with golden fleece. When he saw a for sale sign on a pleasure seeker's house, he couldn't resist a jab. I knew that after such overindulgence, you'd end up throwing up the owner. To a young man who was moaning about getting too much attention, his advice was simply, One time he came across a public bathhouse that was grimy and couldn't resist commenting, Where are people supposed to clean themselves after they've bathed here? He had an interesting take on a large musician that everyone else criticized. When asked why he didn't join in, he said, Diogenes once ran into a musician who had a knack for clearing out a room with his performance. Diogenes greeted him. Hello, rooster. When asked why he called him that, he replied, One day, a young man was delivering a rehearsed speech. To upstage him, Diogenes filled the front of his shirt with lupins, a type of bean, and started munching away. The crowd's attention shifted to him, and he acted surprised, saying he couldn't believe they'd rather watch him eat than listen to the speaker. Once, a superstitious person threatened him, saying, Diogenes responded, Hegesius asked to borrow some of his writings, but Diogenes shot him down, saying, When someone tried to throw his exile in his face, Diogenes clapped back, And when someone else pointed out that his people had sentenced him to exile, He once spotted an Olympic winner herding sheep, and quipped, When asked why he thought athletes were so dull, he said, He was known to ask for money from a statue once, and when asked why, he replied to get used to rejection. Even when asking for handouts, he had a certain style. He'd say, When a dictator asked Diogenes which type of bronze was the best to use for a statue, he responded, Harmodius and Aristogitan were Athenian heroes who assassinated the tyrant Hipparchus. When asked about how Dionysius treated his friends, he said, A newly married man put a notice on his door that read, Diogenes added, He stated that the love for money was the capital of all evil. Upon seeing a wasteful man eating olives in a bar, he commented, He referred to good people as god-like figures, and described love as a pastime for the idle. When asked what the worst thing in life was, he answered, When asked about the most harmful bite, he said, Upon seeing two terribly painted centaurs, he asked, He compared sweet talk to honey meant to choke you. He referred to the stomach as a whirlpool, constantly demanding food. Hearing a rumour about Didymon the flute player being caught in adultery, he said, When asked why gold is pale, he responded, Seeing a woman carried in a sedan chair, he commented that the carrier didn't match the passenger. One day, seeing a runaway slave sitting on the edge of a well, he warned, Seeing a young boy stealing clothes at the baths, he asked, Seeing some women hang from an olive tree, he quipped, Upon encountering a mugger, he asked, Upon spotting a clothes thief one time, Diogenes called out to him, When asked if he had a maid or a servant to look after him, he said, No. So, if you die, who will carry you to your burial? someone asked. Whoever wants the house, he replied. Seeing a good-looking young man lying vulnerably, he nudged him and warned, To another, who was indulging in a lavish feast, he cautioned, As Plato was engaged in a discussion about abstract concepts, throwing around terms like tableness and cupness, Diogenes interjected, I can see a table and a cup, but Plato, I can't for the life of me see this tableness or cupness you're talking about, Plato replied. That's because you have the eyes to see the physical table and cup, but you lack the understanding to perceive the abstract concepts of tableness and cupness. When someone asked, What kind of man do you think Diogenes is? He responded, A Socrates gone wild. When asked the right time to get married, Diogenes said, For a young man, not yet. For an old man, not ever. When questioned about what he would need to endure a beating, he simply said, A helmet. Upon noticing a young man putting an excessive amount of effort into his outfit, he commented, If you're doing it for men, you're foolish. If for women, you're untrustworthy. One day he noticed a young man blushing and encouraged him, Keep it up, that's the color of virtue. After hearing two lawyers arguing, he condemned both. One of you has definitely stolen, but the other hasn't lost anything. Asked about his preferred wine, he said, The one that others pay for. When informed that many people laughed at him, he replied, But nobody's laughing me off. When someone declared life to be evil, he corrected them, Not life itself, but living poorly is evil. When advised to chase his escaped slave, he said, It'd be ridiculous if manes can live without Diogenes, But Diogenes can't manage without manes. Once, while eating olives, he received a cake. He threw the olives away, saying, On another occasion, while eating olives again, he made a light joke, This was a play on a classic line from Homer's Iliad about whipping horses to make them run faster. When asked what kind of dog he was, Diogenes replied, When I'm hungry, I'm like a Maltese. When I'm full, I'm a Molossian. Both breeds are praised, but most people are too scared of getting tired to actually go hunting with them. You can't live with me either, because you're afraid of discomfort. Asked whether wise people enjoy cakes, he said, Of course, they eat all sorts of cakes and sweets, just like everyone else. When asked why people give to beggars but not philosophers, he responded, Because they fear they might one day become disabled or lose their sight, But they never consider that they might embrace philosophy. Once, he was asking for food from a tight-fisted man who was taking his time to give. He remarked, Buddy, I'm asking for a meal, not for a funeral. One day, when someone blamed him for counterfeiting coins, he said, Back then, I was just like you are now, but you'll never be like I am now. In response to yet another person who accused him of the same crime, he retorted, There were times when I did things I didn't want to, but that's not the case now. Upon visiting the city of Mindus, he noticed that it had huge gates, but was a small city itself. He joked, Hey, Mindus folks, better lock your gates before your city makes a run for it. When he came across a man busted for stealing the valuable purple dye, he remarked, Well, looks like a colourful fate has a strong grip on you. When the wealthy Krateros invited him over, he responded, I'd rather be licking salt off the streets in Athens than enjoying your fancy dinner. He once approached Anaximenes, a hefty public speaker, and quipped, Hey, how about sharing some of that belly fat with us beggars? You'll feel lighter, and we'll benefit too. As Anaximenes was in the middle of a lecture, Diogenes, looking to distract his audience, started waving around some salted fish. Anaximenes was miffed, to which Diogenes responded, Funny, a single piece of salt fish has managed to disrupt your whole lecture. Once, when someone pointed out that he was eating in public, he shot back, Well, it was the marketplace that made me hungry. There's a famous comeback that's often attributed to him as well. When Plato saw him washing vegetables and said, If you'd sucked up to Dionysius, you wouldn't be washing vegetables. He smoothly replied, And if you'd washed vegetables, you wouldn't have needed to suck up to Dionysius. Someone once told him, A lot of people laugh at you. And he responded, Well, donkeys probably laugh at them, but they don't care about the donkeys, and I don't care about them. He once saw a young man studying philosophy and commended him, saying, Good job. You're making those who admire your looks see the beauty of your mind. Once, someone was admiring the offerings at the temple in Samothrace, and Diogenes said, Imagine how much more there'd be if the gifts were given by those who perished instead of those who survived. But this quote is sometimes credited to Diagoras the Melian. Diogenes once spotted a good-looking guy on his way to a party and told him, You'll come back a lesser man. The day after the party, the young man retorted, I went to the party and I didn't end up worse. To which Diogenes replied, You weren't Chiron, you were Eurytian. That's a bit of a cryptic exchange, but it's rooted in Greek mythology. Basically, he meant that the man behaved badly at the party, like Eurytian, rather than being a wise and good guest like Chiron. Once, while he was begging from a particularly bad-tempered man who said to him, Convince me and I'll give you something. Diogenes responded, If I could convince you of anything, I'd persuade you to hang yourself. On one occasion, while he was returning from Lacedaemon to Athens, someone asked him, Where are you going and where have you been? Diogenes replied, I'm going from the men's quarters to the women's. Another time, when he was coming back from the Olympic Games, someone asked him if there had been a big crowd there. He responded, A big crowd, but very few men. He used to say that debauched men were like figs on a cliff. No benefit to men, but gobbled up by crows and vultures. When Phryne dedicated a golden statue of Venus at Delphi, he scribbled on it, courtesy of Greek debauchery. Once, Alexander the Great came up to him and said, I am Alexander, the great king. To which he responded, And I am Diogenes, the dog. When asked why he was called a dog, he explained, Because I'm friendly to those who are generous. I bark at those who give me nothing, and I bite the scoundrels. On one occasion, while he was picking figs from a tree, the guard told him, A man h***d himself on this tree just the other day. Diogenes replied, Well, I guess I'll purify it now. Another time, he saw an Olympic champion entranced by a lady of the night. Look at that, he said, A war hero captivated by the first girl he sees. He often quipped that beautiful courtesans were like sweet mead laced with poison. Once, while he was eating his meal in the marketplace, people kept yelling dog at him. But he responded, You are the dogs hovering around me while I eat. When he saw two men, effeminate in manner, stepping out of his path, he quipped, Don't worry, dogs don't eat beets. When asked about the origin of a debauched youth, he responded, He's from Tegea. He once saw an inept wrestler trying to heal someone and commented, What's this? Hoping to overturn those who bested you before? Another time, he saw the son of a lady of the night hurling a stone into a crowd and remarked, Be careful you don't hit your dad. To a young man boasting about a sword he'd received for a disreputable favor, Diogenes told him, The blade is good, but the handle is tainted. When people praise someone who had given Diogenes something, he challenged them, Why not also praise me, the one deemed worthy of the gift? Once, a man asked Diogenes to return his cloak. Diogenes replied, If you gave it to me, it's mine. If you lent it, I'm using it. When an illegitimate son claimed to have gold hidden in his cloak, Diogenes joked, That must be why you sleep with it under your head. Someone once asked him what benefit he got from philosophy. He replied, If nothing else, it has prepared me for any twist of fate. When asked about his nationality, he famously said, I am a citizen of the world. When he noticed people offering sacrifices to the gods for sons, he questioned, Why don't you sacrifice for sons of good character instead? Once, while asking the president of a club for a donation, he said, Raid everyone else, but leave Hector alone. Diogenes used to joke that ladies of the night were the true rulers of kings, as they could ask kings for anything they wanted. When the people of Athens declared that Alexander was Bacchus, Diogenes wryly suggested, Why don't you also declare that I am Serapis? When someone criticized him for going to grimy places, he retorted, The sun also shines on dumpsters, but that doesn't make it dirty. Once, while eating in a temple, he was served some grubby bread, which he promptly tossed away, declaring that nothing unclean should be in a holy place. To someone who accused him of philosophizing without knowledge, he responded, Even if I'm only faking wisdom, that's philosophizing. A man once brought a bright and well-behaved boy to him and boasted about the child's character. Diogenes asked, So what does he need from me? He often said that people who speak about virtue but don't act virtuously are like harps. They can make beautiful sounds but can't hear or feel them. Once, Diogenes was entering a theater as everyone else was leaving. Asked why, he replied, It's what I've been doing all my life. When he saw a young man acting in a feminine manner, he challenged him, Aren't you ashamed to aim for less than what nature intended for you? She made you a man, but you're trying to become a woman? He once told an uneducated man, Aren't you ashamed to arrange the right notes on a wooden instrument but not align your soul to a virtuous life? To someone who claimed not to be cut out for philosophy, he retorted, Why live at all if you don't aim to live rightly? He admonished a man disrespecting his father, saying, Aren't you ashamed to scorn the man who gave you the opportunity to even exist? When a good-looking young man was behaving inappropriately, Diogenes told him, Aren't you ashamed to draw a dull sword from a beautiful sheath? Once, when called out for drinking in a winery, he responded, I also get my hair cut in a barber's shop. Another time, he was criticized for accepting a cloak from Antipater, the Macedonian general and statesman. To that, he simply said, Never disregard the gifts that come from the gods. A guy once hit him with a broom, saying, Watch out! So Diogenes hit him back with his staff, saying, No, you watch out! Once he saw a guy desperately trying to win over a call girl, and he said, Man, whatever it is you're hoping to get, wouldn't it be better if you didn't? He saw another guy slathered in fancy perfumes and warned him, Be careful, the scent of your head might stink up your life. He used to say that, Just like servants serve their masters, bad people are slaves to their desires. When asked why footmen, slaves, were referred to as such, he responded, Because they have men's feet and a soul like yours. He once asked a notorious spendthrift for some cash. When the man asked why Diogenes was asking others for chump change, and him for serious money, Diogenes replied, Because I can hope to get something from the others later, but who knows if I'll ever get a dime out of you again. People once criticised him for asking for favours when Plato never did. He retorted, Oh, he asks too. He just does it with his head down so no one else can hear him. Diogenes once saw a really bad archer practising his shots, so he decided to sit next to the target, saying, Well, now I'm safe. He used to say that people in love often end up disappointed when it comes to the pleasure they were expecting. When someone asked him if death was a bad thing, he responded, How can it be bad if we don't even feel it when it's here? One time Alexander the Great was standing next to him, asking, Aren't you scared of me? Diogenes shot back, No, are you a good thing or a bad thing? When Alexander replied that he was a good thing, Diogenes said, Then who would be afraid of something good? He would say that education was like discipline for the young, comfort for the old, wealth for the poor, and an ornament for the rich. Once when Didymus, known for his adulterous exploits, was attempting to treat a young girl's eye condition, Diogenes warned him, Watch out. While you're treating her eye, you might end up damaging the pupil. Someone once complained to him that his friends were plotting against him. Diogenes responded, What have we come to if one must treat friends and enemies the same way? Someone once asked him, What's the greatest thing a person can have? And he responded, Freedom of speech. One time he walked into a school, saw a bunch of statues of the muses, but very few students. He remarked, Wow, schoolmasters, you sure have a lot of students here. He wasn't shy about doing anything in public, whether it was related to food or love. He'd often argue with people like this, If there's nothing weird about eating, then there's nothing weird about eating in a public place. Eating isn't weird, so eating in a public place isn't weird either. He was always doing things out in the open, and once said, I wish I could get rid of my hunger just by rubbing my stomach. He's known for a lot of other sayings too, way too many to list here. He believed that there were two types of workouts, the mental and the physical. He argued that physical exercise sparked quick, agile thoughts which significantly helped in pursuing virtuous acts. However, one is incomplete without the other. The ability to do good, he argued, depended on both a healthy mind and body. He used the evidence of everyday workers to prove his point. Skilled artisans achieve incredible precision through constant practice. The same goes for musicians or athletes. It's easy to see how much better one person is compared to another because of continuous practice. If these people applied the same level of dedication to their mental abilities, they wouldn't struggle in their tasks. He asserted that nothing in life could be perfected without practice. Practice alone could overcome any obstacle. Thus, we should leave useless efforts behind, focus on beneficial work and live happily. The only reason for unhappiness, he said, is extreme foolishness. Even the disregard for pleasure can be pleasant if we get used to it. Just like people living a life of luxury struggle to adapt to a less indulgent lifestyle, those accustomed to a simpler life can find joy in resisting pleasures. He used to go on about how we should follow nature's rules more than the man-made ones, claiming his way of life mirrored that of Hercules and valuing freedom above all else. He believed that everything belonged to the wise using a line of reasoning like this, everything belongs to the gods, the gods are friends to the wise and friends share everything. Therefore, everything belongs to the wise. He believed that without law, it's impossible to maintain a society. Without a city, there can be no order and a city is by nature orderly and without a city, there can be no law. So in his eyes, law equals order. He would argue the same about topics like noble birth and reputation saying they were all just smokescreens for wickedness. He believed that the only proper society was an orderly one. He also preached that all women should be shared arguing that marriage was pointless. The right way to do it, he said, would be for every man to live with any woman he could convince to join him. Following this idea, he said that all children should be raised by the community not just their parents. He didn't see anything wrong with taking anything from a temple, eating any kind of animal or even tasting human flesh. He pointed out that some cultures around the world practice these habits and his logic could be applied to any situation or culture. His reasoning was that in reality, everything was a mix of everything else. For instance, there's meat and bread and bread and vegetables. He believed that traces of all other substances exist in everything connected by unseen passages and evaporation. He used to talk a lot about his philosophy, as you can see clearly in the Thaestes, if those tragedies that people say he wrote are actually his. But there's also a chance they might have been written by his close buddy Feliscus from Aegina or Pasiphon, Lutein's son. Favorinus, in his Universal History said it was Pasiphon who wrote them after Diogenes had died. He didn't pay much attention to music, geometry, astronomy or any of that stuff. He thought they were pointless and unnecessary but he was really good at coming up with arguments as I've already mentioned. And let me tell you, this guy had a backbone. Once when he was on a boat trip to Aegina, some pirates led by a guy named Scirpulus captured him. They took him to Crete and put him on the auction block. When the auctioneer asked what skills he had, Diogenes said, I'm good at leading people. He then pointed to a guy from Corinth, Zenaides, who was dressed really well and told the auctioneer, sell me to that man, he needs a boss. So Zenaides bought him, took him to Corinth and put him in charge of teaching his kids and running his household. Diogenes was so good at it that Zenaides once said, a good spirit has come into my house. Cleomenes in his book, The Schoolmaster, said that Diogenes didn't want his family to pay his ransom. Diogenes thought they were all idiots. He believed that the people who keep lions are more like the lion slaves. After all, slaves live in fear and wild beasts are feared by men. The guy was an amazing persuader. His arguments could win over anyone. There's a story about an Aegean-Itan man named Onesicratus who had two sons. He sent one son, Androsthenes, to Athens, where he heard Diogenes speak and decided to stay. Then he sent his older son, Feliscus, who fell for Diogenes' words just as hard. Finally, Onesicratus himself went to Athens and he also ended up staying and studying under Diogenes, just like his sons. People were just drawn to Diogenes' talks. Some of his other students included Phocion, who was known as the good, Stilpon from Megara, and a bunch of other big names in politics. It's said that Diogenes lived to be almost 90, but how he actually died is a bit of a mystery. Some say he chowed down on a raw ox foot, got a nasty stomach bug and kicked the bucket. Then there's a guy, Circidus, who's either from Megalopolis or Crete, who claims Diogenes died from holding his breath for several days. In fact, he wrote a little poem about it. It goes like this. Even brass with time it's shined as shed but no such time will ever spread To erase your glory, Diogenes so wise Your lessons in contentment the ultimate prize You taught men the art to live with glee In a path to lasting glory and eternal felicity In tribute to you we pen this verse And homage to your wisdom in our universe I also wrote a little poem about him Diogenes, please let it be known What caused your fall to the underworld's throne A jealous hound with a bite so raw Dragged me to Hades with his jealous maw However, some say that Diogenes, on his deathbed, told his friends to simply toss his body outside for the animals to eat or to throw it in a ditch and sprinkle it with a bit of dust. Others say that he asked to be thrown into the Ulysses river so he could be useful to his brothers. But, according to Demetrius, in his book about folks with the same name, Diogenes died in Corinth on the same day Alexander the Great died in Babylon. It's worth noting that Diogenes was already pretty old by the 113th Olympiad. There are a bunch of works credited to him, including dialogues like The Cephalion, The Ichthyas, The Jackdaw, The Leopard, The People of the Athenians, and The Republic. He also supposedly wrote about morality, wealth, love, death, and letters. He's even been credited with seven tragedies Helen, Thyestes, Hercules, Achilles, Medea, Chrysippus, and Oedipus. But two guys named Sosocrates and Satyrus, both of whom wrote about philosophers and their work, claim that none of these works actually came from Diogenes himself. Satyrus is pretty sure the tragedies were penned by a friend of Diogenes named Feliscus, who was from Aegina. However, Sotion, another scholar, maintains that Diogenes did write a few pieces, including dialogues on virtue, the good, and love, along with several others. He believes the other works, including a volume of sayings and letters, were the creations of Feliscus. Interestingly, there were five notable guys named Diogenes. The first was a natural philosopher from Apollonia, the second a Sicyonian who wrote about the Peloponnese, the third is the one we've been talking about, the fourth a Stoic from Seleucia, nicknamed a Babylonian due to the city's closeness to Babylon, and the fifth was from Tarsus, and tackled some challenging questions about poetry. Lastly, Athenodorus, in one of his books, mentioned that Diogenes always had a certain glow about him, probably because he was always oiling himself up. All right friends, we've journeyed through the chaotic, comedic, and intriguing life of Diogenes, the madman or genius, the wisecracker or sage, that, well, you get the idea, unpacking his legacy has been quite a ride. Now it's up to you to decide. Was Diogenes a truth-speaking rebel, a provocative jester, an insightful philosopher, or all of the above? If you've enjoyed this trip down philosophy lane, let us know your thoughts on Diogenes. Engage with us in the comments section. Feel free to share this video with anyone you think could use a dose of audacious wisdom, or something to ponder. And don't forget, we have a library of thought-provoking content just waiting to be explored. So stay connected and keep the curiosity alive. Until next time, continue challenging the norms, asking questions, and maybe even cracking a joke or two.