HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLES — Buddhist Ways

Namo Buddhaya. Welcome to yet another episode in Inner Guide Q&A program. So today we are going to discuss how to deal with toxic people. So toxic people can be found everywhere in this society. Sometimes toxic people can be found in our family. Maybe they can be found in our neighborhood. Maybe we can find them as our friends. So in one way or another we have to deal with these people and also we have that intention that we should not get hurt ourselves and also we should not hurt others. So we need to find a way to deal with these people. So today we are going to discuss about that. So first of all I will tell you a wonderful story that tells us how Buddha dealt with a toxic person. So this is a famous and well-known story. One day a man came to the Buddha and he started yelling and insulting and he was cursing Buddha. So do you know how Buddha faced that situation? He was smiling. He didn't make any reaction. Throughout that conversation and throughout that situation he put on a smile, a positive smile on his face and he was looking at that person who was yelling at him very kindly. Right? So he was very kind to that person. Now after some time that person stopped yelling. Right? Everything that he packed inside him was over. He was finished. Then our great teacher Supreme Buddha asked a wonderful question from him. Right? Now it is totally different to the situation. Right? It does not suit for the situation. Supreme Buddha asked do you get visitors to your home? Does visitors visit to your home? Then that person was astonished and he was amazed and he said yes I get so many visitors to my home. Then Supreme Buddha kindly asked from that person do you treat them with foods and drinks? Then that person said yes I'm treating them. Then Supreme Buddha said what if they did not accept what you have treated, what you have given? So for whom those foods and drinks belongs to? If they did not accept that those foods and drinks? Then that person laughed in front of the Buddha and he said so if they did not accept my treat then it belongs to me. I will eat them. Then our Supreme Buddha with a great and wonderful kind smile in his face he said same goes with this situation man. You treated me with rude and harsh words. You treated me with anger but I am a person who is not accepting anything that you have given to me. I will never accept those rude and harsh words that you treated me. Right so if I do not accept anything that you have given then everything that you gave to me belongs to you then you should eat it. Right then he that person was amazed and his anger was cooled down. Then after Supreme Buddha preached the Dhamma his teachings to him. After that he became a follower of our great teacher Supreme Buddha. Now see how positively and how successfully our great teacher Supreme Buddha dealt with that toxic person. Now if we were in that situation what would be our reaction? Normally when people yelling at us we try to talk to them back. We try to prove them wrong. Right we try to control them with our rude and harsh words. Supreme Buddha said if you treat with anger to the people who is treating you with anger if you give the same thing that means you are sharing their food and eating. Right if you become angry that means you are sharing their treats. Remember whenever you are in such situations, whenever you face toxic people, whenever people around you are angry what you have to do? The first thing that you have to do is put on a positive smile to your face. Never show your sad or angry face to them. If you show that that means you are providing what they want because they are coming to you expecting to hurt you. If you show them that you have been hurt then you are unsuccessful. You provide them what they wanted. So never show your angry or sad face to them. Put on a smile. Be a positive person. Be a bigger person than him because when some person, when one person becomes angry right he becomes mentally weak. Remember mentally weak people express their anger easily. The reason why they are expressing expressing their anger is because they don't have a strong mentality. So you need to be the bigger guy. To be the bigger guy you have to be positive. You have to smile and you have to be motivated with virtues and morals. Be the best version of yourself. Don't try to talk to them back. That is the first thing and also you have to listen to what they tell, what they speak. Set apart and leave behind the person. Don't care about the person. Care about what they say. Sometimes they may be yelling at you because of a mistake that they think that you have done but in reality sometimes you haven't done it. So what you have to do? You have to listen to that and understand what they say. Give a big attention to what they say. So if they complain you about a mistake or something else then you have to think is that mistake prevails in my life? Is that mistake is inside my life? Have I done that mistake really? If you have done some mistake and if that is the reason that they are yelling at you then you have to correct your mistake but never show the face of anger or sadness. Then you have to correct it. If you haven't done any mistake and still if they are complaining you then don't try to prove them wrong because each and every time you try to prove them wrong you they may be understanding it in a wrong way because when our mind gets deluded or when our mind is covered by anger normally an angry man shuts his eyes and ears and he opens his mouth but he cannot see anything, he cannot listen to anything, he cannot hear anything. So what you have to do? Don't try to prove them wrong. Stay silent. Silence can give many answers to problems. Right? So if you need to prove them wrong, prove them wrong with your success. Not with your words. Right? That is how we do it. So you have to set apart the person and listen to what they say. If you have done a mistake, correct it. If you haven't done a mistake, leave it behind. Don't care about that. So the best practice that you can do to generate and to have this skill is to practice the mind of loving kindness. Right? If you love yourself you will never like to make yourself angry. If you love yourself then you will have the opportunity to love others and if you love others you will never try to hurt those people with rude and angry words. So practice loving kindness. Practice compassion. Right? Love, compassion, care, these things can provide many answers to the problems that pop up in our life. So you always need to be kind. You always need to be humble and also remember being humble is not being weak. You need to be positive. Right? You need to have a good skill to handle these situations. Now this can be done by visualizing to yourself that how I'm going to face such a situation. If you can visualize that a situation like that now and if you can imagine in your mind how I'm going to face it. Right? If you can see that you are having a good smile on your face and you're listening to those people and you're handling that situation very successfully then that visualization will help you to deal in a real situation like that. So practice that. Right? That is how we deal with toxic people. Never provide what they want. When they come to you they need the anger from you. They need to hurt you. So don't provide that. If you did not provide it, you will handle it successfully. So I wish you all, may all of you have that wonderful skill to deal with the toxic people successfully.